366 - Chiropractors Love The Catwalk, "With Strange Aeons Even One-True May Die", Neffer Titties, Emasculated Ammo, and "We've Secretly Replaced The Fine Coffee The Royal Navy Usually Serves With Burnt Toast And Carrots - Let's Watch"

[11:11 AM] Mr. Silver:

So...so far, nothing else good for today...have to check the hotsheets

I wonder how many Kardashian butts will be on Daily Mail today.

Oh!  On topic.  Did I mention the (painful) Sashay discovery the other day?

I'm an incorrigible anthropologist, and saw a woman walking way down the street for the second time recently while going home for lunch, and she had that hippy-shoulder sway walk going.

She was basically an inch tall, so I could only pick out rough details, but I was caught by her arm movement.  It seemed odd.

Reproduced the action...

Applied comparative physiology...

Threw in some podiatry from childhood...

Drew a conclusion...

Performed a full test...

And my hips have now been hurting, a lot, for 2 days.

Anyway, a woman described as moving "like a cat" is literally walking like a cat. 

Most humans stride in parallel lines, both arms and legs. 

She was swinging her arms to the middle instead...legs too...

Cat style. 

Dunno if its a practice or hip-size thing, but I tried it and got the perfect sway...and definitely threw something out.

"Cat Walk" as a fashion thing made a lot more sense all of a sudden, though.

[11:29 AM] Mr. Green:

http://www.salon.com/2015/09/22/cowardly_brutality_exposed_the_viral_video_that_should_change_the_israelpalestine_debate_forever/

Wow... I'm definitely not anti-Semitic - love Bernie - but Israel sucks...

[11:46 AM] Mr. Silver:

Take the religion card out of the deck and outrage would be universal.  Just pick different country names and there'd be sanctions and all the rest. 

But no...gotta keep that geography mistake going.

Good time machine use. Go back with a "This is what happened when you "restored" Israel" film. 

They lost control of it fair and square thousands of years ago.

[12:14 PM] Mr. Green:

How could that have happened?! It was the "Promised Land", given to them by God!

[12:21 PM] Mr. Silver:

“One True” Syndrome.

"We are the One True chosen, and GOD HIMSELF has said that forever wi-... Oops... We've been conquered..."

"I guess it's our land forever...with significant pauses"

“Fortunately for us, God sent His One True Son to unite all the people under the One Tr- ... What do you mean 'no one agrees with what any of that means'?  It's the One True!  God's infallible incorruptible Word!”

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_Christian_denominations

(I love passing that link around)

[12:46 PM] Mr. Green:

Wow... that gave me a headache... amazing what was wrought from a small Jewish cult

[12:55 PM] Mr. Silver:

Yup

But each is the One True, you see.

[1:05 PM] Mr. Yellow:

Fortunately I am an atheist

[1:05 PM] Mr. Green:

Indeed

I'm actually toying with joining the Church of Satan (they are atheists too) because of their wonderful and devout fight to point out and combat Christian hypocrisy

[1:15 PM] Mr. Silver:

There was an alchemist movement back in the day that recognized Satan as a good thing.  Freed them to find God instead of just being playthings.

[1:15 PM] Mr. Yellow:

I just do not care enough to combat or fight anything. Everyone is free to believe how they want, just do not get upset when you do not convince me to have your view point and we are ok.

[1:15 PM] Mr. Green:

And because I want people to be afraid of me...

[1:16 PM] Mr. Silver:

The Satanic church picnics must be interesting

[1:17 PM] Mr. Green:

I bet they are a blast... could start my own branch in Butler, get all tax free and stuff... (thank you John Oliver!)

[1:30 PM] Mr. Yellow:

They still a sex cult?

[1:35 PM] Mr. Green:

From what I've read, they do still practice ritual magick, which includes sex magick

[1:44 PM] Mr. Yellow:

There you go

[1:45 PM] Mr. Green:

More of a plus than a minus for me personally...

[2:04 PM] Mr. Silver:

I wonder if anyone has set up to worship the Great Old Ones

(looks)

And the answer is "yes"

Nothing big or serious though. 

Seems to be a problem over no real text...Necronomicon being fictional or hoaxes, and other texts of poor quality.

However...

Since the majority of the nuts in the original story are "illiterate slobbering half-breeds", I think the cult is being over thought.

