Friday, May 2, 2014

Day 291 - The Leaning Tower Of Tarentum, "He's Poparm The Synthol Man! (Shoo-shoot!)", "Hype-N-Fall Addicts", Don't Make Fun Of Vlad Tepes's Accent, and A Black Belt In Medicine

9:11 AM Mr. Blue
The leaning tower of Tarentum.
9:14 AM Mr. Silver
Let's save that building!
Tarentum needs the tourism!
We'll set up pictures of people doing this stuff!
9:17 AM Mr. Blue
Heh
I want to go to Pisa and take a picture of me giving the finger to all the people pretending to be leaning into it.
Why make it seem like you're holding it up?
Why not make it seem like you're the one pushing it over?
9:20 AM Mr. Silver
The way this building seems to lean, I'm wondering if the proper shtick is to make it look like you are punching it in between the 1st and 2nd floors
(googles)
Yeah, that's it
9:21 AM Mr. Blue
LOL @ the pic with the firefighters
They're Andy Warhol-ing it.
9:21 AM Mr. Silver
Dress as Goku and snap a picture of a flying kick at where it buckles.
9:22 AM Mr. Blue
Heheh
9:22 AM Mr. Silver
Yeah...the firefighters look rather funny in the context of this conversation
(“This morning’s fire/rescue training exercise involved firefighters using their psychic powers to distort buildings”)
Mr. Blue
9:55 AM Mr. Silver
That's what Tarentum needs.
9:56 AM Mr. Amethyst
A cute chick kicking down buildings?
9:57 AM Mr. Silver
Yes.
9:57 AM Mr. Amethyst
I support this idea.
9:58 AM Mr. Silver
We could meme her: Kick Girl
Have her kick all kinds of stuff.
9:58 AM Mr. Amethyst
I’d meme her once or twice.



Mr. Brown
Dumb ass.
10:14 AM Mr. Silver
(Sings) "I'm strong to da finish, 'cause I inject a lethal cocktail-ich!"
10:15 AM Mr. Blue
What's the point of having big arms that don't look remotely like muscle?
Also, Popeye had big forearms. Syntholers don't.
10:16 AM Mr. Silver
He can do that base jumping thing without a wingsuit with those. 
10:17 AM Mr. Blue
Also, the Zyzz guy on his t-shirt died of steroid use.
10:18 AM Mr. Brown
His old photos looked better.  “Come here!  Let me give you a black eye when I hug you!”
10:20 AM Mr. Silver
“Zyzz - Veni Vidi Morti”



Mr. Silver
" "Most addictive game ever!" says our correspondent, who started playing it yesterday with everyone else, is 12, and who previously gave the same review to Flappy Bird and Candy Crush"
11:24 AM Mr. Silver
"He has also apparently never played a computer game that had potions, scrolls or similar one use items, as he calls these "twists", as if they are innovative in a community that has been using similar game elements since the 70s."
11:25 AM Mr. Amethyst
lol
12:02 PM Mr. Silver
Nothing but the title of the article suggests it has any addictive qualities.
12:35 PM Mr. Yellow
I can list a host of games I would find more addictive
One would be “Genghis Khan”
I played that for two straight days once.
12:36 PM Mr. Yellow
And still, my roommate and I had only conquered half of China each and quit because we were exhausted.
12:36 PM Mr. Green
“Master of Magic”!
12:37 PM Mr. Yellow
Yes!  A shorter game, but I always played all the way through.
“Baldur’s Gate”. An entire weekend with Ron watching me play; it was that addictive he just watched me play the whole weekend.



