561 - Confirmed: Animals Eat Food, "What's In A Name? The Far Right By Any Other Name Would Smell", Furry Gateway, Screwtopia, "Stalinfit", Eephusball Comedies

[12:18 PM] 

"University of Sydney researchers, in cooperation with Miss Alice's 3rd grade class at Mt. Holyoak Elementary, have confirmed monkeys...and by extension mammals...eat."

https://phys.org/news/2018-06-monkeys-fats-carbs.html

Physorg's "The Onion" division strikes again, IMO

[12:23 PM]  Mr. Blue: 

https://3c1703fe8d.site.internapcdn.net/newman/csz/news/800/2018/2-monkeyseatfa.jpg

"Anytime.. Anytime.. Over here... Over here... *unearthly clacking noises*"

[12:24 PM] 

"When it was first suggested to us by little Timmy Hawkins that warm blooded animals might eat high energy foods to maintain body temperature, I said to myself 'Dr, this is damned exciting'!"

"The team immediately looked for funding but were met with resistance everywhere.  Finally they hit on a 50/50 funding deal with Betsy Devos of the United States.  And with their half of the $40 million, they set to work."

"We bought a camera that makes monkeys look like THIS!  We took a lot of our hands too.  We have them up on the craft wall decorated to look like glowing Thanksgiving turkeys"

(ref Mr. Blue's pic)

[12:32 PM]  Mr. Blue: 

(Monkey gets merc'd by a precision blast from a shoulder-mounted laser gun)

[12:33 PM] 

"This led to the Physical Biology department's 'If It Bleeds We Can Kill It' Theory.  With high casualties resulting from tests."

[12:36 PM]  Mr. Blue:  

heh

[9:26 AM] 

My favorite recent Trump gaffe - https://www.rawstory.com/2018/06/seth-meyers-hilariously-mocks-trump-making-little-one-act-play-looks-strong-absolutely-doesnt-dementia/

[9:27 AM]  Mr. Blue: 

i liked his tweet about Robert Deniro, calling him Low IQ (and capitalizing low) and using "to" instead of "too"

A telltale sign of someone being an abject moron is when they bring up Republicans originally being the abolitionists as if it's some little-known tidbit

[9:39 AM] 

Don't forget Democrats founding the KKK

I'm betting there's not a lot of Democrat Klansman. 

[9:40 AM]  Mr. Blue: 

also "the Nazis were socialists."

nnyyope

[9:48 AM] 

"and the Nazis chose the word "socialist" which means Left Wing, so it couldn't POSSIBLY have been an engineered semantic propaganda scam by Right Wing extremists -- despite almost everything they ever promoted or perpetrated."

Take Ghengis Khan's “Democratic Benevolence Movement”, for another example.

Or Emperor Qin's charity - “Peace & Love & Kill All Opponents”.

[2:47 PM] 

https://snoozzoo.com/

Gateway product for Furries...

:D

[2:39 PM]  Ms. Brick: 

LOL

I have to breathe after that one

too bad you still don't sit down here, that was a loud laugh

[2:40 PM] 

Lol

[2:40 PM]  Ms. Brick: 

No seriously. They wear those ??????????????????
Are you kidding me right now?

And they are adults?

OMG

lol

They are made in Cranberry right by the post office

lol

Oh my that would be warm in the winter

[2:47 PM] 

Little too warm for me.

[3:20 PM]  Mr. Blue: 

i saw some meme where a grandma sewed a shark sleeping bag for her (i assume) grandson

but the dorsal fin made it look like he had a permanent erection

[3:25 PM] 

LOL

Things are only $160

Would think a suit, a mascot costume, a giant stuffed animal, or a good sleeping bag would all be more than that.  This is all 4. 

[3:46 PM]  Ms. Brick: 

True true, i cant imagine anyone wearing them but then again i cant imagine Furries

[9:53 AM] 

Sister-in-law yesterday, relating conversations with husband: "And I'm like 'Honey, I love you and I'm listening but I have no interest in what you're telling me so it's coming in one ear and going right out the other and I really am just trying to be supportive."