[2:53 PM] Mr. Green:

LOL

[2:54 PM] Mr. Silver:

Just need a forest/swamp/ruin, a statuette, lotta intoxicants, a bonfire, and maybe some drums

Really...It's Pennsic with a statue

Mr. Amethyst? Ever hear of a Cthulhu camp at the war?

I haven't, but I've been out a long time

[2:57 PM]Mr. Amethyst:

Negative

[2:59 PM] Mr. Silver:

We should have a party on theme

Missed the equinox, unfortunately

Too cold at the solstice...guess we'll have to go for Spring

[11:40 AM] Mr. Silver:

I just like saying "Nefertiti"

http://www.rawstory.com/2015/09/british-archaeologist-aims-to-pinpoint-nefertitis-tomb/

Huh huh...

Hmm hmm..."tee tees"!

[11:41 AM] Ms. Rose:

HAHAHAHA

"Nerfertiti for my tomb-hole! Boioioioioing!"

[11:44 AM] Mr. Amethyst:

Huhuhuhu uh huhuhuh...tomb-hole uhuhuhuhu

[11:44 AM] Ms. Rose:

I've said it before... B&B humor will NEVER get old.

[11:45 AM] Mr. Amethyst:

^no statement has ever been more true

[11:49 AM] Mr. Silver:

Agreed.

"Huh huh.  Neff her teetees..."

"Hmm..hmmm...yeah!  Um...what?"

"Get it?"

"Ummmm.  No."

"Come to Butthead..."

"NO WAY!  I saw her first!  ...  TEEteessss..."

(slap slap punch slap!)

[11:52 AM] Ms. Rose:

ROFL

[11:52 AM] Mr. Silver:

"Huh huh!   Cool..."

[7:28 AM] Mr. Silver:

Balls of titanium...

http://www.rawstory.com/2015/09/wa-man-shoots-self-in-scrotum-while-fighting-off-meth-hallucinations-of-mexicans-in-trees/

.45 Parvum rounds.

[7:32 AM] Mr. Amethyst:

Wow lol

[7:40 AM] Mr. Silver:

Bouncing off the hip...zipping across the abdomen...settling in the scrotum..."no permanent damage"...

Had another in him from another shooting.

I picture these .45s as rounds with a wee little .28 charge.

[7:42 AM] Mr. Amethyst:

*Pffff....boop*

[7:44 AM] Mr. Silver:

Non-lethal "soft" .45s.  For the man who likes big holes while plinking cans.

Made me think of the Call of Cthulhu RPG for some reason. 

Keeper dissing me for selecting a .32 "pimp-o-matic"

[7:59 AM] Mr. Amethyst:

Hahaha

[8:01 AM] Mr. Silver:

In game terms it didn't hit as hard, but it had a bunch of rounds for a decent damage rate.

I was merely being a calculating fellow.

[8:03 AM] Mr. Amethyst:

Yeah, that's not a bad trade

More ammo for a bit less damage

[8:05 AM] Mr. Silver:

In CoC terms, anything mortal would be discouraged and almost anything else regenerates anyway.  (shrug)

So I had the “little” gun on the team that was carrying so much iron they were encumbered and out of money...but I was essentially just as effective.

"Yeah, but it's a pussy gun."

"The guy makes his living robbing archeology digs...he's not exactly a man's man."

[8:17 AM] Mr. Amethyst:

Hahahah

[10:04 AM] Ms. Rose:

Happy National Coffee Day!

[10:05 AM] Mr. Silver:

Happy Mr. Silver Had Three Teas and Can't Stop Moving His Leg Day!

[10:05 AM] Mr. Amethyst:

COFFEEEEEEE

[10:06 AM] Ms. Rose:

http://mentalfloss.com/article/69146/16-quick-coffee-facts-national-coffee-day

#2 and #10 are interesting...

[10:15 AM] Mr. Silver:

Only thing I can add is that the British navy in the Napoleonic era, at dire need for their fix, would make substitutes from carrots or burned toast.

[10:16 AM] Ms. Rose:

Ick...

[10:20 AM] Mr. Silver:

Ick, yes. But also 3 years at sea, no coffee...

"Captain's log, 29 Sept, 1809 - It's been 6 months and to preserve my sanity I've decided to try the carrot stuff again."

[10:25 AM] Ms. Rose:

Hahahaha

365a - Charles Dickens' "An IT Support Call Carol", "A Pittsburgh Drinking Company", (sings) "Hello? Is It Me You're Looking Floor?", Dangerous Medicines, Press The Soviet Button, and Pap Pap's PU Paw Paws

[11:02 AM] Ms. Rose:

Guess who I just got on chat! Dickens on Ebenezer St. LOL

[11:04 AM] Mr. Blue:

lol

[11:29 AM] Mr. Silver:

"I am the Ghost of IT Past."

