Day 300 - "Behold Some Guy", Sovereign Citizens Of The Kingdom Of Federal Prison, Big Feet Have Been A Characteristic Of The Family For Many Generations, "There's An App For Disappointment", Lusitania Lips Sinkitania Ships, "Star Wars: No George We Hope", and The Bright-Eyed God Of The Deep

7:50 AM Mr. Brown

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-2616055/Egypt-dig-unearths-early-image-Jesus-mysterious-underground-tomb.html

It wouldn't surprise me if it is a picture of Christ.

8:00 AM Mr. Silver

(Waits on Mr. Blue to look since this will probably be fun)

8:00 AM Mr. Brown

Yes.

lol

8:10 AM Mr. Silver

10 after 8, no Mr. Blue.  Let's have a look at “Jesus”.

8:27 AM Mr. Silver

Yes, there's certainly no possibility that that is a picture of "a guy".

People just don't hold their hands up in pictures...madness.

Also Egyptians have never painted portraits of the deceased in their own tombs...so...

8:48 AM Mr. Brown

I figure if that an Egyptian believed in Christ at that time, then maybe he would request a picture of him in his tomb.

8:49 AM Mr. Silver

No aureole...

Coptic Christian images of holy people always have an aureole.

Not seeing one on this guy.

8:57 AM Mr. Brown

Hmm?

Meaning nipples?

8:58 AM Mr. Silver

No.

The glow around the head...the super-halo.

8:59 AM Mr. Brown

Ha ha

I figured that’s what you meant, but aureole sounds like you’re talking about nips.

lol

9:11 AM Mr. Brown

Ha ha!

“He has curly hair, ok? So he is Jewish.  And he is raising his hands.  Who isn’t Jewish and does that?  It must be Jesus.”

LOL

9:15 AM Mr. Silver

"raised as if giving a blessing...or waving 'hi'...or maybe he's gay. I mean, look at the head tilt, hair style, and the angle of the wrist.  Ok, it's not Jesus, just a gay Egyptian guy...sorry."

9:16 AM Mr. Brown

Flamer Christ

Mr. Silver

I agree...if they were dead and in the Kingdom of Heaven, they can't be taxed.  

http://www.rawstory.com/rs/2014/04/30/sovereign-citizens-claim-irs-cant-tax-them-as-residents-of-kingdom-of-heaven/

1:58 PM Mr. Strawberry

Yeah? Make your own damn country like the Vatican, then talk to me about it.

Hahaha

Tax those bums!

1:58 PM Mr. Silver

As soon as they hold up their end of the deal, the IRS will stop bugging them. 

1:59 PM Mr. Strawberry

Would that mean that the IRS is supporting a mass suicide to make their residential claim correct?

2:00 PM Mr. Silver

Is one married couple a "mass"?

Mr. Strawberry

I don’t think it is.

But if we are taking the Bible literally here, any gathering of two or more is a church.

Honestly, though, that's like saying “I am going to decide not to obey government protocol. But I’m going to live within a clean city, with paved roads and port authority buses, transportation, public amenities with subsidized trash pickups and police stations and fire departments… but pay for none of it.”

2:02 PM Mr. Silver

Apparently that hit a nerve...a bunch of our sovereign team members signed out while we were talking.

2:13 PM Mr. Brown

Haha!

That sovereign citizen thing is dumb.

Mr. Beige

Haha!  I think their shifts were done.

2:10 PM Mr. Silver

Bah...not as entertaining that way. 

My wife's ex-brother-in-law tried to pull off the Sovereign thing years ago.  It went...poorly...

2:11 PM Mr. Strawberry

Great!

I’ll start a fire in his house.

No cops

No fire department.

Good luck!

LOL

(kidding of course)

Mr. Silver

Mrs. Silver was at the house when the police came to drive him to his new living arrangements, pending him coming to an agreement with the government about how sovereign he actually was.

She described it as very entertaining.  I wish I'd been there.

Mr. Strawberry

What were his new living arrangements? LOL

2:18 PM Mr. Silver

It was a small apartment...just a bed and toilet...bars...

