Day 215 - A Much Better Gag Than Tony Clifton, Bullshit Can't Ring At All Much Less True, "His Position's Correct Except - No Bachelorhood", The Most Delicious Disaster Of Our Time, and I'm Sure It Made A Significant Statement For Someone

Mr. Gray

LMAO oh thats great...just saw on FB a post saying
"Rush Limbaugh revealed to be 30-year-long prank by Andy Kaufman!!"

10:21 AM Mr. Green

See... now that would make sense.

10:23 AM Mr. Silver

I'd get into that.

10:23 AM Mr. Gray

I'd love to see it.

It would be great to see the look on so many Republican faces

10:25 AM Mr. Silver

Rush comes out to a press conference...bombasts a bit...starts getting shifty-eyed and fidgety...leans into the mikes.   "Thenk yoo very mutch..."

Mr. Silver

http://www.wnd.com/2012/10/obamas-ring-there-is-no-god-but-allah/

No matter how you slice it, it's still bologna.

The squiggle analysis is extremely generous in its interpretations and doesn't explain any of the elements that are being ignored in it.

2:18 PM Mr. Blue

Well, the pic looks 'shopped.

2:24 PM Mr. Silver

Even if it's not, the whole second claimed line isn't there.

So I guess what it says is "There is no God", assuming that line is any more valid than the second, which it isn’t.

2:26 PM Mr. Blue

It looks more Celtic than Arabic.

That is, when you don't draw over top of it with Arabic lettering.

Barack O'Bama

2:32 PM Mr. Brown

Well anyways, what the hell does religion have to do with being president?

LOL

2:34 PM Mr. Blue

I think the issue claimed is that he's lying, if you believe his ring is somehow proof that he's Muslim.

I hope he is lying.  I hope he's agnostic.

2:34 PM Mr. Silver

I just adore the lengths the nutcases are going to.  Anyone can see that even the characters they propose are being depicted...which aren't there...don't match the Arabic characters they say they are and show on the site for comparison.

2:36 PM Mr. Silver

In fact their very best photo (side view) shows that both figures are the same simple serpentine squiggle all the way across.

2:36 PM Mr. Brown

Yep.  It’s just a design on a ring.

Mr. Gray

Oh dear God...I'm supposed to go to dinner at J's parents’ Saturday

Ugh

1:32 PM Mr. Green

Something wrong with her parents?

1:32 PM Mr. Yellow

Dinner at the parents’?

1:32 PM Mr. Silver

(watches the knots tighten...slowly...sloooowly... "Soon...")

1:34 PM Mr. Gray

Yeah.

She’s trying to pull me in!

1:35 PM Mr. Green

LOL

1:36 PM Mr. Gray

I told her "Ok fine...I'll go because I know it means a lot to you...but I can’t promise I won’t say something bad. You know me and I'm not socially acceptable."  Heh

1:46 PM Mr. Yellow

I think she HAS pulled you in. She is well past the try phase.

1:47 PM Mr. Silver

"Chewie!  Give him full power!"

1:53 PM Mr. Yellow

Gwwwaaaa!

1:56 PM Mr. Silver

"Why is he still moving towards her!?!"

1:59 PM Mr. Yellow

Waarrraaaghhh!

2:00 PM Mr. Silver

"That's no girlfriend...that a significant other." 

“She's too casual to be a significant other!”

2:01 PM Mr. Green

LMAO!

2:01 PM Mr. Silver

"They're not getting him without a fight!"

"He can't win...but there are alternatives to fighting it."

2:04 PM Mr. Gray

LMAO

Maybe I can find a smuggling compartment to hide in.

2:04 PM Mr. Silver

"Snuggling" compartment, perhaps...

2:04 PM Mr. Gray

Nooooooooo!!

2:05 PM Mr. Yellow

Arrrrwhaaa!

2:05 PM Mr. Gray

ME: Do they have any pets....you know how my allergies are."
Her: "Nope...Pet free."
ME: "Damn...I mean, Oh ok."

2:09 PM Mr. Yellow

Raaaaaaaahhhhhhhhrrrrrrrggggggg!

2:12 PM Mr. Green

"The odds of successfully navigating a parental dinner without a faux pas is approximately 3720 to 1!!!"

2:12 PM Mr. Gray

LMAO

Never tell me the odds!!

"We're doomed!"

