Saturday, November 24, 2012

212 - Bustin' Fence, Farming Without A Plot, The Mint Needs To Check The Commodities Market A Bit More Regularly, In Perhaps 500 Generations Some Of His Relatives Might Starve If They Don't Start Looking For Jobs, Call the Faithful To Their Knees To Hear The Softly Spoken Magic Conceit, Bigfoot Might Flash His Bigbutt, "What's In An Email Name? A Romney By Any Other Name Would Sound As Goofy", Cruise Is A Huge Small Star, How An Idealist Replaces A Toilet, and They Changed It From "Largedick" When The Family Came Through Ellis Island

9:19 AM Mr. Gray
*sighs* Dog busted the fence this morning. Just shoot me....
Didn't notice it...Chelsey ZZ(The neighbor) just told me
9:25 AM Mr. Silver
Sorry...it all sounds like rap talk
“Yo!  Chelsey ZZ, AKA "The Neighbor" here to tell y'all 'bout what you didn't notice, dog!”
9:27 AM Mr. Green
LOL
9:28 AM Mr. Silver
“Check it out!  My dog busted the fence this mo'nin', you know what I'm talkin' about!  And he jus tol' me he's gonna just shoot you!”



2:56 PM Mr. Brown
2:56 PM Mr. Silver
...and no shame...
"Look for more plot and character development in future episodes"
Note - Reality shows have neither plots, nor character development, except purely incidental things.
"In this episode, Dan hits his head in the barn and thinks he's a superhero." 
Not happening...reality show...sorry...
3:02 PM Mr. Gray
Pete is not only the hot brother, but also "the Human Harvester," which, thankfully, means he is human and harvests crops quickly -- not that he harvests humans.
3:02 PM Mr. Gray
I'd watch it if he harvested humans.
3:02 PM Mr. Silver
True
3:03 PM Mr. Silver
"Season 16 of Pete's Horror Farm is Back!"
3:03 PM Mr. Gray
I'd watch that every week.
3:04 PM Mr. Silver
"This year we're huntin' the varmints of downtown Unionville and harvesting kidneys!"
3:07 PM Mr. Silver
With such a large cast/family, the producers figure it would be best to label everyone out of the gate -- "Hicks"



Mr. Silver
Next week on "Big Bang Theory"...
12:52 PM Mr. Silver
I'd like to see a coin like that issued with a real value on it.
"Approximately $3000 2012 In God We Trust"
Putting $10 on a gold coin is like writing "Contents: 1 Gallon" on the side of a tanker truck.



8:05 AM Mr. Silver
This morning's "barely scraping by" sad story...
"If my personal income taxes go up, I'll barely be able to survive on my billions of dollars.  And I'll be forced to cut back on my 7000 employees, thereby recouping a tiny bit of money I don't need and destroying people's livelihoods to get it."
"Times are hard.  I could barely scrape by for 100,000 years on the money I have saved."



Mr. Green
3:28 PM Mr. Gray
Nice
LOL
"We're stepping into a realm that is dangerous. We're going to to invite spirits that we really don't want," said Pastor Mark Hartshorn from Litchfield Assembly of God.
Wow....This is your area, Mr. Yellow?  I feel sorry for you.
3:30 PM Mr. Silver
"We're going to invite spirits that were always there anyway...surrounding us...unseen...like, oh, God."
3:30 PM Mr. Gray
These people are all in arms about the gospel of Jesus Christ and this paranormal fest bringing "Darkness" LOL
3:34 PM Mr. Silver
"The church will be conducting their own 'Dreary Boring Normal Losers Fest' during the event."
3:37 PM Mr. Gray
LMAO
"The church will be offering donations to those who attend because they know it'll suck that bad"
3:39 PM Mr. Silver
(Festival guide) "And our final exhibit for Paranormal Fest is this collection of sad sacks, who ironically have no awareness that their entire faith is paranormal."
3:39 PM Mr. Gray
LOL
That is a funny thing. They don't recognize that their religion is filled with magic rituals calling upon and inviting in spirits.
3:40 PM Mr. Silver
"Let's see if we can get them to chant to their spirits, or perform something called a 'blessing' or an 'exorcism' for us."
3:40 PM Mr. Gray
"Magic is evil!!"
"Then why are you practicing it?"
"I don't!"
"Oh, so that whole "Blood of Christ” bit is just for laughs?"
3:40 PM Mr. Silver
"That's not magic, that's a miracle!"
3:41 PM Mr. Gray
"Its a bloody miracle you don’t know its magic, mate."
3:41 PM Mr. Silver
Heh



