Friday, January 24, 2014

Day 278 - (Sings) "She Came In Like An Intellectuaaaallll!", The Adventures Of Paddington Bear Will Be Rated R For Graphic Violence & Blood, A Cracker By Any Other Name Would Disappoint, Not-So-Exotic Exotic Treats, Doesn't Rind Imply You Don't Want That Part?, No Panicking Without The Permission Of Management, Mr. Brown Is Beginning To Suspect, Mr. Brown On Being A Black & White American, "He Says He Made His Fortune In Teaching", Hollywood To Give Gritty Update To Beatrix Potter Classic, and Nailed The Troubleshoot

Mr. Brown
I watched that video
It’s funny
1:02 PM Mr. Silver
To the right of that video:               (It was at the time.  New link added. - Mr. Silver)
I‘m guessing she graduated from underaged drinking years ago. 
1:06 PM Mr. Silver
"Miley Cyrus Spotted Reading Book In Latest Shocker"
1:13 PM Mr. Silver
"From all available clues, Ms. Cyrus (shown here with tongue in mouth) appeared to be reading a work by Stephen Hawking, and the 2012 New York Times Crossword Puzzle collection is to her left, with a PEN on top!"
There...that story would surprise me.
Mr. Brown
Um, ok.  They are making a live action Paddington Bear.
8:10 AM Mr. Silver
"No one will be admitted during the Paddington/Bull Moose battle."
8:11 AM Mr. Blue
Heh
8:11 AM Mr. Silver
"Paddington loved marmalade...and raw salmon."
8:13 AM Mr. Blue
How come there are so many gentle bears in childrens' books/cartoons.
Bears are nasty.
8:14 AM Mr. Amethyst
Bears *can be* nasty.
8:15 AM Mr. Silver
"Using forced perspective techniques, Paddington was reduced from an 1800lb 8' long quadruped to a 2' tall biped.  It took rhino tranquilizer and 15 men were hospitalized donning the hat and coat every day."
8:16 AM Mr. Blue
LOL



Mr. Silver
8:08 AM Mr. Silver
What an a-hole.  His prison time is probably going to be painful.
8:10 AM Mr. Brown
It sounds to me like he was one of those people not at the point of taking another child and doing something yet, so he was starting with his own.
Good thing they got him, because he would have graduated to getting other children.
8:16 AM Mr. Silver
Has anyone ever heard any good news happening at a Cracker Barrel?
(does search)
Well...dumping company news, propaganda, finance stuff...
#1 is Family of 3 fatally shot
#2 Ohio man kills wife, daughter
8:18 AM Mr. Amethyst
Moral of the story - never go to Cracker Barrel.
8:19 AM Mr. Silver
#3 CB products barred from grocery stores
#4 Paula Deen fans want CB partnership... I guess that can be read either way...
(Bonus #5 with the Duck Dynasty scandal crap...this segment is a few months behind the news. - Mr. Silver)
8:20 AM Mr. Brown
Well, she does the right kind of cooking for that place.
I just like shopping in the store part.
8:37 AM Mr. Blue
I've never been in one.
I remember being young and thinking "Cracker Barrel doesn't sound appetizing”.
8:37 AM Mr. Brown
I don't say “Hey, lets drive a hour to go to Cracker Barrel!”
But if its where I am, I might go in.
8:44 AM Mr. Silver
I realize the historical necessities of long distance travel, provisioning and limits of old technology...
But really...I hear Cracker Barrel and all I see is stale weevily sea biscuit.
8:45 AM Mr. Silver
(ad) "Come eat at the Cracker Barrel!" 
(me) "Blehhhhh. If my past life as a sailor is still turned off by that, how would this be appealing to me now? Hey!  Let's open a restaurant called 'Salt Horse Barrel'! Yeah!”
8:46 AM Mr. Blue
Just the name puts a dry taste in my mouth.
Like... all they have is crackers?
In barrels?
8:46 AM Mr. Silver
"Come eat at the 'Fresh Bread From The Oven'"?  Ok, I'm there dude.
8:47 AM Mr. Brown
Yeah, why would you eat from a cracker barrel unless you had to?
You know that shit is stale