2:16 PM Mr. Yellow

Ahhhhhhhrrrrrr!  Arrrhaaa rrrrhhaaa rrrraaaa!

2:21 PM Mr. Gray

"Dinner?  Sorry...I don’t eat food."

2:33 PM Mr. Silver

I like that last one...go with that.

Mr. Gray

CHILI, N.Y. (AP) — Officials say a truck carrying nearly 40,000 pounds of frozen chicken went up in flames on its way to a supermarket in the New York town of Chili.

"Luckily they collided with a truck carrying BBQ sauce"

1:08 PM Mr. Silver

"Both vehicles overturned into a crop of ripe celery after colliding with a delivery tank of blue cheese dressing which had rolled into the street."

1:10 PM Mr. Gray

"Firefighters were busy into the late evening, and were requesting additional support and anti-acids"

"A spokesman said it was the most delicious accident all year"

1:22 PM Mr. Brown

"When the firefighters started spraying down the fire they realized hot sauce was coming from the hoses, having forgotten that the week before they’d attended a hot sauce festival and had made and left a batch in their truck tank."

1:24 PM Mr. Gray

“Three beer trucks were called to the scene.”

1:26 PM Mr. Silver

"The accident has been officially dubbed “Best Disaster of the Century”."

"A rather dubious honor, that was newly coined by the city council."

1:27 PM Mr. Brown

"After the blaze was out and all the fighters were sitting around, a wet nap truck flipped over near the scene."

1:44 PM Mr. Silver

"In a purely Good-Samaritan side note, the buses carrying the contestants of the 2012 Exotic Dancing Championships stopped to lend a hand in supporting the exhausted emergency teams by bringing drinks, giving relaxing massages and performing other acts of encouragement." 

1:44 PM Mr. Gray

LMAO

"The entire area was cordoned off for safety with tables draped with red and white checkered cloth and tiki torches taken from the nearby furniture outlet, as police tape was unavailable at the time"

1:46 PM Mr. Brown

The place is now known as BBQCT&F

2:05 PM Mr. Silver

...

I can't blog that until it makes sense, Mr. Brown.

BBQCT&F?

2:06 PM Mr. Brown

LOL

BBQ chicken, tits, and fire

2:07 PM Mr. Silver

Wow!

It’s so obvious I can't understand how I didn't sort that out.

2:07 PM Mr. Brown

lol

2:08 PM Mr. Silver

“CT&F's” would be a heck of a restaurant chain.

2:09 PM Mr. Brown

Yeah!

2:09 PM Mr. Silver

Not sure the ladies would get into it.

2:09 PM Mr. Brown

Kind of like Hooters, with fire.

2:10 PM Mr. Silver

So the F part...are you thinking just a big firepit in the dining room, or would stuff to set on fire be part of the menu?

2:11 PM Mr. Brown

You can burn stuff.

LOL

2:15 PM Mr. Silver

(Big chested CT&F's ‘Birthday Babe’ approaches table)

"Attention everyone!  It's Harry’s birthday today!" (crowd cheers)

(Lifts T-shirt, sticks out chest) "Draw a prize from the Double-Ds, Birthday Boy!"

(Harry takes card, she takes and opens it)  

"Wooo!  He gets to play with the flamethrower!"  (Crowd goes crazy)

2:32 PM Mr. Silver

"Some Sort of Activist Sends Some Sort of Symbolic Message to Someone"

http://www.rawstory.com/rs/2012/11/09/dead-pig-wearing-romney-shirt-left-outside-california-gop-office/

2:34 PM Mr. Gray

LOL

Day 214 - And Now, A Whole Post Devoted To Us Messing With History To Serve As A Guide To Any Time Travelers Out There

Mr. Gray

Now the question is: Should we ever find ourselves displaced in time and space and ABLE to suggest changes...what would they be?

11:23 AM Mr. Silver

That's a good one.

11:24 AM Mr. Green

Yes indeed.

11:25 AM Mr. Silver

"Dear King George. Appoint a proper viceroy and establish a colonial parliament.”

11:25 AM Mr. Gray

LMAO

You know, if he had…

11:26 AM Mr. Silver

Oh, I know that was a crux in history for sure.

Despite all the flag waving now, the US Revolution was not a popular war here at the time.

Want another?

"Dear France...Let the Kaiser win WWI"

11:27 AM Mr. Gray

I'm still pondering changes to the Constitution while you are at it.