8:47 AM Mr. Silver
8:48 AM Mr. Blue
What a waste.
8:49 AM Mr. Silver
It would be hilarious if they didn't catch a Bigfoot, but caught a few other cryptids before a thunderbird swooped in and took out the blimp.
(Insurance man) "I'm sorry...I don't care how earth shattering the footage is, the insurance terms clearly say "Sasquatch related damage"."
8:54 AM Mr. Silver
We should find out where it's going to be and set up in costumes to do the YMCA for it.
(facing the press) "Well, we thought it was great footage for a minute or two...family of 4 scrounging.  Then they pulled out the hard hat and indian feather headdress and stuff and...well...see for yourself..."
8:56 AM Mr. Brown
“We saw another four of them just sitting around this box in the woods and were confused until we zoomed in and realized they were watching a TV and drinking beer.”
8:58 AM Mr. Silver
"Then there's this set playing poker.  (Sigh)  Yes, question from the guy in the back?  Yes, we saw the one cheating...I'll rewind and point it out."
9:01 AM Mr. Silver
"Set #4 was dubbed the 'Moons over the Pacific Northwest’ film...(grumble)" 



Mr. Silver
"How can I set this email so I only get the stuff I want?"
10:14 AM Mr. Blue
LOL
10:15 AM Mr. Silver
"Let me put you on hold so you don't hear me laughing, and then I’ll come back and we'll discuss it."
10:31 AM Mr. Gray
LOL
10:35 AM Mr. Silver
"Right...I'm back.  I can only tell you that if you figure that out, you'll be a billionaire."
10:41 AM Mr. Silver
(finishing relaying temp password)  "e...d...f"
"Cool, that's our cat's name!"
"... ... Edf?"
10:43 AM Mr. Blue
I think that's one of Mitt Romney's son's names too: Tagg, Kitt, and Edf
10:45 AM Mr. Silver
Don't forget Mitt's brothers: Bat, Ball, and Designated Hitter Romney III
10:46 AM Mr. Blue
All Romney names are inspired by the sound effects from the Batman TV show.
10:46 AM Mr. Brown
Bang , Zap
10:46 AM Mr. Blue
"POW! BAM! ZONK! MITT! TAGG!"
10:46 AM Mr. Brown
Power
Oops
10:47 AM Mr. Silver
Oops Romney stormed the beach at Normandy.



8:21 AM Mr. Blue
 Looks like the strip district to me
8:23 AM Mr. Silver
The lengths they go to to make him look tall next to his leading ladies is just getting ridiculous.  That forced perspective shot makes her look like she's 2' tall!
8:24 AM Mr. Blue
Hahaha!



Mr. Silver
So...toilets are heavy. I know this as I just replaced mine.
But I managed to break down the old one and put in the new one in only a couple more hours than a pro probably would...heh.
(Lowes advice video)
"You might have to cut the bolts from the base." = "You will have to cut the bolts."
(Lowes advice video)
"Fortunately they're made of brass and should cut easily." = "Unless they are steel."
9:16 AM Mr. Blue
Heheh
9:17 AM Mr. Silver
(Lowes advice video)
"Don't bother trying to remove the tank as the bolts are probably rusted.  Just take it out in one piece."
= "Assuming you are a power lifter, the space is wide enough, and you don't have a flight of stairs to haul it down. If you answered no to any of these, you'll want to bother removing the tank. See 'steel bolts'."
9:18 AM Mr. Blue
A toilet on a 2nd floor? Like some aristocrat?
9:21 AM Mr. Brown
LOL



