Day 220 - "He's Right Over There Behind The Statue Of Jesus!", Are Conservative Republican Beliefs Now Screwed Up Enough To Consider A Religion?, Odd God Out, Epic Level Catholic, "A Baldwin Carol", "I'm Santa Claus, Bitch!", Tough Old Fruits, and "In A Hole Down On The Streets There Worked A Hobbit"

Mr. Silver

http://www.rawstory.com/rs/2012/12/18/qatar-based-company-to-make-1-billion-7-film-prophet-mohammed-biopic/

7 films with the main character never shown.

(Pictures Lord Of the Rings with Gandalf erased, but talking.)

8:55 AM Mr. Blue

Nice

8:57 AM Mr. Silver

(Excited director) "And then we have something really exciting planned for the scene where the prophet ascends to heaven on his horse!"

(Bored interviewer) "Gonna show any of that?"

"Wellll...no, actually.  But we'll have crowd reactions and the stars talking about it."

"Another Oscar-worthy scene, I'm sure."

8:59 AM Mr. Brown

“I could almost see it myself!  I saw it in their faces!  It was amazing!”

LOL

9:00 AM Mr. Silver

"We're going to have a guy with a long boom with a light on the end, and the crowd's eyes will follow it."

9:00 AM Mr. Blue

He’ll be like Wilson from Home Improvement.

Behind a fence, a camel, a pot of water, etc.

9:03 AM Mr. Blue

Islam leads to a pretty dull culture.

Well… Strict adherence to conservative Islam does: they tear down anything that's historically significant, they all dress the same, etc.

9:12 AM Mr. Silver

So it'll be all done in blocking sight gags, like they used in the Austin Powers movies.

Any time Mohammed walks in, something will be in the way.

"Look!  Behind the pillar!  The prophet comes!"

9:13 AM Mr. Blue

Heheh

That’s what I mean, let's do that.

9:14 AM Mr. Silver

"He's waving to me!  See his hand behind that wiggling branch?"

Mr. Gray

http://www.rawstory.com/rs/2012/12/17/huckabee-doubles-down-blaming-contraception-now-for-sandy-hook-massacre/

Mr. Silver

"Guns don't kill people.  People don't kill people.  God has people with guns kill people then makes everyone play 20 Questions but won’t answer any of the guesses."

11:58 AM Mr. Brown

IF there is a God up there, He definitely did not kill them.

11:59 AM Mr. Gray

Oh, and now ole' Newt is chiming in too! LOL
http://www.rawstory.com/rs/2012/12/19/gingrich-blames-anti-religious-secular-bureaucracy-and-video-games-for-school-shootings/

12:00 PM Mr. Brown

Ok, so I do believe in God and nobody in here can change that, but I’m not going to go believing that GOD killed the children because people are having sex.

lol

Besides God uses floods

Fire

Plagues

12:02 PM Mr. Silver

And in this case, paladins, apparently.

12:04 PM Mr. Gray

LMAO

12:07 PM Mr. Blue

Just when you think the Republican Party is trying to actually turn the corner, they go and blame a school shooting on video games and contraception.

They never learn.

12:08 PM Mr. Brown

To be honest on the God thing, if He got fed up enough with what’s down here He would just hit restart.

12:10 PM Mr. Gray

http://www.rawstory.com/rs/2012/12/17/tennessee-pastor-mass-shootings-because-schools-teach-evolution-and-how-to-be-a-homo/

12:10 PM Mr. Blue

Yeeeeupp.

I wonder what party he endorses.

Bobby Jindal said after the election that Republicans need to stop saying "dumb stuff"

It lasted about 6 weeks.

12:12 PM Mr. Silver

6 weeks!?!

They were gaffing immediately.  It was almost like the campaign was still going.

12:31 PM Mr. Silver

Anyway...this is all why I lean towards God not taking a direct hand in anything.  Deist, if you will.  Sys Admin...Lord High Programmer...

Because He's either no good at this...or just doesn't interfere.

12:33 PM Mr. Gray

I think of it more as "I’ll gave you a nice place...common sense...let’s see how you do with that."

Probably a lot of wincing and grumbling going on as he watches

12:34 PM Mr. Silver

Or laughing.

12:34 PM Mr. Gray

That too.

Kind of like when you play the Sims

"Did she really push him into the oven?!  Wow...."

12:35 PM Mr. Silver

"Religious scholars have revealed that The Keystone Kops film concept was gleaned from an ancient text purporting to be the giggle-filled daily observations of God himself, watching His creation."

12:35 PM Mr. Brown

God said follow these rules and I'll be good to you when you die, otherwise I might just say “Sorry, you were bad.”

I even believe He created somebody to tell us again what we are supposed to do, and we still didn't listen.

