Monday, September 2, 2013

Day 261 - All Hail Yogi & Boo Boo, "Welcome To The Peoples' - Meaning 'My' - Palace, Tovarich. The Peoples' Staff Entrance Is Around Back", Total Bull-Fish, The Science Of New Gods & Old Heroes, "Based On The Action I Think Its A Portmanteau Of Twat + Jerking", "Our Best Agent Is Our Worst"

Mr. Brown
12:08 PM Mr. Blue
In 2002, he became the first person to fly around the world alone, nonstop, in any kind of aircraft. He launched the 10-story high balloon Spirit of Freedom from Northam, Western Australia, on June 19, 2002 and returned to Australia on July 3, 2002, subsequently landing in Queensland. Duration and distance of this solo balloon flight was 13 days, 8 hours, 33 minutes (14 days 19 hours 50 minutes to landing), 20,626.48 statute miles (33,195.10 km).
That’s a long ass time in the air.
12:16 PM Mr. Blue
Animals dragged his bones a half mile from the crash site.
12:27 PM Mr. Silver
"The longer bones were found curiously arranged into the shape of a hand with extended middle finger, and many of the smaller bones seemed to spell out "F All Humans"
12:28 PM Mr. Silver
"The remaining bones and artifacts were arranged as little arrows leading from the crash site 750 feet away." 
12:30 PM Mr. Blue
So his plane was overtaken by sentient bears and crash landed.
12:33 PM Mr. Brown
Aliens
Aaaaa!
12:33 PM Mr. Blue
Steve Fossett single-handedly stopped the ursid uprising.
12:33 PM Mr. Brown
lol
Actually, it has begun.
Have you seen how many bear attacks there have been recently?
They are gaining ground.
The sharks are in cahoots.
I blame the jellys.
12:35 PM Mr. Blue
What if we went 1000 years into the future, and humans are in hard labor camps that are run by bears?
12:40 PM Mr. Blue
12:41 PM Mr. Silver
"They make us slave for 16 hours a day, eating single bites out of donuts...eating half hamburgers and putting them in paper bags.  Then it all goes into dumpsters and they are shipped out...we don't know to where."
"I saw a woman refuse to lick the icing off a cupcake last week...a kodiak saw her...horrible...horrible..."
12:42 PM Mr. Blue
"I tried to escape and they sentenced me to 10 years in the honey mines."
12:44 PM Mr. Brown
You got off easy.  They made me climb a tree for 8 hours a day, just so they could laugh and climb up to knock me down.
12:48 PM Mr. Brown
Pandas are vicious!
12:49 PM Mr. Silver
(interviewer) "How do you and the other slaves bear these terrible burdens?"
(slaves eyes widen in terror)  "No puns! NO PUNS!!!!"
 

 
1:23 PM Mr. Blue
Russian palaces on street view.
1:23 PM Mr. Silver
Such squalor.
1:23 PM Mr. Blue
It beats the hell out of Buckingham and Versailles.
1:24 PM Mr. Silver
Less eaten by industrial pollution, for sure.
1:25 PM Mr. Blue
Yep, these are pretty rural.
I wonder how these palaces survived the Soviet era.
1:44 PM Mr. Silver
Because despite the best and most noble intentions of the Soviet communist thinkers and forefathers, eventually they, and their toadies, turned into the same opportunist pricks that they deposed, and wanted a bunch of loot and power and nice "The Peoples’ Office Buildings” and shamefully decadent luxury “The Peoples’ Apartments" that "The People" would never be allowed to set foot in under most circumstances.
1:53 PM Mr. Blue
Ah.  Haha!
That’s funny, because pretty much a stone’s throw away from these palaces are some pretty drab Soviet-style block apartments.
"Where do you live?" 
"You know Peter the Great's 500,000 square foot winter palace?" 
"Yeah."
"We're across the street in a 1 bedroom cement slab."
1:59 PM Mr. Silver
Hehe
2:02 PM Mr. Silver
Shared equally with all The People in the immediate family?
2:03 PM Mr. Blue
Russia is very green…I’ll give them that.  Probably because for 60+ years they didn't have the resources to keep the overgrowth in check.  It looks nice though.
 
 
 
Mr. Brown
10:10 AM Mr. Silver
Ewwww
The rare Longhorn Cowfish.
10:11 AM Mr. Brown
I’m wondering if those are horns or bones.
10:11 AM Mr. Silver
There used to be schools of tens of thousands of them off the coast of Texas
10:14 AM Mr. Silver
(sings) “Yippy Ay Kay A!  Swim along, little doggi-fish!”
 
