445 - Katzenjammer Only FEELS Omnipresent, The Blind Leading The Dumb, Fuzzy Facts About Hairy Humans, and "Me McDonald's Sucky Sucky"

[12:58 PM] Mr. Blue:

"Can you tell me if we can set up at the address I'm moving to?"

"Sure, what's the address?"

"I don't know."

[12:58 PM] Ms. Rose:

LOL

[12:58 PM] Mr. Blue:

wtffff

[1:01 PM] Mr. Silver:

"Considering the habitable areas of the earth vs Katzenjammer's industry penetration, the odds are...no."

[1:04 PM] Mr. Brown:

Well sir, with no address I would say we don't service it.

(This is the bizarre point where Katzanjammer decided it wasn't necessary to tag the IMs of the recording participant(?)...for some unfathomable reason(?). Anyway...”Silver” being me, any one who has spent time reading this won't have trouble telling who the “anonymous” comments are coming from. As of this point I was very happy I adopted the color scheme all those years ago. - Mr. Silver)

[11:23 AM] Mr. Brown:

Did we ever talk about the Loltun Cave hermit before?

[11:25 AM]

Don't recall that.

[11:28 AM] Mr. Brown:

Supposed to be some blind hermit that somebody ran into in a cave that claimed to be 1000 years old

http://weekinweird.com/2016/08/19/mystery-of-the-loltun-cave-psychic-priest/

[11:31 AM] Ms. Rose:

Loltun = LOL a Ton

[12:31 PM] Mr. Brown:

Extremely skewed perception of time, alone, and blind?

[12:35 PM] Mr. Blue:

1000 Biblical years

[12:40 PM]

The hermit thing was interesting

(translator) "How long have you been down here?" 

(hermit) "Feels like a thousand years."

(translator doesn't know the words for 'feels like'.  Everyone is waiting) "1000 years."

(Stacy-Judd) "By Jove! Exactly 1000 years?"

(translator turns to hermit) "Exactly 1000 years?"

(laughs) "Yeah...sure...to the day."

"He says exactly to the day"

(Stacy-Judd) "I say! Extraordinary!  What are the odds of that?"

[12:45 PM] Mr. Brown:

Blind man taking you through a dark cave would work though, if he has been there awhile.

[12:46 PM]

(native adopts a strange accent and tone) "The first hundred years were the worst.  And the second hundred years, they were the worst too.  The third hundred years I didn't enjoy at all.  After that I went into a bit of a decline."

(translator who has never read “Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy”)  "Uhhhhh...he didn't enjoy it."

[12:47 PM] Mr. Brown:

He forgot his towel

[12:47 PM] Ms. Rose:

(y)

[12:48 PM]

Hehe

[12:50 PM] Mr. Brown:

Translator "He keeps saying 42 "

[12:56 PM]

:)

[1:00 PM] Mr. Brown:

(Suddenly the hermit begins dancing around the cave singing a song) Translator "It sounds, well, like he is singing that every sperm is sacred."

[1:00 PM]

(Stacy-Judd) "Must be a religious thingy. He must be a shaman."

[10:39 AM] Mr. Blue:

I ordered a safety razor. Haven't gotten it yet

I dont' really care about saving money on disposables, I just think it's neat

This'n https://www.google.com/search?q=viking+safety+razor&espv=2&biw=1156&bih=606&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwip9-PNu5fSAhWI0YMKHZxYD6MQ_AUIBygC#imgrc=_

And I don't have a thick beard so I don't need a disposable with 15 blades in 1.

Did you ever see the Mad TV skit about the "Mach 15" razor? The first few blades cut the hair to the skin and by blade 10 or 12 you were past the epidermis.

[10:44 AM]

There was an old old SNL one that made fun of the introduction of double blade razors by goofing on a triple bladed one.  

Now we have triple bladed ones.

I'm guessing we're never having a 15 bladed one :D

[10:45 AM] Ms. Rose:

Shaving your face must be really weird.

I hope I never grow a beard.

[10:46 AM] Mr. Blue:

It is weird

I'm not sure why we don't all just let it grow at least for as long as we let our hair grow.