LOL

12:37 PM Mr. Silver

Let's grant that...

"Here, latest avatar...here's the latest version of hope for the humans.  Go down and deliver it."

But it's always botched

Always.

12:38 PM Mr. Brown

It gets to a few here and there, just not the whole world.

12:39 PM Mr. Silver

It lasts until the guy dies, passes to heaven, vanishes or the bush burns out.

And then people start messing with it.  Finito

"One True Path"

Bam...6 versions of it in a couple years.

Potentially 100 in a few decades.

Conflicting opinions...conflicting interpretations...con artists...egomaniacs…concepts that have long outlived their time...

12:41 PM Mr. Silver

The basics?  Sure...they all have approximately the same basics.  Perhaps we could stick to them and throw the rest of the trash out.

2:40 PM Mr. Brown

“Today in the news the Flying Spaghetti Monster has shown his true colors: Alfredo”

2:42 PM Mr. Silver

Mmmm...tasty god...

2:42 PM Mr. Brown

"Today, Raptor Jesus was caught DUI"

"Again in today’s news, Buddy Jesus was caught with 40 pounds of pot claiming it was a gift from his dad.”

2:44 PM Mr. Silver

He says everything is a gift from His Dad.

2:45 PM Mr. Brown

"Alanis Morriset and Morgan Freeman both found to be God"

“When Alanis was asked what it’s like to be God, she said it’s like rain.”

2:46 PM Mr. Silver

"God Relaxes with Skee-ball and Janitorial Work, Say College of Cardinals."

2:47 PM Mr. Silver

Rain...heh.

"God like one of us, according to musical authority Joan Osborne.  Leads by example when it comes to commuting via public transportation."

"Generally unkempt appearance description causes clash with 'old white bearded man on throne in clouds' camp." 

Mr. Silver

"Pope Paul VI Picks Up New Prestige Class" 

http://www.rawstory.com/rs/2012/12/20/pope-puts-paul-vi-on-path-to-sainthood/

2:44 PM Mr. Gray

LOL

2:45 PM Mr. Silver

Completed the Heroic Virtues quest...says so right in line one.

What a cleric!

2:45 PM Mr. Gray

Hehe

10:37 AM Mr. Brown

Somebody should have done A Baldwin Christmas Carol

10:38 AM Mr. Silver

"I am the Ghost of Baldwins Past"

"Long past?"

"No, Baldwins Past"

10:41 AM Mr. Brown

There are enough of them to do a lot of the characters.

lol

10:42 AM Mr. Silver

(Leads towards window)  "Please, I am a Baldwin, and liable to fall!"

"Bear but a touch of Baldwins hand, there, and you will be upheld as a Baldwin in more than this." 

Mr. Yellow

Watched Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer the other day with the kids, and damn is Santa a real jerk.

Mrs. Yellow kept hitting me because I kept saying “Wow! Santa is a jerk!”

11:00 AM Mr. Gray

LMAO

11:08 AM Mr. Yellow

I did not remember as a kid how horrible everyone was to Rudolph.  His dad was a jerk, his coach, and Santa.

Mr. Silver

Santa was a serious all-around jerk in that movie, yeah.

11:16 AM Mr. Yellow

Yes

11:20 AM Mr. Silver

I loved the Elf Singing bit with him flopped in a throne and an "I would rather be anywhere else" look.

They finish singing…pause for approval…

"Yeah...well...it needs work."

And he just walks out on them.

11:22 AM Mr. Yellow

LOL

Mr. Silver

It’s the end credits that are the best, though.  I've written up that horror show before.

They pick up the misfit toys with the implication that Santa is going to find them homes.

And then, a minute over the Arctic Ocean, he has his elves forcibly tossing them...only them...off the sleigh.  "Here...take an umbrella and GTF out!"

Some of them even seem to be resisting.

12:08 PM Mr. Brown

LOL

12:10 PM Mr. Amethyst

Hahahahah

There goes my childhood!

12:17 PM Mr. Brown

I miss these guys. http://www.bing.com/images/search?q=california+raisins&qpvt=californa+rasins&FORM=AWIR

12:18 PM Mr. Amethyst

Dude...they’re prunes, not raisins, and raisins are just old grapes.

12:33 PM Mr. Silver

Prunes are just old plums.

12:33 PM Mr. Amethyst

See, Mr. Silver understands.

12:34 PM Mr. Brown

Dude, they are not as big as you think they are.

LOL

12:45 PM Mr. Blue

I never knew prunes were old plums

I guess with the pit removed?

12:52 PM Mr. Silver

Yes

12:52 PM Mr. Amethyst

If you’re into that kind of thing.

12:54 PM Mr. Silver

Pitless prunes = prunes for wussies

Like those people that eat nuts with the shells off...bah.