Mr. Brown
You know how when somebody makes fun of Dracula, they do the “bla bla bla” thing?
They are definitely not doing a real thing, because he never says that, but they are making fun of the Romanian accent.
9:26 AM Mr. Blue
Dracula is Romanian
9:29 AM Mr. Silver
The bla bla came from bad/broad imitations of Bela Lugosi's version.
It is always done in his voice.
9:32 AM Mr. Brown
Right.
9:32 AM Mr. Silver
IMO, even Oldman's characterization tried to imitate Lugosi a little.
Meanwhile, I've never heard a Christopher Lee “Bla blah-bla”.
9:32 AM Mr. Brown
I’m going to suck your bla bla blad.
It was a poor Romanian accent to start with.
9:33 AM Mr. Blue
Lugosi is from Romania, so it makes sense to imitate him.
(Actually a part of Hungary that is now Romania...but seriously...close enough – Mr. Silver)
9:33 AM Mr. Brown
Oh, he is?
Then he really Romanianed it up.
9:33 AM Mr. Blue
He hammed up the role, but I think his accent is just how he talked.
I mean, he didn't float around glaring at people and whipping his cape around,
but yeah, he spoke in a Romanian accent.
9:37 AM Mr. Silver
I'm sure his accent was from 1st hand knowledge of Romanian aristocratic speaking. 
He certainly didn't use it in all his films.
Not that he ever had an American twang or anything, but his "clearly foreign scientist" characters weren't "Dracula".
9:39 AM Mr. Blue
I’ll have to read up on the casting of Lugosi.
It’s kind of weird how they happened to get someone actually from Transylvania.
9:40 AM Mr. Brown
Well, they knew the history of the real Dracula.
So probably went for authenticity.
9:41 AM Mr. Silver
Pfft...Hollywood research in those days?
They got him because he was such a sensation performing Dracula on stage.
9:41 AM Mr. Silver
Hollywood clearly didn’t consider the “real history” of Dracula for “Dracula”.
Vlad Tepes is a national hero there, you know
9:42 AM Mr. Silver
Their extremely violent George Washington.
How different would U.S. history have been...
"General Washington, the British have surrendered.  What should we do with their commanders and the prisoners."
9:44 AM Mr. Brown
“Put their heads on spits?”
9:44 AM Mr. Silver
"Impale them on stakes outside of Boston."
"Yes General!"
9:46 AM Mr. Silver
(pacing, exasperated) "Heads...heads are so…static.  No, there's nothing like dining to the sound of living men expiring slowly, stuck on the top of 8' tall spikes.  On that note, what is the cook planning for this evening, corporal?"
10:06 AM Mr. Blue
Later that year, in 1459, Ottoman Sultan Mehmed II sent envoys to Vlad to urge him to pay a delayed tribute[6] of 10,000 ducats and 500 recruits into the Ottoman forces. Vlad refused, because if he had paid the 'tribute', as the tax was called at the time, it would have meant a public acceptance of Wallachia as part of the Ottoman Empire. Vlad, just like most of his predecessors and successors, had as a primary goal to keep Wallachia as independent as possible. Vlad had the Turkish envoys killed on the pretext that they had refused to raise their "hats" to him, by nailing their turbans to their heads.
LOL!  A lot like the envoy that the Mongolians sent to Japan.
"Hey dude… uhh… our boss sent us to ask for some money, and... uhh." 
"Have these idiots killed at once."
10:20 AM Mr. Blue
The amount of stakes you'd need to fashion in order to impale 20,000 people alone is a marvel.
10:20 AM Mr. Silver
I like the tale of Vlad putting out one of his bejeweled gold cups for people to use at a public fountain.  No one was stupid enough to steal it.
10:22 AM Mr. Blue
Heh, I never heard that.
10:22 AM Mr. Brown
That shows pure respect for a pimp.
10:23 AM Mr. Silver
There was also the merchant he bought something from and short-changed him a couple coins.
The merchant decided to let it slide.
Bad move...
Vlad had done it on purpose to see if the merchant would be honest/man enough to call him on it.
Gaak!
10:23 AM Mr. Blue
Nice.
10:31 AM Mr. Silver
(Ambassadors) "Psst - Never accept an invitation to one of Vlad’s 'steak dinners'.  Shh...He’s here..."
Vlad "Hello boys!  Welcome to the castle!  Say, I’m famished: either of you up for some chicken on a spit?"
"Uh...  Sure!  Yes!"
Vlad "Great!  Guards...impale these fine fellows on the spits and get the cook to fry me up some chicken."
“Crap..."
Vlad “Walked right into it, you know. (winks)”
“Yeah…”
10:41 AM Mr. Blue
“He roasted children, whom he fed to their mothers. And (he) cut off the breasts of women, and forced their husbands to eat them. After that, he had them all impaled.”
Nobody RSVPed to any of Vlad's party invitations.
11:02 AM Mr. Silver
No...  It usually ended up just him, left with a lot of food and decorations.



11:51 AM Mr. Blue
So I’m supposed to go to "Brookland Medical Arts"
What the heck are medical “arts”?
11:51 AM Mr. Brown
Anything that has to do with medicine.
LOL
The arts of medicine.
12:00 PM Mr. Silver
(Commercial opens, doctor appears with a Kiai shout, Yin Yang headband and dual-wielded scalpels.)
"Booker Medical Arts!  We will defeat your illness!"
"Gastrointestinal issues?!" (snap kick to patient's stomach)
"Erectile dysfunction?!" (spin kick to groin)
12:02 PM Mr. Blue
"We’ll remove that appendix and make the scar look like the Chinese symbol for peace!"
12:02 PM Mr. Silver
"Heart disease?!"  (bare hand thrust under ribcage, pulls out still beating heart)
12:03 PM Mr. Blue
LOL
You went in a different direction than I had pictured.
"Uhh doc, you didn't actually remove my tumor.  You just painted a forest scene on it." 
"Yep."
12:05 PM Mr. Silver
Ah...you mean the Bob Ross Medical Arts.
"Now...let's soften the almighty coronary by putting in a happy little bypass.  You'll want your #2 palette knife. Take a bit of cadmium red...and take just a touch of burnt orange along the edge..."
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Sunday, April 27, 2014

