Day 314 - Who Can Place A Value On Old Crap Trapped In Amber?, Mellencamp's Misplaced Nostalgia For Small Towns, and Many Bumbling Bothans Were Fired After Delivering The Hoth Battle Strategies

Mr. Blue

On Pawn Stars, a guy came in with what he thought was a tarantula trapped in amber, possibly like 40,000,000 years old.

2:21 PM Mr. Silver

And?

2:21 PM Mr. Blue

They sent it to some government lab to test and it came back as plastic.

The guy was pretty bummed. He seemed convinced it was real. He wanted $50k for it, but I'm not sure what he paid for it initially.

2:22 PM Mr. Silver

"The guy with the suitcase full of them on the alley corner seemed so sure they were old."

2:22 PM Mr. Brown

I put a bug in sap once then kept it til it got hard.

2:22 PM Mr. Blue

That's cool.

2:23 PM Mr. Brown

I lost it though.

2:23 PM Mr. Blue

Not technically "amber" though.

2:25 PM Mr. Silver

Guy on Pawn Stars - "OK, the spider was a bust...but the guy also sold me this picture of Chuck E. Cheese in amber too...he said he figured it was about 20 million years old.  What's it worth?"

2:27 PM Mr. Blue

How many spiders that lived 40,000,000 years ago are still around today?

2:28 PM Mr. Silver

(pictures a 40 million year old spider) 

Tough ol' bastard...

2:28 PM Mr. Blue

Picturing the size of a Volkswagen?

2:28 PM Mr. Silver

Quite possibly the size of a Volkswagen, yes.

2:29 PM Mr. Blue

Armored plates, spikes, eats mammals?

2:29 PM Mr. Silver

Very blood efficient...organs all in the back...

The spider makes a fearsome putt-putt noise as it crawl-rolls across the fields.

2:31 PM Mr. Blue

Possibly even feathered.

2:32 PM Mr. Silver

A legend in Germany...the Volksspinne.

2:32 PM Mr. Blue

The spider from Giant Spider Invasion was literally a Volkswagen with legs attached.

2:33 PM Mr. Silver

Yup.

The Volksspinne is recognizable by the 1.5 stars on it's review...ABDOMEN!

2:34 PM Mr. Blue

http://www.conservationinstitute.org/10-of-the-worlds-largest-spiders/

Scroll down to #7.

If they haven't been seen since 1900 who snapped the digital photo of it?

Mr. Silver

Mellencamp singing "Small Town" downstairs...

All I could think was stuff like:

(Sings)

"Got one damned res-taur-ant, IN that small town!

Ordered everything, a thousand times..."

(And)

"If you can't find it in the 4 stores, IN that small town!

Prob'ly didn't need it...anyway..."

(And)

"I know everybody...

In my small town...

Related to everyone...

In that small town...

My uncle is my cousin, IN that small town!

And he's 10 years, younger than me..."

8:55 AM Mr. Blue

"We don't cotton to no lib'rals...

In this small town...

We like our guns and our Bibles..."

In this small town...”

8:56 AM Mr. Silver

"Ain't no non-whites, IN this small town!

But we seen 'em, on TV..."

8:17 AM Mr. Silver

Helicopters...

Helicopters at the Battle of Hoth would have been better than snow speeders...

AT-ATs aren't fast, aren't maneuverable, apparently have no point defense, and only a 120 forward firing arc.

8:24 AM Mr. Yellow

"Ice adhering to rotor blades will degrade their aerodynamic efficiency, requiring an increase in power to produce an equivalent amount of lift. During autorotation, this will result in a higher-than-normal rate of descent and it may not be possible to maintain safe rotor RPM during the descent and flare." 

8:25 AM Mr. Silver

Well...I suggest the speeders should have just stuck to their repulsor lifts. My point is that just floating out there like helicopters would have done wonders.

8:25 AM Mr. Silver

"Rogue Leader!  They can't hit us if we hover!"

Luke "Really?  Wow...what a flaw...Screw the tow cable thing!"

It was a thought experiment after I read an online apologist's interpretation of Rebellion "strategies" at the Battle of Hoth.

8:30 AM Mr. Silver

(Echo base strategist) "Look for the black window to open on the walker and aim there!"

Luke "And if your speeder starts flashing and music starts playing, you're invulnerable."

Rogue 4 "Yes sir!"

9:14 AM Mr. Silver

Anyway...

The tiny bit of chat I can get in with Mr Gray these days, he was wanting to set the new game in the early Rebellion days.

