390 - The King of Creep, "Antediluvian Fellas", On-Off Hair, "In Religious Lip Service We Trust", and Mr. Blue Basques In The Glow Of History

[3:21 PM] Ms. Rose:
Agent MICHAEL JACKSON reports:

INTERNET CONSTINTLY GOING IN AND OUTT.
I expected better grammar and less shouting from the King of Pop.
CALED ISP SAID AMPLIFIER ON POLE WAS FIXED DAYS GO AND NOT THE SAME ISSUE 
[3:27 PM] Mr. Silver:
Jam on!  WOO!
(clap, strut, spin, grab crotch) "Internee-ee-et...In and Ouuuuut!"
[3:29 PM] Ms. Rose:
LOL  
[3:31 PM] Mr. Silver:
(sexually harasses woman with big hair and microdress in alley, eggs on dancing gang members)  “WOO!  They saaaid amm-plifier on the pooo-ole outside was fixed, bay bay!"

BTW, if you haven't noticed how disturbing the video for "The Way You Make Me Feel" is...watch it again: https://www.google.com/search?q=way+you+make+me+feel&ie=utf-8&oe=utf-8

[3:35 PM] Mr. Blue:
Very pushy 
[3:36 PM] Mr. Brown:
The way you make uh me  FEEE EEEEEEEELLL!
I’m gonna chase you down a street TELLing you!
[3:37 PM] Mr. Blue:
Following a girl down into an alley and having your gang corner her to prevent her from leaving while you tell her how much you like her?

[3:37 PM] Mr. Brown:
While making “ooh aaaah oww” sounds 
[3:37 PM] Mr. Blue:
"Jaamonii... HEEE heee!"
Jesus! Someone tase him! 
[3:39 PM] Mr. Silver:
"The way you can't escape

“(The way you can't escape!)

“The way you're trapped in here

“(The way you're trapped in here!)
“The way my guys block up ev'ry path

“The way I'm hittin' stuff vi'lently! WOO!!!
[3:40 PM] Mr. Blue:
What's the rape-y Christmas song?
“Baby It's Cold Outside"?  
[3:40 PM] Mr. Silver:
Yup
I tried some rewrites...
Its icky
I did like my:

(She) “I really can't stay.”

(He) “But baby it's cold outside!”

(She) “I've got to go 'way.”

(He) “But baby it's cold outside!”
(She) "I'm glad that you're gay."
(He) "… … What?"

(She) “And you're so nice...”

(He) “Who the Hell said I was gay?”

(She) “My mother won't have to worry.”

(He) “She might!”

(She) “My father will be ok, I'm sure.”

(He) “Hey!”

Etc...  But I never finished...

[2:27 PM] Mr. Brown: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/travel/travel_news/article-3574830/Life-sized-replica-Noah-s-Ark-complete-wooden-animals-heading-Brazil-Olympic-games-needs-donation-Biblical-proportions-fund-voyage.html

It is gonna sink  
[2:31 PM] Mr. Silver: “Seeking enough donations purchase water to simulate 960 hours of torrential rain.”
[2:33 PM] Mr. Blue:
That is one ugly boat 
[2:35 PM] Mr. Silver:
That a headlight and bumper on the front?
[2:36 PM] Mr. Blue:
Probably to meet modern regulations
The Dutch love to play in the water  
[2:43 PM] Mr. Silver:
"And the LORD spoke to Noah, saying "makest it of futuristic planed regulation gopherwood.  Bolt it with un-invented steel carriage bolts, pitch it with industry approved nautical sealant and slather it with polyurethane inside to make it shine as the heavens.  Add copious amounts of barrels that won't be around for 5000 years, and LOTS of railings and wide staircases.  For I am THE LORD."

"A movie theater would be nice...so sayeth Me."
[2:48 PM] Mr. Blue:
"Now Noah's got God as a partner.  Any problems, he goes to God. Trouble with leaks?  He can go to God. Trouble with the animals? He calls God. But now Noah's gotta come up with God's sacrifice every week. No matter what.  Lack of food? Fuck you, pray Me. Oh, you had some proto-horses die? Fuck you, pray Me.  Boat got hit by lightning? Fuck you, pray Me!  And then, when there's nothing left, not another prayer, you bust the boat out. You light a match."

