Day 267 - I Can't See This Gun Policy Working Out, "Representatives Of The GOP Have Claimed Responsibility For The Recent Acts Of Intellectual Terrorism In Egypt", A Rumor From The Top, "Turd Turd Turd, Turd Is The Word", All's Fair In Love And War As Long As You're Winning, My Mews Is In A Shoebox, and Homo Dementus

9:41 AM Mr. Green

Really? http://www.rawstory.com/rs/2013/09/08/iowa-to-allow-the-blind-to-carry-guns-in-public/

9:42 AM Mr. Silver

Yup...pretty amazing.

Unfortunately, all I see is Dave Chapelle in his 'black KKK leader' character shouting about his gun rights.

9:44 AM Mr. Green

LOL

9:54 AM Mr. Silver

"Commies!  Marxists!  Nazis!  They ALL want your GUNS!  GUN POWER!  SECOND AMENDMENT!  (BANG!!!)"

(voiceover) "In all, he shot 3 people that day, though there were no serious injuries."

Mr. Silver

http://www.rawstory.com/rs/2013/09/08/bachmann-gohmert-and-kings-surreal-egyptian-presser-blames-muslim-brotherhood-for-911/

(left) "I wonder which one of these foreign people contributed the most money to see me."

(middle) "Egypt is a city in the country of Africa."

(right) "What does that red light on that box we're standing in front of mean?"

10:33 AM Mr. Silver

(Bachmann) “It’s a common enemy, and it’s an enemy called terrorism...(handed paper, reads)...or it was a corrupt government, a deposed dictator, another corrupt government and another coup; none of which is terrorism, apparently. ...Anyway... So hey! Now that that's all settled, where can a gal find a swinging party, grab a plate of pulled pork barbecue, and get a good stiff drink in downtown Egypt?"

Mr. Silver

So if this SOP dies on the 10th, does it leave a vacuum?

Maybe I'll finish my re-write anyway...hehe.

9:20 AM Mr. Teal

Who knows?

LOL

It will be interesting.

9:23 AM Mr. Silver

Hope it is...be nice to spread around but I'm not much for rumors, so haven't said anything to anyone.

Especially since nothing might happen.

9:24 AM Mr. Teal

Yeah.

I got the word from a higher up though.

9:25 AM Mr. Silver

The maintenance guy?

9:25 AM Mr. Teal

LOL

9:25 AM Mr. Silver

Cleaning crew?  Shredding company?

Which higher up?

I

MUST

KNOW!!!!

Mr. Amethyst

Financially, I got the green light for falconry from Mrs. Amethyst.

9:20 AM Mr. Amethyst

Strangely enough, it looks like 40% of the raptor game is studying poo...

I’ll be a poop gaser

gazer?

Don’t know.

9:32 AM Mr. Silver

Poop gasser is funnier.

9:32 AM Mr. Amethyst

lol

Mr. Silver

So falconry is basically a load of bird crap.

9:40 AM Mr. Amethyst

That’s a lot of it, yeah. (bows)

lol

9:41 AM Mr. Silver

A figurative and literal reality in one package.

10:28 AM Mr. Brown

Yeah, the whole thing is a case of not starting a war, but policing a policy that everybody agreed too. And apparently nobody but us that signed it wants to police any of it.

LOL

I’m guessing we always police the world mainly because we are a country made up of people from multiple countries. All immigrants.

10:32 AM Mr. Silver

I think it's a long lingering case of machismo, and small dark minds hiding under big white cowboy hats.

10:32 AM Mr. Brown

LOL

We are a military super power, so we are basically the world police.

“Hey now! You broke a law of war! You're under arrest! You have the right to be bombed! If you refuse that right, you will be bombed anyway! You have the right to hand all your stuff over! If you choose not to use that right, we will take it anyway!”

10:35 AM Mr. Silver

On the other side of the coin, if there were emotionally mature people running these governments, the world wouldn't need a goon with a tin badge.

10:36 AM Mr. Brown

Also, everybody would abide by the damned agreements they signed.

