551 - Hot Jack And Port Action, It's Not "The Room" I'm Worried About Anyone Watching Over My Shoulder, Plumbing The Depths Of MST3K

[3:40 PM]  Mr. Blue: 

When people say Male and Female ends to a cord

It seems weird

[3:40 PM]  Mr. Brown.: 

haha

[3:41 PM] 

Well... just ...uh... depends how they...um... physically interact.

We need to have the talk about the birds, bees, and RJ45s?

[3:42 PM]  Mr. Brown.: 

"oh yeaaah baaaby , you've got the wires i need , I've got the port to power you."

[3:43 PM] 

One of my favorite room slayers at Jammenkatzer was when the girl (I liked) was trying to get her headset working and needed an adapter.

"Hey Mr. Silver...do you have a male end?"

(slyly) "Why yes. Yes I do.”

"I want it."

“I'm kinda using it right now..."

“I neeeed it. Will you give it to me?”

"Any time you want."

[3:44 PM]  Mr. Blue: 

That's consent! That is consent!

[3:44 PM] 

"Ok. Give it to me."

"...Tracy, you should probably think through what you're saying to me..."

(beat...)

(the women start laughing)

(bright red blush)

[3:45 PM]  Mr. Blue: 

Vivid Entertainment presents Call Center Whores 17

[3:45 PM] 

Probably exists...

[3:45 PM]

I went looking for The Room.   Tired of not seeing it and ya'll talking about it.

I found a very good copy a couple days ago.   

The...uh...hosting site...was not what I expected...so much.

But it was in their softcore section...

[3:47 PM]  Mr. Blue: 

heh

i first saw it because Cartoon Network ran it during Adult Swim late at night once

[3:48 PM] 

"Well...uhhhhhh...(bookmarks).  I'd better just watch it by myself just in case anyone gets curious about the...uh...thumbnail links...  I'll just need a couple hours...   When everyone is asleep."

So it's queued.

Thought it was a parody at first but it's the actual film.

[3:50 PM]  Mr. Blue: 

There are sex scenes but they're so bad it's really not even inappropriate

[3:50 PM] 

Heard about that phenom recently, actually

Major release films being snuck on to porn sites because the studios don't go sifting through those to find general release violations

[3:50 PM]  Mr. Blue: 

I saw that Youtube shut down a bunch of gun-related channels so they moved to Pornhub lol

[3:51 PM] 

LOL

[9:29 AM] 

So... “The Robot Vs. The Aztec Mummy” on MST3K. 

I'd never seen it

Mr. And Mrs. Pig Iron had a copy of it but I could never get 'em to put it in the VCR.

Now I know.

[9:30 AM]  Mr. Blue: 

I think I read it was a duller one so i avoided it

i think it might be from the era where they didn't write jokes, just riffed in real time

[9:30 AM] 

Definitely not as heavily scripted, no, but they obviously had some stuff ready.

There was no way someone belted out "13 feet 4 inches.  Record set at the 19xx Olympics" on the fly.

I started watching it too late with a martini Tuesday and fell asleep.

"Musta been the vodka and the hour."

So I brought it up yesterday and found the last thing I really remembered for sure.

And I fell asleep at least 3 more times

Wasn't the vodka...wasn't the hour...

I had to sit up and lean forward to get through it.

It wasn't even that long with Commando Cody on the front

[9:33 AM]  Mr. Blue: 

Rated as 3rd worst episode on the list i have

[9:34 AM] 

What were 1 and 2?

[9:36 AM]  Mr. Blue: 

The Loves of Hercules and The Mad Monster

[9:35 AM]

TRVTAM was a strange beast...

They obviously stole part of the plot from Paramount Mummy movies

You know...same one used from Karloff to Brendan Frazer

Forbidden love, death curse, continuation of the soul.

[9:37 AM]  Mr. Blue: 

The Loves of Hercules only had 4 votes, so maybe that's too small a sample size to rate

[9:38 AM] 

I was gonna say...  “Starfighters” and “The Hellcats” were both worse than any of the Hercules episodes.

We had a contest endurance/judgement night with those two movies.

[9:39 AM]  Mr. Blue: 

“Starfighters” was the roughest episode i can recall sitting all the way through

It's hard to even call it a film

[9:39 AM] 

Well, neither one had a discernible plot. 

Me -- being sadistic -- claimed that The Starfighters had a better plot than The Hellcats to loud objections.

So we watched both...finished...

(Mrs. Pig Iron) "Good GOD, Mr. Silver!  OK, so what is this PLOT you are claiming The Starfighters has that The Hellcats doesn't???"

"Ah!  The plot?  The plot of Starfighters was the US DoD's plot to try to recruit people with that POS film.  Hellcats wouldn't make anyone want to join a biker gang."