"Long past?"

"No, your past.  Come back with me to when you were young.  Do not fear being observed, these are but shadows."

"LOOK!  It's me, as a boy!  I'm downloading 'Samantha Fox Strip Poker' on a 150 baud modem to a C-64!  Oh those were magic days!"

[11:29 AM] Ms. Rose:

Haha

[11:31 AM] Mr. Silver:

Editor's note, this scene is partly based in reality...

:)

I did have a C-64...I did borrow a 150 baud modem.  But Samantha Fox's game was actually included with the set of disks I got with the computer.

Ultra-grainy monochrome pictures of her mostly clothed that didn't always load without crashing was not a highlight discovery.

[11:34 AM] Mr. Blue:

“Log in! And know me better man!”

[11:36 AM] Mr. Silver:

"What is it?  It tastes lovely!" 

"It is the milk of unlimited high-speed broadband, and you have clearly never tasted it before."

"My brothers told me all about you, you miserable excuse for a man."

"I can't say as I've met any of them."

"I daresay not."

"How many brothers do you have?"

"How many bits in a byte?"

"...twenty-four and a thousand."

"Then I have twenty-three and a thousand brothers!"

[11:41 AM] Mr. Silver:

When I was a repair guy we got a call to Pittsburgh Brewing.  The boss sent 4 of us...bit confused by that but it was to be "good experience" for me and Mr. Pig-Iron. 

So we stood around while one of the veterans talked and one of the other guys fixed.

And with a hearty "Thanks a lot!", they loaded the car with 6 cases of beer for us.

"Ooooohhhhh...ok."

Hehehe

[11:44 AM] Ms. Rose:

Nice. I used to live right across from Iron City brewery. It was rumored that most of the employees were crocked 24/7 and I can confirm that they gave out free beer on the tours.

[11:45 AM] Mr. Brown:

Yeah, I always wondered about breweries

Looks like they always drinking

[11:50 AM] Mr. Silver:

Oddly enough, hobbyist brewers do too.

Rarely been to a session where we didn't end up drinking more than we were making.

[11:51 AM] Mr. Brown:

I mean, all the Sam Adams commercials are the employees drinking

“Hey! Buy our beer, it tastes good cause, we drink while we make it!”

[11:53 AM] Mr. Silver:

"We...urp...test for quolor and hops...and...um...quality! From the moment we get up at 1:30 in the afternoon til last call...uh...at the end of the work day."

[11:54 AM] Ms. Rose:

Dammit, Henry! *hic* You passed out again while roasting the barley! Now we have to call it "special reserve *hic* dark."

[11:55 AM] Mr. Brown:

"Henry, every Oct-oboer, you drop a damn - pumpkin pie in the vat"

"An we have to call it pumkin beer"

[11:59 AM] Mr. Silver:

One of my few set-piece jokes seems appropriate:

When Mrs. Flanagan saw Mitch and Danny coming up the walk, she knew it was bad news.

"We're sorry ma'am, but Flanagan fell into a beer vat today.  He's drowned."

"Ah he didn't!  He didn't!  Tell me, did he suffer long?"

"Well, there is that.  Before he went under he'd got out three times to piss."

[12:01 PM] Ms. Rose:

Bwwahahaha!

[12:01 PM] Mr. Blue:

lol

[12:12 PM] Mr. Brown:

Kinda like “Beerfest”

[12:13 PM] Mr. Silver:

Mmm?

Got my version from a not-even-close-to-PC Irish/Arab joke book in the 70s

[12:14 PM] Ms. Rose:

There's a scene in “Beerfest” where a dude drinks his way out of a GIANT vat of beer.

[12:15 PM] Mr. Brown:

He did not drink his way out

He tried too

[12:15 PM] Ms. Rose:

Spoiler alert!

[12:16 PM] Mr. Silver:

Like in "Strange Brew"

Except with success.

http://i.ytimg.com/vi/XgsjnjXn9lg/hqdefault.jpg

"Oh jeez I gotta take a leak so bad I can taste it!"

[12:54 PM] Ms. Rose:

Ha! Haven't seen that in forever.

[12:55 PM] Mr. Silver:

I've never seen all of it together in one go.

[12:55 PM] Mr. Brown:

What is that?

