587 - All We Know About Platypi, Hot "Quantum Of Clothing", "...And They Breed Like Humans", and The End Times - One Fool At A Time

[10:17 AM]  Mr. Brown: 

The platypus was leftover parts.

[10:20 AM] 

(God walking through workshop, angels diligently following original schematics.  Plain brown box tied up on a desk in the Australia area.  God picks it up)

"So what's in the box?" (gives it a shake.)

"NO!  Don't!"

(God giving Adam the tour) "And this one is the Water Weed of Physical Ugliness.  You can eat this one if you want, but...well... (points at Platypus)"

"It's delicious, Lord!  Totally worth it, Adam."

[10:24 AM]  Mr. Brown: 

(keeps eating weed)

“Well, now you have a bill.”

did it again

“Now you have webbed feet.”

did it again

“Now you can't hug anybody because you have venom.”

did it again

“Now you have to lay eggs”

did again

“your tail is now flat”

[10:26 AM] 

LOL

[10:30 AM]  Mr. Brown: 

We die and go through the tunnel of light - all three of us.

We hear clapping

Wonder what the clapping is for

Get there

People and angels start shaking our hands

“What's this for?”

[10:31 AM] 

"Ruining everything?"

(boot down hole)

[10:31 AM]  Mr. Brown: 

lol

“Well you guys are the only ones to entertain us AND also get most everything right.”

Guy comes from back of the room

“How did you know about the platypus?”

[10:32 AM] 

hehehe

[10:33 AM]  Mr. Brown:

Then we all get shown to the Design Room

lol

“Have at it, boys!”

All rubbing hands together. Big smiles

[10:35 AM] 

"But...I can't sculpt.  Can you guys?  We don't know how to do this.  Are we supposed to spend our eternity making new stuff for Earth with no skills?"

[10:35 AM]  Mr. Brown: 

“We are just idea guys, how can we do it?”

[10:36 AM]

"Where did you think you were?"  (Thunder)

"Hello boys...welcome to the Know-It-All Shop."

[8:10 AM] 

“Quantum of Solace” last night.  I've now seen it 3x but each time I couldn't remember if I'd seen it.

Still haven't seen “Spectre”

[8:11 AM]  Mr. Blue: 

Probably #1 in terms of bond girls (IMO)

Gemma Arterton and Olga Kurylenko (thumbs up)

[8:11 AM] 

Olga and Gemma?

:)

Someone in costume design obviously had a thing for Gemma

(Costumer) "And so this is my new concept for Strawberry Fields (pushes sketches)" 

(Producer) "This is a short trench coat...unbelted...in sunny Bolivia...with knee high boots and nothing but bare skin visible."

"And hot mess red hair..."

"And...hot mess red hair...um... She'd look naked under this."

"(confused expression) Really?  Hmmm.  I don't see it."

[8:19 AM]  Mr. Blue: 

heh

[8:19 AM] 

"(winks) Me either.  And she is obviously must wearing something because she'll be under the sheets after the implied sex scene." 

"Oh!  About that, to prevent confusion about that scene, (passes sketch) I was thinking she be awkwardly draped across the sheets and show completely bare from neck to the bottom 3rd of her tush."

"Hmmm...yes...   Too bad this isn't going to be NC-17..."

[8:24 AM]  Mr. Blue: 

lol

[8:35 AM] 

"Maybe in her crime-scene shots, in the form of a Goldfinger homage we can mix things up and have her lying on her back covered in oil instead of on her belly? Maybe spread a little because she struggled." 

"Oh, we'll certainly film it both ways..."

Best part of that whole thing was M after Fields was found dead.

(M) "She was just an office girl sent to bring you in, not a field agent.  She just worked with reports.  And now look at what you've done."

(me) "Riiiiiiight...she dressed like that for clerical work."

[8:52 AM]  Mr. Blue: 

Ahh that's right... She was born with polydactyly but they cut 'em off

And Olga? Pretty sure her ancestors villages were raided by Mongols at least a few times.

