Wednesday, August 7, 2013

Day 253 - Cocky-Tease, I'd Like A Juice Of Sapho With A Beer Chaser, In Space No One Can Hear Your Servos Jerk, Was Getting Cast Out Of Missouri Such A Bad Thing?, Don's New Get-Rich-Quick Scheme, "No Charges Have Been Filed But Police Are Seeking The Plecostomus As A Fish-Of-Interest", XBall One, and We Just Assume The Victim Put A Band-Aid On It At Home

Mr. Brown
Good science
2:19 PM Mr. Silver
"Beautiful Young Woman In Skimpy Clothes Assume Men Have Never Heard Of Oldest Profession"
2:19 PM Mr. Amethyst
LOL
She's lucky.
If she saw Mrs. Amethyst and me, and asked me, she would punch her.
2:22 PM Mr. Silver
"Some of the men who say 'no' are with their girlfriends, who surprisingly don't seem angry about Andrea's approach.  Theories are divided as to whether they are proud of their mens' behavior, or were 'into it' and later expressed their disappointment in them."
2:22 PM Mr. Amethyst
LOL



Mr. Silver
Hehe...recollection.
Mr. and Mrs. Pig Iron and I would watch Dune as a repeat event: “Dune Nite”.
After a while, we'd have drinks at the start and rattle off a messed up mantra from the Mentats:
“It is by will alone I set my mind in motion. It is by the juice of sapho that thoughts acquire speed, the lips acquire stains, the stains become a warning. It is by will alone I set my mind in motion.”
But it was more like:
“It is by will alone I get intoxicated. It is by the juice of SNAFU that thoughts acquire speed, the lips acquire stains, the stains become a warning. It is by will alone I get intoxicated 
2:01 PM Mr. Gray
LMAO
I need to remember that one!
2:14 PM Mr. Silver
Perhaps a Friday game night toast? We'll be in space, after all.
2:15 PM Mr. Gray
True! Appropriate!
2:15 PM Mr. Silver
I know it was even more messed up, but I'm having trouble trying to remember.
Something like: "the lips acquire slurs".
2:16 PM Mr. Gray
Hehe
2:20 PM Mr. Silver
I think it was:
“It is by will alone I get intoxicated. It is by the juice of SNAFU that thoughts acquire blurs, the lips acquire slurs, the slurs become a babble. It is by will alone I get intoxicated.”
Probably not...something like that though.
We...uh...always got rather drunk on Dune Nite.
2:25 PM Mr. Gray
LOL! I bet!



Mr. Blue
1:38 PM Mr. Silver
The new G.E. "Hardly, Man".
"We're currently working on a newer model that is capable of lifting the first model back up off the floor after it shakes itself over."
1:44 PM Mr. Brown
All I could picture when I saw that was Aliens was Sigourney Weaver in the loader machine.
1:48 PM Mr. Silver
(Ripley) "As SOON as I can get this thing to move over there YOU BITCH!!!"
1:48 PM Mr. Blue
Heheh!



Mr. Brown
3:00 PM Mr. Blue
Apples & milk snakes aren't native to Africa.
Also, I see her nipple.
3:01 PM Mr. Brown
They say apple in the Bible but I think it was a different fruit.
3:02 PM Mr. Blue
I think they just say fruit and serpent
I’m just talking about that picture.
3:02 PM Mr. Brown
Yeah, you're right, it never says apple. I thought about it a little more.
3:03 PM Mr. Silver
"And we've also discovered they were white. And the serpent was imported from America, so no wonder he was an ass."
3:04 PM Mr. Brown
LOL
3:04 PM Mr. Blue
Maybe the Mormons were right: Eden is in Missouri.
3:04 PM Mr. Silver
Having been to Missouri, I'm sure it's not.
3:04 PM Mr. Brown
Which Missouri?
3:04 PM Mr. Blue
How many Missouris do you know of?
3:05 PM Mr. Brown
I’m sure there are two.
LOL