9:00 AM Mr. Brown
What I’m saying is, you eat an Oreo, and that’s 200 calories.
Just make sure you don't go over your diet's calories.
I don't know if that’s how much an Oreo actually has, though. (about 50 – Mr. Silver)
That Usain Bolt guy was eating 100 chicken nuggets a day. (8400 – M.S.)
9:02 AM Mr. Brown
His body was using that many calories up, so had to keep fueling it.
9:02 AM Mr. Silver
I just generally feel disappointed eating Oreos.
9:02 AM Mr. Silver
"Tricked again...sigh."
9:03 AM Mr. Blue
Yeah, it's the icing that's good.
The cookies themselves are dry and not tasty.
9:03 AM Mr. Brown
They are like hard tack.
I gave Brown Junior a bullseye the other day.
I showed him how to bite the caramel, then eat the icing, then finish the caramel.
He did not like the icing.
Told Mrs. Brown to eat it.
LOL
9:05 AM Mr. Silver
“Try this tube of tarry cooked sugar wrapped around this plug of sugar paste, son!”
I was looking around exotic recipes in a magazine waiting for Mrs. Silver for something and ran across a chef's recipe for a traditional Mexican sweetener ingredient. 
"Takes a long time but is really good and you should take the time! Take X amount of whole milk and put it on the stove, low, and lightly cover it just to keep foreign particles out."
me "Already doesn't sound very Mexican...I'll leave it uncovered.  What's the next step?"
9:09 AM Mr. Blue
"Add tortillas, with cheese, meat & vegetables."
9:09 AM Mr. Silver
"Then you just let it cook down for 3 days and you end up with a delicious smooth syrup!"
9:10 AM Mr. Blue
Yeah, just leave your stove on for 3 days.
No wonder houses are so dilapidated in Mexico.
9:10 AM Mr. Silver
Me "That sounds amazing!  That sounds so amazing it's called dulche de leche and you can buy it in a can at any decently stocked grocery!  And it doesn't take 3 days!"



12:21 PM Mr. Brown
I believe that pork skins should only be called chicharrones.
They would sell more that way.
I have salt and pepper ones.
12:24 PM Mr. Silver
Probably.
Compared to "Pork Rinds".
Name any other “rind” of anything that you don't throw in the trash.
(Some cheeses, on reflection.  However, those aren't "skin" - Mr. Silver)
12:24 PM Mr. Brown
LOL
“Deer Rinds”
Well, we don't eat cow rinds, but we don't throw them away.
12:26 PM Mr. Silver
Chicken Rinds
12:28 PM Mr. Brown
For those of you that like the chicken skin, I give you the rind of the chicken.
Ooo
Turkey Rinds
That would be good.
12:29 PM Mr. Silver
Heh...I remember when The Man Show was on, they were intro-ing new products
12:31 PM Mr. Silver
"What's the best part of Kentucky Fried Chicken?  The skins!  Right!  So we have a new product here...” (pulls out KFC bucket with superfat colonel face on it, labeled KFC Skins)
12:33 PM Mr. Blue
I never thought of the "rind" part; literally the skin of the fruit/veggie or, in this case, animal.



Mr. Silver
So I opened up the emergency action plan document just now.
I like this section:
        1. Above all – REMAIN CALM!
        2. Proceed to the nearest alarm station activate the alarm ONLY IF ASKED
The writer seems to have panicked when writing point #1.
Point #2 - so if the building is blazing, I should seek out a supervisor first?
2:19 PM Mr. Brown
“In case of emergency: break glass, grab key, open lock box, retrieve other key, walk up twelve flights of stairs to extinguisher locker, use key to open locker, take out extinguisher, use.”
2:25 PM Mr. Silver
No!  It's not use...it's "then ask for permission to use".
2:30 PM Mr. Brown
Ah.
Much better.