[9:00 AM] 

Polydactyly...as we all know...means she was born with parrot wings.

I was wondering if they just sprayed that tan on or she baked herself.

Looked good though

I can see what you mean with the Mongol bits

The fire at the end was ridiculous but very intense

Mrs. Silver was all crunched up on the couch

BOOM!!!!  WHOOSH!!!!

(me) "and they ALL died... The En- Oh! Still going."

BA-BOOOOM!!!!  CRASH! WHOOOOSH!!! 

(me) "and they ALL died... The En- Oh! Still going."

(Bond leaps into Hellfire inferno)

"And SO he died.  The En-" 

(Mrs. Silver) "Stop it!"

Basic Silver-Household riff for anything probably unsurvivable outside the movies BTW "The End..."

[11:44 AM]  Mr. Brown: 

A Quantum of Hydrogen Power

[12:29 PM] 

Was supposed to be Fuel Cell technology at the end.  Which is funny because they basically made it look like the entire hotel had to have hydrogen tanks and pipes snaked all through it.

And the fire started when an SUV crashed into the main plant, which was basically set up right at the bottom of the ramp to the parking area with no barriers.

Bolivian safe-construction regulations, no doubt.

[12:32 PM]  Mr. Blue: 

Like the guys that walk back and forth across busy streets holding plates of glass

Just asking for it.

[12:36 PM] 

heh

There was a bit in "The Young Ones"... The house was to be demolished.  Cuts apropos of nothing to 2 pilots looking bored in a cockpit - "Wow.  I really hope we don't have a crash."

[9:58 AM]  Mr. Blue: 

I saw a population projection that said that by 2100 the US will be majority Amish

[9:58 AM] 

The only survivors, eh?

[9:58 AM]  Mr. Blue: 

Based on their insane birthrates

The Haredi/Hasidic communities in upstate NY are the same though, and their current populations are already higher than the Amish

Th country will be 40% Amish, 40% Haredi/Hasidic, 20% normal

[9:59 AM] 

**Ding!**

"Goodnight folks!"  (screen goes black)

LOL

20% "normal"

"Other" I could see :D

[10:00 AM]  Mr. Blue: 

yeah

[10:01 AM] 

I remember the big scare that "we" were going to be wiped out by Hispanics

80s for certain...not sure how long that lasted

[10:02 AM]  Mr. Blue: 

The United States has the second largest Haredi population, which has a growth rate on pace to double every 20 years. In 2000, there were 360,000 Haredi Jews in the US (7.2 per cent of the approximately 5 million Jews in the U.S.);

So 360,000,000 Haredi by 2200

Between 1992 and 2017, the Amish population increased by 149%,[8] while the U.S. population increased by 23%

that math is too hard for me

[10:07 AM] 

(animated chart)  "A single stray can produce 20 more in it's lifetime.  With half of them being female, in a mere 40 years..."

"So remember our catch/neuter/release program.  And don't feed them if they hang around on your porch."

[10:08 AM]  Mr. Blue: 

Latkes laced with tranquilizers. Nicked ears.

[10:09 AM] 

The problem with this math is that it assumes nothing else is going to change

Like there's this vast preserve with unlimited resources for a population to expand

[10:10 AM]  Mr. Blue: 

Right

Mostly just interesting

[10:11 AM] 

Last thing I read about well-educated orthodox Jews is that closet atheism is starting to explode.

Not so sure the Amish are going to stay stable either

Keeps getting harder to remain isolated and uneducated about the rest of the world

Does it count if people start dropping out of the demographic in droves and start mingling?

[10:12 AM]  Mr. Blue: 

I think a big factor with both is that few people leave either lifestyle for various reasons

Just fun projections

[10:16 AM] 

…anthropologist

And yes, they’re just fun projections

[10:16 AM] 

Hear what came out about that dip who got killed by the Sentinelese?