[2:56 PM] Mr. Silver:
Hehe
"For as long as I remember, I always wanted to be an Antediluvian Fella..."

[2:51 PM] Mr. Blue:

Heheh
"Hey hey, you got a phone? Two pigeons just stole my olive branch. You friggin' believe that?
"The world was so wet it took 40 days just to dry it out."  
[2:57 PM] Mr. Silver:

Hehe
"Blood?  Yeah, the ark, it hit deer two-by-two on the way here.  We had to clean it up ma, it's a sin."
[3:02 PM] Mr. Blue:
LOL
That was a good one
That old lady was Scorsese’s IRL mother.. I think I might've mentioned that before 
[3:03 PM] Mr. Silver:
I know I'd heard that.
[3:03 PM] Mr. Blue:
She was probably like: "But Marty, sweety, I can't act!"

"Ma, the part's for a sweet old Italian mother, you don't hafta act at all!"

[3:03 PM] Mr. Silver:
"Hey...you like animals, Karen?  Giraffes, ibex, lemurs?"

"Yeah...yeah, Noah, I like animals..."

"Tell you what.  I've got all kinds of extra animals.  Nice wildebeasts.  Go down and get some animals." (points to ark door)

"Right in there?"

"Right there.  Go on.  Have some animals."

(backs away, terrified)
[3:21 PM] Mr. Blue:
LOL
[3:24 PM] Mr. Silver:
"Then there was Ham ben Noah Two-Floods. He was called that because always mentioned floods two times." - "I gotta get dis done before The Deluge, The Deluge."

We could make a blog of nothing except our Goodfellas goofs and it'd still be big

[3:32 PM] Mr. Silver:
"Ah!  My new Royal barber!  So pleased to make your acquaintance!  I'm VERY excited to see how we get on!  Consider my coif your palette, master artiste!  WOW me!"  https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/b/bb/Charles_IX_of_Sweden.jpg

(been sitting on that pic for hours)
Even his expression is killin' me.  :D

[12:21 PM] Mr. Blue: http://www.post-gazette.com/news/politics-local/2016/05/09/In-God-We-Trust-motto-for-Pa-schools-gets-a-push-from-House/stories/201605090031

“He feels strongly enough about the bill that he created a website to promote it, explaining that a Pennsylvania governor, James Pollock, played a role in placing the phrase on U.S. coins, and that the words became the national motto in 1956.”

[12:58 PM] Mr. Silver:
Um...no.  Shouldn't have been done in '56 either.
Partially the reason for all the religious crap in politics now.
[1:00 PM] Mr. Blue:
That was around the time they added "under God" to the pledge too
So if the founding fathers didn't make it the motto why is it "history" that must be taught?  
[1:01 PM] Mr. Silver:
If I petitioned for "In the U.S.A. We Trust” be slapped onto all the church doors and crosses/crucifixes in the country, people would go berserk.

[1:02 PM] Mr. Blue:
They also state it doesn't prioritize one religion.. but it does exclude polytheistic religions  
[1:02 PM] Mr. Silver:
"In the Supernatural We Believe"
"In Entities of a Divine Nature We Acknowledge"
[1:09 PM] Mr. Blue:
"- or Don't Acknowledge"
I like the Satanism folks that are always wanting to put a statue of Baphomet up anytime someone tries to erect the 10 commandments at a state capitol

Truly doing the (dark) Lord's work

[1:17 PM] Mr. Blue:
The Basques are weird
Apparently researchers used to think the Basques were the original inhabitants of western Europe, like maybe the descendants of cro magnons, but now they're saying not really.

They're genetically the same as others, but linguistically bizarre
They still seem to think that most of Europe spoke a Basque language at one point before Indo-European stuff encroached  
[1:18 PM] Mr. Silver:
"After years of research, the Basques are just kinda...Basques..."
[1:21 PM] Mr. Blue:
Basques seem cool... Neat architecture. They seem like brutes but in a good way

The Umayyads pretty much stopped at the Basque border so I assume they repelled them.