2:36 AM Mr. Brown
I don't know why, but I always see every client as a crazy person trying to put one over on us.
2:36 PM Mr. Silver
You're a marginal paranoiac.
It's OK...you're among friends...maybe.



9:43 AM Mr. Brown
9:44 AM Mr. Blue
Heheh
9:52 AM Mr. Brown
(rephrases Mr. Brown's innocent thoughts delivered via an unbelievably racist phrase – Mr. Silver)
I believe there are lots of people that have no clue they have black African ancestors because there is simply no way to tell without digging through the family tree, or taking a genetic test.
9:52 AM Mr. Blue
It goes both ways... A lot, if not most, African Americans partially white European.
9:52 AM Mr. Brown
Yeah.
People like that guy will just argue that they don't look it, so aren't.
“I'm not dark. That's what I’m racist against.”
9:54 AM Mr. Amethyst
You're racist against people who don't know their race?
9:55 AM Mr. Brown
I'm not saying me.
I meant what they would say.
You could tell a Neo Nazi he is 14% Congolese, but they will still say “Ok, but I’m not black.”
10:00 AM Mr. Blue
Yeah. But I don’t think a racist person is going to be less racist if they find out a white person is half black.
Nor do I think that a black person that's half white faces less prejudice in their life.
It can be about being a *known* minority.
10:02 AM Mr. Silver
This brings to mind our hick neighbors we had for a while.
Right out of nowhere, the ass announces: "She might not look it, but (wife) is a quarter nigger!"
She was so embarrassed...sadly, I couldn't tell if it was for him or herself.  Ugh!
10:07 AM Mr. Silver
We never really talked much after that.
And no...there is no possible way anyone would know from just looking at her, because she was pretty much exactly Flo the waitress from the "Alice" TV show.
10:11 AM Mr. Brown
Is it racist for a 1/4 African American to wear black face?



Mr. Blue
He wanted me to ship (large expensive item) to him for free.
10:27 AM Mr. Silver
Good luck.
10:27 AM Mr. Blue
I said no, but he kept asking anyway.
His house looks like the Biltmore on Google street view.
10:27 AM Mr. Silver
"Ah...are you of the Boston Cheapbastards?  Lovely family...Thaddeus Cheapbastard III disappeared into the restroom and stiffed me for lunch at The Russian Tea Room once."
10:29 AM Mr. Blue
He says he is an English teacher at a state university. Something fishy there.
10:40 AM Mr. Silver
Yup.
Perhaps he also owns England.
10:41 AM Mr. Brown
Probably a duke.
LOL
10:42 AM Mr. Silver
"And that, class, is why the show should have been called 'Deviating Towards Criminality'...I should know."
10:51 AM Mr. Blue
Hehehe



Mr. Blue
“Search under way for missing Westwood man Bunnie Thompson, 48, who went missing Thursday after 2 p.m.”
Nice name.
Check the local tomato & lettuce gardens.
3:18 PM Mr. Silver
"Mister McGregor was charged today in the kidnapping and murder of Bunnie Thompson."
"Police reconstruction of the crime shows that Mr. Thompson was examining McGregor's carrot crop when the situation turned violent.  Thompson was first trapped in a gooseberry net, but wriggled free only to be captured under a giant sieve, tortured in a water barrel and finally stomped to death."



7:09 AM Mr. Green
"You’ll need something thin and straight to push the button in the little hole on the device, like a toothpick..."
"Does it have to be metal?"
*forehead slap*
“Do you have to be alive and calling me?”
7:15 AM Mr. Silver
"It must be electrum, or ivory from an Indian elephant...  No…  No, African won't do…  We could try with an amber or lapis lazuli rod, but i can't guarantee success."
7:17 AM Mr. Green
"Do you have any metal toothpicks? That would be perfect!"
7:19 AM Mr. Silver
A rather rare item.
"My people call them 'nails'."
7:19 AM Mr. Green
LMAO!
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Wednesday, January 22, 2014