[10:17 AM]  Mr. Blue: 

no

[10:18 AM] 

Turned out he had associations with a fringe group whose mission seems to focus on bringing about the End Times

Since the Bible says that the whole world has gotten 'the message' before the Apocalypse starts, any group that hasn't heard about Jesus is holding back the end of the world.

[10:20 AM]  Mr. Blue: 

ahhh

[10:23 AM] 

I'm not sure "I'm telling you all this so we all die" is a good soft-sell for conversion

Would be funny if he was honest and that's what happened.

[10:25 AM]  Mr. Blue: 

heh

It would be funny if the Sentinelese already knew and there are guards that prevent the rest of the population from finding out... thus saving humanity.

[10:26 AM] 

I picture it like the end of Vincent Price's "The Last Man on Earth"

(ever see it?)

[10:29 AM]  Mr. Blue: 

No, but I've seen “I am Legend”, so assume it's similar

[10:31 AM] 

He actually develops a cure.  But hey!  Why shout it out to anyone when they finally track him down when you can call them all inhuman freaks and get speared to death?

[10:31 AM]  Mr. Blue: 

heh

586 - Hair Not There, Good Mob With A Gun, "Yins Don't Know Th' Pah-er Uh Th' Sath Sahd N'at", Outlook Has Sucked For Years, and A Post With A Lot Of Guts

[3:09 PM]  Mr. Blue: 

I'm getting like a widow's peak.. like my hair around my temples is receding

This sucks

[3:10 PM] 

You think my hair looked like this on my forehead the whole time? 

[3:10 PM]  Mr. Blue: 

Yours went back too?

[3:10 PM] 

Yes

Starting younger than you

heh

[3:10 PM]  Mr. Blue: 

I'm still good at the top and crown

I just hope it stops moving back

It makes it hard to comb / style cuz you might get a little peek of scalp if your bangs aren't done right

[3:11 PM] 

https://pics.me.me/i-wish-it-need-not-have-happened-in-my-time-17528850.png

In my case, Mrs. Silver decided I was gonna grow it out to God Style

[3:56 PM]  Mr. Blue: 

Go big or go home

Graying, receding hair expectations:

https://www.merriam-webster.com/assets/mw/images/article/art-wap-landing-mp-lg/alt-59f8a71875bad-4429-33a158df59e68225611dbcf96630b650@1x.jpg

Graying, receding hair reality: https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/6/6a/Steve_Buscemi_2017.jpg

[4:01 PM]  Mr. Brown: 

I've been Buccemied!

[4:03 PM]  Mr. Blue: 

I'm looking at pics of my uncle and he's got the recessed temples in his mid 60s but still full head of hair otherwise

I think I'm alright

[4:10 PM] 

Mr. Blue at 40: http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-JxowIJJ-tc4/ULovpklsYAI/AAAAAAADd5g/VLEhQWKG2XM/s1600/wtf_is_up_with_that_combover_640_19.jpg

[2:57 PM]  Mr. Blue: 

Why can't an active shooter go after Black Friday shoppers instead of school kids or concert venues?

[2:57 PM]  Mr. Brown: 

Because they did not get a good deal yet

[3:09 PM] 

It'll happen

[3:12 PM]  Mr. Brown: 

I think if somebody tries that they will get overtaken

Hit in the head with 100 toasters

Instead of a stoning its a toastering

[3:14 PM] 

(Killer makes his move...rips the festive paper and ribbon off his AR-15...levels it at the crowd...)

(Its grabbed out of his hands and 3 other people start grabbing at it)

"MINE!"

[3:14 PM]  Mr. Brown: 

hahaha!

[3:20 PM]  Mr. Blue: 

There's a running gag on Pittsburgh's reddit anytime someone asks what all the camera crews were doing in X neighborhood someone says "filming new Star Wars"

Which is really funny because of all the things they *could* be filming in Pittsburgh that seems like the least likely

[3:25 PM] 

Lol

[3:26 PM]  Mr. Brown: 

alien walks up to Rey "hey yinz see the Stillers yesterday?"