(Mr. Pig Iron) "...you...BASTARD!"

"Hehehe!"

Horrible as they both were, I also argued that Starfighters actually had some takeaway stuff that would stay in your head. 

There was nothing I can remember from The Hellcats except stupid stuff on screen...

Two entire things

1. Guys being roped to bikes and racked to see if they were tough enough to be lovers for "big mama" or whatever.

2. Someone rolling over flat piece of wood on a dirt road at about 10MPH and somehow crashing and dying.

[9:48 AM]  Mr. Blue: 

http://forrestcrow.proboards.com/thread/20122/episode-polls-complete-ratings

[9:49 AM] 

Meanwhile I can probably go through all of the Poopy Suit stuff from memory 15-16 years later, and "So what they're trying to say here is that America's elite jet fighter pilots are a bunch of leather-faced guys who poop in their pants and can't get chicks."

[9:51 AM]  Mr. Blue: 

I've never seen, or heard anything about, that Daddy-O one

[9:52 AM] 

Sounds familiar

(looks)

Oh yes

"You killed Sonny! (slap apple)"

Seen it a few times

Also famous for the "Hike Up Your Pants" song

[9:54 AM]  Mr. Blue: 

Ahh

Most of the reboot episodes don't have enough votes to really be considered in the rankings

One of the high ranked ones i didn't finish was the Samson vs Vampire Women

I bookmarked it and vowed to re-watch when i was in a different mood but never got around to it

It's the Mexican wrestler movie one

7.167 (18 votes) 1004 Future War (Box Set 13)
7.158 (19 votes) 908 The Touch of Satan (Box Set 5)

These two seem underrated - i have both in my top 15

[10:02 AM]

Only seen each once I think.  I'll have to go look them up again.

[10:02 AM]  Mr. Blue: 

Touch of Satan has a lot of good riffs, like all the walnut jokes

About 5-6 jokes about how the walnuts are "stampeding", or "eating too much hay", or "need milked"

(film) "Is that your lake?" "Yeah."  "Mind if i skip rocks across it?"  "No."
(The guys) "Is that your car?  "Yeah."  "Mind if i skip rocks across it?"

[10:06 AM] 

Cave dwellers is a lot lower than I would have put it.

[10:06 AM]  Mr. Blue: 

Same

[10:07 AM] 

I wonder what people's criteria are

[10:07 AM]  Mr. Brown.: 

Sucky through Sucktastic

[10:07 AM]  Mr. Blue: 

I haven't seen even close to all of them though

Maybe only 3/4ths, and a lot of them i have seen i've forgotten

And should the reboot be counted separately or in the same list?

[10:08 AM] 

Well they are pretty much all awful.

Though I actually found myself interested in a couple of them

Time Travelers is WAY down.  But I actually was interested in what was going on.

[10:10 AM]  Mr. Blue: 

same

I think because of the small sample size of votes the reboot episodes are either far too high or far too low

[10:10 AM] 

Like telling Silver Junior to be quiet a bit while I rewound because I missed something.

Missed something...

...in an MST3k selection.

[10:11 AM]  Mr. Blue: 

When i'd watch with my mom as a kid i'd notice her getting too caught up in plots

[10:14 AM]  Mr. Brown.: 

Getting caught up in the plot AND listening to the jokes?

Manos the Hands of Fate

“Wow, what happened to those people in the car?”

“Man, I really thought something was gonna happen there.”

[10:15 AM]  Mr. Blue: 

Yeah

Manos is good, but the last 25-30 minutes drag a bit

[10:16 AM] 

Last time I fell asleep to Manos...

I woke up to the best image in the film

Specifically the Master sitting on a rock looking exasperated and bored while his wives yammered.

[10:17 AM]  Mr. Blue: 

lol

[10:17 AM] 

(me) "No wonder he sleeps all the time. You want MORE of these?"

"Sell your soul to Satan they said...untold power they said...women women women they said...  Minions and thralls they said...  And I'm stuck out in the middle of nowhere with THIS.  Hell is gonna be easy.  Unless it's this."

[10:18 AM]  Mr. Blue: 

I like the booing at the end when little Debbie becomes one of the master's wives

[10:18 AM] 

Hehe

[10:18 AM]  Mr. Brown.: 

Torgo

I am big knee man

look at my thighs

look at them!