Or repulsed them.

389 - "I Can't Believe This Blog Isn't Popular - It's 2016!", The Salem Witch Downer, Is There A Side-Effect Of Reversible Death?, Narcoholics Nonymous, The Devil Drives Dave, and Fascinating Filipinos

[12:59 PM] Mr. Blue:

I like how the current year is used as an argument for things

"It's 2016!"

Did they use that in the past?

"I can't believe the Germans invaded Poland. It's 1939!"

[1:01 PM] Ms. Rose:

LOL

[1:01 PM] Mr. Silver:

They did

Actually the one that tickled me the most in an anachronistic way was reading things like Eleanor of Aquitaine was a collector of antiques.

"They HAD antiques?  I mean...they would...but...12th century pieces were already kind of crap.  They wanted the older crappier stuff?"

[1:04 PM] Mr. Blue:

Heh

[1:06 PM] Mr. Silver:

But then, considering it was their state of the art stuff, I guess they wouldn't think we'd look at them as poorly cobbled together junk today.

"Hist!  Behold the latest in chair technology.  They call this dove tailing.  You can barely see any 16th inch gaps anymore.  Sleek...stylish..."

"Ods bodkins!  It's gorgeous!"

[1:07 PM] Mr. Blue:

I still love the anachronistic paintings that nobody notices these days

Paintings of Jesus at the last supper and everyone's wearing clothing from the 13th century

Or better yet... Pontius Pilate portrayed by Vlad the Impaler

That'd be like us painting Vlad the Impaler but making him look like... Stalin?

[1:27 PM] Mr. Blue:

It woulda been a spectacle to be a fly on the wall during the Salem witch stuff

What a freak show

"Witch Cake", made with human urine and fed to dogs to find out if someone is a witch or not, and used in court as evidence

Probably the second least appetizing cake on earth, after yellow

[1:33 PM] Mr. Silver:

I dunno...what icing is on a witch cake?

[1:33 PM] Mr. Blue:

Simpsons:  "Okay, here's what we do.  We're going to throw you off this cliff with a broomstick.  If you fall to your death, you will have met a very pious ending.  If you fly to safety with your broom, we'll know you're a witch; at which point you are to report back here to be burned and be-headed."

[1:34 PM] Mr. Silver:

Right

A lot of the witches during the English mania survived because they confessed.

Guess it was OK to admit it so you could be reformed.

[1:38 PM] Mr. Blue:

Yeah

[1:38 PM] Ms. Rose:

“Say the magic word: “Bovril pickles” and all of your problems will be solved, witch.”

[1:39 PM] Mr. Blue:

It's weird how it happened all over at one time

Even Sweden

The Torsåker witch trials took place in 1675 in Torsåker parish in Sweden and were the largest witch trials in Swedish history.[1] In a single day 71 people (65 women and 6 men) were beheaded and then burned.

It almost makes you wonder if there was something in the air or the food or the drinks.

[1:40 PM] Mr. Silver:

(Exorcist throwing holy water) "The Power of Christ compels hysteria!!!"

[1:40 PM] Mr. Blue:

The Bamberg witch trials, which took place in Bamberg in Germany in 1626–1631, are among the more famous cases in European witchcraft history. They resulted in the executions of between 300 and 600 people 

[1:41 PM] Mr. Silver:

I thought it was pretty well decided the early lunacy that brought on the Salem trials was from the girls eating moldy rye bread.

(witness) "I saw her talking with a little black man, and he's sitting on her shoulder now!  Also your voice tastes yellow!"

(Stoughton) "Strike that last bit from the record."

"Yes m'lud."

http://www.damninteresting.com/bad-rye-and-the-salem-witches/

[1:44 PM] Mr. Blue:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Trier_witch_trials

Astronomer Johannes Kepler’s mom was accused

He defended her

How do you even defend against something like that in court?

Interesting about the ergotism

It probably wouldn't take much to set people off back then

It could've even been something even more benign

[2:04 PM] Mr. Silver:

An experienced hippie (before they hanged him) would have been useful in Salem.