We don't cut our hair every day.

[10:47 AM] Ms. Rose:

Yet, it would probably feel weird for you dudes to shave your legs and pits, but I'm totally okay with that.

[10:47 AM] Mr. Blue:

That's weird too cuz if anyone should be shaving their whole bodies, it's us.

Obviously somewhere along the line men wanted to try and look younger.

[10:47 AM] Ms. Rose:

And women wanted to look "not European."

[10:47 AM] Mr. Blue:

I don't really have an issue with armpit hair on a woman

[10:47 AM] Ms. Rose:

I cannot even explain all the leg hair I saw at the all-girls college.

[10:47 AM] Mr. Blue:

Legs should be smooth though

It's like leaving mud on a nice car - do what you want, it's your legs - but I would shave it

[10:50 AM] Ms. Rose:

I like to use a brand new razor, shave my legs, stop the bleeding, then go into bed and throw the sheet over my legs. It's pretty magical.

[10:50 AM] Mr. Blue:

I think there's places where body hair on a woman is sought after.

I remember reading that Miss Universe had to tell Sri Lanka to stop sending orangutan-looking women to the pageants.

[10:50 AM] Mr. Brown:

I have a safety razor

Pulls a little

[10:52 AM] Ms. Rose:

I have very thin and unhealthy head hair. But my eyebrows grow like weeds. It's totally not fair. But, after 25+ years of shaving my legs, I can go a month without shaving now.

[10:53 AM] Mr. Blue:

My hair gets thicker every year

[10:54 AM] Mr. Brown:

I started getting hair on my shoulders

[10:55 AM] Ms. Rose:

Wonder what makes people more/less hairy than others. Mr. Oleo is a damned werewolf.

[10:55 AM] Mr. Blue:

Just genetics... Probably dependent a lot on how long our ancestors spent in colder climates, although there's some hairy ass folks in desert climates too

[10:57 AM]

“You're the gorilla my dreams.”

[10:57 AM] Mr. Brown:

I was not hairy, now I'm getting more hair. Yet it left my head

[10:57 AM]

As far as Europe, people who had means could be shaved and people who worked all day couldn't. It was one of the cosmetic elements separating the classes.

Status symbol

[10:58 AM] Mr. Blue:

I'm guessing some hairy dude started ruling a group of people, had a large collection of concubines and had lots of hairy kids. They all grew up and became powerful themselves, and everyone else tried to emulate them.

[10:58 AM]

I'm pretty positive samurai head shaving was because it was considered macho to have male pattern baldness...even though they didn't know they were getting it from mom.

[10:59 AM] Mr. Blue:

I was gonna mention that

It probably started with the ruling class too. Everyone wanted to emulate the higher ups. Or the higher ups brainwashed everyone into thinking their defect was actually a positive thing.

[11:04 AM] Ms. Rose:

I read a book a long time ago. It was non-fiction. Some theory about how we evolved from the sea, and grew hair on our heads (to protect from the sun) and hair under our arms because it's not exposed to light...or some junk. It made sense at the time. Probably another college required-reading.

[11:05]

"Vidal Sassoon's: Mermaid Hair Hooey"

[11:08 AM] Mr. Brown:

Hair is thermal

Along with other reasons for it being there

[11:10 AM]

Yup

[11:10 AM] Ms. Rose:

(says the bald guy)

[11:10 AM]

He's an alien...leave it

[11:10 AM] Ms. Rose:

Test tube baby/alien.

[11:10 AM] Mr. Blue:

At this point we look the way we look for decoration I think.

We've been able to cover our heads with hats and bodies with clothes for too long for any of this to be functional

[11:11 AM]

Vestigial hair

[11:11 AM] Mr. Blue:

Heh

[11:11 AM]

It still has functions, cosmetic appeal being a big one

[11:12 AM] Mr. Blue:

That's what I mean. It's just a decoration.

It doesn't help us in the wild

[11:13 AM]

Gotta be honest, with my crappy long vision, if I have no glasses on I can usually ID a woman I know or have noticed before at a quarter mile based on her hair.

