Saturday, June 4, 2016

365 - Philosopher's Stone Dead, An F-U Tornady!, "Police Still Looking For Fugitive Great Old One", and Bad Girls Hockey Teams Or Bad-Girls Hockey Teams?

(Hmm... you can now read one entry per day for a year - Mr. Silver)

Mr. Brown:
Ms. Rose:
Just tell us what the name of the chemical is so we can Google! Sheesh!
Mr. Silver:
(Gomez Addams) "Hello?  Royal Stoke University hospital?"
"Look mate, I know oo it is and I STILL ain't telling you wot 'e 'et, right? Stop ringin' me!"
Ms. Rose:
LOL
Mr. Brown:
Powdered sugar of death
Ms. Rose:
"A white power was found on the dashboard." 
"Upon analysis, the mixture was found to consist of Pixie Stix sugar, pulverized methamphetamine, bath salts, and powdered Bovril. Authorities are investigating the source of the tainted Bovril."
Mr. Brown:
Lead. Hot hot lead.
Mr. Silver:
Probably go to a proper UK news site and they'll tell you what it was and how to make it. 
"Americans read Daily Mail, sir."
"Hmmm...be vague..."
"Yes, sir."
Mr. Brown:
"Make plenty of factual mistakes. They like it."
Ms. Rose:
"Write reeeeeally long and convoluted headlines because it makes us seem 'more British'."
The writers are probably from Montana or something. Who knows?
Mr. Silver:
My fear is that it's common and used in, like, breakfast cereal.
1 grain average per serving and you feel great all day.
Ms. Rose:
This is a *really* old story, but I think it applies:
http://www.cnn.com/2009/HEALTH/08/14/cocaine.traces.money/
Mr. Silver:
"Mr. Shingler failed to achieve immortality in his car on May 26th after snarfing part of the required dose of dehydrated Elixir of Life on his dashboard."
"The remaining amount, and that contained in his system, retains enough transformative 'mana' to potentially obliterate the soul of anyone exposed to Mr. Shingler's short-lived but magnificently-empowered being.  Hospital staff plan to dismember Mr. Shingler to distribute his magic in the form of reliquaries."



(The following is a minimally-edited excitable Mr. Brown segment – Mr. Silver)
Mr. Brown:
wowo confirmed tornady in wwest (place)
Mr. Blue:
Right now?
Mr. Silver:
(sees Gabby Hayes whipping his hat against his leg) "shore nuff we got us a torNADY!"
Mr. Brown:
was last night
Ms. Rose:
Ah. A trailer-park-heavy area...of course.
Mr. Brown:
was a ef-0
Mr. Blue:
So like... a dust devil
I live near there and was asleep the whole time.
Mr. Brown:
Prob micro cell to be honest
Mr. Blue:
I'd love to see a tornado in person, but not near my house.
That one in Cranberry was definitely not a tornado.
Mr. Brown:
i would like to see a tornado in a safe eviroment
lol
Ms. Rose:
I bet the Cranberry people complained to their township about it...
Mr. Blue:
There was a video of “the tornado”. It was just some low hanging clouds, there wasn't even any wind.
Mr. Silver:
F-Eh...
F-Nil...
F-None...
F-Nada...
Silver Jr. "Is there a tornado bigger than F-5?"
Me "(Yeah, an “F-U-Puny-Humans”) I don't think so.  Maybe on other planets the wind speed would get high enough for an F-6."



(Another edit skip for whatever he was typing – Mr. Silver)
Mr. Brown:
I said st wendiline yesterdedagyasga
Mr. Silver:
Ai!  Cthulhu f'tagn!  Yesterdedagyasga!  Ya! 
Mr. Brown:
ebim
Mr. Silver:
Ebim Sothoth!  Yog Sothoth!  Ia ia ia Sothoth!
Mr. Blue:
Did they find that guy yet?
Mr. Brown:
Nope
He's still out there, dead or walking
According to last report, apparently shirtless
Ms. Rose:
Sexy.
Mr. Blue:
“Suspect is considered armed and extremely sexy”
Ms. Rose:
LOL
Mr. Silver:
“Shirtless Walking-Dead Fugitive Eludes/Eats Police”
Mr. Brown:
Only wearing jeans and carrying a water bottle.
Pretending to be off-roading in the woods and getting stuck.
I think I told Mr. Silver earlier that my friend heard two shots yesterday then some yelling
Mr. Blue:
I hear that all the time
Mr. Brown:
It was behind his house, which is one of the locations the guy was last seen.
Mr. Silver:
"A resident who only wanted to be identified as Jim, but is really James Reed of 543 Clingan Street East Butler and who lives alone and unarmed, told a WPXI-TV reporter that he saw Amend standing in the middle of his yard only wearing jeans and carrying a water bottle."
Mr. Blue:
LOL
Where I live, I call the police when I don't hear gunshots and yelling.
Mr. Brown:
LOL
“Its really quiet out here guys. Can you come look?”
Mr. Silver:
"Police?  Something is going down.  There's no gunfire or yelling."
"OK, remain calm." 
"There are people taking relaxing walks outside." 
"My God!  Just stay out of sight." 