[12:55 PM] Mr. Silver:

"Strange Brew"

Bob McKenzie is trapped in a tank filling with beer and decides to only way to survive is to drink it all.

[12:56 PM] Mr. Brown:

I watched the whole thing but cannot remember much of it

lol

(The following unedited Mr. Brown...yadda yadda... - Mr. Silver)

[12:58 PM] Mr. Brown:

crap so a pictuer of linole richy

now i have " HELLO IS S ME YOUR LOOKING FOR "

running through my head

[12:59 PM] Mr. Blue:

Linoleum Richie

[12:59 PM] Mr. Brown:

lol

[12:59 PM] Ms. Rose:

Hahahaha

I heard Linoleum Richie did a side project with Plank Williams and Jim Morrison of The Floors.

[1:02 PM] Mr. Blue:

heheheh

[1:11 PM] Mr. Blue:

Apparently the medicine cabinets are going away because people downstairs are abusing them

Like immediately after being filled, they're emptied by agents. lol

[1:12 PM] Mr. Silver:

For a floor of people who horde ice for no apparent reason and complain for more, for some reason this is hardly surprising to me.

Which brings us to me leaving yesterday.

[1:13 PM] Ms. Rose:

You mean you guys don't eat 48 Tylenol and chase it down with a bottle of hand sanitizer?

[1:13 PM] Mr. Blue:

Harlan was saying that things were disappearing frequently that had no business disappearing...like arm slings

[1:14 PM] Mr. Silver:

On the way out I took a side turn to talk Kids In The Hall with Mr. Blue and then around to tell Ned that a closing piece of BS we'd worked on was done...

And I'm walking past Jack, and he's trying to get a clear plastic hobby case...like for beads or whatever...shoved into his desk drawer. Every chamber packed with inch and a half paper packets.

"Hiding your paraphernalia and...other..eh?"

"Don't know what you’re talking about.  (shove shove)"

"SURE you do...I've seen it on TEE-vee and online.  They look just like them there heroin papers."

"Nonsense!"

(Zach walks up) "Just walk away, man..."

"Hehehe..."

(Zach) "How long do you think you have til retirement, eh?"

"Apparently til this afternoon in the alley, as I walk to my car. :-D "

[12:29 PM] Ms. Rose:

Every time I think of (area), I mentally picture a nuclear fallout zone with babushka ladies shivering in the cold and fighting for bread.

[12:30 PM] Mr. Blue:

lol

The Forbidden Zone

The Wasteland

[12:30 PM] Mr. Silver:

I picture the same, but they're fighting over Starbucks and the like.

[12:31 PM] Ms. Rose:

"Please call 1-800-PUTIN to be ignored by a different entity."

[12:33 PM] Mr. Silver:

"If you need service, press 1.”

“If you have a complaint, press 1.“

“If you wish to report a traitor, press 1."

...

...

“Comrade Rose, you are wasting the People's time.  Please press 1."

[12:34 PM] Ms. Rose:

LOL

[12:34 PM] Mr. Silver:

"... put down the coffee and press 1 please ... waiting will offer no other options."

(beeep)

"That was a 5, but thank you...a representative has been dispatched to your location. How may we assist you, random anonymous comrade?"

[9:09 AM] Mr. Brown:

Oh! So Mr. Silver, have you ever eaten a paw paw?

My pap got me some paw paws.

[9:11 AM] Mr. Silver:

Pap Pap's paw paws, huh?

Not that I recall, no

[9:12 AM] Mr. Brown:

I've never had them either

I'm just waiting for them to get ripe to try them

My dad says they taste like banana pudding 

[9:14 AM] Mr. Silver:

...and knowing how much I like that...

I'd try one as a curiosity but it doesn't bode well

364a - "Psychological Observation - Subject: Rambo, John", "Attack Of The Blood Building Permit Of Tempe", Diplomatic Immunity To Your License To Kill, and "Tiptoeball"

[2:41 PM] Mr. Brown:

Who was the red haired guy again?

He was the only good cop there

lol

Sees his scars says “Hey we should tell the sheriff about this”

[2:42 PM] Mr. Blue:

The guy from CSI Miami - David Caruso

[2:43 PM] Mr. Brown:

I think Rambo took pity on him.

[2:43 PM] Mr. Blue:

What happened to him?  Did he get the wooden stakes into the thighs?