[11:13 AM] Ms. Rose:

A quarter mile?

[11:13 AM]

Yup

Hunter stuff, probably

[11:13 AM] Ms. Rose:

Now who's the alien.

[11:14 AM]

Closer is better, but I've done it

[11:15 AM] Ms. Rose:

Does that work with changes in "natural" blondes, like me? (I am a natural Clairol Nice 'n Easy #98 Ultra Light Blonde...naturally.) :P

[11:17 AM] Mr. Brown:

I would think armpit hair is still there to carry scent

And there is hair in places you move to keep from rubbing and chafing.

[11:17 AM] 

Agreed on that last one.

[11:17 AM] Ms. Rose:

Ewwww!

[11:17 AM]

The hair ID thing works as long as it's not changed

There's also a motion factor and blurry shape factor, though.

More cues the better

[11:18 AM] Ms. Rose:

I've dyed for so long that I can tell the tiny shade differences in "blonde." Sometimes more yellow, sometimes more brassy, sometimes clear like fishing line.

[11:19 AM]

I was walking home for lunch this very week.  

4 brunettes, about same height, pair on each side of X St two blocks away, and I'd lost my glasses. 

I knew who the two were on the right

I couldn't ID the two on the left.

When we closed the distance and I got close enough for a clearer view, I was right about the two I knew and the other two were women I'd never seen before.

[11:20 AM] Mr. Brown:

Well your brain fills in for what you can't figure out

[11:20 AM]

Nod

[11:20 AM] Ms. Rose:

I think you're stoned. I never see people walking down X, let alone 4 similar brunettes at the same time. Weirdo! :P

[11:21 AM]

Hehe

How do you think the story was memorable enough to tell?

[9:46 AM] Ms. Rose:

And meanwhile, over on Team Gremblance: https://tech.slashdot.org/story/17/02/16/2311240/mcdonalds-hires-project-ara-design-team-to-reinvent-the-drinking-straw

[10:22 AM]

"The original title of the project - 'The Double Sucky Sucky' was changed after parents were allowed into test trails with their kids."

[10:23 AM] Ms. Rose:

(rofl)(rofl)(rofl)

443 - Playclothes Boy, Mr. Blue's Cure For All Mr. Brown's Ills, Funny Fortunes, and A Presidential Class Specimen

[8:20 AM] Mr. Silver:

So it only took a year for Playboy to figure out that dropping their signature feature was a critical mistake.

[8:21 AM] Mr. Blue:

Finally.. something for us guys

[8:22 AM] Mr. Silver:

Highly amusing to me.  I was wondering what their history will call the period years from now.

The Big Mis-Nake?

[8:22 AM] Ms. Rose:

So Playboy isn't nakey anymore? I mean, I only read it for the articles, so I didn't realize.

[8:22 AM] Mr. Silver:

It wasn't for a while.

They declared they were done with all that a year ago.

[8:23 AM] Ms. Rose:

Ohhhh...

[8:23 AM] Mr. Silver:

And – predictably – changed their mind

[8:24 AM] Mr. Blue:

"Nudity is becoming more and more accepted in society... so we here at Playboy are going to go in the opposite direction."

[8:36 AM] Mr. Silver:

Vague bleary impressions from this morning when I read it, but I think Hefner (son) said something like the way they depicted nudity was wrong.

I mean...

It's a total fantasy -- seeing these one in a million women, starkers.

What's the "wrong" stretch of adding them lounging around in impossible places or doing bizarre set poses?

In saying "I can't wait to see", I can really wait to see. But I can't wait to see what they do "right" in future.

I can't think of anything...

[9:17 AM] Mr. Silver:

I see Mr. Oleo survived long enough to flood Katzenjammer with bacteria, viruses, prions, molds and parasites.

[9:26 AM] Ms. Rose:

Yeah, I finally got his sickness too. Despite chasing him around with Lysol.

[9:26 AM] Mr. Silver:

Flamethrower next time

[9:26 AM] Ms. Rose:

I don't think I have pneumonia, but definitely a horrible cold.