9:17 AM Mr. Yellow

Yes, somewhere within 10 years after Order 66.

9:49 AM Mr. Silver

He wasn't too keen on us "all being Bothan", but I pointed out the that it says right in the manual they aren't all Bothans

Judging by the rulebook entry, I'd think most field operatives wouldn't be Bothan, actually.

If they were...who'd ever let a Bothan do anything?

The race prefers higher level snooping and manipulation than that...the legwork crap would be the realm of lesser spies.

"Many people working for Bothans died to bring us this information."

7:12 AM Mr. Green

Hehehe

7:13 AM Mr. Silver

(Imperial official) "Sorry...no email, password, license, membership, access, or sales of equipment allowed, ma'am." 

"But...why?"

"No Bothans...that's the rules."

"I'm just a single mom and a little kid!"

"No Bothans...sorry."

(mom and kid walk away)

Kid "Damn...we were close."

Mom "Plan B"

9:53 AM Mr. Yellow

LOL

Mr. Yellow

Yes they employ any race.

I want to play a Bothan, but it will be much better if we are all different.

9:53 AM Mr. Silver

An Ewok spy!

(cue 007 theme)

9:55 AM Mr. Silver

(Moneypenny) "Yub Jub?"

(James) "Yub yub."

(Moneypenny) "Yub jub."

(goes in office)

(M) "Yub Jub yub nub."

(James) "Yub nub ooo nub?"

(M throws file on desk labeled "Operation Yub Nub")  Yub Nub!"

Man...that's worse than my Smurf versions.

9:59 AM Mr. Yellow

LOL

(The Monday after the described Star Wars game – Mr. Silver)

Mr. Yellow

So, does anyone want to take a guess what I delivered to Alderaan?

I did not look, but I have a good idea.

10:18 AM Mr. Green

What do you think it was?

10:20 AM Mr. Silver

A Bothan spy who didn't look in a secret package...funny.

10:21 AM Mr. Yellow

I am a courier.

I’m not part of the spy network officially yet.

I am currently Bothan military.

10:22 AM Mr. Silver

Not a good start...I can see the post-mission interview.

Bothan superior "So...I have received verification the secret package was collected and successfully delivered by you. Well done.”

“Thank you sir!”

Bothan superior “What was in it?"

"Hmm?  Oh!  No, sir, you misunderstand. It was a courier job. The contents were to remain strictly private.  I... …completely failed, didn't I?"

Bothan superior "Have a nice day...you can reapply in a standard year."

"Damn it!"

10:23 AM Mr. Yellow

They assigned me the mission. You do not apply to the spy network.

LOL

10:24 AM Mr. Silver

Pft... Face it, you blew it.

Day 313 - The Greatest Disease To Come Out Of Africa, God Has To Write "Forbidden" On All The Stuff He Leaves In The Breakroom Fridge Now, "Say The Secret Woid & Win 75 Million Years Of Evolution", and The Curse of Hungry Hungry

1:42 PM Mr. Silver

Interesting...one site I read focused on the 550k number...Rawstory went whole hog.  http://www.rawstory.com/rs/2014/09/ebola-could-infect-1-4-million-by-2015-us-warns/

1:44 PM Mr. Amethyst

Awesome!

Time to panic?

1:44 PM Mr. Blue

Nah, it's just Africa.

1:45 PM Mr. Brown

Yeah. They even say in the article its old data.

1:48 PM Mr. Silver

We need a disease that...I dunno...makes people turn into a tree or something.

1:48 PM Mr. Brown

A parasite that turns us into fuel for plants.

LOL

1:49 PM Mr. Silver

Dying turns us into fuel for plants now.

1:49 PM Mr. Blue

Why does the worst stuff always come from Africa?

1:50 PM Mr. Green

Good point. Humans came from Africa.

1:50 PM Mr. Blue

Heheh

1:50 PM Mr. Silver

The diseases are why we left Africa!

And now they are coming to find us!

“There is no escape, puny humans.”

1:53 PM Mr. Green

Suck flaming sword....

“He drove out the man, and at the east of the Garden of Eden He placed the
cherubim and a flaming sword that turned every way to guard the way to the Tree
of Life.”

“You’re gonna die... 'cause... 'cause you ate My fruit... and I was saving that!”

1:56 PM Mr. Silver

"And the Lord said, If you would live, no one eat My fruit, for I licked of it."

