Saturday, February 3, 2018

459 - Macho Salad toppings, Dandy New Non-Abusive Sports Teams, The First Anxious Mistake Of Mr. McGreen, But Women Don't Have A Fire Hose, The Enema Of The Russian People, and Totally Bitchumen Bottles

[8:46 AM] Mr. Brown:
I found out at the doctor yesterday that I'm even more rare.
[8:46 AM]
Yay!
"Well we ran some tests, and according to your scores on the Mr. Rogers Spectrum, you are Special."
What's rare about you?
[8:47 AM] Mr. Brown:
Doctor believes I have Brutons now instead of CVID
That is 1 in 250,000
CVID is 1 in 25,000
So I went up a bit
LOL
Apparently the father of Immunology was a general in the army - last name Brutons
so the first thing he discovered named after himself.
Probably not the first to look into immunology but the first to start finding things and treating them.
Dang there are a lot of Brutons
[9:02 AM]
"Brutons!  Croutons for MEN!"
(Hairy hand sweeps green salad off table, slams down 32 oz steak.  Bread cubes start falling onto it from above.)
"Forget girly 'Italian Spice' and 'Garlic Butter'!  Brutons come in 'Beef Jerky', 'Habanero Hell', and 'Jack Daniels'!"
[9:14 AM] Mr. Brown:
But Caesar salad has croutons
[9:35 AM]
Hmmm...yes...and some of the Caesars really kicked ass.  I must add a Caesar variety...
"And the latest flavor - “Caesar Slayer”!  The croutons you have to eat with a knife!" (spokesman stabs crouton with Roman dagger)
(Bemuscled spokesman pointing at screen, scowling.) "Eat tu, Brutons?"
[9:36 AM] Mr. Brown:
Be careful not to turn your back on a salad with Brutons



[10:50 AM] Mr. Blue:
[11:18 AM]
"was felt to represent Jack the Ripper"
I don't get it...there are no clues in the name or logo or anything. What's this association they were making?
[11:19 AM] Mr. Blue:
LOL
Ontario “Zodiac Killers”.
[11:23 AM]
Fortunately for the Abused Women's Center, other sports teams pick strong non-female-abusive non-violent themes for their teams... Like vikings, and pirates and cavaliers and such.
The Rippers are being relaunched as the "London Fops”, I hear.
[11:27 AM] Mr. Blue:
They could glue a powdered wig to their helmets
[11:27 AM]
Refurbish the clubhouse as The Macaroni Club and impose a dress code
[11:28 AM] Mr. Blue:
Oops... Thought it was a hockey team... Their hats, I mean.
[11:30 AM]
(Sportscaster) "Stevensen up to bat.  He hands his lace kerchief to the base lad and strikes a dandy left-handed pose with his hand resting upon the knob of the bat and gazes towards third base with his right hand on his hip. Here's the pitch...Strike one!”
(Sportscaster two) “So stylish! Stephenson didn't even break his stance to lift the bat. He's now staring the pitcher down with his quizzing glass in conspicuous disdain..."
[11:30 AM] Mr. Blue:
LOL
That could be a fun sport
Dandy Ball
or Fop Ball
[11:32 AM]
"Boy? Strike that cheeky missile for me, if you'd be so kind.  And then call up my sedan chair...I wish to proceed to first base."