[2:43 PM] Mr. Brown:

Only stabbed him in the leg with the knife

[2:43 PM] Mr. Blue:

Ahh yeah

He was nice to Rambo

I thought it was funny that on Rambo's way out of the police station he's busting up cops that aren't even doing anything

The one guy's like "whoa! wait!" and Rambo just kicks his feet out from under him. lol

[2:45 PM] Mr. Brown:

Yeah he broke the guys nose that was bringing in donuts

Then body slams that motor bike guy and takes off like a professional dirt biker

[2:48 PM] Mr. Blue:

Yeah the donut guy probably woulda just let him go if he asked

I would've. Not my problem.

[2:49 PM] Mr. Silver:

"Hey dude!  Baker's Dozen!  You look hungry, want this Boston Cr -*CRACK*- BY DOZE!!! EE BOKE BY DOZE!"

[2:49 PM] Mr. Blue:

"I'b bot even ob dudy, ban!"

[2:50 PM] Mr. Silver:

Heh

[2:51 PM] Mr. Blue:

Rambo waiting behind a door... guy walks through, he drop kicks him, grabs his knife and plunges it into his chest.

"I'm... just.. the... IT... guy...."

[2:52 PM] Mr. Brown:

AAAHAHAHAAHAHAHAAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHa

aAAAAAAAAAAAA

[2:53 PM] Mr. Silver:

Would it be much of a stretch to consider that after First Blood, everything else that happened in the other films took place in a psych ward?

[2:53 PM] Mr. Blue:

Possibly.  Explains a lot of the anachronisms, dislocations,  and plot holes.

[2:55 PM] Mr. Brown:

lol

[2:56 PM] Mr. Silver:

"Session 13.  Subject Rambo, John - Mr. Rambo appears to believe he's in Afghanistan today.  He has tied a sock around his head and keeps trying to lift things like he is really strong.  He's apparently shooting arrows at the walls. He's making explosion sounds."

[2:57 PM] Mr. Brown:

I wonder who came up with the exploding arrows

"Session 14. Subject Rambo, John - Today Rambo has taken some wire from his bed springs and a pile of feces, made it into a ball and stuck it on the door, as if he is going to blow it up"

[3:48 PM] Mr. Brown:

@ Mr. Blue Build a salmon ladder

[3:50 PM] Mr. Blue:

Like this, only without spilling the cement everywhere http://i.ytimg.com/vi/U1opGIwKsHg/hqdefault.jpg

[3:53 PM] Mr. Brown:

Yeah, he sucks at cementing

lol

[3:57 PM] Mr. Silver:

(on phone) "About this cement job you did..."

"Yes?"

"Did you really have to dump it out of the airplane like that?"

"Well...that's the building code for you, you see. We  could set the posts but didn't have the permits to bring a mixer in."

"Ah." 

[3:58 PM] Mr. Blue:

This reminds me of something I always notice on that show where people bid on foreclosures without going inside.

Every house in the southwest has their backyard fenced in with cinder blocks.

The heck are they worried about getting in? A tank?

[4:00 PM] Mr. Silver:

Giant gila monsters

[4:00 PM] Mr. Blue:

Heheh

[4:00 PM] Mr. Brown:

Kaiju

[4:00 PM] Mr. Blue:

The beast of the yucca flats

[4:00 PM] Mr. Silver:

"It's to keep out THEM!"

(inspector) "I see...and is there a (checks clipboard) giant tarantula attack on the city records as well?"

"Well, no...but people have seen THEM, and the other stuff."

"Where?" 

(simultaneous) "On TV..."  

"Right..."

[12:11 PM] Mr. Blue:

LOL

Look at the article and then the first comment

http://jalopnik.com/laferrari-asshat-who-terrorized-a-beverly-hills-neighbo-1730757102

[12:40 PM] Mr. Silver:

Diplomatic immunity is kind of dumb...

[12:40 PM] Mr. Blue:

I'm reading about it now

Apparently it goes back to ancient times, like when Xerxes sent his envoy to Athens and Sparta and they threw 'em in a well

[12:40 PM] Mr. Silver:

“Diplomatic Consideration” I can see.

[12:41 PM] Mr. Blue:

Genghis sent an envoy to Persia to open up relations and they beheaded one and shaved the other 2 (???). He was insulted and destroyed the empire

This dude is probably just the son of a diplomat, so it shouldn't apply to him.