1:36 PM Mr. Brown

Hobit

Hobit

Hobit

Dwarf dwarf

Didn't they lapse a few times on size in the LOTR movies?

Like hobits to other creatures?

1:41 PM Mr. Silver

Its “hobbits”.

Ho bits are different

1:42 PM Mr. Brown

Ahh

1:42 PM Mr. Amethyst

Ho bits are...more fun than hobbits.

Day 219 - Stay-At-Home Male Seahorses, The Princess Does Not Know The Location Of The Hidden Treble Bass, Pantying In Anticipation, The Plight Of The 40%, Offering A Girl A Glass & Jasper Engagement Ring Will Bring On Your End Times, and Blasters Aren't Actually Clumsy Or Random

Mr. Blue

Weird.  I don't get it.  It sounds like something that some scientist just made up on a whim and everyone just stuck to.

Like with seahorses.

"That there's a male seahorse." 

"Uhh, it's having a baby." 

"…Yeah...uhh…well the male seahorse has the babies." 

"Oh."

(that's from a Jim Gaffigan routine)

3:13 PM Mr. Brown

Yeah, that kind of stuff is funny.

“This sounds good, we will publish it.”

“Oh shit, it’s wrong…just go with it.”

3:14 PM Mr. Blue

If it's a seahorse and it gives birth, just call it the female seahorse.

3:14 PM Mr. Brown

But what if it does have the mail parts?

3:15 PM Mr. Silver

Like the glue, flap, and “affix postage” box in the top right corner of the seahorse?

3:15 PM Mr. Brown

Male

LOL

Oops

3:17 PM Mr. Brown

Meaning it has a pouch to keep them in, and the male parts too.

Then it would just be better to call it a seahours

hores

arrrg

sea hores

lol

3:19 PM Mr. Silver

It’s “sea whores”, Mr. Brown.

3:19 PM Mr. Blue

Yeah, I’m sure there's some scientific reasoning for calling it a male seahorse even though it gives birth… It just *seems* like one of those things that a lazy scientist came up with and nobody has since questioned.  How do you differentiate one sex from the other?

      (At this point I decide to insert some basic biology – Mr. Silver)

3:21 PM Mr. Silver

The females lay the eggs.

The males collect and protect them until they hatch.

Although the image of a seahorse protecting anything, in any capacity, other than being relatively tough to chew and camouflaged, is hard to imagine.

3:23 PM Mr. Blue

Yeah, they're pretty dumb.

They *look* cooler than they really are.

3:24 PM Mr. Silver

They can swim a blistering .0001 MPH!

3:25 PM Mr. Blue

Seahorses just kind of bob around and bump into stuff.

I guess not unlike a real horse.

Mr. Gray

Mr. Silver and I were talking about the fact that Revenge of the Sith takes place over months of time.

1:33 PM Mr. Silver

Probably 6-7 maybe 8-9.

1:33 PM Mr. Gray

In the beginning Padme isn’t really showing....by the end she is giving birth.

1:34 PM Mr. Silver

(midwife bot) "She lacks the will to live..."

(Kenobi) "Fine...knock her out and throw her in a bacta tank for a few days.”

(midwife bot) "But she lacks the will."

(Kenobi) "Oh. (goes to bed, waves hand) You want to live."

(Padme) "I'm feeling better."

1:36 PM Mr. Gray

LOL

Yeah, that is kind of crappy. She had been this strong woman through most of the movie...then she just gives up? Unlikely.

1:38 PM Mr. Silver

There was not much reason to kill her.  Leia claimed to remember her and it's not like the emperor wouldn't lie about her being dead to use it to leash Vader anyway, plus she'd never want to see Anakin again even if she ever made the Vader connection.

1:38 PM Mr. Gray

Yeah, I was only able to assume that Bail's wife died early on and that’s who Leia claimed to remember.

1:39 PM Mr. Silver

Leia - "Just images really...she didn't look a thing like me...neither did dad, really...why?"

1:42 PM Mr. Gray

LOL

1:47 PM Mr. Silver

Luke - "Do you remember your dad?"

Leia - "Yeah...he looked like Jimmi Smits"

1:47 PM Mr. Gray

Unfit mother...married a mass murderer.

2:06 PM Mr. Yellow

Hey!  You’re talking about my character’s future wife there!

2:16 PM Mr. Silver

(Anakin in his new armor) "My wife...hoooo-ahhhh...what about my wife?...hooo-ahhhhh..."

(Palpatine) "I'm afraid that, in your rage...she left you for a senator..."

"NNNNOOOOOO!!!!!"  (equipment crashing)

"She lacked the will to deal with your child-murdering."

"NNnn- ... …Yeah...hoooo-ahhhhh...that was pretty sick...ok..."