(me) "So you've read 'Walden 2', eh?"

She gave me this big grin and laugh

[9:55 AM]  Mr. Blue: 

I don't know it

[9:55 AM] 

Utopian novel

Among the vast (steaming) pile of social issues and corrective behavioral training it goes over in building a perfect society, one part was the conditioning that one no longer needs to deal with the social convention of having to listen to people talk about subjects one has no interest in - or have already heard - or have no capacity to appreciate.

Members are trained to just say "I'm not interested" and trained to accept that it isn't an insult and shut up.

Which...in it's capacity as a utopian novel...could have been directed at B. F. Skinner rather early on.

The Honors English class I was in freshman PSU read, analyzed, reported and discussed it.  

(professor) "Mr. Silver, what do you think of the social solutions and the proposed society?"

"I think I could utterly destroy it in less than two weeks and no one would know it was me."

(It caused a sensation – everyone had bought in, more or less)

"It couldn't survive anyone of the right state of mind wishing to sow chaos.  It would be extremely easy to break and it would happen eventually -- probably very soon." 

(I didn't have a good definition for 'psychopath' in those days...and that's only one vector)

It didn't take too long, examples wise.

I think it came down to the dinnerware that clinched my defense. That's the one that I remember best anyway.

"How long do you think an artistically-inclined individual could stand using the standard clear tray and glass on a strap that everyone else used 3 meals a day 7 days a week?  I'd start right there by choosing and hinting to 3 or 4 of them - separately - that they could design something nicer. Then I'd sit back and watch." 

Even the professor said "Oh God yes.  I couldn't stand the cafeteria trays, yeah."

hehe

[1:26 PM]  Mr. Blue: 

Mr. Brown's Fitbit said he ate 1,500 calories a day and burned 4,000 a day.

I said "those are gulag proportions"

[1:29 PM] 

Find dieting success with the new Work-to-Death fitness revolution!

[1:30 PM]  Mr. Blue: 

“Stalinfit”

[1:36 PM] 

I'm trying out The People's Exercise Pogrom!

[9:26 AM]  Mr. Blue: 

i started watching Hot Shots! but after 15 minutes of unfunny jokes i turned to something else

[9:28 AM] 

It had it's spark in the time period

[9:29 AM]  Mr. Blue: 

the jokes were really bad

like so bad they made me mad

[9:30 AM] 

yup

I can't watch the pop culture screwball movies.

Nothing wrong with screwball humor, but if it's too culture dependent they get terrible really fast.

[9:31 AM]  Mr. Blue: 

yeah

[9:31 AM] 

"Airplane" still works

[9:31 AM]  Mr. Blue: 

yes

[9:31 AM] 

Still

It's "ancient"

Cheech and Chong...nope

funny bits but it's all changed

Life doesn't exist like that anymore

[9:33 AM]  Mr. Blue: 

“Airplane” has a good amount of jokes that are just funny too, not pop-culture related

"don't call me Shirley" etc.

[9:33 AM] 

yup

[9:35 AM]  Mr. Blue: 

same reason why mst3k is still funny

Some "pop-culture" jokes but mostly timeless stuff

not all OJ Simpson or Tanya Harding 90s references

[9:36 AM] 

Or movies you saw 20-25 years ago with shot-for-shot parodies that are otherwise meaningless

[9:37 AM]  Mr. Blue: 

Naked Gun still works, but the sequels get more dated

[9:38 AM] 

"Spaceballs" still works.  But Brooks chose nothing but international cultural icons. 

Nod

Naked Gun was on my list

[9:38 AM]  Mr. Blue: 

and Blazing Saddles

[9:39 AM] 

Blazing Saddles is "if you've seen ANY western..." mainly. 

[9:39 AM]  Mr. Blue: 

But yeah, parodying Star Wars, Westerns and Frankenstein insures timelessness

[9:39 AM] 

Blazing Saddles is probably funnier again after a slump just because it has come out how racist a disturbingly large segment of the USA still is.