[12:41 PM] Mr. Silver:

Qatar royal family is hinted at here

Prince Ass bin Anus

[12:43 PM] Mr. Blue:

It appears to only be reserved for diplomats on official business, with the understanding that it's intended for hostile or war times

[12:43 PM] Mr. Silver:

“He told me verbatim, ‘I could have you killed and get away with it,’” Rogers said. “I told him, ‘the press is allowed to be here on the sidewalk on a public street.’ He said, ‘(Expletive) America’ and threw a cigarette at me.”

[12:43 PM] Mr. Blue:

A Georgian ambassador had his DU revoked when he killed someone while DUI

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Diplomatic_immunity#Vehicular

I wonder if I can legally kill someone that is a foreign diplomat in the US

I would not be acting on the behalf of the US government.

Why not? If they aren't bound by our laws why should any crime committed against them be illegal? They don't even have to pay rent or taxes, according to this. They're basically not human beings.

[12:48 PM] Mr. Silver:

Remembered what I was planning to look up...related in a tangential sort of way:  https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Licence_to_kill_(concept)

[12:48 PM] Mr. Blue:

Yep

That reminds me that I followed a guy to work yesterday with the plate MI6 - 007 yesterday with a plate holder that said "The name is Bond..."  and then at the bottom "James Bond"

[1:07 PM] Mr. Silver:

Former MI6 agent Matthew Dunn stated that MI6 agents do not need a license to kill as a spy's primary job is to violate the law in other countries, and if an agent is compromised, he or she is at the mercy of the authorities of that country

[1:09 PM] Mr. Blue:

In Mission Impossible they were always warned that if caught their gov't will deny their authority / agent status.

So basically everyone has a license to kill... so long as you don't get caught

“James Bond: Licensed Contractor”

[1:10 PM] Mr. Silver:

(Villain, gloating) "So.  James Bond...licensed to kill...or be killed."

(Bond) "On that note, my license to be killed is expired, so I'm afraid that giant laser you're aiming is a bit redundant." 

(Villain) "I see.  Are you licensed for severe beatings?"

"No."

"Electric torture?"

"Sorry."

"Hmm.  Bring me Mr. Bond's wallet."

(Villain sorts through cards, setting aside in stack) "Ah! Here we go! Bamboo slivers under nails!  No...May 2012... You really are out of date."

[1:17 PM] Mr. Blue:

Heh

[2:03 PM] Mr. Silver:

Football...

I've detected a cultural shift just a few minutes ago.

For many years, football footage has been shown in slight to extreme slo mo

I've just witnessed it sped up.  Slight to pronounced.

We've gone from a drama - to please the fans who can't separate the in situ rush from the reality that it's really not an exciting game 90% of the time...

[2:08 PM] Mr. Blue:

heh

[2:08 PM] Mr. Silver:

To pleasing the younger crowd with highlights - who just want to see what happened, hit “X” 4 times, and move on to the next play on the X-Box

[2:08 PM] Mr. Blue:

They were talking on sports radio the other day on whether football should even be allowed to be played, based on the ridiculous amount of head trauma and long-term issues

They were talking about how child participation is way down

[2:09 PM] Mr. Silver:

Nod...the medical reality has been crawling out of its hole for years

[2:10 PM] Mr. Blue:

I'm not sure banning is necessary

Certainly the professionals are well aware of the risks and have weighed them

[2:10 PM] Mr. Silver:

Well they had to start somewhere, though, or there'd be NO players

[2:11 PM] Mr. Blue:

Maybe make it for kids 12 and up, and only after a battery of physicals and making sure they're capable of withstanding impacts.

Don't let someone like me play, for example, since I was 4'10" 80 lbs. at that age

Knock on wood I've never had anything resembling a concussion in hockey.

But I don't play at a high level and never have

The only injuries I've ever had are hands and fingers getting stoved, hyper extended or twisted or getting massive bruises from pucks.

[2:11 PM] Mr. Silver:

(2035 stadium announcer) "Welcome sports faaaans!  Are you ready for some FLAAAAAAAG FOOTBALL!?!  Then its time for Superbooooooowl 69!"

The new field is 100' long and no running allowed. 

Players hold their arms out in a forklift position and try to impede opposing team movement.  Passes are to be thrown underhanded.

[2:15 PM] Mr. Blue:

How about only letting non-trained athletes to play? That way the game will be slow and there will be no cumulative effect.

So it's, like, Steve from accounting quarterbacking the Steelers, and the local post office is the offensive line

(announcer) “And Mr. Silver BURSTS slowly through the line of scrimmage and it's TOUCHDOWN STEELERS!”