Saturday, February 15, 2014

Day 282 - Glasses Asses, Big Flippin' Holiday Season, Beware The Manshe, "Investigators Still Baffled By Crystal Lake Mass Murder", It Doesn't Help That She's Dirty & Little Too, The Junk In Junket, and Mr. Brown Says If It Doesn't Kill You Its Food

2:32 PM Mr. Brown
I’m going to get my new glasses after work.
Then I’m officially a hipster because of the style and color of them.
lol
2:43 PM Mr. Blue
Turtle shell, kinda.
2:43 PM Mr. Brown
Right.
2:43 PM Mr. Blue
I think hipsters these days aren't wearing the plastic frames.
They’re wearing pince-nez that they found in an attic store.
2:44 PM Mr. Silver
I was four-eyed before it was cool.  When it went mainstream I stopped wearing them all the time.
Get monocles; one for each eye, big black ribbon for each.
2:45 PM Mr. Brown
I need to be even cooler and attach the old “Jerk” nose piece from the movie.
2:45 PM Mr. Blue
You should get some steampunk glasses with interchangeable magnifying lenses.
2:46 PM Mr. Silver
Brass, leather, jewels, adjustment wheels…
2:46 PM Mr. Brown
Those have to be heavy on the face.
2:46 PM Mr. Blue
2:58 PM Mr. Silver
Oooh....I like that. 
How about glasses frames that look like a stereotypical robber mask?
I just wanted sunglasses with two Xs for lenses, myself.
3:00 PM Mr. Silver
How about one tinted red, the other blue?
3:00 PM Mr. Brown
Ever-ready 3D glasses!
3:01 PM Mr. Silver
Right!  They wouldn't cause too much damage.  And you're already gettin' old and blind, so go for it!
3:02 PM Mr. Blue
How about a pair of glasses that looks like that big contraption you stick your head in at the eye doctor?
3:03 PM Mr. Silver
I like that, Mr. Blue.
3:08 PM Mr. Silver
A propeller beanie suspending a hoop-shaped lens at eye-level, so that no matter which way you turned, "glasses" would be in front of your eyes.
Much easier on your ears and nose.
3:09 PM Mr. Silver
Small telescopes.
3:18 PM Mr. Blue
3:18 PM Mr. Brown
Yes, when I go blind, I will get me some of those.
lol
3:20 PM Mr. Silver
I envision a feature attached to the frame, consisting of a powerful spring connected to 2 swing arms, with your choice at the ends: daggers, red-hot pokers, or index fingers.
Disabling the spring costs extra.



Mr. Silver
Ah...in the background Xmas music at the office I'm talking to...my favorite sarcastic Christmas song lyric.
"It's the holiday season!  (the holiday season!) So whoop-dee-do!"
Has anyone ever used “whoop dee doo” for anything good?
11:37 AM Mr. Blue
Hehe
It must have been heart-felt at some point, along with "la-dee-da".
11:37 AM Mr. Silver
"It's the holiday season!  (the holiday season!) Pffffffffft!"
11:38 AM Mr. Blue
"It’s the holiday season!  (the holiday season!) *does jack off motion*
11:38 AM Mr. Silver
Mine was an eyeroll and spinning finger in my head but yes, that's a good image.



Mr. Brown
That manshe was crazy.
I really could not tell what that was.
Was it a woman with too much testosterone, or was this a man once?
11:43 AM Mr. Silver
“Call me Miss Man.”
11:43 AM Mr. Brown
Sometimes I feel like asking because it bugs me not knowing.
lol
11:54 AM Mr. Silver
"Wail of the Manshe"
"Related to the Banshee - or 'little washer by the ford' - the Manshe - or 'little tranny on the corner' - is quite the different creature in behavior."
11:58 AM Mr. Silver
"Both known for their wailing, while the banshee's portends a death in the near future, the manshe's wail generally causes confusion as the robust tones leave the feminine form."
12:01 PM Mr. Silver
"One variety of Banshee, a vampiric type, is described as a willowy female with a long tail peeking from the bottom of her skirt." 
"The Manshe is described as a female which, upon lifting its skirt, reveals a similar tail-like...um...thing...in the front.  You know what I’m talking about…"
12:07 PM Mr. Silver
(Somewhere out there Katherine Briggs is rolling in her grave)