2:18 PM Mr. Strawberry

Got ya.  LOL.

And still government subsidized... how the heck does that work?  LOL

Mr. Blue

My family on both sides are weird mixes of tall & slender, and short and stocky (but not fat).

Grandfather was tall and slender... but he had brothers that were short and stocky.  Dad was short and stocky, but he had brothers that were tall and slender.

12:28 PM Mr. Brown

I was always very skinny as a child, well into my teen years.

12:28 PM Mr. Blue

Same.  When I went to friends’ houses their parents would try to force feed me, thinking my mom wasn't feeding me enough.

12:32 PM Mr. Silver

"I'm not hungry!  I'm of peasant stock!"

12:33 PM Mr. Brown

Doctors kept saying I was going to be 6’ 2”

Nope.  Didn't reach 6’.  Close but did not get there.

I don't think height can be predetermined: too many factors.

12:39 PM Mr. Silver

"We have the numbers for you, Mr. and Mrs. Smith, and I can see here the estimated heig -- WOAH!  Was one of your grandmas fooling around with a Bigfoot in her child rearing years?"

12:39 PM Mr. Brown

Haha!

12:39 PM Mr. Silver

"What is it doctor?"

"Well, if all this adds up, he'll be 8'4", able to lift 780 lbs over his head and...have your luxurious beard...ma'am."

12:45 PM Mr. Blue

Heheh

1:03 PM Mr. Brown

https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/135400527/sipsnapp-drink-with-confidence

I would use that app.

1:34 PM Mr. Silver

Looks like a “Disappointment App”.

1:38 PM Mr. Silver

"Perfectly match the beer or wine type to your tastes, get ratings, and make an informed decision!  Then ask for it at your local bar and be told they don't have it!  Its not even in your state. Or it causes sticker shock!  Then put your phone away and enjoy yet another Rolling Rock, KNOWING that it rated a 4."

1:40 PM Mr. Gray

LOL

1:41 PM Mr. Blue

Rarely do I see a restaurant with a bunch of choices I’ve never had, or never heard of before.

Usually it's a bunch of macro breweries and maybe 1-2 no-namers.

1:42 PM Mr. Silver

And now you can have a App to tell you that you shouldn't drink any of them, Mr. Blue.

1:42 PM Mr. Blue

"Before I choose between Coors or Miller, let me see what this app suggests..."

1:43 PM Mr. Silver

(Showing off new Sipsnapp App) "...and you can narrow it down even more with checkable categories.  It's really cool."

"All you have checked are 'Not terrible', 'Cheap', and 'Not Faggy'."

"...Yeah...(sigh)..."

1:46 PM Mr. Brown

It would work at a distributor.

1:47 PM Mr. Silver

Maybe.

Now if the app had a way to tap it and order a six-pack be sent to your house, or list anyone in 30 miles that stock what you want…that would be useful.

Mr. Gray

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2617701/Revealed-How-British-officials-feared-secret-sunk-Lusitania-spark-diplomatic-crisis-US.html

9:20 AM Mr. Silver

“How dare you?  How dare you accuse us, correctly, of wrong-doing and take appropriate if harsh action?”

9:20 AM Mr. Blue

Heh!

Good strategy by the Germans.  Torpedo any ship once... if there are munitions on board, they'll ignite and sink it.

9:21 AM Mr. Gray

LOL

9:21 AM Mr. Silver

A U-Boat crew didn't have much option, really.  Several hundred determined civilians wouldn't have much trouble taking out a WWI sub crew (30-40) if they decided to board and search...and that's if they were ballsy enough to risk confronting the armed men that would be aboard a disguised munitions ship.

9:21 AM Mr. Gray

Hey, they were in the right if that’s true. The Brits used the incident to pull the US into the war. Shady limey bastards!

9:22 AM Mr. Silver

Hey, why not?

"We could either fess up, or unleash Hell on the Hun...I'm sayin' Hell."