Day 277 - It'll Be An Olympic Sport Any Year Now, "Gooo With The Buuuull", Screaming Is A Talent, The True Motive Behind The JFK Assassination, "The Not-So-Incredible Petrified Plot", "A Kiss After Dying", Hot Name Or Not Name, Things That Go Clank In The Knight, and "I Wear A Tiara Now, Tiaras Are Cool"

Mr. Blue
3:05 PM Mr. Silver
They have records for this?
3:08 PM Mr. Silver
"Dmitri Galitzine shattered the records set the previous year in the 1st annual "Dmitri Galitzine Paddling in a Pumpkin" competition."
3:08 PM Mr. Blue
LOL


Mr. Brown
11:03 AM Mr. Silver
Good ol' Ram Inn
The most quoted "Most Haunted" episode ever in my house was the Ram Inn investigation.
Derek, their psychic, dropped into his creepy mode.
(possessed voice) "Go to the baaarn…"
(Yvette) "Go to the barn?"
(possessed voice) "Go to the baaarn…"
Except...
11:06 AM Mr. Brown
"Gooooo to the pub get me a laaaaaaager."
11:06 AM Mr. Silver
Although the bar was said to be haunted, there was no mention that we recall of the barn actually being haunted.
11:09 AM Mr. Silver
So, although they went out to the barn and demonic shenanigans apparently occurred -- personally I think Derek tripped the victim and pummeled him on the ground while "saving him from a demon” -- I was sure I what I actually heard was:
(possessed voice) "Go to the baaar..."
(Yvette) "Go to the barn?"
(Derek considering...) "Uh...yeah...sure... Go to the baaaarn..."
11:10 AM Mr. Brown
So they just misheard him and went with it.
LOL!
11:19 AM Mr. Silver
Seemed that way.
So Mrs Silver and I will encounter bad-instructions or a misunderstanding in conversation, and we'll trade off: 
"Go to the barn?"
"Uhhh...yeah.   Gooo to the baaaaarn"


Mr. Blue
Apparently the earlier Halloweens didn't have enough black victims for the studio's liking.
"We’re hearing a lot of rumblings from the urban community that there should be more black people getting killed." 
"Yeah, our focus groups are saying the same thing."
3:08 PM Mr. Blue
“In post production Bianca Kajlich's screams had to be dubbed because of her inability to scream.”
Wow... you had one job, Bianca.
3:10 PM Mr. Silver
Bianca "Oooooooooo...."
Director "Ummm....no....a little stronger dear."
Bianca "OOOoooOOooooo..."
Director "Nnnnnnnnot quite.  We were hoping for more of a shrieking 'E' sort of tone."
Bianca "Eeeeeeeeeeee...."


(After a couple days of Mr. Brown talking about JFK documentaries and theories - Mr. Silver)
9:11 AM Mr. Silver
(JFK Documentary narration over on photo/video montage) "In 1963, ex-marine and neurotic 'aspiring librarian' Lee Harvey Oswald made a shocking discovery while rooting through the book depository in Houston TX.  JFK – the president of the United States – was 24 years late returning a borrowed textbook to his school library, and Oswald calculated that that the commander-in-chief owed a staggering $19 in fines." (archive photo of scribbled calculations).
9:11 AM Mr. Blue
LOL
"Ich bin ein scofflaw."
9:12 AM Mr. Silver
(Cut to aged librarian interviewee) "Oswald... Well...he was what we used to call a Book Weenie... He was never actually employed by a library that I'd ever heard of, but he was always hanging around the stacks, shushing people, putting books back in place, and wasting time obsessively memorizing Dewey decimal entries. He seemed like just another harmless eccentric at the time, but..."