Mr. Blue
The more I dig into the Dyatlov Pass Incident, the more I realize that a lot of the spookier stuff didn't actually happen.
It’s still a cool story.
I’m thinking someone caught someone with someone else in bed and flipped.
Threatened 'em with a knife, blocked the exit…a few of the party scattered.  Everyone else went looking for them.  Hypothermia.  Death.
Or a yeti genetically engineered by the soviet government.
8:19 AM Mr. Brown
Yes. A yeti makes more sense.
8:19 AM Mr. Silver
"Also unexplained was the presence of a hockey mask and overalls - large enough for a 7' man - whose body was never located in the pass."
8:19 AM Mr. Brown
Yes, Mr. Silver, this is the incident the movie franchise started on.
LOL
The location and names were changed to protect the victims.
8:21 AM Mr. Silver
Producer - "Instead of a mountain, we'll use a lake.  Instead of it being cold, we'll make it summer.  Instead of hiking we’ll make it a campground."
8:22 AM Mr. Silver 
I wonder what the investigation would be like after something like “Friday the 13th”.
8:23 AM Mr. Silver
(Sergeant) "'N'other body Captain.  This one has an arrow through the back of the neck."
8:23 AM Mr. Silver
(Captain) "Lemme see it...um...this isn't possible."
(Sergeant) “What do you mean?”
8:24 AM Mr. Silver
(Captain) “Well, he is on a camp bed, yes? Assuming someone could even get under one undetected, this killer then thrust a 3' long arrow through it, a spine and a neck, which would not only take superhuman strength, combined with a fine grip, combined with a bizarre wrist angle, plus a big enough hole in the floor for the length of the arrow...which, BTW, would have to pass through the killer's body to go through at the required angle. And that's only if the victim was held rigidly enough not to roll out of the way...so the killer must have had an accomplice to hold the head steady, or wrapped his...(considers)...approximately 6' long arm around from below.”
8:29 AM Mr. Brown
Trivial details when making a horror flick.
LOL
8:32 AM Mr. Silver
(Captain) "And so, sergeant, what we're really looking at is a willing or unaware victim, who was standing with his back to a vertical camp bed and someone in front of him holding him steady.  Then the arrow was thrust through by a portable mechanism strong enough to do it, and then the bed was quickly levered back to the floor before blood could launch, approximately all over here...and there is none."
(Sergeant) “Hmmm.”
(Officer) "N'other body, Captain."
(Captain) "I’ll be right over.  Right...get photographs of all this bullshit."
8:35 AM Mr. Brown
“Also sir, this is Kevin Bacon.  He is in many other films, so I’m not sure how he survived this.”
8:35 AM Mr. Blue
lol



Mr. Brown
LOL LOL LOL LOL KUNTZ
lol
1:32 PM Mr. Blue
Huh?
1:33 PM Mr. Brown
The recent emails.
She typed Alicia Kuntz
Instead of Koontz
1:34 PM Mr. Silver
Because her name is Kuntz
1:34 PM Mr. Brown
What what?
1:34 PM Mr. Silver
How long have you worked here?
1:35 PM Mr. Blue
They spelled it Koontz by mistake… Her name is Kuntz. Nothing funny there.
1:35 PM Mr. Brown
Well, I have a dirty mind.  I see Kuntz.
1:36 PM Mr. Silver
"I see Kuntz.  They're everywhere...they don't even know that they're Kuntz.  Except her...she knows what she is."



Mr. Brown
Hmm
Supposedly this is in old time homemade ice cream recipes.
3:16 PM Mr. Gray
I've heard of it.
3:19 PM Mr. Silver
I’ve seen the packets.
3:20 PM Mr. Silver
(reads) "What is in “junket” anyw--blehhhhhhh…  Perhaps this “syllabub” thing is more appetiz----ick!  That’ll teach me to stick with good ol’ Jell-- oh my GOD!” 
3:21 PM Mr. Gray
LOL
3:21 PM Mr. Silver
There are some foods, I'd rather not think about much.
3:21 PM Mr. Blue
I’m glad I didn't live back then.
3:22 PM Mr. Silver
"This tastes awesome!  (reads recipe)  This is awful!"
3:24 PM Mr. Blue
Imagine if you gave someone from the Middle Ages a cupcake.
Their head would explode.