Mr. Silver
Need a giggle?
Mrs. Silver "So did Don get his new equipment?"
"He's not getting new equipment."
Mrs. "Oh...I thought you said he was doing something like digging."
1:43 PM Mr. Silver
"Oh, he is.  It's someone else's equipment though.  He just has his little back hoe."
Mrs. "...He has what?"
"A little back hoe."
Mrs. “Don has a little black ho?"
1:43 PM Don
LOL
Wow!
1:44 PM Mr. Silver
"I guess we know his new money-making scheme."
2:00 PM Mr. Amethyst
HAHAHAHAHAAHHA
2:12 PM Mr. Green
I need one of those!
LOL



Mr. Silver
So...killed the fish in a day, huh?
10:16 AM Mr. Blue
?
10:17 AM Mr. Amethyst
4 hours.
I think I put them in the water too fast.
10:17 AM Mr. Silver
Yes.
10:17 AM Mr. Amethyst
All the tetras died.
But the plecostomus was fine. He's now MIA. I think he escaped.
10:17 AM Mr. Silver
On the lam after the murders.
Did you use tap water?
10:18 AM Mr. Amethyst
Yup, lol!
But de-chlorinated and PH balanced.
I think they just didn't like me, so Mrs. Amethyst went and got 7 more from Petco.
I don't know how 7 fish will live in 1 gallon.
10:19 AM Mr. Silver
Did you let the temperature balance between the tank and bag for a while?
10:19 AM Mr. Amethyst
Yea, but I think I put them in too soon after the chemicals.
10:19 AM Mr. Silver
"My GILLS!   My GILLS!!!"
"It feels like FIRE and I don't even know what that IS!!!!"
The tetras sacrificed themselves to balance your water for you...think of it that way.
10:21 AM Mr. Amethyst
Yea, I kind of felt bad, but meh...



Mr. Silver
So...I'm bit slow on the uptake on this one for a guy who notices things.
While chatting to Mr. Gray last night, I had an isolated XBox logo on my screen.
My mind wandered, and finally it said
"It's not a box."
"Hmm?"
"The XBox logo...it's an X cut into a sphere, viewed from an angle...it's not a box in any way."
"Ah...how very Microsoft..."
3:06 PM Mr. Blue
I think I saw a graphic that said it's a combination of the 4 button symbols (triangle, square, x, circle)
3:07 PM Mr. Silver
There's nothing resembling a square, and there's a triangle only if you are being very generous.
3:11 PM Mr. Blue
Maybe the square comes from the word "box"?
3:11 PM Mr. Amethyst
Yea.
X = X
Box = square
360 = circle
3:12 PM Mr. Silver
And triangle = bust.
3:13 PM Mr. Amethyst
Also, XBox One is a moronic name. They should have used infinity.
That would have been sweet!
3:13 PM Mr. Blue
What do you follow that up with, though?
"The XBox Infinity x Infinity"?
3:18 PM Mr. Silver
XBox Infinity Nifty!



3:28 PM Mr. Blue
“City Councilman Bruce Kraus said in February the bar brings danger to East Carson Street and was a strain on police resources.  And a Saturday stabbing at Levelz injured two people, one of whom witnesses told police was left holding his entrails.”
Cool.
3:29 PM Mr. Silver
What a fun night out!
3:36 PM Mr. Silver
"One of whom left holding his entrails"?
So did he show up at the hospital or the morgue? 
You'd think that would be easy to figure out.
“I'm a reporter. Did anyone come in holding their entrails?”
3:37 PM Mr. Blue
I guess he lived.
I want to know if it was just a bit of a bulge, or if they were dragging on the sidewalk.
3:38 PM Mr. Silver
"was left holding his entrails; an event not interesting enough for this reporter to actually follow up to ask any more about."
3:38 PM Mr. Blue
LOL
3:39 PM Mr. Silver
"Drawing and Quartering at Local Club - No One Injured of Special Note"
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Sunday, August 4, 2013

Day 252 - Microsoft Fishes For A Confession, "And Why Do They Never Say How Much Ham Is In Hamburgers?", "Mama Always Said: Stupid Is As Stupid As I Is", Bouncy Bouncy-Bouncy, The Museum Of Immature Natural History, We Speculate On Lindsay Lohan's Future, and Some People Just Lose It At Birth