[2:04 PM] Mr. Blue:

"Comme onn maaaannn... it's 1673!"

[2:04 PM] Mr. Silver:

"Hey!  She's just tripping, man.  None of you squares come unglued til she comes down.  Now what did you drop, sister?"

[2:05 PM] Mr. Blue:

A tie dye shirt alone would've probably sent the entire town into a frenzy

[2:07 PM] Mr. Silver:

"He's wearing colors!"

"He?  Nay, tis a woman!  Look to the hair!"

"Hey, I ain't no chick, man. Anyone got a pad I could crash before I rap with The Man tomorrow about these skirts?"

[1:11 PM] Ms. Rose:

Heard a good one yesterday: “I bought a pair of shoes from my drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with, but I've been trippin' all day.” (rofl)

[1:28 PM] Mr. Silver:

LOL :D

Family Feud was a bust. The drug commercial during the break, however:

"Has you or a loved one been taking ElZorro?"  

"ElZorro has been linked to irreversible internal bleeding, stroke, and death!" 

(me) "Irreversible DEATH?  Wow!"

"Please call now for more information!"

"(I am not a legal consultant.)"

(me) "Nor a doctor."

[1:30 PM] Ms. Rose:

Irreversible death is the worst kind.

[1:32 PM] Mr. Silver:

I'd guess irreversible internal bleeding and death pretty much go together. 

The stroke merely being a short interlude.

[2:14 PM] Mr. Silver:

(heard over the wall) "What's that called?  Narcolism?"

(unknown respondent) "Narcolepsy"

(My response) “I believe "Narcolism" would be the philosophy that you're better off dead. Wait! Sorry...that's "Necrolism".  Narcolism is "I never should have gotten out of bed".”

(over the wall) LOL

[2:25 PM] Mr. Silver:

I just recalled one of the odder religious observation/reaction events in my past.

I had a devout Baptist co-worker when I started out in PC repair.

Dave

As we were driving to a job, he was explaining (1st time to me, but I'd overheard him before) how he was saving for - because he always wanted - a Cadillac Coupe DeVille

(Me) "Wait...you want a car that actually has the word "Devil" in it's name?"

He got quiet.

And he never mentioned it again.

[2:30 PM] Mr. Blue:

Heheh

[3:21 PM] Mr. Silver:
Holy crap did this turn out to be more than I thought it would: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Filipino_martial_arts

These people seem to LOVE fighting.
[3:22 PM] Mr. Blue:
Filipinos - the Mexicans of Asia. Or the Irish? [3:27 PM] Mr. Silver:
7000 islands of people who largely ignored the Spanish conquest apart from taking the parts of culture they wanted.
"All these weapons and styles were outlawed.  On paper, anyway...none of the natives paid any attention."
"Some tribes welcomed the new meat source to their lands with open arms and open pots."
[3:32 PM] Mr. Blue:
I know they have neat architecture
Spanish-influenced, but they had to factor in typhoons and earthquakes so everything's squat and wide with fancy buttressing

Here it is: "earthquake baroque"

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Earthquake_Baroque

Sounds like a concerto
"Earthquake Baroque in F Minor"
I guess that's why the Mayans built in squat pyramids
Even if they didn't... the squat pyramids would've been the only thing that survived [3:42 PM] Mr. Silver:
Still there too
[3:43 PM] Mr. Blue:
So I think when people are all like "look how multiple civilizations built pyramids!"  I think it's just that multiple civilizations built *lots* of different shapes but the pyramids were the only ones that lasted.

[3:44 PM] Mr. Silver

They are clearly advanced piles of rocks, Mr. Blue.  They endure due to alien pile-of-rock technology being vastly superior to feeble human pile-of-rock efforts.

388 - Kinks In The Language Barrier, So What Does Jesus' Middle Intital "H" Stand For?, All Of A Sudden: "The Sudden", and Happy Holedays!