I mean, I believe if they would have just went and shot up those towns, we would not have this problem right now.

10:40 AM Mr. Brown

Kind of like how we won't use hollow point bullets or jagged knives in war.

Trying to make it a fair fight?

lol

Nobody actually fights fair, though.

10:42 AM Mr. Blue

Having rules for war is kind of silly.

10:43 AM Mr. Brown

It is, but we have them.

We beat the British by ignoring them.

LOL

(I assume this is Mr. Brown believing the myth that the British didn't train for and use guerrilla tactics, and the colonial military didn't use line tactics, during the Revolutionary War. Also that George Washington surprised and captured "The Redcoats" in their beds on Christmas morning. - Mr. Silver)

11:21 AM Mr. Silver

Hollow points would only be much good against the unarmored anyway, nowadays.

I've always been amused by those rules though...they go way back.

The Pope tried to ban the use of crossbows, bows and slings...

...against Christians...

“Grievous wounds!  Cruel!”

Like an axe to the head was better.

11:29 AM Mr. Blue

Japan banned all guns in the, what, 1600s?

They managed to sustain a pretty credible honor system.

11:32 AM Mr. Silver

They're Japanese...

But as far a moral ban of missile weapons, one could argue that if you have to get close enough to swing a melee weapon, you have to fully register your opponent and decide to proceed. 

Pack of archers?  “Eh...those are just targets over there.”

11:33 AM Mr. Blue

That's the way it should be. If you want to kill someone you should have to be close to them, look them in the eye, and risk losing.

Guns are cowardly by comparison.

11:34 AM Mr. Silver

Then there was the impaling/lodging factor of a missile that you don't get with most other field weapons...a person could die from an otherwise minor wound.

11:44 AM Mr. Silver

And a crossbow could be used effectively untrained too. Expensive, but since it was easy to load, aim, and had a lot of power behind it, you could slap it into the hands of a trustworthy fellow with 10 minutes of basic instruction and you had a killing machine.

11:51 AM Mr. Silver

But there is yet another factor I'm sure went into the ban, but I'm sure they rationalized as something else...social class.

11:51 AM Mr. Blue

Whose?

11:51 AM Mr. Silver

Archers'.

11:51 AM Mr. Blue

Ahh.

11:51 AM Mr. Silver

Their pay was basically what they could loot.

And since they were poor you couldn't ransom them off for much to many people, so the incentive to let one live wasn't worth money to a heavy footsoldier or knight, and who wants to feed and guard commoners?

So archers would return the favor...

Very easily...

Starting at a long safe range...

“You nobles kill us as worthless?  We kill you nobles as worth a lot. Because, since we're commoners, we can't ransom a rich person off. Why capture one then? A quick dagger through the eye slit, and we have loot to divide.”

11:55 AM Mr. Blue

Knights didn't actually go around in those big metal outfits did they? I always thought those were either for show, prototypes, or for practice.

11:56 AM Mr. Silver

There were different types of armor.

Tilting plate could get ridiculous, but field plate was the finest fighting gear in the world.

It was still heavy, of course, but expertly tailored. Armor screwed the French at Agincourt.

Of course the French also kept trying to charge into longbowman across a mud field into set and waiting defenders.

11:58 AM Mr. Blue

So they'd look ridiculous if they actually tried to move in those jousting get ups.

11:58 AM Mr. Silver

The Renaissance sport stuff, yes.

11:59 AM Mr. Brown

Well, as heavy as a knight's armor was, they were also physically fit for wearing it.

11:59 AM Mr. Blue

I still doubt they could move.

12:01 PM Mr. Silver

Oh no...the high-end articulated field stuff was about 30-40lbs. You can swim in it.

12:19 PM Mr. Blue

Ahh.

Mr. Amethyst

Mr. Brown.

I learned today that the Red Tail Hawk is actually a buzzard.

There ya go. Interesting tidbit for the day.

1:42 PM Mr. Brown

Birds of prey are pretty similar. Just choice of food and hunting styles.

1:43 PM Mr. Amethyst

...