11:27 AM Mr. Green

“Steve Jobs must be killed by 2000.  He is the anti-Christ and will destroy life as we know it!”

11:27 AM Mr. Gray

LMAO

The Kaiser winning WWI would have made an interesting change.

11:28 AM Mr. Silver

Unified Europe, no WWII, shared language, no baby boom.

11:28 AM Mr. Gray

No WW2...and possibly no atom bomb

11:29 AM Mr. Silver

Probably no atom bomb and no WWII = no cold war arms race

11:30 AM Mr. Gray

Also true.

11:30 AM Mr. Silver

With no extended WWI, quite possibly no successful Russian revolution or Chinese revolution.  Extrapolate as you will.

11:30 AM Mr. Gray

Yeah, that is a good long-running correction.

11:30 AM Mr. Silver

World powers would be USA, Europa, Russia

11:31 AM Mr. Gray

United Britain if we’d had the proper viceroy.

11:31 AM Mr. Silver

An excellent point, though the Allies would then have won WWI a few years earlier if it even happened at all with the British Empire so massive.

11:32 AM Mr. Gray

USA...British Empire...Europe...and Russia

11:33 AM Mr. Gray

Hey, do you want to talk about a progressive Middle East?

"Dear Pope.....the Crusades are a BAD idea.  It won’t work the first time...and won’t work any other time either.  Save yourself and millions of people centuries of hate, pain and death and just don’t do it!"

11:35 AM Mr. Green

We could end slavery with the initial draft of the Constitution

11:36 AM Mr. Gray

Slavery wasn’t so much the issue though...it was more the states rights to govern themselves vs. the "union" that later became federal control.

It was just one example of the union trying to tell states what they could and couldn’t do.

But again…I think Mr. Silver is right: if King George had sent a proper viceroy and made a US Parliament, we'd be about where Canada is.  Better...North America would possibly be just one country.

11:38 AM Mr. Green

True.

11:38 AM Mr. Gray

And blacks had rights under British rule fairly quickly, so a lot of that mess wouldn’t exist either.

Man...it makes me want to go back and slap George Washington. LOL

Let’s see...back to the original topic though: Changes to the Constitution. Hmmm.

12:13 PM Mr. Gray

Lunch

12:14 PM Mr. Silver

The Lunch Amendment!

Here's one

Amendment #2 - Villages, Towns, Cities and the governing bodies of States may recruit and administer their own security forces, up to and including armed military units.

(Which is what the 2nd amendment says.)

Amendment #2.5 – Upstanding private citizens may own guns.

12:27 PM Mr. Silver

My bet is they never even considered people not owning guns, and would be flabbergasted.

"A preposterous assertion, sir!  One might just as legitimately declare a citizen must surrender his dining knife!"

12:31 PM Mr. Silver

"Or give a landless man the vote." 

(General laughter)

(Time traveler) "Yyyyyeah...on that last quip, I can save the new union a lot of trouble..."

2:36 PM Mr. Gray

So let’s see...other major points in time where a change could have made things better...

Roman Empire not falling, Mr. Silver and I already mentioned.

The Crusades not happening.

2:37 PM Mr. Blue

Messing with those sorts of things might have prevented all of us from being born.

2:37 PM Mr. Gray

Maybe.  Then again, we might come back and be rich too.

2:38 PM Mr. Blue

I think times were crappy for reasons, and where we are now shouldn't be messed with, because while it might be better, it could also become worse.

Say you go back in time and assassinate Hitler...and come back to the present and suddenly the world is in anarchy or something because of it.

2:40 PM Mr. Gray

That’s always a possibility, but I think if you look at why things occurred, and used that knowledge to make a best choice, it could only be an improvement.

For instance....what if the real cause of the Black Death had been known and prevented?

2:41 PM Mr. Silver

We've mostly been noting what would make a positive difference in the larger scale with no thought for our own fates, Mr. Blue. The potential of self-sacrifice is assumed.

2:43 PM Mr. Blue

If it had been known and prevented, the population today might be like, twice what it currently is.

2:48 PM Mr. Blue

I like the idea of going back in time but not coming back.  Go back to the 1200's in Russia and teach them how to defeat the Mongol hordes.

2:48 PM Mr. Silver

If you assume a non-divergent time stream, you couldn't change anything and could destroy yourself. However I'm a multiverse man. I'd go in an eyeblink.