[12:23 PM] Ms. Rose:

More Microsoft winning: http://www.telegraph.co.uk/technology/2016/03/24/microsofts-teen-girl-ai-turns-into-a-hitler-loving-sex-robot-wit/

Meanwhile, Japan is still ahead of the curve: http://www.digitaltrends.com/cool-tech/japanese-ai-writes-novel-passes-first-round-nationanl-literary-prize/

[12:27 PM] Mr. Silver:

Poor Microsoft

You know the young programmers on the AI told the out-of-touch guys in charge that a user augmented vocabulary was going to be a disaster.

(programmer) "I give Tay's vocabulary integrity 6 minutes, sir."

(project executive) "Well fine...In 6 months we'll have all the kinks sussed out an-"

"I said 6 MINUTES."

"Oh! ...that's a ridiculous estimate.  Just finish the module."

"You're the boss."

An AI novel, huh?

I've been working too hard.

Oh wait...no I've not.

"But there are still some problems [to overcome] to win the prize, such as character descriptions”

(I'll just pick a random page...)

"He looked deeply into her eyes, and ran his strong fingers over her shiny metal case.  Her fans purred as she admired his muscles and CMOS settings."

"Enter parameters", she said, huskily, her long breadboard green hair flowing in the ventilation intake flow."

[12:58 PM] Ms. Rose:

You need to change genres, Mr. Silver. I mean, that almost reads better than your novel. *dodges flying objects thrown at her face* ;)

[12:59 PM] Mr. Silver:

Well you can see why the Japanese liked it.

It was in contention for first place until they realized the two characters were supposed to be live humans.

[1:00 PM] Ms. Rose:

LOL

[1:05 PM] Mr. Silver:

(Judge #1) "Not enough tentacles in chapter 4, and the demon invasion was too easily thwarted by the gang of school girls."

[1:06 PM] Ms. Rose:

(Judge #2) "The author should replace references to bento boxes with American fast-food chains"

[1:13 PM] Mr. Silver:

(Judge #3) "I liked the appearance of Mario in the surprise ending."

For some reason this is making me remember the SNL skit with the Norwegian theater group doing an American crime drama.

"Hey! You don't give me the hassle maaaan.  I just want to smoke cigarettes and watch the Pittsburgh Pirates win at the pennant of baseball."

[1:30 PM] Mr. Blue:

"I grewww up in times square!  We all had to mug each other, and everywhere we looked was pollution. but I made it out, and became a tough cop with a cigarette."

(Here, enjoy! http://www.nbc.com/saturday-night-live/video/norwegian-actors-playhouse/n12553 - Mr. Silver)

[1:38 PM] Ms. Rose:

Now chatting with rep: Mary Christ.

[1:43 PM] Mr. Silver:

OOOOOoooooohhhhhhhh!   I never got that!  Christ was Jesus' last name!  That makes a LOT more sense!  I thought it was a title or something!

[1:44 PM] Ms. Rose:

No, it's really THE Mary. Not: “Now chatting with Mary... Christ, is she dumb.”

[2:44 PM] Mr. Silver:

Tim was talking about how he loses his FPS “all of the sudden”.

Do either of you know what "the sudden" is?

All of the sudden stops...every bit of sudden just grinds to a halt.

Always found that one a bit awkward

[2:45 PM] Ms. Rose:

"All of the sudden, someone frags my wireless n00b ass, and then I have this laggggg for a few seconds."

[2:47 PM] Mr. Silver:

"I can tell when it's going to happen because my character always jinks an awkward laggy direction, there's a red burst from him somewhere, and he falls over in, like, slow mo.  And then I get killed while it's lagging."

[2:48 PM] Ms. Rose:

Some of the sudden, I get scared because there's this gun my face. But all of the suddens--I mean, ALL of them!--the laaaaaaggggg that comes with death is just unberareabull.

"All of the sudden" is like nails on a chalkboard to me. As is substituting just the letter 'n' for every place you'd normally use "and."

[2:54 PM] Mr. Blue:

I say all of a sudden

Is that wrong?

[2:54 PM] Mr. Silver:

Nope

There can be a sudden

There is no the sudden

[2:55 PM] Ms. Rose:

Oh, Mr. Blue, honey--I would treat you like Mr. Brown if you said "all of the sudden."