9:27 AM Mr. Amethyst
I like that Windows does its checks, but every few minutes is kind of annoying.
"This copy of Windows may not be genuine!"  I know you told me 14 times since 9 am.
That keeps bugging me.
9:32 AM Mr. Silver
I think they should just cut to the chase and just pipe a recording of Brother Theodore's "Gollum" screaming "Thief!  We HATES it!  HATES it!  FOREVER!"
9:33 AM Mr. Amethyst
lol



Mr. Amethyst
(commenting on total idiot co-worker)
11:10 AM Mr. Blue
Heheh
11:10 AM Mr. Silver
She's in the break room right now, trying to figure out...again...how to open the ketchup to put some on her hotdog.
11:11 AM Mr. Silver
"And these are always so cold too.  When I buy one at a restaurant, they're always hot, but the grocery store just sells these cold ones."
11:12 AM Mr. Blue
What's that from?
11:13 AM Mr. Amethyst
LOL! Right, Mr. Silver.
11:13 AM Mr. Silver
I'm just making up lines for Olivia.
11:14 AM Mr. Blue
Ahh



8:04 AM Mr. Silver
Doesn't matter how you describe things to some people...
8:04 AM Mr. Green
Yep, can't fix stupid...
8:05 AM Mr. Silver
Thousands of IT calls in practice, crafting instructions that can't be mistaken...rep still does the wrong thing.
Oh well...
I should throw in "and don't stab your dog" every so often to see how many will do it.
8:07 AM Mr. Green
LOL
8:12 AM Mr. Green
That's not fair to dogs. because someone probably will.
8:13 AM Mr. Silver
To be fair, I was originally typing "your kid".
8:14 AM Mr. Green
Oh. That's fine then...stupid breeds stupid. I have no issue with retro-active abortion.
8:14 AM Mr. Silver
I believe there's a certain environmental factor as well though.  Perhaps the instruction should be "don't stab yourself"?
8:17 AM Mr. Green
That works as well.
Stupid parents are an environmental factor as well as a genetic one.
8:18 AM Mr. Silver
Right! It's win-win!
8:18 AM Mr. Green
I'll take a win-win



11:12 AM Mr. Yellow
OK, here's a “WTF are they thinking?” story:
11:20 AM Mr. Silver
"High-End Bouncy Castle Lures Suckers In Denver Colorado."
11:37 AM Mr. Gray
“The inflatable room holds 450 pounds. No alcohol is allowed inside, in hopes of discouraging people from using it as a bouncy castle.”
Like alcohol is going to be the big factor when you put someone in an inflatable room...
11:55 AM Mr. Silver
Like, compared to the "why is there baby oil all over everything?" factor?
12:09 PM Mr. Gray
Hehe! Exactly!
12:11 PM Mr. Silver
"We'd clearly instructed you to wear slippers at all times and bring in no guests with long fingernails, sir."
12:18 PM Mr. Silver
(on door) "No “bouncy-bouncy” in the Bouncy-Bouncy Room, please." 



Mr. Blue
LOL! Look at the picture on the right: it looks like some rowdy teens put them in that position.
9:05 AM Mr. Silver
"Well they weren't set up like this when we closed last night!"
9:05 AM Mr. Blue
LOL
9:06 AM Mr. Blue
(chief paleontologist) "Hey guys, wouldn't it be funny if we made it look like they were screwing?!" 
(team) "OMG! Yeah! Do it! I dare you!"
(chief) "Hahaha! This is gonna be cool as Hell!"
9:10 AM Mr. Amethyst
NICE! Someone is either getting fired, or a huge raise.
9:11 AM Mr. Blue
The only natural history museum in the world run by teenage boys.
9:12 AM Mr. Amethyst
Right on!
9:14 AM Mr. Silver
"Why are all the women naked and posing in these life-sized dioramas?  Daily life at the hearth...the creation of art...the discovery of fire...even the hunting scene from the ice ages. She'd freeze like that."
“She has a fur hat on.”
“On that note, they probably wouldn't have started shaving or wearing makeup for thousands of years, and women's high heels didn't come into fashion til the 16th century.”
9:14 AM Mr. Blue
"Are those homo erectus smoking a bong?"
9:14 AM Mr. Amethyst
I'd hope. I'd have to be high to live back then.
9:17 AM Mr. Blue
"All these cave paintings appear to be crudely drawn penises."
9:30 AM Mr. Blue
Spielberg could've had Jim Henson do the velociraptors in Jurassic Park.
9:31 AM Mr. Amethyst
"It's time to put on makeup, its time to light the lights, its time to get things started in Jurassic Park tonight!"
9:31 AM Mr. Brown
“Wa-wa wa-wa wa-wa wa...
"Wa-wa wa-wa wa-wa RRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHHHHHAHAAHHAH!!!!”
9:32 AM Mr. Amethyst
LOL