1:58 PM Mr. Silver

"And lo the serpent did enter the breakroom and saw the fruit, and looking around he did not see The Lord, and he took of it and ate.  And Eve came in after and asked of the serpent, are you finishing that?"

2:00 PM Mr. Blue

"And Steve from Accounting walketh in and said unto them, "my name was on that"."

2:02 PM Mr. Silver

"And the serpent called BS, and Steve balked saying how didst thou know."

"And the serpent spake saying this is the Fruit of the Lord that He licked, and you want it yourself."

"And Steve protested that he did but want to try, and asked if it was good."

"And Eve and the serpent said 'although we know it was wicked to take of The Lord's fruit, we also have knowledge that it is Good."

"And Adam came in on break and asked what was up.  And Eve said that he ‘gotta try this’."

2:04 PM Mr. Blue

LOL

2:08 PM Mr. Silver

"And Adam did try a piece and called it good though he liked his fruit with some salt."

"And he asked of Eve, didst thou bring this in, for it is good."

2:11 PM Mr. Silver

"And Eve said nay, it is the fruit of The Lord.  And Adam did look upon the clock and saw that it was noon, and was sore afraid, for it was the Lord's lunchtime, and the man and the woman were sore afraid, but the serpent was back at his desk."

2:10 PM Mr. Blue

"And Adam exclaimed, "If God is all knowing why didn't He foresee us eating this fruit?" and Eve's mind was blown."

2:11 PM Mr. Amethyst

Actually that reminds me of a question I heard: If God hates to see his children suffer

and is all knowing, then He must know lots of His children will sin, thus suffer because He made those rules

So perhaps God is a sadist.

2:12 PM Mr. Green

PERHAPS?!

2:12 PM Mr. Amethyst

LOL

2:12 PM Mr. Silver

I've said it before...the Guy is making up a lot as He goes and wasn't always very good at this.

He isn't that great at it now either, but I believe...again...I pondered in here that He might have given up a little like any burned out dad just wanting a little peace.

2:13 PM Mr. Brown

“OK, I'm going to make all these rules then put this fruit here, which I know they will eat. And then I can punish them for thousands of years. This is going to be fun!”

2:14 PM Mr. Silver

God "I endow you with the blessing of free will and nothing to do but eat, sleep, and boink.  By the way, don't mess with these two trees."

2:15 PM Mr. Brown

God “And FREE WILL, which I'm sure you can handle at your age. (Eat the fruit eat the fruit! You (and I) know you wanna!”)

God “Well...I have to go... Have fun, kids!”

2:17 PM Mr. Silver

(2 weeks in...) Eve "Well...we've played with every animal and plant except these two trees."

2:17 PM Mr. Amethyst

"played"

OHHHHHH

I went there.

2:17 PM Mr. Brown

Yep, you did.

Because Adam ate the fruit and gave us dirty thoughts.

2:18 PM Mr. Amethyst

LOL

2:19 PM Mr. Silver

Adam "So...do you want to try Life or Knowledge?"

2:19 PM Mr. Silver

Eve "Are you kidding?  I'm bored to tears here...live forever?  Heck with that!"

2:19 PM Mr. Amethyst

People say apple but wasn't it a pomegranate?

Life or knowledge? Is there a tree of titties?

2:19 PM Mr. Brown

Tree of unending titties.

I heard pomegranate too.

2:52 PM Mr. Silver

Point of order...if the forbidden fruit of Knowledge was any fruit we could eat now, we'd have smarter people.

2:53 PM Mr. Amethyst

Hahahaha

2:53 PM Mr. Amethyst

"We eat only the allowed fruits now...hence the quality level of the American education system."

2:53 PM Mr. Silver

Do you suppose psychopaths have just never tasted...like...a holy banana?

2:54 PM Mr. Silver

"He's not disturbed, Mrs Smith.  His lack of conscience and his strange interests in...frankly...foul subjects is merely a nutritional deficiency.  Here son...try this." 

"What is it?"

"The Forbidden Fruit of the Tree of Knowledge. It's called an orange...try."

(Munch)

"Like it?"

"I… feel."

"Excellent! He'll be fine, Mrs. Smith – just give him one a day for a while."

2:56 PM Mr. Amethyst

LOL

Mr. Silver

The original artist depiction of the so-called “Schnozzelsaurus” showed the beast with thick glasses frames and a bushy black mustache:

http://www.sci-news.com/paleontology/science-rhinorex-condrupus-new-herbivorous-dinosaur-utah-02158.html

10:02 AM Mr. Silver

"Noted paleontologists say the Rhinorex schnoz far exceeds the nose size of the previous and still famously disputed records held by examples of the Durantesaurus, and the Cyranodebergerex." 