(You might have noticed that Ms. Rose disappeared a good while back with no exit story.  We never got a real one either, though we all had our suspicions about what happened.  Back in the heroic Golden Age everyone in our department was in here.  This collection and blog started near the middle of the post-apocalypse Silver Age and has dwindled down to our Bronze Age core of "Three - Plus".  I'd like more participants - including several Instant Mess veterans who are still at Katzenjammer who can't/won't play - but this is how things are recently.  Anyway, the criteria for selecting new members of this little group are a mix of serendipity and clandestine interviewing/testing.  It tends to take a long time to decide on anyone new to invite in here.  We finally got one.  Enjoy! - Mr. Silver)
[12:32 PM]
Mr. X is officially cool and clever enough to be invited in here. So...here he is...
[12:33 PM] Mr. Brown:
“Its cool to pee your pants at school!”
[12:33 PM]
Good opener, Mr. Brown. First impressions count.
[12:33 PM] Mr. Blue:
What color is he?
[12:34 PM]
He has to pick.
Some of our chats end up in a blog sometimes, Mr. X.  We use colors for anonymity and deniability.
[12:35 PM] Mr. X:
Wait. I have to make a color?
Is that what you're saying?
>.>
<.<
O.o
[12:38 PM]
Hehe
Well, you don't HAVE to...I will if you don't.
But you favor greens, I see.
[12:40 PM] Mr. X:
But I fear I will become the next Mr. Green
You either get "retired" like Tommy, or work long enough to become Mr. Green
[12:42 PM]
Feh.  I've been here ages (longer than Tommy) and I didn't crack like either him or Green.
[12:45 PM] Mr. Brown:
I'm the Brown
[12:45 PM] Mr. X:
I'm aware.
Didn't you hang up on someone once and call them stupid, Mr. Silver?
Is that true?
IDK where I heard this.
[12:57 PM] Mr. Brown:
Yes he did.
[12:57 PM]
I most certainly did not!
I told him “Oh shut UP!”
And THEN I hung up.
Why would I hang up first?
[12:57 PM] Mr. Brown:
We all get frustrated.
[12:57 PM] Mr. X:
Well I know that
[12:57 PM] Mr. Brown:
Mr. Green was in a constant state of frustration.
[12:57 PM]
Yes. Still is.
[12:57 PM] Mr. X:
I'm almost related to his family.
Through my aunt.
He is not well liked.
[12:58 PM]
His feelings towards the human race are mutual.
[12:58 PM] Mr. X:
Oh yeah
I cube shared with him and got yelled at a lot, but through notes.
[12:58 PM] Mr. Brown:
He really never bothered me
[12:59 PM] Mr. X:
No he didn't bother me really. That was it, just his notes.
About touching his stuff or adjusting the screen
I didn't touch his stuff though, so IDK what was up with that.
[12:59 PM]
Well, if you are so blessed or cursed as to be in somewhat the same gene pool as Mr. Green, I have a "relative" color and name for you, Mr. X.
"McGreen".
[1:00 PM] Mr. McGreen:
:-(
[1:00 PM]
:-D
You shoulda picked what you wanted way back there ^.



[9:20 AM] Mr. Blue:
Massive structural fire in London high rise
[9:21 AM] Mr. Brown:
That thing lit up big time
[9:21 AM] Mr. Blue:
Supposedly the fire alarm didn't work and people were only alerted to the fire by firemen knocking on doors as the building was engulfed in flames.
Mayor Sadiq Khan held a press conference saying "the fire is so small a woman could piss it out" and reportedly went back to sleep.
(Cheers if you get it)



[11:50 AM]
"The statue is functional for severe cases as well as political executions."
[11:53 AM] Mr. Blue:
Enemas are big in Russia apparently.
[11:56 AM]
I, uh...saw what you did there...
[11:59 AM] Mr. Blue:
Not even intentional
[12:00 PM]
Heh



[9:21 AM]
Suppose that they had some sort of hippies or environmentalist shamans way back then urging people to switch to gourds? 
[9:24 AM] Mr. McGreen:
I have a gourd for yerba mate
[9:25 AM]
"Bitumen bottles take, like, 50000 moons to degrade, dude-sabe."
[9:26 AM] Mr. McGreen:
The Hawaiian islands are actually made from bitumen bottles.
[9:26 AM]
"It be conspiracy by Big Bottle.  Gourd farmers suffer and our papooses are drinking bad medicine."
I've met some people who I've wondered if they were bitumen bottles.
Rotund...always full of drink...toxic...look sticky.
[9:35 AM] Mr. McGreen:
That sounds like an old coworker
:x
[9:37 AM]
"an"?
[9:37 AM] Mr. McGreen:
LOL
I hope I'm never referred to as sticky.
That sounds awful.
at

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