12:21 PM Mr. Silver
This was the weekend’s bad sci-fi action film:  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Incredible_Petrified_World
12:26 PM Mr. Silver
Lots of goofiness.
12:26 PM Mr. Blue
I’m surprised it wasn't MST3K'd.
12:26 PM Mr. Silver
Nice poster art...if only the barely-dressed damsel and octopus were in it.
12:27 PM Mr. Silver
My sister and I gave it a good riffing.  Lots of laughing.
12:29 PM Mr. Brown
Ok, so the title is like “Debbie does Dallas”? - There was nothing petrified about it at all?
12:30 PM Mr. Blue
Just the plot.
12:31 PM Mr. Blue
If they did find a petrified world it'd be pretty boring.
"Look!  A brachiosaurus! … Turned to stone!"
12:40 PM Mr. Silver
Well...they walked around in bone dry caves (1700' underwater) for most of the film.
They didn't have a Land Time Forgot budget.  No dinosaurs.
12:40 PM Mr. Brown
Water scenes - big money.
12:41 PM Mr. Silver
There was a lot of aquarium padding at the beginning, featuring a shark and dead octopus fighting to show how fierce the sea is.
12:41 PM Mr. Blue
Ah yes, the ol' stock footage flick.
12:42 PM Mr. Silver
You could sometimes catch images of people at the aquarium pressed up against the glass.
12:42 PM Mr. Blue
" 'Look out! It's a shark!'…and you said you're going to edit this so it looks like we're really looking at the shark, right?"
12:42 PM Mr. Silver
Then we had the far-fetched exposition about diving bell projects, just so we know for sure that:
There are 2 of them.
Where they are located. 
Which characters were building them.
12:44 PM Mr. Brown
Oh!  Exposition!
LOL
12:44 PM Mr. Silver
Then we have the team, talking about diving into the great unknown.
12:45 PM Mr. Silver
The “diving bell” was a sphere, and was perhaps big enough for 2 of them to sit inside...all 4 could fit if dead, dismembered, and properly stacked.
On the other hand, inside, the sphere was a big enough cube for about 20 people to hang out in, if friendly.
12:45 PM Mr. Blue
Was the lead/hero guy very doughy and wore his pants very high?
And he just kinda puffed his chest out to appear masculine?
12:45 PM Mr. Silver
Oh yes!
Craig
Craig Manly Macho, the 4th.
12:46 PM Mr. Blue
"Hi! My name's Craig and I never exhale."
12:46 PM Mr. Silver
He wore popped collars before Jersey folk wore shirts.
And for no reason whatsoever, he started 2 scenes with the shirt off, so he could put it on.
12:46 PM Mr. Blue
LOL
12:50 PM Mr. Silver
Including one scene where he had the shirt on, moved to the next chamber to discuss plans away from the women, and he had his shirt off after the scene cut away from the women to the men talking in the other room...where he proceeds to put it back on.
1:01 PM Mr. Blue
They should've hired a shirt wrangler to hang out on set.
(Sadly, the subject changed.  This film was completely packed with crap...I could have gone on for hours.  Here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U8IQZIF5OMg - Mr. Silver)



2:55 PM Mr. Brown
3:01 PM Mr. Brown
One wife kept her dead husband at home to kiss every night.
3:02 PM Mr. Silver
Nice
3:09 PM Mr. Silver
22 cases of corpses kept at home long enough to be "a nuisance".
3:09 PM Mr. Blue
Heh
3:09 PM Mr. Brown
Yeah, I was trying to understand the meaning of “nuisance” in those cases.  LOL
3:10 PM Mr. Silver
“Barf-worthy stink”, perhaps?
3:10 PM Mr. Silver
They prescribed sawdust, screwing the lid down extra tight, and a burial.
(residents) "Skip to #3!  Skip to #3!"
3:14 PM Mr. Silver
As much as I might love someone, I really don't see much point in keeping the dead version around.
3:23 PM Mr. Silver
Didn't that turn out to be an unexpected issue in Japan?
The missing 100-year-olds?
3:25 PM Mr. Silver
They did some sort of census and kept coming up with people no one had actually seen in years.
3:25 PM Mr. Blue
Oh?
The kids were stashin' gramps in the crawl space?
3:26 PM Mr. Silver
Here it is:
"884 were on the records as 150 or older."
3:27 PM Mr. Blue
No wonder their life expectancy average is so high.
3:28 PM Mr. Silver
Nah.  A few lines down, it says the average age is from different census records.
3:28 PM Mr. Blue
Ahh
3:28 PM Mr. Silver
Wow.
“The furor over Japan’s missing centenarians began in July when the authorities in Tokyo discovered the body of Sogen Kato, the man thought to have been the city’s oldest living man at 111, mummified in his bed, dead for more than three decades.
In late August, the police arrested Mr. Kato’s 81-year-old daughter and his granddaughter on charges of fraudulently collecting his pension and failing to report his death. They said Mr. Kato had gone into his bedroom after a family fight in the late 1970s and had never come out.“