[9:40 AM]  Mr. Blue: 

heh

[9:41 AM] 

Robin Hood: Men In Tights... Pretty feeble in places...  Showcasing Elwes when he was big, mainly.

[9:41 AM]  Mr. Blue: 

Yeah, I never liked that one

[9:42 AM] 

History of the World - still funny

If there's anything pop-culture-y in History of the World, it's been ignored.

I can only think of one - Romans going in and out of the Caesar's Palace casino entrance

It's 1 1/2 seconds of screen time

[9:44 AM]  Mr. Blue: 

I ended up switching from Hot Shots! to The Thing.. and got more laughs outta that

[9:52 AM] 

The Thing - comedy classic

heh

[9:53 AM]  Mr. Blue: 

One funny part is when the one guy morphs and his head detaches, rolls away, eyes pop out of his chin and spider legs out of his ears and he scurries through a doorway and everyone just stands there staring at it

"You gotta be f***ing kidding me"

[9:56 AM] 

hehe

560 - Roachinator, "Old Gun", "You Must Think About Your Search Terms In Russian", A "The" Can Make A Lot Of Difference

[8:52 AM]  Mr. Blue: 

I watched a director's cut of Terminator 2... lots of added scenes.

Most of them useless.

One was a dream sequence with Reese...just dragged the story down. 

One cool sequence is that in the first half they do something to the t-800's CPU so that he can begin to learn and adapt, and they added in a couple later scenes that show him doing just that (mostly just making facial expressions and conveying sarcasm)

[8:53 AM]  Mr. Brown.: 

You always know with films like that they over complicate it in the beginning

then edit the shit out of it

Especially since it is the 2nd movie

[8:54 AM]  Mr. Blue: 

You know the scene where John calls his foster parents and the terminator mimics his voice and asks if "Wolfie" is all right when the dog's name is Max to trick the T1000?  They added a scene that shows the T-1000 going out and ripping the dog's collar off and realizing he's been duped

[8:55 AM]  Mr. Brown.: 

Some small scenes would be ok to leave in, like that maybe

Cause that scene would have been funny

[8:55 AM]  Mr. Blue: 

yeah

[8:56 AM]

Funny?

[8:56 AM]  Mr. Blue: 

They also contemplate killing the Terminator early on while they're repairing his CPU

and Sarah comes close to doing so, but John stops her

I didn't finish it... apparently the ending is entirely different too

[8:58 AM]  Mr. Brown.: 

They should make a post nuke “Planet of the Roaches”

“Get your mandibles off me you damned dirty roach!”

What if they rewrote Terminator to include nuclear roaches?

Like they are controlling the machines. lol

That is the twist

They've been in them for years, rewiring the circuitry

[9:00 AM] 

If Skynet had gone small scale there'd have been no war...

A roach-sized Terminator with a shaped charge...

That's all it needed.

Programmed to follow until people fall asleep...bring in a bunch.  BLAM

But hey...if they did that then the robot apocalypse would have been no fun at all.

(Electric flashing in an alley...old street bum says "What the Hell?   What the Hell?"  Smoke clears...meat pouch opens to reveal 10 roaches. They climb into the nearest phone booth and start leafing through the white pages...)

Sarah "Can you kill them?" 

Kyle "I dunno...with these boots?  ...I dunno..."

Neither do I, really.

It's not a terrible plot idea

Assassin Bugs from the future

[9:07 AM]  Mr. Blue: 

Why even kill humans?

Make bugs that implant in brains and control 'em

At least until we're unnecessary

[9:07 AM]  Mr. Brown.: 

The Roachinator slowly lowering into a pit of molten steel

Little antenna sticking up

[9:08 AM] 

Lowered into a beaker on a string...holds up a leg

"Mom?  That bug has your face."

**stomp**

[9:41 AM]  Mr. Brown.: 

There is a Top Gun 2 in the works

Val is going to be in it

The fun part will be explaining his odd neck and voice box issues

Maybe Iceman was shot down but survived

Watch Iceman come into frame wearing a floral scarf heheh

[9:53 AM]  Mr. Blue: 

He has a voice box?