10:10 AM Mr. Silver

(3d animation of life in the late Cretaceous...majestic big nosed beasts calling to each other...)  "Hot cha cha cha!  Hot cha cha cha!"  "Secret woid?  Secret woid?" “Roxane…Rrrrrroxane.”

10:12 AM Mr. Blue

Hehehe

11:20 AM Mr. Brown

I didn’t read the article, but did they say how they determined it had a big nose?

11:22 AM Mr. Blue

Yeah…turns out the skeleton has a big schnoz.

Mr. Silver

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2765410/Is-hippo-Chicago-River-Man-captures-mysterious-footage-unknown-creature-swimming-iconic-waterway.html

11:57 AM Mr. Brown

So we jump right to hippo?

11:58 PM Mr. Amethyst

I'd guess turkey before hippo.

11:58 AM Mr. Silver

"Jimmi Hoffa spotted in Chicago River"

Jimmy

"Jimi Hendrix spotted in Chicago River"

12:01 PM Mr. Silver

"It's the curse of Hungry Hungry", claimed Mary Ellsworth, late employee of the Peltier Marble Factory of Ottawa Illinois, which closed in 2010 and was demolished earlier this year." 

"Workers in marbles production had spotted mysterious shapes in the water all the way back to 1927.  After an unexplained robbery, one of the guys joked it was a hippo that ate them and the legend was born."

12:05 PM Mr. Silver

"It's Hungry Hungry, looking for marbles!"

12:17 PM Mr. Silver

Does Chicago already have a river cryptid?  I kind of like this legend.

12:17 PM Mr. Amethyst

They have “The Floater”.

12:29 PM Mr. Silver

Ah yes, that one.

"Witnesses describe the beast as roughly man-like in shape...navy blue to charcoal gray skinned, sometimes with pinstripes...and floats lazily down the river with the current."

12:34 PM Mr. Silver

"At the nob-like end...the only part of The Floater to display hair...is often 1 or 2 holes.  These are assumed to be blowholes..."

"The creature is never observed to be breathing, however."

12:35 PM Mr. Amethyst

"The Floater has never been seen to move any of its limbs, nor make any audible sound. Cryptid investigators assume communication is subsonic, though some alien investigators suspect telepathy."

12:36 PM Mr. Silver

"The earliest reference to the monster, the phase 'floaters tell no tales', dates back to the height of Prohibition days in old Chicagoland."

12:37 PM Mr. Brown

Rasputin.

12:38 PM Mr. Silver

Rasputin made it to Chicago and still lives in the river?

Clever man.

Day 312 - Intense Investigation, The Kids Gotham Deserves, The Riddle Of Mr. Amethyst, Target Re-Acquired, and A&W Root Beef

11:36 AM Mr. Silver

"Security experts suspect one of the passengers is probably responsible for the incident, and are searching through available photographs for any images of people who look, quote 'cold, angry, intense, perhaps severely groomed." 

http://www.rawstory.com/rs/2014/09/watch-jetblue-passengers-brace-for-landing-after-engine-explodes-and-cabin-fills-with-smoke/

11:38 AM Mr. Blue

We need to photoshop that guy into pictures like the Hindenburg disaster or Pearl Harbor.

11:38 AM Mr. Silver

Yes!

11:43 AM Mr. Silver

"While others might show signs of fear, our ideal suspect might be possessed of an intense glare of accomplishment or challenge, perhaps staring right into security cameras or taking selfies while all around degrades into chaos." said investigators. 

11:43 AM Mr. Brown

Whoever looks ready to go down with no fear is a suspect.

11:44 AM Mr. Silver

Definitely that guy in the plaid shirt a row or two back then.

"Yeah yeah, I'm putting the mask on...can I get that drink I ordered 10 minutes ago, please?"

11:45 AM Mr. Brown

Weird about that guy in the plaid, because he looks like my dad. lol

11:46 AM Mr. Silver

So much for his alibi

"Dad?  The gig is up..."

11:47 AM Mr. Blue

“We know when you tell us you're going out to the shed you're secretly flying around the US on Jet Blue.”

Mr. Blue

Love the comments on these articles.

Someone here is saying “Children under 10 shouldn't be allowed on planes”.

Did a kid crawl out on the wing and blow up the engine?

12:21 PM Mr. Silver

"Jet Blue’s new '4-Alarm Chili Day' indefinitely cancelled following incident."