I could argue about this for days.

But I won't.

1:43 PM Mr. Silver

You will...this is Mr. Brown.

1:47 PM Mr. Silver

Taking up Hummbirdry, BTW...

1:47 PM Mr. Silver

Open the matchbox...take off the tiny hood.  Send it after small bugs...

1:47 PM Mr. Amethyst

LOL, Mr. Silver!

1:48 PM Mr. Amethyst

"I do falconry"

"Oh yeah? What kinda bird?"

"Hummingbird"

2:58 PM Mr. Amethyst

Mr. Silver, you know about this kinda stuff, is Mr. Brown an evolutionary leap into the future? Like, is he another species yet to be identified?

2:59 PM Mr. Silver

Brownus Katzenjammerus

3:00 PM Mr. Blue

He's evolution in reverse.

3:00 PM Mr. Brown

How do you know?

If I’m ahead of you, how can you process anything I’m thinking or saying?

3:01 PM Mr. Amethyst

"And here we see the Brown in his natural habitat. Be sure not to stare, as he will begin spewing random words and phrases and you'll be arguing about going through the sun."

3:02 PM Mr. Brown

Well, if you look at really smart people, they can lack common sense. Its almost as if using the brain for all that thinking and knowledge pushes stuff out.

3:03 PM Mr. Blue

That's called autism.

3:05 PM Mr. Brown

I may be a wee bit autistic.

LOL

3:05 PM Mr. Silver

There was a line from Venture Brothers

“Honestly, Hank, where do you pick that stuff up? I never see you read! It's like he channels dead crazy people!”

3:05 PM Mr. Amethyst

That was beautiful.

Day 266 - Crap Wars, Boll Of Cereal, Mr. Blue & Mr. Amethyst Get Rubbed The Wrong Way, Mr. Gray Teaches The Kids All About Dancers, Depeche Commode, and "IT-Fellas"

12:49 PM Mr. Gray

http://www.knoxnews.com/news/2013/sep/04/dark-horse-comics-brings-the-star-wars-to-life/

12:55 PM Mr. Blue

The original script and characters were pretty out there.

A lot of characters were made humans because it was easier & cheaper.

12:55 PM Mr. Brown

Yeah, it will be cool.

12:58 PM Mr. Blue

I don't remember what all the original treatment had, but I remember thinking that it would have bombed if they'd made it.

12:59 PM Mr. Brown

Well, it would have been cult movie at best.

1:00 PM Mr. Blue

I think mostly I felt like a lot of the stuff Lucas wanted to do would have been impossible, and thus it would come off very cheap/fake based on the technology/money available.

1:07 PM Mr. Silver

I like to think of it as "George said 'yes' and wiser heads said 'no'."

1:08 PM Mr. Gray

Yep

I didn't hear anything really good about it.

Most of the reason the first 3 were good was other people told George "NO...I think this is a bad idea" as opposed to the last 3 when he had total control and people saying "Great idea George! A clumsy frog-guy with big ears who serves no real purpose except to be stupid? Kids'll LOVE it!!"

1:10 PM Mr. Blue

Yep.

1:38 PM Mr. Brown

earlier befor work had bolw of chex

1:39 PM Mr. Silver

Bolw of Chex?

Wasn't he a Hittite king?

1:39 PM Mr. Brown

LOL

1:39 PM Mr. Blue

I had a boll weevil for breakfast.

1:40 PM Mr. Brown

Chex has a lot of flavors of gluten free cereal.

1:40 PM Mr. Silver

I love their old jingle:  "What's the good in eatin' coal?  Put some Weevil, in your Boll!"

1:43 PM Mr. Blue

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/5/5d/Boll_weevil_monument.jpg

One of the weirdest statues of all time.

1:49 PM Mr. Blue

If they were smart, they would have started making clothes & blankets out of boll weevils.

2:13 PM Mr. Blue

I saw a story on WPXI about some massage parlor doubling as a prostitution ring.

2:14 PM Mr. Blue

So I looked the business up on Yelp. Dang. Every single review mentions hand jobs.