Day 290 - The Big Claim Hunter, Apparently She Loves The Pepperoni, Fights Bad Breath Gingivitis & Staphilococcus Aureus, "Sleazy Rider", and I Included Garapathivenkatapoorna Just So It Could Be Googled By Future Generations

Mr. Blue
8:28 AM Mr. Blue
A little adventure mixed with cryptozoology.
8:57 AM Mr. Silver
So I skimmed a bit of "The Hunter" plot, and oddly enough, the Mr. Belvedere skit came to mind
"Why would we want to kill the last remaining Tasmanian tigers?!"
"Well...there's this girl.  And I think she'd really be impressed if she knew I found a cryptid."
"But, why kill it?  No!"
(creepy psycho) "Excuse me, but I believe we always have a vote on this sort of thing."
9:02 AM Mr. Blue
Hehehe
9:04 AM Mr. Silver
"Fine!  All in favor of killing off the last Tasmanian tigers, assuming we can find any?  All opposed?   Fine. We don't kill them, and frankly I'm surprised the vote was that close!"
"Aww...that's alright.  She was probably a lesbian anyway."
9:08 AM Mr. Blue
I’m not sure if it's mentioned in the plot summary, but a company wanted the DNA of the animal.
9:08 AM Mr. Silver
It was.  They were assuming it had paralytic venom.
9:09 AM Mr. Blue
Yeah, which it probably didn't, but other marsupials do, so it's not that big of a stretch.
And there are animals today that we still aren't sure if they're venomous or if they just have nasty bacteria in their mouths.  So there's no way to be 100% certain of Tasmanian tigers.
It’s not one of those movies where someone is looking for something that hasn't been verified in 50 years and basically can't throw a rock without hitting one.
It takes him a while... he hears one... sees a glimpse… etc.
9:19 AM Mr. Silver
Then says "Clever girl" and gets swarmed?
9:22 AM Mr. Amethyst
LOL
9:22 AM Mr. Silver
(a part that irritated me in Jurassic Park)
9:22 AM Mr. Blue
Why?
9:24 AM Mr. Silver
I have a hard time believing someone of his supposed experience, and having had unprecedented access to the raptors to watch how they worked together, would be so dumb as to just wander off into any situation like that.
"Here's my plan...I'll walk into the bush where I have a 5-10' visibility range to see if I can scare up intelligent coordinated pack hunters who attack from all sides."
"You lied on your resume, didn't you?"
"Eh?"
"You basically walked into the interview with a gun, Jungle Jim clothes and an Australian accent and got this job...Are you even Australian?"
"Well...no.  But I watched Crocodile Dundee like 30 times."
9:38 AM Mr. Silver
Oh...and saying "clever girl" causes a lot less damage and doesn't make the same sort of scary bang that might frighten off veloceraptors as, say, a shotgun blast to the leader's eye might.
9:39 AM Mr. Blue
Even just pulling the trigger at the one he was already aiming at.
Thus making it 2-on-1 instead of 3.
9:39 AM Mr. Silver
Yup
Or 1-on-0: one dead, others running.
9:39 AM Mr. Blue
My interpretation of that was he was kind of a chess player.  He was beaten and he accepted it.
9:40 AM Mr. Blue
"Clever girl... good game, mate. I concede. Go ahead and eat me now."
9:42 AM Mr. Silver
(severely injured in escape helicopter) "And so I says to meself, if I keep blastin' at the smelly bastards, I might just 'ave a shot of gettin' another can of the foamy amber before I cark it, right?  And coo, did they tear me up bonzers!  But me ol' barker took 'em all dahn like a piss in the woods!"
There...that’s a real fake Aussie big game hunter.
9:44 AM Mr. Blue
So a picture of the Tasmanian tiger that was distributed to show it stealing farmers chickens (and probably led to its extinction) was actually a stuffed specimen with a dead chicken placed in its mouth.
9:45 AM Mr. Silver
Heh
9:46 AM Mr. Blue
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Henry_Burrell "Thylacine" at the bottom... what a jackass…
"Seen here on Halloween dressed as the Gorton Fisherman."
9:48 AM Mr. Silver
"Also famous as the inspiration for the Captain Morgan rum pirate pose."
9:53 AM Mr. Blue
Heh
9:54 AM Mr. Silver
"Zoologist Carol Freeman made the conclusion that the animal was stuffed after observing that the animal was standing on a mounting board with a small plaque at the bottom reading 'Tasmanian Tiger'.  To quote from her expose, 'The coincidence that the beast was photographed while standing on such a mounting board is not unprecedented, but seems unlikely.’"
10:02 AM Mr. Blue
LOL