"12:24 PM Mr. Blue

"At Jet Blue, henchmen fly free."

12:27 PM Mr. Silver

"Passengers are again advised that the captain has turned on the No Smoking sign.  Please immediately extinguish all cigarettes, cigars, pipes and engines immediately!"

Mr. Blue

What's the point of a show about Gotham City, pre-Batman?

2:03 PM Mr. Silver

Beats me.

2:05 PM Mr. Green

Yeah... I don’t get it either... The reviews I read were bad. The show won’t last long.

2:06 PM Mr. Silver

(reads synopsis) "The uninteresting story of a young James Gordon trying to solve the murder of Bruce Wayne's parents...which he clearly never succeeded at, so this is the story of why Batman never should have made friends with the guy."

(aging Commish...working late.  There's no sound but the familiar creepiness crawls over him like a black cloak)

"You're here."

"I'm here...anything on the Wayne case?"

"No."

"You're useless."

(Gordon turns...no one is there.)

2:10 PM Mr. Blue

Hehe

I guess it delves into the beginnings of some of the villains.

So that'll be cool for about… 2 episodes.

7:43 AM Mr. Amethyst

Mr. Silver, I got the forge set up.

7:51 AM Mr. Silver

What are you going to forge?

Daggers?  Swords?  Checks?

"Well, it's done!"

Mrs. Amethyst "What is it?"

"I call it 'metal lump'."

"What does it do?"

"Well...it's like a sword."

"More like a club."

"THAT was the word!  Yeah!"

7:57 AM Mr. Amethyst

LOL I'm not sure yet.

I'm just gonna hit some metal for now.

8:05 AM Mr. Silver

"Conan...when you die, you will stand before Crom, and he will ask you the riddle of steel."

"It's just hitting metal for a while, yes father?"

"Yes son.  You have learned well."

Mr. Silver

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2765650/Iraq-vet-42-stormed-White-House-800-rounds-ammunition-machete-two-hatchets-stashed-car.html

“When state police checked his vehicle during that arrest, he had 11 weapons inside and a map of D.C. with a circle around the White House.”

(officer) "You planning a vacation in DC?"

"Uh...yeah."

"Here...lemme circle this great restaurant for you."

9:15 AM Mr. Blue

Hehe

"What's this skull and crossbones over the White House for?"

9:27 AM Mr. Silver

I suppose I feel bad for the guy, but Bush is living in Dallas TX.

(SS Agent at gate) "Yeah, there's a new guy living here now.  The fellow you want...got an atlas in your car?  Cool. (takes out Sharpie) Lives. Right around. Here...Preston Hollow.  No hard feelings on the cavity search, dude."

1:06 PM Mr. Mustard

Wowow! Got to get some!

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2766727/Do-want-fr-eyes-Chef-creates-burgers-taste-like-human-FLESH-using-hand-accounts-cannibalism-flavour-close-possible.html

I'll bet a fellow such as yourself would know the difference.

12:54 PM Mr. Silver

Nod...Mr. Brown and I were giggling over it.  I suggested he pass it along to you.

12:59 PM Mr. Mustard

I appreciate that.

Mr. Silver

"It was like good fully developed veal; not young but not quite beef."

You know...”old veal”.

1:02 PM Mr. Mustard

Aged to perfection.

So we're descended from calves?

1:03 PM Mr. Silver

Veal grade humans

Kept in houses...fed special diets...

1:09 PM Mr. Brown

This one is a well marinated “couch potato”.

He sits here all day eating nothing but chips and drinking beer.

1:09 PM Mr. Silver

The Kobe beef of human.

1:09 PM Mr. Silver

"I advise you to skip on the 'hot dogs' sir (winks)"

1:10 PM Mr. Brown

The other other white meat.

1:20 PM Mr. Amethyst

speakin of erible ink, i need to finish mine

speking of terrible*

speaking*

jesus

1:23 PM Mr. Silver

Speaking of edible ink, I want my mock human burger to have "Mother" on a banner over a heart on it.

1:23 PM Mr. Blue

Heh

Mr. Amethyst

LOL

3:06 PM Mr. Mustard

On the Menu today ==  Papa Burger, Momma Burger, and Kids Burger

You will never go back to veal again

3:07 PM Mr. Silver

That's the A&W burger menu names isn't it? 

3:07 PM Mr. Mustard

They change employees often, eh?

3:07 PM Mr. Silver

"A&W is made of PEOPLE!"