(Some apologies due to the Biggerstaff clan here, but we get rolling on these... Mr. Silver)
Mr. Gray
Man....I would so change my name....
“Kent Biggerstaff”
11:20 AM Mr. Brown
LOL
Richard Biggerstaff
11:20 AM Mr. Gray
Anita Biggerstaff
11:25 AM Mr. Silver
Harry Biggerstaff
11:25 AM Mr. Gray
Oh there ya go.
Peter Biggerstaff
11:26 AM Mr. Silver
Nice one.
Bob Biggerstaff
11:27 AM Mr. Brown
Silver Wolf Biggerstaff
11:27 AM Mr. Silver
Um....
11:28 AM Mr. Gray
Orel Biggerstaff
11:28 AM Mr. Silver
Randy Biggerstaff
Silver Wolf?
11:28 AM Mr. Brown
lolololololololol
I was going native-American, Mr. Silver
11:29 AM Mr. Silver
Well, the others were all rather suggestive, Mr. Brown, you see...
11:29 AM Mr. Gray
Then it would be like "Runs Naked With biggerstaff", Mr. Brown
11:29 AM Mr. Brown
I understand, yes. I just thought that sounded cool.
11:29 AM Mr. Silver
I've never heard any locker-room jokes about a fellow's “silver wolf”
11:29 AM Mr. Gray
Well, maybe if he was an old guy...
11:30 AM Mr. Silver
We used to say "Kick him in the werewolf!" in college. That's kind of close.
11:30 AM Mr. Gray
“Wolfman's got nards!”
11:30 AM Mr. Brown
LOL
I have that movie!
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Thursday, November 22, 2012

Day 211 - Hotly Pink Debated Issues, Good Cheer Served At The Giger Bar, Even The Reviews Of The Film Stink, "Mission Improbable: No-One-Will-Notice Protocol", and Diagnosing Mr. Brown's Sharp Pains

1:12 PM Mr. Blue
Hehe
1:15 PM Mr. Silver
"Romney Supporters Fail To Match Wits With Obama Cutout"
1:17 PM Mr. Blue
Heh
1:20 PM Mr. Brown
Nice hot pink pants.
1:21 PM Mr. Silver
"Hot Pink Pants Debate With Cardboard Obama Called Only 'Draw' Of The Event."



1:42 PM Mr. Silver
Like these, Mr Gray?
1:44 PM Mr. Brown
I like the cow cycle, a little ways down.
1:48 PM Mr. Silver
Nice
1:50 PM Mr. Brown
Wow!  HR Giger has some crazy art.  I just did a search on him.
1:53 PM Mr. Silver
He and Froud should collaborate.
Heh
"We want something soft and ethereal and dreamlike, while still harsh, brutal and disturbing."
"I have just the men for that."
1:59 PM Mr. Brown
Let’s go to the Giger bar!
LOL
(rearranged for mutual joy – Mr. Silver)
2:03 PM Mr. Silver
(Sings) "Makin' your way in space today...takes ev'rything you've got..."
"Takin' a break from all that scurries, sure would help a lot..."
“No one in space can hear you scream…”
“Sometimes you wanna go, where ev’rybody’s barely sane.
2:02 PM Mr. Blue
(sings) “We wanna go where people know / Xenomorphs aren't all the same / We wanna go where every critter knows your name”
2:02 PM Mr. Brown
lol
2:06 PM Mr. Brown
People in the bar have chest-bursters every so often. lol
“Who would have thought an alcoholic alien would buy a bar?”
2:07 PM Mr. Silver
(Tubby alien walks in)
(crowd) "Spawn!"
2:06 PM Mr. Brown
“Hey, Facehugger, I see you’re really out there depositing the bursters again today.”
2:08 PM Mr. Silver
"Hey Spawnie. Nah, it's a holiday."
"Enough small talk I need a brew"
"On it"
2:11 PM Mr. Brown
Little spawn dancing to “Hello my honey, hello my baby”
2:11 PM Mr. Silver
… Thereby breaking the Cheers theme and ending this game cold …
2:12 PM Mr. Brown
Well, it cuts into Spaceballs
lol
2:12 PM Mr. Silver
(crosses legs)  Sounds painful
2:17 PM Mr. Brown
Truthfully, I could see a Giger “Cheers” bar in my head.
Aliens as bartenders.  All the characters.
lol
2:18 PM Mr. Blue
I just like the idea of a sitcom-y laugh track and a xenomorph wiping the bar with a towel.
And just…every so often…unspeakable gore.
2:18 PM Mr. Brown
Dr. Frasier as a Predator
I still see Woody as himself though.
2:19 PM Mr. Silver
I like the idea of a curly-haired tough girl waitress in T-shirt and underwear furiously saying things like "Here's your beer YOU BITCH!" to everyone.
So...like...the exact same Carla as in the original, but more attractive.
2:19 PM Mr. Blue
Heheh
2:22 PM Mr. Silver
(Space marine at table) "I think the drinks are coming...yeah  YEAH!  I’ve got SIGNALS!  10 meters!  9 meters!  8!  7 Meters! Oh Sh-T where ARE they!  We should SEE them by now!  3 meters!  They should be RIGHT AT THE TABLE MAN!  2 Meters!  WTF?!?!"
2:26 PM Mr. Brown
I would like to watch an alien work a bar.
“We need more limes.  I'll just cut them here.  Shit!  Cut my finger!
2:27 PM Mr. Blue
Melts the bar
2:27 PM Mr. Brown
“Oh damn it!  The bar!  The bar!”
2:27 PM Mr. Blue
Hahaha