9:23 AM Mr. Gray

Germans: "There were weapons of mass destruction on that ship! We had to attack it."
Allies: "That’s a Lie! *mumbles* We should remember that excuse later.”

9:25 AM Mr. Silver

"We're telling you...that shipment of cheese was lethal!"

9:25 AM Mr. Blue

Heh

9:25 AM Mr. Silver

"The cheddar was...sharp!  Yeah!  What choice did we have?"

9:37 AM Mr. Blue

The Germans should have blamed an iceberg.

9:38 AM Mr. Silver

An "eisberg" torpedo...

Captain "We saw an eisberg hit and there was nothing we could do."

9:40 AM Mr. Gray

Yeah, I read that and thought "So...the Germans were right and you covered it up for 70 years. Nice move"

10:51 AM Mr. Gray

So I found out they didn’t completely toss the Extended Universe for “Star Wars IV”.

Several aspects from the novels are in the new "Rebels" series.

10:59 AM Mr. Yellow

Nice.

10:59 AM Mr. Gray

I was saying yesterday I expect Solo to die in this one.

Harrison Ford wanted him killed off in Empire and Lucas talked him out of it...so I could see him going "Ok JJ, I'll do it...BUT..."

Plus Peter Mayhew can barely walk these days....so we may lose Chewy too. It would be a HUGE dramatic slam to enforce fan hate against the villain, and a good way to pass the Falcon on to his kid (who I'm assuming is the lead female who was sitting between Ford and Fisher in the round table pic they released).

I could be totally wrong...but they said they want it to be dark and gritty...so who knows.

11:06 AM Mr. Yellow

I predict the best-selling movie ever, with the largest opening weekend.

11:07 AM Mr. Gray

You could be right. With the cast and Abrams...it could beat Avengers.

11:11 AM Mr. Yellow

I will take a vacation and try to get midnight showing tickets.

11:17 AM Mr. Gray

I know one thing....I expect it to be far better than the last trilogy.

The second and Third movies were "Ok", but honestly I think the Clone Wars cartoon was better.

11:30 AM Mr. Yellow

Yes.

11:33 AM Mr. Gray

The writing was certainly better, that’s for sure.

11:33 AM Mr. Yellow

I am sure JJ will do the franchise proud.

Better then Lucas

11:35 AM Mr. Gray

Yeah I think so too. Even when he did Trek, he slipped R2 in...I think he would have rather done Star Wars from day 1. Lucas was a turd. LOL

Once he got it into his head that his view was right and the people who had previously been there to say "Umm..George, how about this instead" were gone...PU, Stinkeroonie!

11:48 AM Mr. Gray

George Lucas is ok for starter ideas, but he needs people to rein him in...and that wasn’t happening in the last 3 movies.

11:59 AM Mr. Silver

Nope, not at all.

That's the other thing though...having heard some of the original goofball plans, how much of “Star Wars” did he actually write?

"Han should be a lizard!" *

"Uh...George?  Hey!  Han could shoot a lizardy guy!"

"Yeah!  The lizard guy could shoot first, and Han could blast him!"

"No, Han is a hard bitten rogue; he would shoot first.  George, work with us please...we're good at this."

"I see Luke Starkiller as a midget!" *

(room scoffs)

"What?"

"Star Killer?  Why not Planet Blower Upper?"

"I like that"

"Luke Planetblowerupper?!?"

"No...like, we blow up one."

"Oh... OH! Cool! Yeah!"

(*These are all true - Han was originally a lizard, Luke a midget, and Luke's surname was Starkiller...blech! – Mr. Silver)

12:06 PM Mr. Gray

Yeah...I bought the first few comics of his "original story" and frankly it was kind of crappy.

Mr. Gray

http://www.popsci.com/article/science/10-gifs-deep-sea-creatures-encountering-sub

I could have sworn the dumbo octopus had longer tentacles.

2:43 PM Mr. Blue

If I saw that by myself with nobody to assure me it was a known species, I’d be pretty weirded out.  Same with the blanket octopus.