3:29 PM Mr. Blue
"Keiko Chiba"... Not as cute as the name sounds.
3:30 PM Mr. Silver
So you're thinking there should be some sort of movement to change names to match looks?
3:30 PM Mr. Blue
Possibly in Japan at least.
Keiko Chiba sounds cute.
3:31 PM Mr. Silver
"Sorry ma'am...your little girl stopped being a 'Bunny' when she swelled out to 240 pounds in her mid 20s.  She can take any name from column 4.   Personally, I think she looks like a Bertha."
The opposite also holds.
3:34 PM Mr. Silver
"Yes, we realize that Ethel is a traditional name in many generations of your family, but your daughter is clearly (consults chart) 'smokin', and must choose something else.  She can have Ethel back when she's aged a few decades, if she's unlucky...Wow!"
3:34 PM Mr. Blue
Keiko Chiba sounds like a teenage Japanese pop star.
With hit singles like "Smile Train Wa-Wa-Wa" and "Gumdrop Kitty Cat"
3:36 PM Mr. Silver
"Chu Chu Star Lover"
3:36 PM Mr. Blue
Speaking of which, ever see any videos of Kyary Pamyu Pamyu?
She’s kind of the epitome of kooky Japanese pop music.
3:36 PM Mr. Silver
Not that I know of. 
(Looks up)
Woah!
3:37 PM Mr. Blue
She takes it pretty far, visually, and that's her intention.   She goes beyond cuteness to the point that it's actually creepy.
3:37 PM Mr. Silver
Uncanny-Valley Girl.


Mr. Brown
Well, Brown Jr. has his nightmare demon now.
It’s the Armor Man.
7:42 AM Mr. Silver
Like Armor All?
7:42 AM Mr. Brown
Armor.
Something that's all armor. He said it tried to choke him.
Honestly I don't remember him seeing anything that had something like that in it.
7:44 AM Mr. Silver
Scooby Doo, pilot episode?
7:44 AM Mr. Brown
All I see in my head is a samurai suit attacking him.
It just means he has hit the phase of nightmares that we have to explain are not real.
7:45 AM Mr. Silver
Past life memories!
8:05 AM Mr. Silver
"You're just remembering when you were a helpless peasant child and were strangled to death in your bed in the middle of the night by an evil 14th century knight.  Well...goodnight, son.  Sleep tight."
8:05 AM Mr. Amethyst
LOL


Mr. Brown
12:35 PM Mr. Silver
Wooooow...
12:42 PM Mr. Brown
I never really understood some of the wacky looks they gave The Doctor.
12:54 PM Mr. Silver
They're all a bit crazy. Not the outfits, the Doctors.
12:57 PM Mr. Blue
How the hell does a 2 year old girl even know what Doctor Who is?
I’m sure the parents "insisted" she dress up.
1:00 PM Mr. Silver
“What do you want to be for Halloween, Katie?”
"Pincess!"
"Doctor Who?"
"PINcess!!!"
"All 11 Doctors?"
1:00 PM Mr. Silver
"Wan be PINCESS!!!!!"
1:00 PM Mr. Blue
LOL
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