They're both probably too old to be flying still

Maybe they'll be trainers or something, and something will happen and they’ll have to come out of retirement.

Or maybe one's a trainer and the other's an airline pilot now, but they miss the game

Maverick is doing tower flybys in 747s

[9:57 AM] 

Never saw it.

Only liked the Berlin song

Couldn't give a damn

[9:58 AM]  Mr. Blue: 

It's a pretty stupid movie but it's enjoyable

[9:59 AM] 

"I feel the need...the need to secure the fuel interlock on this tanker to that F-35."

"And fly steady."

"Right."

[10:00 AM]  Mr. Brown.: 

Iceman over the coms to Maverick - inaudible "ffffffff".

Maverick "What's that Iceman? Is that Marlon Brando in your cockpit" ”

[10:03 AM]  Mr. Blue: 

Iceman's really hit the skids and he's a crop duster in North Platte, Nebraska now

Instead of beach volleyball it'll be golf

Still to Kenny Loggins' "Playin' With The Boys"

[10:08 AM]  Mr. Brown.: 

lol

[10:08 AM]  Mr. Blue: 

The gayest song ever

[10:09 AM]  Mr. Brown.: 

Mav to Iceman "You think we should get a cart?"

Iceman gives a sideways look to mav as if to say “What the F you think?”

[10:09 AM] 

"Hey!  I'm the official Top Flite golf pro on this course!"

(Montage of walking course, bending over, wheezing, and stretching by hole 5.)  "Take my breath a-waaaaayyyy...."

This is turning into an 80s romp comedy

Caddyshack with old fighter pilots and their protege's having a golf contest to see who is the Top Gun

[10:16 AM]  Mr. Brown.: 

Iceman putts just to the edge of hole 18.

Everybody looking around

Suddenly a jet flys by

Ball goes in the hole

lol

[10:16 AM] 

"Take the shot, kid!"

[10:26 AM]  Mr. Brown.: 

Iceman hits one in the bunker

Danger Zone starts playing

The best part would be them having songs from the original as like ringtones on their phones

lol

[10:16 AM]  Mr. Brown.: 

I always liked Iron eagle more than Top Gun

Something about strapping on a cassette player and blaring music while fighting in jets just seemed cooler

[10:33 AM] 

Wow...”Iron Eagle”

Serious fantasy, that one.

Not that I didn't enjoy it, but wow

(looks up)

"He wasn't accepted into the Air Force because he needs to listen to music in order to hit a target."

(AF commander) "Let me get this straight... this kid can miss with an air-to-air seeking missile?  Get him off my base.  He's like a cooler but for fighter planes."

[10:38 AM]  Mr. Blue: 

I never saw Iron Eagle

There were a a few films in the 80s that used b-roll dogfight footage

Firefox with Eastwood

Flight of the Intruder maybe?

[10:39 AM] 

“Firefox” I liked.  I read the book, I believe.

It was a much more serious film

Bit o spy thriller... Bit o sci-fi... Bit o action. 

Consequences...

Wrong people die...

[10:43 AM]  Mr. Blue: 

Firefox is Sci fi?

[10:43 AM] 

Cyber-controlled supersonic fighter planes? Yeah.

[10:44 AM]  Mr. Blue: 

I've never seen it. Didn't know it had sci fi in it

[10:44 AM]

Nod.  Tech that was both reasonable yet still slightly ahead of what we have now.

Getting close though

The new F-35 is a "5th generation" fighter. 

The Firefox is just a nudge further in speed, stealth and user interface.

There was no point in the Americans trying to steal one...they could never make it work...the plane would ignore the pilot.

So they pick Eastwood because one of his qualifications is he's fluent in Russian and can think in Russian to match the audio controls.

[10:46 AM]  Mr. Brown.: 

He flies that web browser like a Ruskie!

[10:46 AM]  Mr. Brown.: 

I have Danger Zone in my head now

I feel like getting up and running really fast making plane sounds

lol

[10:49 AM]  Mr. Blue: 

I have Playin With The Boys stuck in my head

[10:49 AM] 

Sorry about this...