2:47 PM Mr. Silver

(Looks)

2:54 PM Mr. Silver

I finally got to see them all. The fish on page 3 looks like it's realized it's seeing God.

http://www.popsci.com/sites/popsci.com/files/smallgif-hellofish.gif

3:08 PM Mr. Silver

"What happened to you, Charlie?  You’re shaking all over."

"I was...out…past the big black rock..."

"It's all black this deep...what are you talking about?  Make SENSE, fish!"

"There was this light..."

"Bioluminescence, whatever..."

"NO!  It was bright!  REALLY bright!  That's what I went to see, that's how I know the rock is black.  This sand under us...(whispers)...it's yellow."   

"Oh shut up with that crap, Charlie!"

"I'm telling you...I looked into the biggest light from the biggest fish I've ever seen and all was revealed!  I...I think it was GOD!"

(Conclude whatever parallels in religious history you like at this point.)

3:17 PM Mr. Silver

Years later, Charlie’s faithful recognize each other by using a crudely drawn 2 curve representation of a fish with headlights and a prop on the tail.

3:27 PM Mr. Gray

LOL

3:27 PM Mr. Silver

I think I'll make that one for my car.

3:28 PM Mr. Gray

That’s right up there with the Flying Spaghetti Monster.

3:30 PM Mr. Silver

We just need some info on the sub and we've got a religion on our hands.

Day 299 - Badvertizing, A Miracle For St. John Paul II, The Hero That Gotham & Every Other City Needs, The Moulin Rouge Maulers Are Oui & Oh So Far This Season, and It's My Way Or We Watch Roadhouse

Mr. Silver

So I saw a thing in a commercial that bugged me.  An effect of discernment vs. artists and advertisers...

It showed a man planting a tree.

He was in a brown outfit, all coordinated, like a service uniform: Shorts, short sleeves, hat. No gloves

Clean.

He puts the perfect pot-shaped tree ball in a perfect hole in a perfect manicured lawn with no sod removed around it. 

There are old growth trees in the immediate vicinity.

And then he reaches his hand down and brushes it towards the hole...as if manually pushing dirt in around the ball...yet there is no dirt there whatsoever on the perfect lawn.

(flash of realizations) "WHAT the F was THAT?!?"

There wasn't a single thing right in the entire scene.

8:58 AM Mr. Blue

What was it for?

8:58 AM Mr. Silver

I don't even remember.

I was so taken aback by the combination of everything wrong.

9:00 AM Mr. Blue

*fades to black*  "Coors Light (drink responsibly)"

9:00 AM Mr. Silver

A pro landscaper in shorts?  Short sleeves?  No gloves?  No dirt?  Planting a tree under big trees that would just kill it?  Brushing at a dirt pile for said tree, in a hole that is too small, in a putting green lawn, with bare hands instead of a trowel, for the too little dirt that ISN'T ACTUALLY THERE!

"Coors Light...go home, we're drunk..."

9:01 AM Mr. Blue

I’ve noticed a lot of commercials are intended to be comical but the punch line is just someone (usually a female) saying "DUDE?" or "SERIOUSLY?" or "YEAH, THAT JUST HAPPENED."

Like... they paid writers to write that?  They got actual currency?

For a while it was someone saying "awwwkwward", but that seems to have died off.

9:06 AM Mr. Blue

I guess commercials aren't meant to be artistic or even long-lasting.

They're supposed to appeal to the lowest common denominator.

The writers and marketing team don’t care if a commercial is rehashed and laughed at 10 years from now.

9:09 AM Mr. Silver

Probably a mixed blessing if it does last, too.

"Woo!  Viral hit!  Millions of clicks!  Best campaign ever!"

(10 years later) "I can't believe we're still stuck with this same God-damned slogan because one 30 second spot went viral 10 F-ing years ago."

9:14 AM Mr. Silver

(Excited ad firm presenter) "Our top people have really been working hard on a new direction in music, imagery, and logos for your product.  We’re sure you’re going to love what we’ve come up with, and would like to start by showing you th-."  