[3:26 PM] 

"The Star Wors Part Naihn - Goin' Aht Back with Them Jedis"

[3:26 PM]  Mr. Brown: 

Yinzer Wars

Comin to dahn tahn near yinz

[3:28 PM] 

"Da Fourse is strong n'at"

[3:28 PM]  Mr. Brown: 

I would watch that film

It would be amazing, n'at

[3:29 PM]  Mr. Blue: 

[opening crawl] “The Jedi and the Resistance are currently on the Rust Belt planet Alleghina, gathering reinforcements and training military recruits...”

[3:31 PM]  Mr. Brown: 

Jagoff the Hutt

[3:31 PM] 

(applause!)

[3:32 PM]  Mr. Blue: 

heh

[3:33 PM]  Mr. Brown: 

Bobbyfet

Han Solocup

“dat der guy shoots furst ask dem questions later”

[3:36 PM] 

Donnie Solo

[3:36 PM]  Mr. Brown: 

There we go!

[3:36 PM]  Mr. Blue: 

heh

[3:37 PM] 

(Meanwhile ohn da Sath Side uh the galaxy, the Empror was bein' a total jag)

(Loogk) "Yoder?  Is da Cleveland Sihd stronger?"

(Yoder) "No way!  Dat, F-k!  Quicker an easier for ass chumps like dem Jags.  Go Stiller Side!" 

I can't post this...it's toxic

We'll end up with a Steeler Side of The Force, and I couldn't stomach that

[4:11 PM]  Mr. Blue: 

heh

[3:33 PM] 

Hate hate HATE this kind of email BS.

No errors

Some mail shows up some doesn't

This example was more than an hour delayed for no reason whatever that I can see

--

(Microsoft meeting about 8 years ago)

"Well, B.O., our biggest complaint is about email errors."

"Interesting, what is the general gist of them, F.U.?" 

"Well, B.O., mainly that there are too many of them.  And too many of them seem to say the same thing."

"Solutions.  Gimmie solutions.  U.Y.?"

"Keep all the error numbers but change all the definitions we used for them for 12 years.  Shake things up."

"Good.  What about you, A.H.?"

"The hardest ones to explain...we don't send any errors at all."

(Boardroom rhubarb)

"I LIKE IT!  Do 'em both!  And let's start working on a new personal mail client that just doesn't do or explain anything when it breaks.  Make it unfixable without reinstalling the OS."

"Yes SIR, B.O.!"

"Right away B.O.!"

"Oh...and someone convert me to gmail or something..."

"On it!"

[1:15 PM]  Mr. Blue: 

Damn this is gory for the Post Gazette

Two women were stabbed, apparently with beer bottles, during a bar brawl early Monday morning in Penn Hills that left one victim with her intestines spilling out, according to the local police chief.

[1:25 PM]  Mr. Brown: 

damn

Were they fighting each other?

Cause that is a little overboard

[1:25 PM]  Mr. Blue: 

yes

[1:33 PM] 

On the face of it, that kinda thing always strikes me as...well...really hard to accomplish without long deep slashes.

But people and the news say "stabbed".

Movies show "stabs"

Your abs just unzip or run like a damaged stocking?

[1:35 PM]  Mr. Blue: 

heh

[1:35 PM] 

You'd hardly think you could live without popping by mistake if bumped hard enough

[1:37 PM]  Mr. Blue: 

I think the guts are so tightly packed that they kinda come out like one of those gag spring-in-a-cans

[1:47 PM] 

"The perfect gag for thoracic surgeons!"  