"By the way, is there a voice control for this helmet?  My voice sounds totally weird in this thing."

"Ohh...I'm afraid the treble/bass controls are hidden.  I have no idea where they are."

3:42 PM Mr. Silver

Darth Vader never found the hidden Treble/Bass for the rest of his career.

"No!  Hidden Treble/Bass!  Treble!  …hoooo-ahhhh…How many times do I have to tell you… hoooo-ahhhh… rebel scum I don't CARE where your friends hang out!"

8:14 AM Mr. Silver

Oh Japan, how we love thee:  

http://www.rawstory.com/rs/2012/12/14/sock-thief-still-at-large-in-japan/

8:24 AM Mr. Silver

(Figure in shadows on interview show...voice altered) "Oh, it all starts out innocently enough...lost gloves...abandoned shoes...browsing the thrift stores for scarves and hats for 'gifts for your niece'.  But those are all just gateway small-clothes.  Soon you're craving the harder stuff..."

8:25 AM Mr. Blue

Weird as heck.

If the guy simply asked, he'd probably find Japanese girls that would just hand their socks to him.

8:26 AM Mr. Silver

Yes.  He probably likes the chase though.

8:27 AM Mr. Blue

Yeah.

8:29 AM Mr. Green

It’s not the kill, but the thrill of the chase.

8:30 AM Mr. Silver

I can picture him suffering for days, jonesing for his next sock...maybe working up the nerve for a panty theft...

Mr. Blue

WTF?

Weather.com's headline is “SCARY SIGN OF APOCALYPSE?” 

Underneath - "Living Through The Apocalypse"

10:50 AM Mr. Silver

"A new study shows 4 in 10 U.S. residents say recent extreme weather events, like Superstorm Sandy, is evidence the world is coming to an end.  In a separate conclusion, 40% of the US population is not too bright."

10:50 AM Mr. Brown

LOL

10:51 AM Mr. Silver

"In the most bizarre turn, if asked a follow-up series of questions about mankind's role in climate change and the greenhouse effect, the exact same 40% deny that it is happening at all." 

10:53 AM Mr. Gray

LOL

10:53 AM Mr. Silver

"They also listed Fox News as their primary information source and were disappointed Romney lost the recent election because of, quote, bad polling."

Mr. Silver

Yesterday I was churning through the radio and heard the voice of a preacher I sometimes stop to listen to, because he always ends up saying stupid stuff.

2:53 PM Mr. Silver

He was describing the New Jerusalem in Revelations.

In addition to interpreting it as a wedding ring that we were all going to live in...

(me) "Seriously?"

2:59 PM Mr. Silver

He also interpreted the description that it was "pure gold, like transparent glass" as

"That means it’s made of diamond"

(me) "It doesn't sound like it."

“And it says that the walls are made of jasper, and that means diamond."

(me) "WHAT?!?!?"

3:02 PM Mr. Silver

Pictures of Jasper

3:02 PM Mr. Silver

Diamonds, obviously.

3:02 PM Mr. Blue

I love listening to that kind of schlock.

Just when you think there couldn't possibly be anything more to say about an ancient book, they find another way to spin it or interpret something.

3:08 PM Mr. Silver

So he goes on to describe this wedding ring and then is "skipping down a few lines"...

Why skip, do you ask?

Because his “beautiful round band of the eternal wedding ring” is described in detail as a perfect square in the section he skipped.

3:13 PM Mr. Blue

Lost me.

3:15 PM Mr. Silver

I just get irritated with evangelists not looking stuff up, skipping inconvenient details, and pulling idiotic interpretations out of their butts.

3:16 PM Mr. Blue

Oh, of course.

3:16 PM Mr. Silver

On the other hand, I find the same irritation very entertaining.

3:16 PM Mr. Blue

Well, religion *is* a business, and his product is BS.

Mr. Silver

Hehe

Nice last line:

(wiki - Padme Amidala) Paul McDonald notes that there are "inevitable comparisons" between the two characters (Padme and Leia): "both develop soft spots for rogue pilots, and both have a knack for slipping into and out of stilted British accents.  Despite being diplomats, each is also the best marksman of her respective trilogy, rarely missing."

3:42 PM Mr. Yellow

LOL

3:42 PM Mr. Silver

(Anakin) "Is it a special Force power?"

(Padme) "Not really...one day I noticed this little V at the back of the gun and the bit sticking up at the end and started messing around with them...here...I'll show you."

(Anakin) "I thought those were manufacturing errors, or decorations like the little telescopes they put on some of them."

(Padme) "They are...those are just traditional decorations on all guns dating back…oh...thousands of years.  No one knows what they originally symbolized, but it turns out they are great for what I call a "gun-point"." 

3:44 PM Mr. Yellow

*chuckle*