2:49 PM Mr. Gray

I could go for that option.

Go back and stay with the knowledge you have.

2:49 PM Mr. Blue

Yeah.

2:49 PM Mr. Brown

That would be fun.

“What is that, sir?”

“A corn dog.”

“What is a corn dog?”

2:50 PM Mr. Blue

Of course if you could, you'd need to find a way to communicate with people before they killed you for being some sort of devil.

2:50 PM Mr. Gray

LOL That would be the trick.

2:50 PM Mr. Blue

Maybe go back with a handgun…that kind of magic will make anyone listen to you.

2:52 PM Mr. Blue

Maybe I’d go back to the Americas in the 1300's and tell the people to start banding together because they're about to be invaded from the sea.

That’d be a fun one...

2:53 PM Mr. Gray

LOL Nice idea Mr. Blue.

2:53 PM Mr. Gray

"When the white man comes, kick him in the ass and hold onto your stuff!!”

2:54 PM Mr. Silver

"Pink skinned men are poisonous to touch.  Kill them and let them and their junk lay undisturbed.”

2:54 PM Mr. Blue

Yeah… Teach tribes to work together and build some kind of wall of settlements on the east coast.

2:56 PM Mr. Brown

I would like to go to China a long time ago; they were smart.

Only problem is, going back in time, you would be the bringer of modern diseases.

2:58 PM Mr. Silver

Not if you didn’t come back infected with anything you wouldn’t. (rolls eyes)

"Hey Hiawatha...corn?  Great...all the stuff is great.  But look.  I'm the Great Pink Trickster, and I'm going to show you two things - How to make a powder that explodes, and how to take that dirty red rock that crumbles when you dig it up and turn it into the hardest sh-t you've ever seen and how to make tools from it."

2:59 PM Mr. Gray

LOL

Both would be interesting changes.

White man shows up and POW!

3:02 PM Mr. Silver

"You're to keep us in reservations when we get here..."

3:03 PM Mr. Blue

Would my general knowledge of disease and hygiene be enough to keep me alive in the past?

3:03 PM Mr. Silver

Probably.

3:03 PM Mr. Blue

I think so too.

3:03 PM Mr. Silver

"My people call it 'bathing'."

3:03 PM Mr. Blue

Yeah.

3:03 PM Mr. Gray

LMAO

3:03 PM Mr. Silver

"You'll cotch yer death gettin wet all o'er!"

"I’ll bet you all the wealth in town when you're all dead that I won't."

3:09 PM Mr. Blue

"You see those festering, maggoty dead bodies? Don't touch them with your bare hands."

3:10 PM Mr. Silver

"Flea collars for everyone!"

3:13 PM Mr. Blue

I’d probably try to make conservation a priority so that we'd have more undisturbed lands nowadays.

"If you cut down an old tree, Jesus will eat your face off in your sleep."

Maybe slip that into the Bible in ancient days.

3:15 PM Mr. Gray

LMAO

3:15 PM Mr. Blue

"The heck is this Book of Blue?" 

"I dunno, I just copy, I can't read."

3:15 PM Mr. Silver

"And the Lord came unto the people and spake, saying If you would be welcomed into heaven, you will recycle, re-purpose and reuse."

"And he showed the people simple composting as depicted in diagrams 1 through 6 as God commanded, and bade them consult the project supplies list in appendix B."

3:20 PM Mr. Blue

"No more than three children per family, for the land's resources are finite. I am the LORD."

3:21 PM Mr. Blue

"And every third acre of all land will be set aside for public use. I am the LORD"

3:24 PM Mr. Silver

"And Jesus said, take of my soap and wash with it.  This is my soul.  Wash with it in memory of me.”

3:25 PM Mr. Brown

If thou would piss in the drinking water thou shalt be flogged.

3:27 PM Mr. Blue

“If you cause an extinction you'll go to Hell. Noah went through a lot of trouble with that boat and those animals.. don't erase his work."

3:28 PM Mr. Blue

"Oh, and by the way, the earth is like millions of years old.. the end."

3:29 PM Mr. Silver

So, additions like: “And after the 5^th day of his labors, God watched His creation flourish for millions of years but again felt it needed something.” stuck in between “days”

3:30 PM Mr. Silver

"And He cast them from the Garden and said 'You don't own any of the land, water, beasts, fishes and trees anymore, so if you abuse them, you're gonna get it."