10:12 AM Mr. Yellow
OMG I forgot.  At the Italian joint down a couple doors: There was a couple having sex in the back room.  The back door was open and we were outside smoking and I heard a woman moaning in pleasure.
10:20 AM Mr. Silver
(sings) "When the pizza chef guy gives the waitress a ride that's amore...” 
“When she she's starting to swoon playing in the back room, that's amore..."
I love those old Dean Martin classics.
10:20 AM Mr. Yellow
Yep



1:49 PM Mr. Silver
So...another good use for Listerine: Reducing toxicity fears from suspect meat.
1:57 PM Mr. Blue
How?
Soaked it?
2:03 PM Mr. Silver
I had a bit of ring bologna this morning.  I was a little leery of it...I usually have a bit for breakfast, so it stretches out over several days as it is, and then it had been sitting over the weekend, maybe partway through last week too…I couldn’t remember.
I hemmed and hawed over eating it and decided it was probably OK, so popped it in and started chewing. 
It didn't feel or taste right.  It might have been psychological priming, I don’t know, but I decided I was done risking it and spit it all out.
"Crap...if it was crawling with bacteria, I'm probably scr- LISTERINE!"
2:06 PM Mr. Blue
Ahh
2:07 PM Mr. Silver
I gargled and swished a nice big shot of the stuff and so far am not showing signs of bazooka barfing or death.
2:08 PM Mr. Blue
Good thinking.
Any hard liquor would probably do the trick, too.
2:09 PM Mr. Silver
Like I'd spit that out...
2:09 PM Mr. Blue
Heh.
2:09 PM Mr. Silver
"Morning, Mr. Silver.  How ar... …are you drunk?"
"It was life or death, Mike."



Mr. Blue
I started watching 'Easy Rider'.
But it seemed like a long music video, so I decided to finish later.
2:26 PM Mr. Silver
I never saw either.
2:30 PM Mr. Silver
I got about five minutes into Easy Rider and said "God.  What a bunch of 60's a-holes" and switched to something else.
I would probably riff it as harshly as some of the MST3K stuff, based on the part I watched.
(decides to read about 'Easy Rider')
2:38 PM Mr. Blue
It wasn't bad, it's just that nothing was happening.
2:39 PM Mr. Silver
(dubs over Seinfeld twang music)
2:42 PM Mr. Silver
Results so far:
#1 - Toni Basil used to be very hot
#2 - Do not intensively Google image-search Toni Basil here.
2:42 PM Mr. Blue
When she did “Mickey” she was already pretty old.
2:47 PM Mr. Silver
Yep...I'd riff the Hell out of “Easy Rider”.
It’s a classic of the "Stupid people being stupid" genre.
2:51 PM Mr. Silver
I was told a couple times I “would have been good in the 60s”.
Eh.
Not if people were generally like this.
2:53 PM Mr. Silver
Oddly enough, “Dazed and Confused”, I relate to.  It was also "Stupid people being stupid", but it didn't involve anyone being stupid enough to stay in the South like these dopes.
"Hey!  Freedom guys!  Every place you go down here, you get hassled, threatened, or assaulted!  Go north one or two states, you morons!"
I know Bakshi liked being gritty and urban, but "Fritz the Cat" was consistently unpleasant too.
Even the “intellectual” characters.
"Geez...pick and choose the losers you hang out with better." (and I was advising the coeds, not Fritz.)
Maybe that was part of the reason behind the whole Hippie thing:
In the 60s, nothing looked clean, the Squares were too square, and everyone else was stupid scum.
So drop out, become a Hippie, and live out the rest of the decade in a drug haze so you wouldn’t have to notice.
(I clearly had no past life in the 60s)
3:29 PM Mr. Silver
Hmmm...think I should put that on the blog?  Not good enough?
Wait...
Most of the stuff I post isn't.
3:29 PM Mr. Blue
heh



Mr. Blue
GARAPATHIVENKATAPOORNA. 
His actual last name.
The name couldn't even fit in our software.
"We have a long, rich history of inconveniencing other people."
8:36 AM Mr. Silver
You can't even Google it.
"So what is the VPN giving as an error, Misterrrrr... G?"
8:37 AM Mr. Brown
Mr. G-Porn
8:37 AM Mr. Silver
"In my home alphabet it's represented by 2 characters: A line and 2 squiggle things."
9:11 AM Mr. Silver
G-Porn is his rap name
"Yo!  I'm Garapathivenkatapoorna!  I’m here ta warn ya!  All my rhymes are apathetic vents on kitty cats and porn-a!" 
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