(Bill Badalato) "Kenny...you have to put the word 'the' in here."

(Loggins) "But it messes up the flow of the lyrics.  Why?"

[10:51 AM]  Mr. Blue: 

lol

[10:52 AM] 

(sigh) "Ok...you can leave it as Playin' With Boys, but we'll need a woman to sing it.  Let's find out if Linda Ronstadt is available or something"

"What?  Why!?"

"Also...Danger Zone.  Change "his" to "her"."

[10:55 AM]  Mr. Brown.: 

Gonna take a highway to her danger zone

[10:55 AM] 

(have to know the lyrics for that one...)

"Her?  It's about macho planes."

"Yeeeaaaah.  Make the references female, sailor.  What else you have written for this?"

[10:56 AM]  Mr. Brown.: 

Totally. You know, you have to spread her wings... before you fly...

[10:57 AM]  Mr. Blue: 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ABavfazPTjo

The lyrics are really gay... like there's nothing wrong with that, but they are

I like the beginning guitar

hu! hu! hu! hu!  bew dew dew bew d-dew-d-dew bew bew dew

[11:00 AM]  Mr. Brown.: 

da da

lol

Well they are boys, and they are playing

[11:04 AM]  Mr. Blue: 

"bodies working overtime" ?

"when someone's on your mind" ?

I think it'd be a little less gay if it was "guys" instead of "boys"

[11:07 AM] 

(Elvis)  "I...I dunno, man..."

[11:07 AM]  Mr. Blue: 

After chasing sunsets
One of life's simple joys
Is the boys

I don't wanna be obsessed by my desire

With the boys

[11:08 AM] 

"See...right here, Kenny.  Add a 'the' in front of 'boys' in these lines."

"I still don't see it."

"Ok... picture Auntie Mame singing it."

"Okay..."

"Then Liberace singing it."

"O- ... ... HOLY SHIT!” (Kenny scrambles for a pen)

Still terribly gay though

[11:13 AM]  Mr. Blue: 

Even the Village People were more subtle

[11:15 AM]  Mr. Brown.: 

“After chasing sunsets one of life's simple joys is my boys

I don't wanna be obsessed by my desire with my boys”

Hanging boys.

It's a song about his balls

[11:19 AM] 

lol

559 - Silver-Plated Age Comics, That Colorado Rocky Mountain Guy, and "Products Of Interest"!

[1:40 PM]  Mr. Brown.: 

Brown Jr. invented a uncommon superhero this morning

He said he wished he could have a watch that when he pressed a button it would put a bee hive worker suit on him.

Then the thoughts started flooding my head of things i could do with that character

lol

[1:43 PM] 

...fight bees?

[1:44 PM]  Mr. Blue: 

Be effective against Ant Man i guess

[1:50 PM]  Mr. Brown.:  It all stemmed from a bee flying around and him not liking it.

I was thinking like his powers would be bees cannot hurt him

He blows smoke

and produces honey

lol

[1:52 PM]  Mr. Blue: 

How about very realistic superheroes

Spiderman grows 8 legs and literally spins a web out of his butthole (or a hole near his butthole)

And he's much smaller than Spiderwoman and after they mate he gets eaten

[1:53 PM] 

Iron man...stands there and rusts

[1:53 PM]  Mr. Blue: 

Needs followed around by WD40 Man 24/7

[1:54 PM] 

Strong heroes throw him

Oh!  How about his hands are flat, roughly triangular, get hot and can puff out steam.

[1:57 PM]  Mr. Blue: 

heheh

[2:00 PM]  Mr. Brown.: 

I am IRON Man! Bring me your shirts!

Captain America would just be a redneck wearing an American flag

[2:03 PM] 

Wonder Woman - She's tall, kinda burly, hint of 5 o'clock shadow, odd chest shape, deep voice and maybe an Adam's apple

[2:03 PM]  Mr. Brown.: 

Thor would be a blonde old guy able to eat stinky rotting fish

Black Widow would be a spider

Wait she has no real powers

She would be a old lady that killed all her husbands

[2:05 PM] 

These are more literal super heroes than realistic.