(which also points out I don't recall this explosion ever happening in surgery)

Also wondered if they meant more like this - https://i.ytimg.com/vi/GVfRO_gDeqc/maxresdefault.jpg

[1:53 PM]  Mr. Blue: 

I think if the cut is in the lower abdomen gravity does the rest

typical wording is found in the 1401 ordinance from Oberursel:[9]

"and whoever is caught stripping off a standing tree, mercy would have been more beneficial to him than the law is; for when law is to be fulfilled, then one is to cut up his stomach at the navel, and pull out a length of the gut. The gut is to be nailed to the tree, and one is keep going around that tree with the person, so long as he still has any part of the gut left in his body"

[1:55 PM] 

I saw the self-mangle gut-walk thing done in a Viking theme movie as a way for a guy to claim territory for his family or somesuch. 

Made it 3 times around a megalith so got it for 30 years or something.

I believe "mercy" is used in the sense of "simple quick execution".

I recall Silver Junior said he read somewhere that after surgery they don't try to organize any of that.  just shove it in and sew it up and it all reorganizes itself to the right place

[1:57 PM]  Mr. Blue: 

That's interesting, sounds plausible

The reorganize thing

Otherwise surgeries would be hours of just neatly lining things back up again

In 1617, a merchant in the municipality Grossglockau[15] slit up his abdomen so that the intestines fell out; he then pulled out his stomach and threw it on the bed. The chronicler notes he lived long enough to regret his action.[16]

[2:00 PM] 

"Whoops"

[2:02 PM]  Mr. Blue: 

In 1593, a suicide occurred in Wimpfen. A young, pregnant woman, who had become a widow a few weeks before, was lying in her bed. She took a large knife, opened her belly in a cross, and threw out the fetus, her own intestines, and dug out her spleen and flung that out as well. She lived for 10 hours after the act, and when the priests sought to bring her a final consolation and blessing, she said it would all be in vain, because she was a daughter of the devil, and was beyond any sort of redemption. Then, she died, was put in a sack and thrown in the river. She was affluent, so it was clear that poverty had not driven her to this act.

I'd like that burial - put me in a sack and throw me in the river

In humans the intestine is divided into two major sections: the small intestine, which is about 6 m (20 ft) long,...; and the large intestine, which has a larger diameter and is about 1.5 m (5 ft) long

So it should be the short and the long intestines IMO

[2:25 PM] 

How about the Eattestines and the Craptestines?

585 - Weapons Plain And Fancy, and Nine Tenths Of Religion

[3:38 PM]  Mr. Blue: 

https://www.atlasobscura.com/articles/medieval-knives

[3:41 PM] 

(looks)

Yup

Another gamer quirk is on that topic.

It will happen in games I am playing...or ones I'd be running with new players. 

We'd get to a "no weapons" town and in case one they'd ask for my knife.  And in case two they'd try to surrender their knives.

(me) "That's insane.  Everyone has a knife.  You have to."

"But it's a weapon." 

"So is a rock.  A knife is your main tool of life since you were old enough to have one put in your hand."

[3:49 PM]  Mr. Blue: 

I'm gonna make a spoon that doubles as brass knuckles

[3:54 PM] 

heh

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Apache_revolver

[4:07 PM]  Mr. Blue: 

ahh yes. a gun that'd be inaccurate at anything further than arm's length, a flimsy and wobbly dagger, and brass knuckles bent the wrong way so you have to point the gun and knife towards yourself to use them

[4:17 PM] 

Well you fold it for that

[4:17 PM]  Mr. Blue: 

ah i see

[4:17 PM] 

In the 1860s any handgun was trash. 

This little beauty was the type where, by preference, you are using it like a hand taser. 

Shove it against the body and pull

[4:19 PM]  Mr. Blue: 

ah yeah

Look at that glove pistol under “see also”

[4:20 PM]

Nice

[8:18 AM] 

Possession, huh?

[8:19 AM]  Mr. Blue: 

Yeah

[8:22 AM] 

9/10 of the Law

Well, if the pair of you have never read "The Screwtape Letters", it's an excellent primer for diabolic thought processes.

It's not overly long.  Available in audio form on YouTube I bet. 