Mr. Blue:
Wow, Girl University has an ice hockey team.
Ms. Rose:
They do, Mr. Blue. They suck really bad (or did while I went there). I tried out for the team despite not knowing how to skate. That wasn't a requirement, which should tell you something.
Mr. Blue:
LOL
Mr. Silver:
Hehe
Ms. Rose:
Those poor girls. Our team was sooo low on the totem pole that the only available practice time for us at the rink was at like 2:00 AM. You'd hear them clanking through the dorm halls with all their gear, getting back at 5:00 AM.
Mr. Silver:
Send out the non-skaters in ice cleats
Mr. Blue:
Some girl from their team was at pickup on Sunday and she was pretty good.
Ms. Rose:
I would have loved to be a hockey player. But, you know...absolutely no coordination or physical ability whatsoever. I'll stick to video games...
Mr. Blue:
Heh. The other girl that sometimes plays went to Connecticut College... their team name is the Camels
As in... you know... toes... Because this team name was well thought out.
Ms. Rose:
Like the Chatham Cougars
Mr. Silver:
Suppose they shout that at a rally?  “Go Toes!”
Ms. Rose:
I was thinking humps... As in, “lovely lady”... nevermind...
Mr. Silver:
Probably play My Humps during pauses, yes.
Mr. Blue:
Hmm... Does Oregon State have a female athletics program? Yep!

(Silver here. No telling where that link will go in future, but when I clicked it today, it went to the headline: “Beavers fall to Gamecocks, 5-4, in longest game in program history.” Giggle.)

Mr. Brown:
We need to start an ice hockey team called The Turtles
Mr. Silver:
How about "The Flounders" Mr Brown?
Mr. Brown:
“We! Are! The Melts!”
Mr. Silver:
Sheboygan Slushies
Mr. Blue:
There's an actual team (or used to be) called The Whoopie
and they were based out of Macon, Georgia
Mr. Silver:
Where were the Swastikas out of?
(looks)
Mr. Blue:
Windsor
Had a HUGE rivalry with the Kingston Toothbrush Mustaches
Ms. Rose:
LOL
Mr. Blue:
"What should our team logo be?"
"It needs to be something that will never fall out of fashion or become a taboo."
Mr. Silver:
"Something that represents fortune and benevolent power for good."
Mr. Blue:
Heh.. Still on Girl University hockey... Their record in 5 seasons is 11-76-4
Mr. Silver:
Forfeits count as wins?
Mr. Blue:
The opposition's bus broke down 11 times
Mr. Silver:
Heh
Mr. Blue:
The 4 ties were against Western PA School for the Blind
Mr. Silver:
Ohhhhh...I thought it was 4 double ejections.
0-0 bench-clearers
at No comments:

364 - Curse Of The Magic Swizzle, Mr. Brown Can't Face Surgery, and Ms Rose's Beau's Bidet Present Gets Flushed