Captain America could have the suggested flag motif, but in a peaked cap with an anchor and a pea coat

[2:13 PM]  Mr. Blue: 

Batman - poor eyesight, eats bugs, nocturnal so criminals just do their dealings in the daytime

[2:14 PM]  Mr. Brown.: 

So what is Black Widow?

[2:14 PM] 

...black woman in mourning clothes?

[2:16 PM]  Mr. Brown.: 

ah

[2:29 PM]  Mr. Blue: 

Is it me or does John Denver suck?

His death is an interesting read

He was flying an 'experimental plane apparently with some really stupid design features

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_Denver#Death

'leading cause of accident was his inability to switch fuel tanks mid-flight'

Apparently the switch was out of sight and out of reach of the pilot?

[2:41 PM] 

Possibly. 

I recall a certain segment wondering if it wasn't an accident at all and he crashed it himself

As for him sucking? 

I don't think so

I and everyone else seemed to find him to be one of those really likeable guys

I don't look back to a ton of his music, but I liked a good bit of it.

I'm sure he recorded his share o poo...everyone does.

[2:44 PM]  Mr. Blue: 

Any song I've heard, I did not like

[2:47 PM] 

Some of that I think has to do with what you grew up on

His height was well before you were born.

Hell...I watched Lawrence Welk weekly. 

I'm damaged

Like any other language, you get wired

[2:52 PM]  Mr. Blue: 

As a kid I confused him with John Ritter

Apparently John Ritter's dad was a famous country singer

[2:59 PM] 

Didn't know that.  Ritter is another of those guys everyone seemed to love.  Willie Nelson is in that group. But he's on his way out. Always surprised he's lasted this long.

When i was really little...since you mention it...I originally thought "Cousin Oliver" was Denver when he was a kid.

Not the only one, evidently

[3:09 PM]  Mr. Blue: 

They definitely look alike

[3:16 PM] 

Where was I...oh yes.  Music. 

My collection is really eclectic

A typical selection has to have some quirk or I don't care.

Novelty songs don't generally count.

People went nuts for Weird Al when he was new, but I didn't find him innovative and his voice wasn't "real".

[3:21 PM]  Mr. Blue: 

Weird Al seems like a nice guy but i don't like his music

His humor is too obvious

I don't see any particular skill in taking a song that's already popular and just changing the lyrics so it's funny

[3:21 PM] 

He got better.  There's a couple things i ended up liking

I can filk a tune like Al but I'm only happy with my innovations.

They Might Be Giants...on the other hand...  Heck, I'm still trying to figure out some of the quips in their old stuff.

2 interesting voices...Odd choices of arrangement...Prone to convoluted lyrics, complex passages, weird associations. 

Man...

I played a tape of TMBGs "Lincoln" to the point of it breaking

[3:31 PM]  Mr. Blue: 

I never gave them a listen, my high school friend loves them

[3:32 PM] 

Missing Persons

Gozilla theme music

Film and Game soundtracks

Bunch of classical stuff with little rhyme or reason to why. 

Sugarcubes/Bjork

Asteroids Galaxy Tour

It's...weird

Some just because they evoke a modern mythology to me

Gods and heroes and monsters even if the artists probably never thought of it "that way"...and some who obviously did...Like Souixie and the Banshees

I tried to catalog it once...categories...

It ended up in one giant folder and about 80 links to YouTube

Hehe

So...where does John Denver fit in?

Uhhhh......

(helplessly gestures towards giant folder)

He probably is in there because his tone of voice can sound like he's in harmony with something that isn't audibly there. 

Probably why they cast him in "Oh God"

[10:37 AM] 

Good ol Silver Junior.

I let him know about the discovery of plastic eating bacteria and enzymatic acceleration and what a big deal that is. 

Yesterday he apparently picked up from some online source that the bacteria have improved and can now reduce a plastic in something like 4 hours.