"Too risky...how about we do something more with the talking cat thing?"

"... ...Sure..."

9:15 AM Mr. Blue

I imagine the writers pitch a really funny, unique idea to the CEO/Pres/VP in a staff meeting. 

Big-wigs are all like "Uhh... don't get it." 

Writers: *sigh* "What if the girl just looked at the camera and said 'dude, seriously'?" 

"Hahahaha!  I love it!  You've got the account."

9:18 AM Mr. Silver

(CEO) "Too... ...complicated.  How about 'that's what SHE said'?"  (execs all laugh...marketing team all looks sad)

9:18 AM Mr. Blue

LOL, yeah.

Big-wig "I like your idea of having an all-American family, but what if we put a spin on it and make the dad a bumbling doofus that would almost seem incapable of functioning on his own?"

9:21 AM Mr. Brown

“Bla bla bla bla bla, you were gonna buy this phone anyways, bla bla bla bla bla.”

9:22 AM Mr. Blue

These days, McDonalds is like "Let’s spend $10,000,000 to make this commercial look like it was done by poor art school students on LSD."

I’m talking about the Filet-o-Fish ones.

9:26 AM Mr. Silver

"The young mixed-race couple just doesn't look excited enough in the ‘playfully-eating-a-single-fry’ scene.  Give them some more speed."

"But they've already had enough they don't want to eat the fries."

"Ah."

Mr. Silver

Another miracle for John Paul II

http://www.rawstory.com/rs/2014/04/24/giant-john-paul-ii-crucifix-falls-and-instantly-crushes-young-man-to-death-in-italy/

11:20 AM Mr. Blue

Hahaha

11:21 AM Mr. Brown

“And so that’s what happens when you use the Lord’s name in vain.”

11:21 AM Mr. Blue

If that's not an omen against his canonization, I don't know what is.

11:30 AM Mr. Silver

Maybe the kid was an a-hole

Maybe he challenged the sainthood.  "Eh!  Papa!  Iffa you issa really a saint, how ‘bout you show me-a a miracle, eh?"

(WHAM!)

(In heaven, Pope JPII) "Sorry...I couldn't show you a miracle on earth.  Ready?  (fans cards) Pick one and don't show me what it is...ok, put it back in..."

Mr. Brown

I’m hoping when Superman meets Batman that Batman is beat to Hell.

That way it’s realistic.

11:55 AM Mr. Silver

The ol’ one-punch vaporized-head trick?

11:56 AM Mr. Brown

No no.

I mean Batman has been at his job for so long he is beat to Hell and back.

Kind of like how the recent Batman movies went: he kicks ass, but is all kinds of beaten up.

The mortal human factor.

11:58 AM Mr. Silver

Superman "So (peers briefly but intently) Ah! You’re really Bruce Wayne, eh?  Hmm...good cover.  Gotham...pretty messy place.  You do questionable work here."

Batman "I've been protecting this city for 30 years...Kent."

Supes "Yeah...  Hey, is that your famous computer?"

Bats "That terminal is just open cases."

Supes "Ah.  (Looks...scans 3 seconds)  Be right back."

(zips out...10 count...zips back)  "OK, you can retire.”  (taps delete on case load).

Bats "What?  What did you..."

Supes “Oh...I ID'd all the criminals involved, located them, disarmed everything, dismantled all their stuff, disabled all the vehicles and communications... Stopped for a taco...  Then I wrote all the evidence and details up for Commissioner Gordon.  And on the way back here I took a second or two to correct all the security issues at the prison and Arkham Asylum since, frankly, the big bad guys used to just walk out of the place at will." 

Bats "Ah!  So you didn't catch any of them!  I'm still relevant!"

Supes “Well, they're tied up if that's what you mean.  I just told the police where to pick them up is all.  I drew a map."

Bats “I see...  So... Where'd you get the taco?  I'm...kinda needing to emotionally eat right now..."

Supes “A little street stand in Tijuana.”

12:07 PM Mr. Brown

LOL

12:10 PM Mr. Blue

Yeah, Superman doesn't need Batman.