I'll just make him live on the porch.

[9:28 AM] Mr. Blue:

Am I correct that pneumonia itself isn't transmissible, that it's merely a severe symptom of something else?

[9:29 AM] Ms. Rose:

I think so. I read the Wiki on it, but I forget.

[9:31 AM] Mr. Blue:

I'm thankful my cold only lasted about a day... probably helped that it was a weekend and I could just sleep it off

[9:32 AM] Ms. Rose:

I came home last night, threw my coat on the couch, and went straight to bed. Didn't wake up until this morning. And I feel like I could sleep all day again.

[9:32 AM] Mr. Blue:

I did the same... Went to bed at 6, woke up at 10, went back to bed at 12ish

[9:32 AM] Ms. Rose:

I have an unrelated doc appointment tomorrow afternoon, so I was going to take a half day. I think I might take the whole day, if I can get through all these emairs today.

[9:46 AM] Mr. Brown:

Seasonal allergies heighten the immune response, causing flare-ups for people with autoimmune disorders. Many conditions are documented as being aggravated by strong light, ultraviolet radiation, or the wavelength of light emitted by fluorescent bulbs.Mar 14, 2014

I'm starting to think now this is why I feel worse after being here for a little bit

I was fine all day yesterday, even felt like my infection was going away.

Today my head hurts and I'm feeling like crap after being here for a little bit

[9:59 AM] Mr. Blue:

It's winter, plants are dormant

[10:00 AM] Mr. Brown:

I'm talking about being allergic to the lights here

When I'm at home I don't sit under very bright lights

[10:01 AM] Mr. Blue:

It says allergies are aggravated by fluorescent bulbs... that's not the allergen

[10:01 AM] Mr. Brown:

True, however this place is full of allergens

Dust wise

[10:02 AM] Mr. Blue:

Maybe

[10:03 AM] Mr. Brown:

I know I have a moderate dust allergy

The air in here is crap

These conditions include psoriasis, eczema, Smith-Lemli-Opitz syndrome, lupus, sarcoidosis, Sjogren’s syndrome, Sinear Usher syndrome, Darier’s disease, Kindler-Wearly syndrome, and many more. It has been noted that people with seasonal allergies also experience heightened immune response and more intense allergy symptoms when they are exposed to sunlight and fluorescent lights.

I have Sjogren's

Many conditions are documented as being aggravated by strong light, ultraviolet radiation, or the wavelength of light emitted by fluorescent bulbs.

They should study me

lol

[10:12 AM] Mr. Blue:

(Tom Araya voice)  SURGERY! With no anesthesiaaa

[10:13 AM] Ms. Rose:

Were you born in a test tube, Mr. Brown? Or, "grown," I should say.

[10:14 AM] Mr. Silver:

(T-800) "Not like me. A B-1. Regressive prototype. Liquid organics."

[10:21 AM] Mr. Brown:

I blew my nose twice yesterday, now I have done it like 5 times being here

[10:21 AM] Mr. Blue:

Drink hot water

[10:25 AM] Mr. Silver:

"New from Pepsi!  The taste sensation taking the country by storm!"

"Warming AND refreshing!  And unlike a soda that loses its fizz, Hot Water can be popped in the microwave and it's good as fresh!"

[10:28 AM] Mr. Brown:

“New Pepsi Hot Clear - so clear, it's hot water”

[10:29 AM] Mr. Silver:

"Hey moms!  Worried about unhealthy ingredients?  Pepsi Hot Clear has only one, and zero calories without artificial ingredients!"

[10:42 AM] Ms. Rose:

This post was funny:
I HAVE NO INTERNET!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

MY PHONES ARE OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I LOST A MULTI-MILLION DEAL ON CONFERENCE VIDEO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Then 10 minutes later, he replied with:
ADDENDUM…. The deal was for fantasy money… sorry for the rage post

[10:43 AM] Mr. Silver:

"DON'T YOU GET IT????????????  IT WAS LITERALLY 45 POUNDS OF MONOPOLY MONEY!!!!!!!!"