2:14 PM Mr. Brown

LOL

2:14 PM Mr. Blue

So I looked up a few other massage places...and that's all they do.

Every one mentions hand jobs, and the customer being able to fondle the masseuse.

2:15 PM Mr. Amethyst

Where is this?

2:15 PM Mr. Blue

Aspinwall, and another in Market Square, downtown.

2:18 PM Mr. Silver

I think he was asking for specific addresses, Mr. Blue.

2:18 PM Mr. Amethyst

LOL. Nah, I'm on Yelp.

2:18 PM Mr. Silver

"Follow the smiles!"

2:18 PM Mr. Blue

It just seems like, if the police wanted to find these places, they'd just look on Yelp instead of needing to be "informed", because it's right there.

I just found 3 prostitution rings in Pittsburgh.

2:21 PM Mr. Brown

LOL

Happy Endings!

Probably every one says that.

2:22 PM Mr. Amethyst

What are you searching!?

2:23 PM Mr. Blue

The business's name.

2:23 PM Mr. Amethyst

How do I locate these on Yelp?

2:24 PM Mr. Blue

Just search massage parlors, or Chinese massage.

2:25 PM Mr. Silver

I'm tellin' you, you're torturing Mr. Amethyst...just give him the addresses already!

2:25 PM Mr. Amethyst

LOL

2:26 PM Mr. Blue

I tried looking up the massage place that's near here, but they only had 1 review and it just said "best in town" or something.

2:26 PM Mr. Silver

"Only in town!"

2:26 PM Mr. Blue

Go check it out and write a review if they give you a “HJ” or “FIV”

How else does a massage warrant 5 stars unless you orgasm?

2:27 PM Mr. Amethyst

LOL

2:27 PM Mr. Silver

"It was pretty good..."

2:27 PM Mr. Blue

They probably won't “JO” everyone. Like if it's a gross person or someone dressed in a cop uniform. I don’t care really, and I wouldn't go to one of those places...but why aren't the cops using these reviews as evidence to get warrants?

2:28 PM Mr. Brown

If you hand most massagers a 50 and say Happy Ending, they will do it.

LOL

2:29 PM Mr. Blue

Have you done it before, Mr. Brown?

2:29 PM Mr. Brown

No....just saying...

LOL

2:29 PM Mr. Silver

"No...just making shit up..."

2:31 PM Mr. Amethyst

I'm giving up. I cant find these reviews.

2:34 PM Mr. Silver

*Note to the people at corporate reading all this: If you review my contributions to this kind of topic, you'll see that, generally, I stick to cheap jokes...just saying...

2:34 PM Mr. Blue

Heh

2:52 PM Mr. Brown

I don't like strip clubs.

I think its dirty. I don't want some woman that was just all over some other guy touching me.

2:52 PM Mr. Amethyst

I’m not a strip club fan.

2:53 PM Mr. Blue

I’ve never been to one, but it doesn't appeal to me.

2:53 PM Mr. Gray

That’s just because you always get the fat ones.

2:53 PM Mr. Blue

A nice classy place might be ok.

2:54 PM Mr. Brown

No, they still touched other people.

If they then touch me...not cool.

Just them dancing is ok.

2:54 PM Mr. Blue

For some reason I’d be more inclined to go if I was going with another girl rather than a buncha guys. It seems kind of gay and desperate and sad, going with a buncha dudes.

2:54 PM Mr. Gray

Girls always get more attention.

2:54 PM Mr. Brown

You know how you get the attention of every single girl in the club?

Hand one of them a 20 instead of a 1. They'll be all over you until you tell them you have no more money.

2:55 PM Mr. Gray

Bah...20's are normal for a classy place.

No..take a chick.

2:56 PM Mr. Silver

Listen to his wisdom, kids...the guy knows.

2:56 PM Mr. Amethyst

Yup.

2:56 PM Mr. Blue

I don't know any lesbians or straight girls that would be into that.