3:42 PM Mr. Brown
Ok.  New hottest pepper is the Carolina Reaper.
3:42 PM Mr. Silver
Eat two: One for me, one for you.
What hospital do you use?
3:43 PM Mr. Blue
You can't even handle those with your bare hands.
I see no point.
3:43 PM Mr. Silver
There isn't one.
3:43 PM Mr. Blue
It’s just not food anymore.
3:43 PM Mr. Brown
It’s food.
3:43 PM Mr. Silver
I disagree.
3:43 PM Mr. Blue
Its food like bleach is food.
3:44 PM Mr. Brown
It’s just defending itself from being eaten.
3:44 PM Mr. Silver
It is toxic and makes you sick, possibly dead.
So is alcohol...I just like it because it doesn't hurt.
3:45 PM Mr. Blue
Alcohol has positive benefits and is probably safer.
3:45 PM Mr. Brown
So does peppers
3:45 PM Mr. Blue
Not the Carolina Reaper.
3:45 PM Mr. Gray
That pepper is insane though: 2million+ on the Scoville scale.
It’s not a flavor at that point...it’s a dare.
3:46 PM Mr. Silver
Cayenne has positive benefits too, but it's not going to fold you over with cramps before the "ejection" phase.
3:46 PM Mr. Brown
I ate that ghost pepper jerky.  It was fun til the next day.
3:46 PM Mr. Silver
I'll take a hangover...thanks.
3:46 PM Mr. Brown
It did feel like my as was shitting razor blades, but it was good going down.
lol
3:49 PM Mr. Blue
There are probably toxic chemicals that do less damage in the same dosage as one of those peppers.
Would you rather drink a half cup of laundry detergent or eat one Carolina Reaper?
3:50 PM Mr. Gray
Agreed.  It probably would hurt less.
I'd be happy to watch Mr. Brown eat one of the peppers though.
3:51 PM Mr. Silver
Yup.
Challenge issued.
3:51 PM Mr. Blue
Same.
I’ll buy it.
3:52 PM Mr. Gray
We should start a YouTube page and do a program called "What Will Mr. Brown Eat?" and let people send in suggestions.
Then record meals and show the look on his face.
3:52 PM Mr. Silver
“The Online Geek Sideshow”
Mr. Gray
Perfect name.
3:53 PM Mr. Silver
Well...yes...he'd literally be a carnival geek on line.  We should start traditionally, I think, with chicken heads.
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Thursday, February 13, 2014

Day 281 - RAAAAAHK Zan!, Cunning Crocodilian Camouflage, A French Silk Pie From A Sow's Sweat, What's The Hemisphere Like Up There?, Fear Wears A Shell, and "That's Mighty White Of You, God"

Mr. Brown
Crap! I got Roxanne stuck in my head again.
LOL
It's an OK beat to have in the head though.
Its funny when people try to sing that song.
Its linked to Sting's voice so much that nobody else can really sing it well.
9:19 AM Mr. Blue
I hate that song
9:27 AM Mr. Silver
"RAAAAHK zan!  You don't have to put on theee red tights!”
“RAAHK zan!  You don't have to put on theee head lice!"
"I love you since I do ya...my wooden cockatoo yeah!"
"Smell you once, I won't smell you again...it's a bouquet!"
9:28 AM Mr. Blue
What's with his fake Jamaican accent too?
9:40 AM Mr. Silver
I'm rather hoping these lyrics F up your earworm, Mr. Brown...plus I like to filk lyrics.
9:46 AM Mr. Blue
I can't even hear the verses in my head, just the annoying chorus.
9:47 AM Mr. Blue
Have you ever heard the similarities between Buffalo Soldier and the Banana Splits Song?
“tra la la, tra la-a la, tra la la la la la-la la”
9:48 AM Mr. Silver
Clearly both a rip-off of “Deck the Halls”.
10:00 AM Mr. Blue
Hehe