 

Mr. Blue
Everyone’s mad about Ben Affleck being Batman.
I think its dumb putting Superman and Batman in the same movie.
9:00 AM Mr. Silver
(shrug)
9:03 AM Mr. Blue
I’m not a big Superman fan because of how crazily unrealistic he is.
I mean, the Batman comics got a little bonkers there for periods, but the basic premise is sound.
But if you're living in a world with a Superman, there's no need for a Batman.
Just like in the Avengers: Captain America was absolutely useless compared to Iron Man or Thor.
9:04 AM Mr. Silver
Yes
9:05 AM Mr. Blue
You’ve got guys with physics-defying strength or the ability to fly with pin-point precision or with unlimited firepower (Thor's hammer)... Oh, and Captain America has above-average human strength, and can fight and has a shield.
9:07 AM Mr. Silver
Hehe.  Cap is quite a bit better than that…
I love supes though I don't read comics.
As a balance exercise for gaming, they are a huge mess.
A lot of what makes them truly interesting is their personalities, problems and conflicts.
Batman is...well...insane, really.
Cap is tireless and patriotic, yet the victim of an experiment.
Superman is a self restrictive idealist surrounded by delicate creatures and structures.
Hulk is a brilliant maniac afraid of himself.
Thor "thinks he's a god" and therefore doesn't think things through.
9:18 AM Mr. Blue
So you've got gods vs. aliens vs. futuristic technology and all this stuff...and it's a mess.
It's a universe without reason or physics. There's stretching laws of physics and then there's just throwing them out the window
9:22 AM Mr. Blue
Mostly I’m just referring to the Avengers movie since I don't read the comics.
9:23 AM Mr. Silver
I don't read them either, though I've followed some of the mythology through other sources and know a few things.  Anthropology.  New mythology. 
The old gods and heroes were just as crazy, you know.
Try Cu Cuchulain
9:26 AM Mr. Silver
He'd go into a battle frenzy, start fountaining blood, spinning inside his own skin, and shapechanging, all while a glowing crescent moon was rising from his forehead.
You know..."Physics".



10:32 AM Mr. Yellow
Wow. Miley Cyrus twerking, whatever that is. I bet her father is so proud.
10:57 AM Mr. Silver
I keep hearing about that.
11:00 AM Mr. Yellow
That happens to a lot of stars that were child actors or performers.
They go overboard trying to break their image.
The worst thing is, she is so stick thin she looks terrible. She needs to eat a few good meals.
11:07 AM Mr. Yellow
Twerking. Is that the booty shake of days gone by? If so, how do you twerk with no booty? LOL
11:19 AM Mr. Silver
The last I saw, she could do with a non-alien haircut too.
11:20 AM Mr. Yellow
LOL
11:22 AM Mr. Silver
Oh...yeah.  Someone out there is taking popular videos and taking all the sound out except for some foley work to imitate sounds of what is happening and, if you can see the singer's mouth moving, the lyrics at the guessed volume.
Her last hit was hilarious
11:24 AM Mr. Yellow
lol
11:25 AM Mr. Silver
She just mumbled every so often, rolled around...sounds of furniture moving and footsteps.
(http://www.ivillage.com/watch-miley-cyrus-we-cant-stop-video-without-music-nightmare/1-a-542516 – You're welcome. My Nephew dubbed it 'Nightmare Fuel' - Mr. Silver)
(after his lunch)
12:31 PM Mr. Yellow
So, I watched the award show video when I got home. She is way too skinny and her hair was...umm...not great. She is just being outrageous to try and gain some sort of non Disney identity.
And what is called twerking seams to be grinding.
*shrug* I stopped keeping up with lingo some time ago.
You finally get old enough to not care.
12:41 PM Mr. Gray
You're turning into an old man.
12:42 PM Mr. Yellow
As are we all.
12:46 PM Mr. Silver
So you've reached the "doesn't matter what the lingo is because it'll last a year and you're a dumb kid" phase?
12:48 PM Mr. Gray
Which is right before the "You damned kids get off my lawn!" phase.
12:48 PM Mr. Yellow
I am close to that as well.
Damn young girls these days all twerking and gyrating all over the stage.
Not like the old days of Elvis.
LOL
12:53 PM Mr. Silver
Translation - "Damn (I'm married because) young girls these days (that I find impossible to determine the age of) are all twerking and gyrating all over the stage (and I wish I could get some of that but I'm an ancient wreck) Not like the old days of Elvis (even though I wasn't even in my teens when he died so why am I citing him?  Geez I'm getting old)"
Your “LOL” had no subtext.
12:57 PM Mr. Gray
LMAO
12:58 PM Mr. Yellow
Haha