2:28 PM Mr. Brown
Apparently my house is covered in stink bugs.
2:32 PM Mr. Silver
That's bad.
"From the studio that brought you "With Six You Get Eggroll", “The Long Long Trailer", and "The Ghost and Mr. Chicken" comes this Christmas's biggest laugh fest ever: "Apparently My House is Covered in Stink Bugs"
2:37 PM Mr. Brown
lol
That could be a great horror flick; a comedy one
2:40 PM Mr. Silver
"You laughed at "Arachnophobia"!  You giggled at "Frogs"!  You chortled at "Piranha 3D" because you're a sick sadist F-ck! So you'll DIE LAUGHING at "Apparently My House is Covered in Stink Bugs"!"
2:40 PM Mr. Blue
Wow…  The comedic possibilities are endless.
"No one will be admitted during the vacuum scene."
"Nurses especially trained in boredom will be on hand at all theaters."
2:42 PM Mr. Brown
Do really close ups of the sucking of them up in the vacuum, with scary music.
lol
Then showing Mr. Blue with scary music when he sees all the bugs.
dun dun dun
2:43 PM Mr. Blue
And then me getting down on my knees cursing myself for becoming a monster.
2:43 PM Mr. Brown
lol
I like the idea, too, of you saying “I got this” then disappearing into the garage.
And then it sounds like you are making something, but then you come out with a normal shop vac and start cleaning them up.
2:43 PM Mr. Blue
And then I’m walking through dark alleys with my clothes all torn up looking for stink bugs to feed my bloodlust and I go on a spree.
And then they lock me up and a psychiatrist is discussing with a policeman that there were never were any stinkbugs after all.
The End?
2:45 PM Mr. Silver
"Filmed in Stink-o-Rama"
           (meanwhile...)
            2:45 PM Mr. Blue
I keep laughing at "With six you get egg roll"
2:45 PM Mr. Silver
Heh
2:46 PM Mr. Blue
At first I pictured it as a sitcom, with the title being the show's catch phrase
but as a movie? Even better.
2:46 PM Mr. Silver
Just various neighbors bringing it up through the entire run?
2:47 PM Mr. Blue
Yeah, it's in every episode. the audience cheers when they hear it.
2:45 PM Mr. Brown
This is a great SyFy movie
2:51 PM Mr. Blue
Then it shows the president giving a speech and it's revealed he's just a giant mass of stink bugs in a human costume.
2:52 PM Mr. Brown
lol
This is getting better and better
SyFy channel may take it
2:52 PM Mr. Blue
There is the sequel of course, hence the "?" at the end of the first.
I’m the only man that knows of our true stinkbug overlords, but nobody believes me
I have to find the queen and defeat her.
2:53 PM Mr. Silver
"Get your stink off her YOU BITCH!"