Its said it was a mix up on putting on that prosthetic

And they kept it through the whole film

[10:19 AM]  Mr. Blue: 

I've read that the mst3k silhouette cut off his hooves

but there's parts where you can see his feet and he doesn't look like he has hooves on

But yeah, Torgo is supposed to be a faun

[10:21 AM] 

yup

[10:21 AM]  Mr. Blue: 

It can't be too obvious because even the family didn't notice. I wouldn't just shove my way into a house with a half man half goat

[10:21 AM] 

He was wearing the prosthetic backwards, I read, and they didn't use the hooves at all or not much

Made of wire hangers, I think

[10:23 AM]  Mr. Brown.: 

"Shit, he's been wearing this wrong the whole time. We could fix it and hope nobody notices. Nah looks OK "

[10:24 AM] 

They probably filmed enough they decided they couldn't re-shoot

[10:24 AM]  Mr. Brown.: 

with that budget, yep

So he is a gimp now instead of a faun

[10:25 AM]  Mr. Blue: 

Making him simply disabled seems weirder and better anyway

550 - UGGS and Ughs, If The CO2 Doesn't Kill You The O2 Will

[12:36 PM] 

All right...saw the ad enough times and had to look... "Are those...is it a weird strap, or...?"

https://www.mytheresa.com/en-us/yeezy-overknee-stiefel-tubular-aus-pvc-season-4-785405.html?utm_source=Display&utm_medium=Retargeting&utm_campaign=us_criteo_en

[12:37 PM]  Mr. Brown.: 

Specially designed for fully clothed sex.

hehe

[1:15 PM] 

I imagine those boots are only something that can be attractive to look at if the woman is wearing hose and it's not very warm.  Otherwise, I'm (urp...) picturing clear plastic sticking to sweaty skin.  Bleh.

[1:17 PM]  Mr. Brown.: 

Yuck

Imagine the ones that don't fit right but they wear them anyways

Hahaha

Meat squeezing out a clear tube

[1:22 PM]  Mr. Blue: 

I saw a picture of someone wearing those and they were all steamed up

https://assets.capitalfm.com/2017/11/weird-plastic-boots-1489672278-herowidev4-0.jpg

lmfao

Disgusting

You'd have to pour them out periodically

[1:23 PM] 

"The Manufacturer recommends hosing the inside of this product with hat water and bleach after each use.  Dry thoroughly!"

hot

[1:25 PM]  Mr. Brown.: 

I like hat

lol

[1:25 PM] 

hehe

[1:25 PM]  Mr. Brown.: 

Matching clear hat

Pour sweat out of hat, into shoes, add bleach

[1:25 PM] 

Ugh

[1:25 PM]  Mr. Blue: 

Hat water.

[1:26 PM]  Mr. Brown.: 

Add water to shoes, put in gold fish

lol

[1:27 PM]  Mr. Blue: 

Those Yeezy shoes are ridiculous looking

[1:27 PM]  Mr. Brown.: 

yeezy my neezy

[1:27 PM]  Mr. Blue: 

it looks like something designed for people with medical problems - like geriatrics with equilibrium issues

With a touch of "post-nuclear dystopia"

[1:28 PM]  Mr. Brown.: 

apparently he don't like to tie shoes and has balance issues

Sat down to come up with a design

“nah, looks like other shoes.”

“nah, still looks like a shoe”

“I want to be different”

“oh yeah, now looks like a boat. Sweet”

[1:31 PM]  Mr. Blue: 

probably a sign i'm getting old

when i look at kid's fashion and just don't get it

[1:31 PM]  Mr. Brown.: 

not really

well not anymore

kids' fashion today is idiotic

nothing to do with not getting it

Like the fact that all girls shorts are short shorts now

WTF

[1:33 PM]  Mr. Blue: 

most fashion i'm fine with

but shoes that look like slippers for geriatrics.. not sure why you'd wanna wear that

[1:34 PM]  Mr. Brown.: 

status symbol

[1:34 PM]  Mr. Blue: 

it seems like a con

[1:34 PM]  Mr. Brown.: 

it is

[1:34 PM]  Mr. Blue: 

"let's see what kind of dumb shit we can make kids spend their parents money on."

[1:41 PM] 

Yeezy.  Portmanteau for “You'll Make Everyone Queasy”

Or "You're Probably Easy"

"Young and Sleazy"?

[1:44 PM]  Mr. Blue: 

heh

it's Kanye West's nickname, probably from the Ye part of his name

[1:58 PM]  Mr. Brown.: 

my step dad went on a plane twice and ended up having clots all the way up his leg.

How he survived we're that not sure

[1:58 PM]  Mr. Blue: 

i don't understand clots

seems to happen on planes a lot.. not sure if that's from the constant sitting or from the pressure or what

[2:00 PM]  Mr. Brown.: 

pressure

[2:00 PM]  Mr. Blue: 

i know injuries can cause them.. like broken leg bones can lead to clots

some NHLers had them after breaking their legs

[2:22 PM] 

So what don't you get about clots?