8:04 AM Mr. Silver
Get it to work again after that?
8:05 AM Mr. Brown
Hell no.
LOL
8:09 AM Mr. Silver
Mr. Brown...PC Killer
8:09 AM Mr. Blue
Heh...nice.
8:10 AM Mr. Silver
(cue action-thriller music)
(M) "00-Brown, you're a highly trained professional.  Efficient, skilled...ordinarily the makings of a top agent.  We're sending you to the other side."
(00-Brown) "Wait...You want me to work for the enemy?  But why?"
(M) "Work for?  No.  Just kind of hang around and let stuff happen."
(00-Brown) "I don't know what you mean?  it seems like a waste of time."
(M) "Ever go to Las Vegas or Monaco, Brown?  Do you know what a 'Cooler' is?"
(00-Brown) "Gambler's term, sir.  A person who takes the luck away from a game table.  I still don't understand."
(M pulls out folder)  "This is a report of a typical agent's damages, losses, costs..." (Pulls out box) "And this one..."
(00-Brown) "I see..."
8:15 AM Mr. Brown
So I’m agent Smart. LOL
8:17 AM Mr. Silver
(M) "Good.  'Operation Shooter-Trouble'.  Everything you need is inside."  (tosses a folder stamped 'Eyes Everyone')  Resume, passport, airline ticket and some cash.  Good luck, Brown." 
(00-Brown, with a wink) "I think you mean Bad Luck, sir."
8:18 AM Mr. Blue
heheh
8:19 AM Mr. Silver
(Chief) "Very good, Brown, you're getting the idea.  Now, off you go.  (turns to computer...smacks keyboard). Damn.  Too late."
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Sunday, September 1, 2013

Day 260 - Cat Mafia, Not Quite Dead To The World, "The Safe Also Contained Several Gallons Of Water & A Mouthpiece", "Hello Tech Support? Everything On My Screen Is Blue", Mr. Amethyst Scores For The First Time, and "Use Tool Attachments Only As Directed"

Mr. Blue
Why would you do what a cat tells you to do?
11:02 AM Mr. Gray
Oh, that’s nice.
11:14 AM Mr. Silver
"Well, he's a very clever cat."
11:15 AM Mr. Blue
OK fine... you hear voices... why listen to them?
11:16 AM Mr. Gray
You know...my dog can't talk, but she gives me messages all the time. "I wanna go outside!!!" And I can say No. Why couldn't he?
"But your honor....I was completely under the mental domination of that cat! I had no control. It MADE me do it!!"
11:23 AM Mr. Silver
"The cat said something about it being phase one in a series of plans.  He drew out a map and marked targets in his litter box for me.  He got really frustrated when my wife would clean it."
11:32 AM Mr. Gray
Cats are evil to begin with.
11:33 AM Mr. Silver
"He said the bank job was just for seed money to prep for the hit on the Fancy Feast warehouse."
11:34 AM Mr. Gray
"He told me if I didn't go along with it, I'd be sent to the catnip fields to work in the sun all day."
11:35 AM Mr. Silver
"He was all about the nip, your honor.  There was talk about taking out some of the catnip dealers from the west side that were encroaching on territory he'd clearly sprayed." 
11:35 AM Mr. Blue
Heheh
Goodfellas, but with cats.
11:39 AM Mr. Blue
"and when the dogs...when they assigned a whole pack to stop Mr. Jingles, what'd he do? He made 'em partners."
12:05 PM Mr. Silver
"Well, yeah, he did do time in the pound.  Said a rat had ratted him out. The rat, you know...he suffered an unfortunate accident while the cat was in."
12:26 PM Mr. Silver
"Big funeral.  Beautiful.  The cats went all out.  Big flower arrangements, top quality shoebox."
12:35 PM Mr. Silver
This is sounding like a story your mom should write, Mr. Blue.
12:37 PM Mr. Blue
Heh, yeah.