[8:42 AM]  Mr. Blue: 

This movie was based on a true story from Germany

But really nothing happened that couldn't be explained rationally

Even when the girl was speaking in Aramaic or Latin, she had taken classes in her Sunday school

Basically like any possession it just ironically happened to be a devoutly religious person with a familial history of mental illness

[9:28 AM] 

Possession for fun and profit. 

The novice might ask: "Why bother?"

Say you are an immortal spirit and not a nice one, and the only sentient species you have are these little things with the lifespan of an ant, swarming around.  And you have a controller and can make them scramble around in a panic and cry by making one do creepy things. 

How bad would you feel devoting "a few minutes" to messing with them for a giggle?

[9:31 AM]  Mr. Blue: 

Why not possess a politician or a king?

Obvious answer is: "who says they haven't?"

[9:31 AM] 

There you go

heh

[9:32 AM]  Mr. Blue: 

i don't recall any kings or politicians that seemed normal and just suddenly went unquestionably evil, Palpatine style

[9:32 AM] 

George the Third went mad

[9:33 AM]  Mr. Blue: 

Did he order villages be burned down and babies thrown in the river?

[9:33 AM] 

Dunno

On that point, what maniac does that?  Plenty of non-crazy/possessed people in history did awful things

But as a demonic job, on the other hand...

[9:34 AM]  Mr. Blue: 

You'd think if a politician or king did get possessed and turn into doing bad stuff, they'd want credit eventually. Like just before the king was deposed he'd be like "I'm not the king, I'm Pazuzu"

[9:35 AM] 

Credit?  From talking ants?

[9:35 AM]  Mr. Brown: 

“My name is Legion, we are many. I mean i am, i mean we...Dang i messed up again let me start again."

"My name is Legion...crap!  We are...We are...”

[9:36 AM]  Mr. Blue: 

If we are ants then why even bother?

I wouldn't want to possess an ant

I read something that the Catholic church's lead exorcist himself says there's no such thing as possession.

But because the patient believes it they still treat it as such. Basically a placebo.

He's a physician / priest

[9:40 AM] 

The Church doesn't like the concept, no

Treat magic psychosis with what the patient wants...magic psychology

[9:40 AM]  Mr. Brown: 

Somebody goes crazy, latent psychic powers come out

Things start moving around

Fires starting

[9:41 AM]  Mr. Blue: 

that doesn't seem to ever happen

[9:41 AM] 

Hell, the voodoo traditions have possession as just part of the regular service.

Imagine going to a Christian church and having the priest lead an ecstatic dance calling for Jesus to possess his body so he can perform the rest of the service.

Why have a human officiate when you can get a Loa of that caliber to do it?

[9:42 AM]  Mr. Blue: 

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anneliese_Michel#Exhumation_and_aftermath

middle paragraph

[9:44 AM] 

Bleh

Right...anyway...

Demonic possession as a job.

To use someone's body who was vulnerable and who "gave up" to attempt to drive other souls around that person into despair and vulnerability. 

The “Job” job. 

Kind of double-edged sword, that. 

To the faithful witness, it's proof of God

To the weak one, it makes the observer question how God would allow such crap

[9:52 AM]  Mr. Blue: 

But why does the demon care?

[9:52 AM] 

Its his job

It doesn't matter if he cares

[9:52 AM]  Mr. Blue: 

Ah

[9:53 AM] 

Angels were never supposed to have Free Will. They were to do their task.

The devils cracked that restriction but it doesn't mean they aren't still of a type.

If the new evil task is to sow discord, tempt, and defile...you do it.

Wreck God's monkeys and collect their souls when they die with mortal sins branded all over them for torture and maybe “food”.

Better?

[10:00 AM]  Mr. Blue: 

I understand more now. It still seems like inefficient use of demon time

[10:01 AM]  Mr. Brown: 

Wow. That human life went by like a hot demon minute.

[10:01 AM] 

Yes. They've got oodles of time.