[2:55 PM] Mr. Silver:

"We went to Greece and saw The Sudden.  Beautiful."

Even “a sudden” is weird though

[2:57 PM] Ms. Rose:

It used to be "a'suddin'." Like, "I am a'washin' the dog and the soap is a'suddin..." I think, I don't know. It's just wrong, because.

[2:57 PM] Mr. Blue:

I’ve never heard all of the sudden that I’m aware of

[2:57 PM] Ms. Rose:

Or maybe it's meant to refer to the Sudan.

[2:58 PM] Mr. Blue:

How come some regions are called like.. Germany, Russia...and other places have The at the beginning

The Sudan, The Ukraine, The Yukon

[2:58 PM] Ms. Rose:

I dated a guy once who could NOT stop saying "all of the sudden" and "I seen" (instead of "I saw.") *shudder*

[2:58 PM] Mr. Silver:

"I've seen equals I seen."

"(SLAP!!!) Die!"

(Richard Attenborough voiceover)

"Herds of sudden cross these veldts every year. Twice. Out to grazing lands in the south in the winter and then returning at summertime.  A cheetah stalks about the fringe.  A sudden is suddenly separated from the group.  The cheetah makes it's move.  (show motion chase scene)"

[2:58 PM] Mr. Blue:

The Hague

[2:58 PM] Ms. Rose:

The Pittsburgh. I know what you mean. Good question.

"I'm from the burgh" is not the same as "I am from The Pittsburgh." I dunno. It really is a good question. I'm sure it's on mental_floss somewhere.

[3:00 PM] Mr. Silver:

Probably

Perhaps it has to do with a perception of territory.

You can live in Yukon...which is in The Yukon.

[3:01 PM] Ms. Rose:

I have never struck another human being in my life. But that guy... Whew! "SAY 'I SEEN' ONE MORE TIME, MOTHERF&*@R!"

[3:02 PM] Mr. Silver:

The 'Burgh is in Pittsburgh

[3:02 PM] Ms. Rose:

The Butt is in Butler...

[3:02 PM] Mr. Silver:

No doubt

And I've said as much.

[3:03 PM] Ms. Rose:

I seen what you did there. :P

[3:03 PM] Mr. Silver:

"Yinz from da Burgh?"

"The Butt, actually."

"Sorry."

[3:03 PM] Ms. Rose:

*takes a shower, scrubs everything*

Yinzer is far better than just flat-out redneck-never-done-read-a-book, in my opinion as a gal who never seen outside of PA and spent a few years in Butt-town.

[3:10 PM] Ms. Rose:

Have a great holeday weekend.

Awww! It's Hole Day and no one told me?!?!?!

I talk too much. I'm really sorry, guys. This is the point in the day when I just start to... SORRY!

[3:18 PM] Mr. Silver:

Hole Day!

I haven't even started shopping yet, and I need more decorations for our Holemas hole.

Which reminds me...

(Jesus) "You called it Good Friday?  What's wrong with you people?"

[3:20 PM] Ms. Rose:

Be sure to buy very large, pointy decorations for your Hole Day celebration. Items in the likeness of Courtney Love are also acceptable.

Mr. Silver! You should have reminded me when I was talking to Mary Christ earlier! I could have asked the source!

[3:21 PM] Mr. Silver:

"Jesus and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day"

[3:21 PM] Ms. Rose:

ROFLLLLL

"Happy Good Friday! It was such a GOOD day for all of us sinners. But...we're real sorry, Jesus. Would some palm leaves help? Oh wait, no. That was the last time you were actually happy. Umm, how about a bottle of wine? ... Oh, your blood. Sorry. Chocolate peppermint eggs? Knock yourself out! ... DAMMIT!"

[3:32 PM] Mr. Silver:

(Priest) "...and for Easter itself we celebrate with more bread and wine."

(Jesus) "So every Sunday, every random Mass, plus my birthday, death and the resurrection...all bread and wine?  It's not like it was Passover, you know -- we had a full menu at my last supper even if none of the guys thought to write it down.  Couldn't you have slipped in something else every so often? Like an egg or something?"