Mr. Gray
2:22 PM Mr. Amethyst
"Locked in" syndrome.
2:23 PM Mr. Silver
EEK!  Hell!
2:28 PM Mr. Gray
Yeah, tell me that wouldn’t suck.
2:30 PM Mr. Blue
So he couldn't open or close his eyes?
To me that would be the difference between paralyzed and comatose...facial movement.
2:46 PM Mr. Silver
"Doctors had no explanation for Houben's tendency to walk around, go to the cafeteria for meals, and his frequent phone calls to friends and relatives."
2:47 PM Mr. Blue
(woman in morgue) "This man's not my husband, and he's not dead!" 
(man on drawer tray) "That's what I’ve been trying to tell you!"
(coroner) "That's just gas escaping."
2:47 PM Mr. Amethyst
lol
2:48 PM Mr. Silver
(doctor) "We were told he was comatose 23 years ago by the head of the department.  Heck, we were interns and nurses then.  You do what you're told, right? I think some of us were confused when he'd talk, sure, but it's just neurons firing, you know?"
2:49 PM Mr. Amethyst
Perfect! Life imitating art.
"Bring out your dead!"
“Here you go!”
“I'm not dead!”
2:51 PM Mr. Gray
LMAO



7:42 AM Mr. Silver
"You get all the guns and ammo out of it?" 
(looks) "Yeah, Pa."
"Well lock it and let's box 'er up."
7:44 AM Mr. Brown
lol
7:45 AM Mr. Silver
"Seems awful heavy...you sure the guns and ammo are all out?"
"Yes sir, I checked like you said."
7:46 AM Mr. Brown
I was thinking; did they ever catch anybody that insulated their house with weed?
LOL
7:50 AM Mr. Silver
That would be a billion dollars in weed.  No point though...a house is not very portable.
 

 
7:51 AM Mr. Brown
Apple is going pimp.
7:58 AM Mr. Silver
There's a smartphone in the UK that has a ruby power button and a sapphire screen.  Instead of tech support, there's a speeddial to a concierge service.
7:59 AM Mr. Brown
That’s a bit much.
LOL
7:59 AM Mr. Silver
Costs a little bit...
8:00 AM Mr. Brown
I would think.
How would a sapphire screen work?
8:01 AM Mr. Silver
It’s just a hard clear mineral.  So the same as a normal screen but made of sapphire.
8:01 AM Mr. Brown
Ahh
Not blue.
8:02 AM Mr. Silver
They could have said transparent beryl, I suppose, but sapphire sounds schmancier.
8:02 AM Mr. Brown
Well, everything I’m finding on that is Gorilla Glass bashing them, saying it’s not strong enough.
LOL
8:02 AM Mr. Silver
"Transparent beryl screen" +$10
"Transparent sapphire screen" +$500



9:17 AM Mr. Amethyst
I scored my first goal last night.
9:18 AM Mr. Silver
MVP!  How many years have you been playing?
9:18 AM Mr. Amethyst
LOL!  Out front?  This is my first year.  I was in the net for two.
9:19 AM Mr. Silver
"They had two guys in the penalty box and the goalie pulled, then a fight broke out.  It was easy.  I only had to take a few shots while the parents were trying to break up the kids, and it was in!"
9:19 AM Mr. Amethyst
LOL
 
 

7:23 AM Mr. Brown
I got my Swiss Army knife.
Cut my finger.
lol
7:24 AM Mr. Silver
Heh
Good tests:
#1. Are they quality blades?
#2. Am I the sort of person that should carry a pocket knife?
7:29 AM Mr. Brown
They close fast.  My finger was just too close when I closed it.
(Later…)
10:03 AM Mr. Brown
I’m killing my fingers here. 
I just got another cut from something here at work on my thumb.
LOL
10:04 AM Mr. Amethyst
...
10:04 AM Mr. Brown
I have a cut from a fish aquarium and a cut from my new Swiss Army knife.
10:04 AM Mr. Amethyst
LMAO
10:04 AM Mr. Brown
The cut on my thumb from the fish aquarium was a surprise.
I was cleaning it, then later looked at my hand and there was blood on it.
LOL
Must have caught an edge.
10:27 AM Mr. Silver
The world is trying to kill you, Mr. Brown.
10:27 AM Mr. Amethyst
^
10:27 AM Mr. Amethyst
Death of 1000 Cuts
(And still later...)
1:54 PM Mr. Brown
WHY WHY WHY WHY NO NO NO !!!!!!!!!!!!!!
1:55 PM Mr. Amethyst
I saw that on reddit last night.
1:56 PM Mr. Silver
I’d rather fight a dragon.
1:57 PM Mr. Brown
I FEEL THE DRAGON!
OH NO!
1:57 PM Mr. Amethyst
As Nelly said: "do you really wanna unleash the dragon?"
(And, yet later...)
2:55 PM Mr. Brown
What the hell am I supposed to use this parcel hook for?  The one on a Swiss Army knife.
2:56 PM Mr. Silver
The "universal hook"?
2:56 PM Mr. Brown
Yeah.
2:56 PM Mr. Silver
You hook the universe with it.
2:56 PM Mr. Brown
lol
2:59 PM Mr. Silver
Or you could use it for this:
2:59 PM Mr. Brown
AAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!
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