They lost the main war but are still hunters and terrorists

Because hey...if I had Almighty Power, I know I'd leave a bunch of violent fanatics in their own section of the universe...

That I built for them...

Which should have been a prison...

But from where they can issue forth...

To cause horrifying damage to the mortals...

That I love...

Because the only defense they have is faith...

Which provides no protection unless they die with it...

And failing that they go to the prison... 

To be tortured forever...

For stuff I could stop..

So..

Yeah, I'd do that...

Instead of just erasing the devils, I mean

[10:03 AM]  Mr. Brown: 

People always excuse that as “you can't know good without evil”

[10:03 AM] 

Meh

Don't need evil devils to understand evil

If you did, the entirety of Sin would be invalid

People are creative enough without devils

[10:04 AM]  Mr. Brown: 

Yes

After eating that apple or what ever it was

Probably a nut based on this chat

[10:04 AM]  Mr. Blue: 

Random fruit

[10:04 AM]  Mr. Brown: 

I bet it was a tomato

[10:05 AM]  Mr. Blue: 

from a tree?

[10:05 AM]  Mr. Brown: 

yes

Then God put it on a vine and told us all to call it a vegetable thinking we would think it was gross and not eat it anymore

[10:05 AM]  Mr. Blue: 

The snake wasn't necessarily a snake

"Serpent"

[10:05 AM] 

Ah

Interesting point there though

[10:06 AM]  Mr. Brown: 

It had legs and arms

[10:06 AM] 

If you read the text it WAS a snake...a plain one too

Because God cursed all snakes to be...um...regular snakes

If it wasn't a plain snake, that whole section in Genesis looks like it makes no sense.

"Serpent!  You are a devil!  You caused this!  I'm so mad now that...um...(looks around...picks up a snake) that I curse these little bastards to...um...(takes out notebook)...uh...do what they already do.  So.  There."

[10:07 AM]  Mr. Blue: 

They seem to have made out well.. they're everywhere

[10:09 AM]  Mr. Brown: 

Look at it wiggle, Satan.  That's your punishment.

[10:10 AM] 

Honestly, being a shaman, it reads exactly like a totemic religious reference that was collected and used.

“A serpent” didn't tempt humanity... 

"Snake" did it. 

And got his people – the Snake People – cursed for what their god "Snake" did.

Snake - "If you eat this, you'll be like God, with knowledge”.

God declares later man is now "like us".  Note the lack of a capital U.  God always capitalizes himself.   

So who is “us”? 

There was only Adam, Eve, animals and plants in God's personally set-aside Garden of Eden.

God didn't live there.

Angels didn't live there.

We're to believe plain mundane snakes are Immortal and have Knowledge? Ridiculous notion.

      Note - in typical Biblical fashion, the writers couldn't keep the story straight. The writers  

      screwed the details of Chapter 2 up by they time they got to Chapter 3

      There was not one magic tree.

      There were TWO magic trees.  

      The Tree of Life was - specifically - the one in the middle.  Yet Eve says Knowledge is in 
      the middle.

      The Tree of Knowledge didn't have a specific location...only that one had the ban on it.

      That one, God said if they eat from that one and gain knowledge, they will "die"...the   

      bodies will be made mortal.  

      This is a non-threat unless you are aware you are immortal. 

      Yet God says Adam and Eve are free to eat from the Tree of Life after they got kicked 

      out?  Um... Nonsense... plus they weren't Immortal after.

      Adam and Eve were eating from the Tree of Life the whole time.  Obviously the  

      immortal soul comes from eating from the Tree of Life.

No..."us" were the plants and animals.

They were the best of the best Plants and Animals that Adam was asked to "give names".

They were Totems - beings who were Immortal and Wise after eating from both trees. 

NONE of the rest of "us" other totems in the garden got nailed - they were obviously eating the fruit, they just didn't talk Eve into trying it.  

[10:14 AM]  Mr. Brown: 

I think Octopus did. Had a nibble

[10:17 AM] 

And look what happened to them.  Ick