"Then we're doomed."

"...wait...what?"

"Can you imagine the consequences of that getting out into the wild?  Someone is having you on."

"But..."

"Plastic would be useless as a material in a matter of months.  Stuff would be falling apart all over the world."

"Wow.  Yeah."

[10:44 AM]  Mr. Blue: 

What a weird business name: "PRODUCTS OF INTEREST"

They're closing I guess. Wonder why

"Nobody would come in!"

[10:47 AM] 

Lack of interest in their products, perhaps.

[10:49 AM]  Mr. Blue: 

"We're done laundering dirty money.  I mean i uhh.."

[10:49 AM]

Hehehe!

(Enter store.  All pristine shelves of aligned white boxes. Figure behind counter shifts from static pose to alert.  Bright eyed, big smile)

"Welcome to Products of Interest, hu-, sir!  Are there any products that would be of interest to you today, adult male?"

"Uh...all this stuff is unmarked.  What kind of store is this?"

"We are not storage.  What is your interest in products.  I'm sure we can produce something that would interest a 5'11" common Caucasian male in his mid 20s."

"Uh... I was looking for a set of headphones before hitting the Chinese place.  I saw your sign."

"Headphones?  Lets see.  Ah!  Here is just the product of your interest.”

(Grabs white box, sets on counter, opens lid, produces headphones, closes lid)

“Do these interest you?" 

"Nice set.  Got them in, like, red?"

(opens lid, put in headphones, closes lid, opens lid, pulls out red headphones)

"Your product sir."

(Puts box back on shelf)

"That's pretty cool.  What do I owe you?"

"You'll find out."

"What?"

"All free today.  Special promotion.  Enjoy your auditory interest.  Chinese.  You wish to hit the Chinese Place, you said?" 

"Yeah...I was going there next."

"Defining interest.”

(Salesman goes catatonic a few seconds)

“I believe I have the product you are interested in.”

(Wanders all about the store.  Stops at original box.)

"Ah!  the very thing." 

(grabs white box, sets on counter, opens lid, produces Mac 10, closes lid)

"For your hit on the Chinese Place... ... G."

"What?  No...no...  I want to eat Chinese...  I want to hit the place for lunch." 

"This product of your interest would allow for the harvesting of several Chinese at The Place."

"No gun...I just want the phones and some Chinese for lunch, man." 

"I understand your interest.”

(replaces gun, closes box, places on shelf.  Collects same box.)

“Ah, I believe the products of your interest are in this one.  Now what part of Chinese anatomy can I produce to sate your lunch interest, Earth savage?"

[While I could - unfortunately - do this for hours, I won't]

[11:08 AM]  Mr. Brown.: 

The Products of Interest factory gate opens. From the back a curly-haired man walks limps forward wearing a purple top hat as well as a purple suit holding a cane.

hehe

[11:09 AM] 

(Sings) "Come with me...and you'll find... a whole woooorld of Products of Interest..."

[11:10 AM]  Mr. Blue: 

lol

[11:10 AM] 

Willie Wonka and the Products of Interest Factory

[11:11 AM]  Mr. Brown.: 

Come with me... Take a look... Do these pro-ducts pique any of your interests?

[11:11 AM] 

(I need to look away a sec...losing it!)

[11:13 AM]  Mr. Blue: 

(sings Who can take the merchandise... make it marketable... the Product Man can because he mixes it with interest and sells the goods to you-ou

Oh this one's too easy

[11:14 AM] 

(Veruca) "I want pro-ducts...pro-ducts of IN-trest!  Don't care what, I'm interested Now!"

[11:14 AM]  Mr. Blue: 

Oompa, Loompa, doopity do. I've got some products of interest for you

[11:15 AM] 

LOL

[11:25 AM]  Mr. Blue: 

Oompa Loompa doopity dee, if you are wise you'll buy them from me
What is your choice of com-mod-i-ty?
A new home appliance or a novelty tee?
Where are you at hoarding all of your cash?
What do you think will come - of - that?
We've got some new merch-an-dise!