Mr. Brown
10:30 AM Mr. Silver
"(pictured) Three crocodiles disguised as sticks basking on harmless log."
10:33 AM Mr. Blue
It only took 'em 55 million years to learn the trick.
10:56 AM Mr. Brown
Yeah. LOL



Mr. Mustard
A favorite saying of Rizzo — "Pigs get fat; hogs get slaughtered" — and added they shouldn't be hogs.
2:58 PM Mr. Silver
Which Rizzo?
2:59 PM Mr. Mustard
Bell CA former city manager.
2:59 PM Mr. Silver
Ah.
Mr. Mustard
3:03 PM Mr. Silver
Well...apparently Rizzo was just reclassified as a hog.
3:04 PM Mr. Mustard
Deep roasted, at that.
3:06 PM Mr. Silver
She marinated in her own juices during the sentencing.
3:06 PM Mr. Mustard
Brings to mind another saying: 'Sweating like a Pig!'
3:07 PM Mr. Silver
Sweating like a Rizzo!
3:20 PM Mr. Silver
Long Rizzo
3:18 PM Mr. Mustard
Rizzo-to with mushrooms.
3:19 PM Mr. Silver
Short Ribzzo.



Mr. Brown
Anybody else feeling fluctuations in gravity?
1:51 PM Mr. Amethyst
Yes.
I feel like I can jump 2 inches higher.
(Sarcasm)
1:51 PM Mr. Silver
2 inches? Then we're all dead.
2:00 PM Mr. Silver
"Africa flung free from planet Earth.  Yes, you heard me.  Africa.  Full details at 11."
2:01 PM Mr. Brown
Its just, sometimes if I stand really still, I start swaying and it feels like I’m feeling the earth moving.
2:01 PM Mr. Blue
“In other news, (town) man succumbs to senility."
2:01 PM Mr. Silver
(touches nose)
I always wonder if I'm counted as always walking uphill, or always downhill.
I mean...we're roughly on a ball...
2:03 PM Mr. Brown
Oval.
2:04 PM Mr. Silver
Oblate spheroid...work with me here....
If I was the center of all Earth activity...as I am from my POV...then I'm touching, roughly, a tangential point on a “sphere”.
I'd be at the “top”
2:04 PM Mr. Silver
Every average step is "down" from the top.
Yet I have to lean in and do work...which is a symptom of "up".
2:05 PM Mr. Blue
Mr. Brown, you have vertigo and shouldn't be driving.
2:06 PM Mr. Brown
Every time I take a shit I have to spin counter-clockwise to get it to come out.
2:07 PM Mr. Amethyst
WTF?
2:07 PM Mr. Blue
If human societies had begun in the southern hemisphere, would our maps today be upside down?
2:07 PM Mr. Amethyst
Possibly.
2:09 PM Mr. Silver
Define “society”.
2:10 PM Mr. Blue
Europe/Arabia/Egypt/China/Japan
2:10 PM Mr. Silver
One theory (which I subscribe to at the moment) about why the people of the northern hemisphere advanced technologically and the southern lagged behind is because there was no Pole Star....which lead to maps and technical navigation and a slew of other mathematical things.
2:10 PM Mr. Blue
There's just more land in the northern hemisphere.
2:11 PM Mr. Silver
We're talking about when the human population was in thousands to low millions.  It's not a population density thing, it's a observation/extrapolation thing.
2:11 PM Mr. Blue
Most of the land in the northern hemisphere is connected too... The southern hemisphere is more fragmented. Earth's northern hemisphere contains most of the planet's land, and roughly 90% of its human population.
2:13 PM Mr. Silver
Theory stated, there were some advanced southern societies. But the people that started working with serious math were north of the equator.
2:13 PM Mr. Brown
It could have been upside down. Well, wait. I guess that's a point of view situation since we don't know we are upside down.
2:14 PM Mr. Brown
How do you know which way is up in space?
lol
2:14 PM Mr. Blue
There isn't one.
2:14 PM Mr. Silver
There is no up.
2:15 PM Mr. Brown
Exactly.
2:15 PM Mr. Silver
Up on Earth is actually "out".
2:15 PM Mr. Brown
Right. But basically we just said north is up and south is down.
2:16 PM Mr. Silver
A long time ago, when a brilliant northerner observed "You know, that star never moves, every night, all year, year after year. What can I figure out from that?" Well...we were greatly accelerated on our way.  The southern hemisphere doesn't have one of those stars (visible).
And since the Pole Star is "up there", the maps should have the direction "up there" as well. North is, therefore, up.