2:56 PM Mr. Gray

A. Guys seeing you are immediately jealous their chick isn’t that cool.
B. The girls assume you are cool for bringing her.
C. The girls like to get chatty with the girl, so they hang out around you.
D. They assume you are "safe" because you are with another girl, and hang with you more.

Experience.

Been there....Done that...Many many times...

2:57 PM Mr. Blue

Makes sense.

2:57 PM Mr. Gray

I've dated 3 dancers...and been friends with many more than that. Trust me.

2:57 PM Mr. Amethyst

"Dancers" or dancers?

2:58 PM Mr. Gray

"Dancers".

You can tell I have - I don’t use the term "Stripper". LOL! They hate that!

2:58 PM Mr. Blue

Burlesque. That might be OK. That's classy and not as misogynistic.

2:59 PM Mr. Brown

Right. I would go to a burlesque show.

2:59 PM Mr. Gray

I know quite a few burlesque girls too, heh.

2:59 PM Mr. Blue

Some weekend, we gotta all go out and meet these girls. Mr. Gray's treat.

2:59 PM Mr. Gray

LOL

Hey I'll go, just don't expect me to pay.

Last time I went, one chick had me hold her cash all night for her. LOL

2:59 PM Mr. Brown

I’ve been to a few private parties. The ones where the stripper comes to it.

3:00 PM Mr. Amethyst

Mr. Brown, please. “Dancer”.

8:59 AM Mr. Brown

LOL

I had a strange artistic dream last night.

I was sitting on a toilet by a stop sign.

Then in a elevator with people.

Then at a beach party.

LOL

9:00 AM Mr. Blue

Very artsy.

9:00 AM Mr. Brown

I have no clue what any of it means to me though.

9:06 AM Mr. Silver

Was "Enjoy the Silence" playing, and were you wearing a crown and ermine-lined cloak?

9:07 AM Mr. Brown

Nope.

Normal shirt and shorts, sitting on the toilet.

(Hours later – Mr. Silver)

3:24 PM Mr. Silver

(sings) "En-joy the toi-let..."

(sorry…flashback)

3:25 PM Mr. Brown

LOL

Flushback.

3:27 PM Mr. Silver

(touches nose, points)  Excellent, sir!

3:29 PM Mr. Brown

Whether dreams go up or down, either way - go with the flow.

Mr. Amethyst

I love when people call us an outfit.

It makes me feel like a mobster.

Like an old school bank robber.

"We're gonna hook up this secure tunnel, see! And you're gonna take the fall when it fails, see!"

10:28 Mr. Silver

"If we're an outfit, I’d like to slip into something more comfortable."

10:29 AM Mr. Amethyst

Mr. Silver, that's not our job...we have other people for that. We make decisions and make money.

And you're the don.

10:31 AM Mr. Silver

*changes into a double-breasted suit, inserts a chewing toothpick and gets out a tommy gun*

(shrugs and mumbles a lot)

10:33 AM Mr. Blue

If you don't update your passwords, we send Dino to your house to rough you up a little.

10:35 AM Mr. Amethyst

*Lights stogie, starts digging up Marilyn Monroe's grave*

"All the other mobsters slept with her. Eh, this is what KY Warming is for, right!"

10:36 AM Mr. Silver

She's in a mausoleum slot, you know.

10:37 AM Mr. Amethyst

...was.....was in a mausoleum slot.

Shes looked better though. Smelled it, too.

10:37 AM Mr. Silver

(Louie) "You mugs put your backs into dem shovels! We gotta get the broad dug up for the boss by morning!"

(Mario) "I just don't get why we're digging up on a roof through all dis marble, Louie."

(Vinnie) "Shaddap, Mario! The boss says DIG her up."

10:38 AM Mr. Amethyst

lol

10:38 AM Mr. Silver

(Mario) "I'm just sayin' I think the door would be easier...knowaddimean?"

(Louie) "Shaddup and dig!"

10:38 AM Mr. Blue

"For as long as I can remember, I always wanted to be an IT fella."

10:39 AM Mr. Amethyst

That could be the first line in the most amazing, or most terrible, movie of all time.