10:08 AM Mr. Silver
Lohan is out of rehab: the countdown to the massive public embarrassment begins.
10:08 AM Mr. Amethyst
Awe yeah!
10:08 AM Mr. Silver
We should have set up a pool or something.
10:20 AM Mr. Silver
So...perhaps we should do some predictions?
10:22 AM Mr. Blue
Who should we do first, Bynes or Lohan?
10:23 AM Mr. Silver
Oh, Lohan certainly...we can do Bynes, but Lohan is just out.
"Lohan Picked Up Naked and Confused at Local Supermarket"
10:23 AM Mr. Gray
Bynes is already on lock-down and her parents are stepping in.....so definitely Lohan.
10:23 AM Mr. Amethyst
“Lohan Found Eating Homeless Florida Man's Face - Shot By Cops”.
"We thought she was a zombie”, says officer.
10:38 AM Mr. Brown
Lohan had no parental guidance at all, so yeah, unless she fixes herself she is done.
10:39 AM Mr. Silver
"Lone Lohan Pulled Over With Martini In Hand - 'Holding For Friend'."
10:39 AM Mr. Blue
I think Bynes is worse off. Lohan is at least working.
10:39 AM Mr. Amethyst
Mhmm
10:39 AM Mr. Blue
Bynes is off her rocker...wearing wigs and getting surgeries...claiming people are reading her mind.
10:39 AM Mr. Silver
Different brands of crazy.
10:41 AM Mr. Brown
Lohan is just a druggy.
Bynes, they are still figuring out whether its all drug-induced or mental.
10:41 AM Mr. Amethyst
She's just nuts.
11:09 AM Mr. Silver
"Lohan Wins Oscar For 'The Canyons'."
11:09 AM Mr. Amethyst
Oh dear.
11:10 AM Mr. Brown
"Lohan Wins The Tall Poppy Award"
11:10 AM Mr. Blue
Isn't “The Canyons” the one that has the porn star guy in it? James Dean, or whatever?
11:10 AM Mr. Silver
"Lohan Solos, Completes, 100 Bottles Of Beer On The Wall Challenge"
11:10 AM Mr. Amethyst
HAHAHAH
11:10 AM Mr. Silver
@Mr. Blue – Yeah.
11:11 AM Mr. Brown
Basically, the only career she has now is being naked.
11:11 AM Mr. Amethyst
If she cleans up, I'll take it.
11:11 AM Mr. Silver
Hurry...she's just out.
11:11 AM Mr. Amethyst
LOL



Mr. Blue
If I get Alzheimer's, I’m just going to kill myself.
The only thing you can do is try to be healthy and active in order to delay it.
12:31 PM Mr. Silver
Sadly, we're all good candidates. Perhaps the dim bulbs of the world just don't notice the difference.
12:32 PM Mr. Silver
(5 yo) "Your friend Joe is here."  "Huh?" 
(15 yo) "Your friend Joe is here."  "Huh?" 
(45 yo) "Your friend Joe is here."  "Huh?" 
(65 yo) "Your friend Joe is here."  "Huh?" 
(85 yo) "Your friend Joe is here."  "Cool! Can we play Matchbox cars outside?" 
12:33 PM Mr. Brown
Drink beer! It helps.
12:33 PM Mr. Silver
I'll drink beer even if it doesn't.
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