Like why aren't we all dead if this can happen?

[2:23 PM]  Mr. Blue: 

yeah basically. It's baffling how fragile we are and how there's like 20,000 things trying to kill us at all times

[2:24 PM]  Mr. Brown.: 

clots are normally only an issue for people who actually have clotting issues

[2:27 PM]  Mr. Blue: 

I was thinking the other day how badly we need oxygen

We can't go 5 minutes without it?

Literally 5 minutes. That's like, a commercial break

[2:28 PM] 

Yet the stuff is highly dangerous depending on concentration

Little too much...feel great...little more, feel bad...little more...drop dead...little more...stuff bursts into flames.

I've often wondered if early creatures just had issues that were simply because biology hadn't figured itself out yet.

Did the early Common Cold just kill things like a plague?

Did big dinosaurs get so massive because no stop had evolved?  Just go on growing til they collapse?

[2:37 PM]  Mr. Blue: 

heh

Like island gigantism

Except it's planetary gigantism

[2:40 PM] 

The dinosaur thing?

[2:40 PM]  Mr. Blue: 

yeah

[2:41 PM]  Mr. Brown.: 

abundance of oxygen in their time

[2:42 PM]  Mr. Blue: 

I think early on it was higher, but once the dinos were established it was about the same as it is today

more oxygen also means more forest fires which meant... less oxygen

Right at the point where plants were everywhere but land-dwelling animals were not, it was very high

But by the time dinosaurs we know of came around it was probably similar

But we'd probably still have trouble if we transported back in time because there'd be other differences

And probably even slight changes in oxygen would take some adaptation

[2:48 PM]

Observable in moves to higher elevations.

What was the one I saw I found amazing... (looks for verification)

Eye bones

First time I saw that on a prehistoric giant fish and realized it wasn't fake...hehe

[2:55 PM]  Mr. Brown.: 

https://www.quora.com/Why-did-dinosaurs-have-rings-of-bones-in-their-eye-sockets

[2:56 PM] 

Evolution invented Googly Eyes!

[2:57 PM]  Mr. Brown.: 

night vision

[2:58 PM] 

"The dinosaurs with glasses look so sophisticated."

[3:00 PM]  Mr. Blue: 

in the last picture it looks like a camera's aperture lens

[3:00 PM]  Mr. Brown.: 

Dinos were meat robots taking pictures

[3:02 PM] 

As far as oxygen vs CO2...way back there...

Climate denial people will cite that the Earth was "fine" with (guesses amount) 800% more CO2

[3:12 PM]  Mr. Brown.: 

If we slowly evolve to breathe it, sure we will be fine

[3:12 PM] 

If you think you can live in a hot ocean filled with new multi-cellular life...go for it Mr. Brown.

 [3:12 PM]  Mr. Brown.:

LOL

[3:13 PM] 

Life forms were basically making Earth too toxic with CO2 to survive.

And then something figured out chlorophyll and started flopping it the other way...

Until we were all gonna die again

And then something figured out how to use all this poisonous oxygen stuff...

Then it started balancing out OK

[3:14 PM]  Mr. Brown.: 

We will be breathing CO2 soon

Our lungs will change

[3:15 PM]  Mr. Blue: 

and converting it to what?

[3:15 PM] 

It would convert us to dead humans. Even scientifically induced it would take too long.

[3:15 PM]  Mr. Brown.: 

True it is happening too fast

but if the change was slower we could evolve to convert CO2 back to oxygen

lol

That would be funny

[3:16 PM]  Mr. Blue: 

Then where would the CO2 come from?

[3:17 PM]  Mr. Brown.: 

earth waste

[3:18 PM] 

How about this...

Plant a trillion trees

Got yer carbon capture and atmospheric cooling done right there.

[3:21 PM]  Mr. Blue: 

The best way to get trees and plant life back is just to leave nature alone

In the US and Europe forest cover is increasing because farm land is becoming disused and sprawl is slowing/stopping

I think a lot of those massive tree planting things India and China do don't really pan out

and most of the trees end up dying

They're replanting in Iceland and it's not really doing any good. Mostly because the trees they're planting aren't native

Nobody wants to plant native species, they want to plant species that look nice or grow a particular way (fast, tall, shady, requires less water) or that has an economic benefit for its pulp

[3:26 PM] 

Now if they could grow the Sahara...

I will point out the recent study that suggests that the Sahara is all goat herding damage by humans over thousands of years.

[3:33 PM]  Mr. Blue: 

heh

I've heard claims that the Great Plains are plain because of native American clear cutting

Fairly believable i guess

[3:36 PM] 

Maybe...never thought about it

You'd think there'd be oodles of trunk and stump leftovers all over it, though.