Mr. Brown
Apparently you can catch snails with beer. That is sweet.
9:42 AM Mr. Gray
Or...you could just pick them up.
9:42 AM Mr. Blue
You could.. but they're too damned crafty.
9:42 AM Mr. Gray
It's not like they are going to run away from you.
9:48 AM Mr. Silver
Nothin' more dangerous than a cornered snail, son.
9:49 AM Mr. Brown
If they start making that chattering sound, you're in trouble.
9:49 AM Mr. Blue
A friend once got between a mother snail and her babies
RIP
9:49 AM Mr. Brown
It was a slimy end.



Mr. Blue
Some Fox news broadcaster says both Santa and Jesus are white.
11:04 AM Mr. Silver
OK. Like Blue-eyed Jesus white?
11:06 AM Mr. Blue
Just "white".
11:06 AM Mr. Silver
Undead white!!!!
11:06 AM Mr. Brown
That’s more gray.
Aaaaaah!!! Jesus is a zombie!
11:07 AM Mr. Silver
"Santa And Jesus Both Albino Say Fox Research Experts"
11:17 AM Mr. Gray
Because you know Jesus HAD to be white, being a Jew living in the middle east. He couldn’t possibly have been dark complected and look like anyone who might be Muslim. After all, religion has everything to do with your color, not where you are born. Jesus was Christian so he is white...fact!
11:19 AM Mr. Brown
I believe him to be middle eastern, and understand that all pictorial representations are out of the mind of the creator of that picture.
11:19 AM Mr. Silver
There's a place in China celebrating him as native Chinese. He traveled back home after the whole unpleasant “cross incident”. I believe they say he had a stand-in take the hit for the team...his brother maybe.
11:20 AM Mr. Gray
He must have gone there on his way to America to give his words to the Mormons.
11:20 AM Mr. Blue
Since God was his dad, I suppose it depends on what race God is.
11:20 AM Mr. Brown
None.
11:21 AM Mr. Blue
Since God made us in his image, I’m thinkin' God looks like this.
11:21 AM Mr. Silver
God is half skeleton!
11:21 AM Mr. Gray
God is white...haven't you seen those paintings in Italy? Him leaning down from a cloud to touch mankind and stuff?
11:21 AM Mr. Blue
Yep.. and He's quite built too.
11:21 AM Mr. Blue
Making great gains in Heaven. I wonder how much God can bench.
11:34 AM Mr. Silver
The great conundrum shifts from "Can God make a rock so big that He can't move it." to "How much can God bench?"
11:42 AM Mr. Gray
If he couldn’t move it, he couldn’t place it where he wants if he decided afterward it might look better somewhere else. Doesn't sound like good planning on his part...but then again, look at us as far as creations go.
God is definitely not a follow-through kinda guy.
11:43 AM Mr. Silver
The Bible is completely full of uncompleted projects, buggy components, and promises that He'll finish it all up later.
“When?”
“Don't question The Lord, your God.”
“When?”
“When the fullness of time has come.”
“When?”
“Just have faith, ok?”
“WHEN?”
“Look, I work in mysterious ways.”
“I think the “mystery” is this work You claim You're doing. How long is this going to take?”
“No man will know the time.”
“This one is gonna. WHEN?”
“I'll come like a thief in the night, you'll never expect Me.”
“I'm thinking you're right that I should never expect You at this point. Is the theft in question all my years invested in this covenant with You?”
“Fine! I'll wrap it all up tomorrow!  You'll feel rapturous over the final results. Ok?”
“Well...ok. I'm sorry I doubted you.”
“It's OK. (Heheh...  'Yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes.')”
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