[10:43 AM] Ms. Rose:

Maybe we could set up a GoFundMe requesting Monopoly money. :P

[10:44 AM] Mr. Silver:

"There's a credit written on your account for 50 million clams."

"Dollars???"

"No...says 'clams'."

[11:25 AM] Mr. Brown:

I read the coin bucket up front as Beards for Bards instead of Babies.

[11:26 AM] Mr. Silver:

“Beards for Bards” is AWESOME

[11:27 AM] Mr. Brown:

"Guys, we have a big problem. There are bards out there that just cannot grow a beard.

I believe we should raise money by growing beards so we can get them the help they need.

[11:38 AM] Mr. Blue:

I thought you were supposed to drop your beard shavings into the jug

"Here, babies... Not sure how this helps, but good luck."

[11:39 AM] Ms. Rose:

(rofl)(rofl)(rofl)

[1:29 PM] Mr. Silver:

So before the election, Samantha Bee did this bit about cherry picking clips about someone to basically use as evidence to  accuse them of stuff, and selected a set of clips to prove that Donald Trump can't read.

Very funny.

Except that some other guy ran with it and started digging and studying the behavior and psychology and techniques of illiterate people

And...it looks like Donald Trump has maybe a 5th grade reading level

[1:31 PM] Mr. Blue:

LOL

[1:32 PM] Mr. Silver:

Getting helpers...dictating...looking blankly at pages...making excuses.  Like a dozen things.  Observational videos of him and anecdotes from others.

They referred to a Canadian law enforcement checklist for dealing with possible illiterates.  I would have liked to see the list but the two presenters said Trump hit everything on the list.

Page 17-18 http://en.copian.ca/library/research/police/factsheets/factsheets.pdf

[1:59 PM] Mr. Blue:

I'm still laughing at Trump's doctor letter from last year https://img.washingtonpost.com/wp-apps/imrs.php?src=https://img.washingtonpost.com/blogs/the-fix/files/2015/12/Capture6.jpg&w=1484

What doctor would write like that?

[2:05 PM] Ms. Rose:

Wow, that letter is weird. Wonder how much he was paid to say that.

[2:08 PM] Mr. Silver:

According to doctors, no doctor would write like that.

[2:08 PM] Mr. Blue:

Or when he went off on a tangent about fake news when he was supposed to be talking about black history

[2:08 PM] Mr. Silver:

"Positive" is a medical word for 'bad', for one thing

[2:08 PM] Mr. Blue:

I mean... he'd have to have examined every former president to state "unequivocally" that Trump would be the healthiest ever

[2:09 PM] Ms. Rose:

Exactly.

[2:13 PM] Mr. Blue:

"his physical strength and stamina are extraordinary"

How many people on earth would be described that way? Maybe Olympic lifters or triathletes?

My PCP has never tested my strength or stamina

"Alright Mr. Blue, the bloodwork checks out... Now lets head on over to the squat rack."

[2:22 PM] Mr. Brown:

Hit me has hard as you can

Ok how long was I out for?

Yep, you're healthy

[2:23 PM] Ms. Rose:

It will be a new rating on the medical questionnaire. "How would you rate your health? Circle one: FDR   JFK   Clinton   Trump"

[2:26 PM] Mr. Brown:

That makes me think about the forms they print at hospitals to fill out.

They mark you in the system as male, yet it still prints out the question: “Do you think your pregnant?”

[2:27 PM] Ms. Rose:

"Yes! I do! That's why I'm here!" lol

[2:28 PM] Mr. Brown:

You would think by now it can adjust and print the proper questions

I mean in the old days, to save paper, you would have one form

[2:28 PM] Ms. Rose:

Check the box if you or a family member have experienced any of the following:
High blood pressure
Diabetes
Glaucoma
Dementia
Presidency

[2:29 PM] Mr. Silver:

"This 10th dot...what qualifies as 'Titan'?"

I actually have Presidency in my family medical history.  Should I be worried?

[2:31 PM] Ms. Rose:

No no no. Having presidency automatically gets you sent home with a clean bill of health. And a lollipop if you were good.