Mr. Brown:
So I saw the doc on Monday that's why I was out. Got me some Magic Swizzle.
That's what they call the mouth rinse.
Mr. Silver:
"Use Magic Swizzle only as directed.  Do not swallow Magic Swizzle.  May cause partial to complete death of human micro fauna/flora.  May cause organ death.  Ask your dentist, doctor or oral surgeon if Magic Swizzle is right for anyone."
Mr. Brown:
It has Lidicane in it
Mouth goes fully numb for so long
Mr. Silver:
"If tingling or numbness lasts for more than 4 hours, you probably should have contacted your medical adviser 3 hours earlier and it's too late now."
"Pregnant or nursing women should not even see a bottle of Magic Swizzle."
“Magic Swizzle has been exempted from the Geneva Convention CWC prohibitions based on a legal technicality and is safe for use as an oral treatment for infection and against enemy troops and insurgent nationals."
Mr. Blue:
Magic Swizzle™, or its generic Liquid Zyklon B, is only available with a prescription.
Mr. Brown:
where that come from, Mr. Blue?
Mr. Blue:
Just riffin'
Mr. Brown:
Ah
That one sounded real
LOL
Mr. Blue:
Zyklon B is what the Nazis used to exterminate people.
Mr. Brown:
So that's why it sounded real
Just so you know, Magic Swizzle is pink
Basically it consists of Malox , Lidicane, and Benadryl.
Mr. Blue:
What was your issue?
Mr. Brown:
He is trying to say its Hand Foot and Mouth
A virus.
But I don't have any of the other symptoms
So I believe I ate something, or this sinus infection or something else triggered it.
I used to get ulcers when I was younger – it could just be a re-occurrence
He said his kid and him got Hand Foot and Mouth when they went to Disney.
Ms. Rose:
I frequently come down with "Foot in Mouth Syndrome", but I think that's different...
Mr. Brown:
LOL
I looked up what he said I have.
Its supposedly highly contagious, but he was not concerned with me going to work
Just said don't kiss anybody
LOL
I Lysol my desk a lot too
Mr. Blue:
Stay away from my desk
You're probably over the contagious period but still don't talk to me.
Mr. Brown
I guess the best thing the doc said is don't worry its not Foot and Mouth Disease like the cows get
LOL
Mr. Silver:
(Mr. Brown's doctor talking on phone)
"Haha!  No, Mr. Brown!  You'd need to have hooves for it to be that!  Ha-”
…
“You do?  Oh!  Um..."
...
"Well, no, it's just...”
...
“Well, yes, corrective surgery does make sense in births like that, I just...
...
“Jersey Devil?”
...
“YOU HAD WINGS AND A HORSE HEAD TOO?”
...
“Well, who did the surgery?”
...
“Damn...”
...
“No, a good damn...  I mean NOW you look...”
...
“Uh... Well, yes, my diagnosis will need to be put under review by...um...  Look, let me get you my vet's number. He's really good."
...
"Yes, I think under the circumstances, that would be the best route."
...
Mm hm.  Still looking.  ...  I guess that explains the sinus infection thing too...”
...
“Well he must have over-shortened the nasal passages in your...uh...horse head. Here it is...got a pencil and paper, Mr. Brown?"



Mr. Brown:
I guess when I get a cold, my body handles that as best it can but my sinuses plug up, trap in bacteria, then I get a infection.
It's why my doctor wants to do surgery to my sinuses
I'm still deciding if I want to go through with the surgery
Cause that has risks
Mr. Blue:
What surgery?
Mr. Brown:
He wants to open my sinus passages so they drain correctly so I stop getting bacterial infections.
Mr. Silver:
AKA "The nose drill"
Mr. Bags got that done
Mr. Blue:
I didn't even know that existed
Mr. Brown:
Yeah they take pieces of small bone out
It makes the opening bigger so it cannot close off
But it's face surgery; that's why I'm leery.
Mr. Blue:
Maybe they can fix all the rest of it while they're at it
;)
Mr. Brown:
Haha
I don't think they have to break my nose to do the work
not like my dad's deviated septum
Mr. Blue:
You'll come in with a Michael Jackson nose, a cleft chin, impossibly taught forehead, Steven Seagal hairline.
"Got my sinuses fixed!"
Mr. Silver:
(Mr. Brown, bleary from insufficient anesthesia, listening)
"Ok, got the spike in.  Be sure to get a good run up with the 10lb sledge...we don't want to miss like with the last guy."
"Can't I just tap it, doctor?"
"Nope.  Anal probe ready for after if he makes it?"
(sound of running feet advancing)
"Yes doc-" 
TING!!!
(Mr. Brown passes out.)
Mr. Blue:
"Hands of a surgeon" is kind of a misnomer
Those dudes are rough
Lotta cracking, breaking, hammering, chiseling
Drilling... sawing...
Mr. Brown:
Dental surgeons have giant forearms.
Mr. Blue:
In the 2nd year of dental school your final is ripping a phone book with your bare hands



Ms. Rose:
Everyone please be sure to embarrass Carey today for his birthday. He wouldn't let me send in cupcakes to the (department), so you could always ask him about that...
Mr. Brown:
Somebody order a Gorilla in a suit, singing.
Yes, I mean Gorilla in a suit
Shit now I have the Chili's birthday song in my head.
Mr. Blue:
No CUPCAKES?
Mr. Silver:
Have the gorilla bring the cupcakes, start a recording of "Threw it on the Ground" and just smash them all in a threatening way.
Ms. Rose:
LOL
Mr. Blue:
Now I want some cupcakes
Ms. Rose:
I had it all planned out. I was going to make 2 kinds of cupcakes and place them in 3 rows. Then spell out (one letter per cupcake) HAPPY B-DAY CAREY because each of those is 5 characters and that makes my OCD happy. It looked and tasted wonderful in my head! Then he said no... :'(
Mr. Brown:
That's when you just do it anyways.
For the sake of us
:)
Mr. Silver:
"H A P P Y   B I D A Y    C A R E Y... Bidet is spelled with an E T, Ms. Rose."  
"SOMEONE TURNED THE HYPHEN SIDEWAYS!" 
"Ooooohhhhh... I thought a bidet was an odd gift... It's not really anything I'd associate with 'happy'."
at No comments:

Thursday, June 2, 2016

363 - The Day The Alchemists Isolated Ferrugo Regia, Maddening Quizzes, and Organic Riffs

Short one!  Although I have approximately 6000 entries that I could post, they aren't on this computer.  Amazingly this is all I had left at home when the mood to post struck. - Mr. Silver

Mr. Silver
"Battery Powered Rocket Not Battery Powered, Has Batteries In It Though"
On the other hand, it's still rather cool.
The actual fuel is awesome
Mr. Blue 
3D printers are confusing
So instead of loading ink and paper you load... titanium?
Ms. Rose 
I read that it's a mixture of dilithium crystals and kryptonite.
And Bovril.
Mr. Blue 
Ah yes. That's how they get you.
Mr. Silver 
Powders or fluids or resins, yes. Injected or sprayed in layers to build up.
This method says it's using "electron beam melting".
Guess it's just welding all the titanium powder, etc together as it goes.
Mr. Blue 
Chrome plating is cool
Mr. Silver
Chrome plating is cool, yes. Plating in general is.
I just imagine the confusion as people started figuring that one out.
"Ummm...your highness? You know your favorite silver cup? And how you were saying it was smelling funny and to clean it? And as long as I was at it, scrub the green off your bronze plate?"
"...Yes...am I going to be upset?"
"Ah...eh HEHEH!  Um... Anyway. I rubbed the plate with salt, and left them soaking together in vinegar, and...um...maybe it was the gods? Look."
"AUGH!!!"
"Well the cup is still pretty!"
"AUGH!!!"
Mr. Blue 
Hehehe



Mr. Brown 
That quiz is good
Mr. Silver 
So good you were planning to post it sometime today, right?
Mr. Brown 
That page
Mr. Silver 
The link doesn't really open to anything, unfortunately. Is that part of the OCD test?
Mr. Brown 
Yes
Is that better? It should have a long list of quizzes.
Mr. Silver 
Got to that one. What shall we test for?
Mr. Blue 
I'm already diagnosed with anxiety and depression; should I test anyway?
Mr. Silver 
The opinions of mere doctors, Mr. Blue. Maybe the quiz will fix you.
Mr. Brown 
I have ADHD and moderate anxiety
Things I already knew but the test confirmed
Mr. Silver 
"I got a rock"
Mr. Brown 
Pet rock?
Mr. Silver 
Charlie Brown reference
In my head, I read the "what you got" lines as Peanuts characters in the Halloween special.
Mr. Brown 
Hehe
Personality test result: "Rock"
Mr. Silver 
"I have borderline personality disorder!"
"I have paranoid delusions!"
"...I got a rock."
My bizarro associations are probably a symptom of something. There a test here for that?
Hmmm...maybe Asperger's
Mr. Brown 
I'm taking the anxiety test.
Does this test know I have it?
How many questions is it going to ask??
What happens if it tells me I have it???
I don't think I want to know!!!
Mr. Silver 
Hehe



Mr. Silver 
I went to a drumming circle Saturday
Mr. Blue 
Why did you go to a drumming circle?
Mr. Silver 
To drum
Mr. Blue 
Oh, okay
Mr. Silver 
But in more detail, it was a New Moon thing with the (area) area pagan types who hang out at (place).
Done some Full Moon stuff with them too.
We vaguely match them, spiritually.
Not much too it, really - light conversation and Nature reverence interspersed with holding a random rhythm as long as you can.
"Ancient LAN party!"
Mr. Blue 
Jam sessions are cool, but drums aren't my thing
Used to do that in high school
Not really a band... we could only play parts of cover songs, but we'd just kinda stand around and goof off.
"Hey that sounds kinda cool"
"Yeah let's play that for a while
Mr. Silver 
1/2 hour of the first bar of "Smoke on the Water"
Play U2 songs...they just repeat the same few phases over and over til I turn them off.
Mr. Blue 
I was bored yesterday and started coming up with “The 5 best slide-guitar riffs in rock songs!”
I could only think of 3
“Bad to the Bone” by Thorogood
“More Human than Human” by White Zombie
“Slow Ride” by Foghat
Mr. Silver 
"The Top 5 Slide Guitar Riffs!"
Only has 3 entries, and those are #s 2, 3 and 5.
at No comments:
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