12:11 PM Mr. Silver

Not really, no.

12:11 PM Mr. Blue

And why is Superman not in the normal Batman canon?

Why use the Bat Signal when you can call Superman?

12:19 PM Mr. Silver

The Superman Signal is a squeaky dog toy he picked up on the way to meet the commissioner.

Superman "OK, everyone authorized to use my signal give it a squeeze...k...got everyone's variant.  Later (zooom)!"

12:26 PM Mr. Brown

Was there any story line where Batman used a drug to enhance himself?

12:26 PM Mr. Silver

"Quick...Robin!  The Bat Viagra!  Also, go to your room...Catwoman and I have grownup things to discuss."

12:27 PM Mr. Blue

Heheh

Mr. Brown

I got a football injury this weekend.

And no, I did not play football.

It was a Kinect game.

7:55 AM Mr. Silver

Heh

7:55 AM Mr. Brown

It’s a field goal game and I went for a big kick.

Mr. Silver

Set it on the "Can Can" level, eh?

7:55 AM Mr. Brown

Dragged the big toe under my foot straight in to the ground.

I thought I ripped all the tendons in the toe.

7:57 AM Mr. Silver

"It was the big skirt that came with the game.  I was kicking just fine, making about 85%, and then my leg tangled in the petticoat."

Mr. Silver

(Music, dancers on screen in front of field goal post, feathered helmets, Jerseys for the Moulin Rouge Manglers, voluminous skirts) 

"Boys,

“Can you kick the foot-balls

“Past the blocking girl wall? 

“You will find us absolutely so dis-trac-ting! 

“So,

“Kick as fast as you can

“If you think you can can. 

“Come on now and score the ex-tra point!  Woo!"

(that was surprisingly hard to get going)

Mr. Silver

Doctor on "Dirty Jobs" - "Fortunately all of the effects are temporary...except the death thing."

Mr Pear

We just need to remember that.

1:25 PM Mr. Silver

Yes

1:28 PM Mr. Silver

That should be much easier to slip into a conversation than the "Roadhouse" line.

Ever tell you that one?

Mr. Silver

I've watched the movie once and found it pretty ridiculous.

But Swayze delivered a line that really stuck.

1:30 PM Mr. Pear

The suspense…

1:31 PM Mr. Silver

The unbelievable hotty doctor is patching him up and says "You'll need stitches.  Do you want a local?"

And he replies "Pain don't hurt."

Mr. Pear

Hahaha

Oh man.

My first thought was "But I do other things real good".

1:35 PM Mr. Silver

Afterward, I schemed with Mr. Pig Iron: "We must remember this stupid line and apply it somehow.  A conscious effort...practice.  It must be handy and ready."

And so, we agreed on one.

And one Fall day, we - the people who watched it - are going to go out for the evening.  And Mrs. Pig-Iron says.

"It's going to get cold out, you want a jacket?"

and we remembered, and both said, in Swayze's tone:

"Cold don't cool..."

1:42 PM Mr. Silver

I've not gotten to use it again.  Though I still will deliver "It's my way, or we watch 'Roadhouse'." When something needs done and no one wants to do it. 

I've just realized I've never blogged that story.

2:01 PM Mr. Blue

Ever hear the story of Bill Murray and Kelly Lynch?

I guess Lynch's husband is a movie producer, and he's produced some of Murray's movies, so they're friends.

Every time Roadhouse is on TV (and that's pretty often), Murray calls up Lynch's husband at home and describes the sex scenes with his wife in enthusiastic detail.

"Oh! Swayze's got her up on the wall! She's up on the wall! She's biting Swayze's neck!  I just saw breasts! I saw 'em!"

2:04 PM Mr. Silver

I love that, yeah!

I think Bill and Brian both do it

2:23 PM Mr. Blue

Lynch's implants were way off in that movie; like 2 grapefruit halves hanging on a wall.

2:35 PM Mr. Silver

I can't recall...really don't wanna watch Roadhouse just to verify grapefruit halves though.