(Spoilers)
11:40 AM Mr. Silver
Last movie I watched was “Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol”
My first MI movie
11:51 AM Mr. Silver
Fun...not that it didn't have its "Ummm...no" bits.
"Oh hell!  No masks!  We're gonna go in cold and hope they never met!"
Wrong...answer is kill 1 or both teams.  The villain's plot is now done.
But that's just not as exciting.
"Welcome!  I have the codes.  Do you have the diamonds?" 
"(BLAM!) Not exactly."
11:59 AM Mr. Silver
Either of you see it?
12:00 PM Mr. Brown
Yes
12:01 PM Mr. Silver
Don't relish spoilers much, or giving them out.
12:02 PM Mr. Blue
I didn't see it, but don't plan to, so go for it.
12:03 PM Mr. Silver
Ok, try this one:
Them - "The server room is 11 floors up and 7 rooms over!  And we have 5 minutes!"
Me – "...and the elevator is right outside your room."
Them - "Let's climb the outside of the building!"
12:06 PM Mr. Brown
No elevator needed when you got special climbing gloves that malfunction every minute or so!
lol
More suspense.
12:27 PM Mr. Silver
Here's another:
We have 4 hours to steal some microfilm! From the KREMLIN!  We put together a general's and colonel's uniform and IDs!  We put on makeup!
We go in!  Sneaky sneaky!
Crap!  It was all a trap!  Dodge the guards! Get out!
baBOOMM!!!!!
Now let's look at side #2....
#2 is that a disgraced/deranged scientist who is being sought as an international criminal spends apparently 2 weeks coming and going from the Kremlin, with no disguise, setting about 50 large undetected explosive charges...
He then walks into the secure records room before our team, still undisguised, and takes his records and an apparently unguarded missile launch console just sitting on an open shelf or something...
And then walks back out, past the secret agent who knows what he looks like...
And wanders unmolested, dressed in civvies, through a security scramble of armed and aggressive guards, and slowly meanders far enough away to blow up his bombs.
12:40 PM Mr. Blue
Heh
I guess that's why it's not called "Mission Possible"
1:50 PM Mr. Silver
Oh yes...
1:56 PM Mr. Silver
Moving on...
It takes breaking into a satellite TV station, hooking up the launch console, entering a billionaire's passwords, making calls, doing verifications, and manually setting target coordinates to launch a missile at the intended target...
1:59 PM Mr. Silver
Blowing up the missile involved opening the launch console case 10 miles from the transmitter it previously had to be hardwired to, hitting a shiny button that someone included and saying "Mission accomplished".
Now, naturally, they needed satellite codes for this just in case it got so far and this unknown magic tech happened to include a shiny abort button and they didn't think of blowing up the TV station a day before the villain arrived (wink)...so they went and seduced/forced them out of the previously mentioned billionaire.
Now I know if I ever become a billionaire who owns a satellite accessible from my abandoned transmission station, I'll have memorized the passwords for it.
2:03 PM Mr. Brown
Yeah, that's funny.
2:04 PM Mr. Silver
Heroine - "Gimmie the CODES!"
2:04 PM Mr. Silver
Billionaire – "It has codes?  Really?  Cool! Ask my IT GUYS!!!"



2:21 PM Mr. Brown
Wow!  I think I need a chiropractor right now.   
It hurts when I breath in, in my back, like something is knocked out badly.
2:22 PM Mr. Silver
Stretch your arm out straight to the side...
Raise it to a vertical.
Bend at the elbow.
Tilt the arm back with the forearm still at an angle.
Tilt it forward until it's down.
Reach it behind your back
...now...
you feel a knife handle sticking out back there?
2:24 PM Mr. Brown
No good there
Just this big spear
2:24 PM Mr. Silver
(snaps fingers)
need a pro for a spear
2:25 PM Mr. Brown
Crap and an arrow
no wonder hurts so bad
2:25 PM Mr. Silver
Anything sharp and metallic poking out through the front of your shirt?
That's the confirmation.
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