Saturday, July 9, 2016

362a - "Perhaps They Could Help You At Durmstrang Institute", Free Craps, "I Owe My Soul To The Company Ass-Hoooole", and Professional Wrestling With Your Demons Is Fake

[12:03 PM] Ms. Rose:
Chatting with Baldazar Sandor. Heh...
"We are not able to provide services at Hogwarts. Sorry." :P
[12:09 PM] Mr. Blue:
Heheh
Brown!
[12:18 PM] Mr. Silver:
Baldazar!!!!  BAD dog!
[12:19 PM] Ms. Rose:
Not lyin'. Baldazar Sandor. In (town), nonetheless.
That's a name we really should bring back.



[12:21 PM] Mr. Silver:
How about a multiplayer Craps game called "Piles of Craps" where everyone rolls to try to hit the public "point"
[12:21 PM] Ms. Rose:
HA!
Piles of Craps is HILARIOUS.
There's always one. This client is complaining about us offering to send a new router because "7 years is really not that old" for a router. But then proceeds to mention that speeds have slowed down...
(from Zoolander) "It's like I'm taking CRAZY PILLS!"
[12:54 PM] Mr. Silver:
"How dast thee?  How dast? This vintage router is an heirloom, I say, sirrah!"
"One would suppose Katzenjammer's villaines deem it apropos to compel me to accept free spats and a new Eton collar if it suited their mood!  Nay!  I say NAY!"
[1:04 PM] Ms. Rose:
lol
(as read in the voice of Baldazar)
[1:14 PM] Mr. Silver:
(touches nose, points to Ms. Rose)
[12:56 PM] Mr. Blue:
I can't imagine anyone out there complaining about free upgrades.
[1:00 PM] Ms. Rose:
"Is it free?"
Yes.
"I see the replacement is free, but will I be billed?"
It's FREE.
"How much to ship it?"
FREE FREE FREE!
"On second thought, let's skip it. I can't afford this."
ALL FREE!
*click*



[3:09 PM] Mr. Silver:
Nice... Koch Industries ad on CNN.com.  Just shows a military officer's hat.
[3:11 PM] Mr. Blue:
"Support the Troops!!" - Charles and David "Industries" Koch
I guess every generation needs its George Pullman / JP Morgan, curmudgeonly anti-democratic miser type
[3:15 PM] Mr. Silver:
"Robber Baron has such a negative connotation..."
"We'd run for office ourselves, but there's no serious money in being a servant even if there are some perks."
[3:20 PM] Mr. Blue:
Cheaper just to bribe the folks currently in office
[3:22 PM] Mr. Silver:
"Tip", sir. Don't be crass.
"How much do you make a year, Mr. Senator?  And it's 15% right?  Here, better have it in cash so you don't have to share with the others."
[3:23 PM] Mr. Blue:
I was reading about the town Pullman created...where he built it around one of his factories and made everyone working in the factory live there.  No home-owning, they all had to rent from him, and they weren't allowed private newspapers, town meetings, public speeches, or even churches
So he paid them and they in turn gave him back the money in the form of rent and taxes lol
Apparently no privacy either
LOL Also: “The city of Pullman, Washington is named in his honor. The town expected him to build major railroads in Pullman, but the route went into Spokane.”
They should vote to rename it "Pullman Sucks, Washington"
All these years, I thought Mr. Burns was supposed to be satirical, not biographical
[3:28 PM] Mr. Silver:
If-Pullman-Ever-Shows-His-Face-Here-Again, WA
[3:28 PM] Mr. Blue:
Heheh
[3:39 PM] Mr. Silver:
"Pullman, WA erected a plaque of historical significance depicting a hooded lynched figure in a nice suit, entrails hanging out, suspended over a fire with several prominent citizens beating the body with farming implements."
[3:39 PM] Mr. Blue:
Hahaha



[12:24 PM] Mr. Blue:
Did you ever hear the Jon Cena prank call?
I don't follow WWE but I guess he has a really obnoxious entry song and they pranked some lady as promoters and kept playing that at full blast
Then on different calls:
"Hello ma'am, do you support the marines?" 
"Yes of course!" 
"Well a former marine needs your support now!"  ITS JOOHHHNN CENAAA!!!!! *trumpets*
---
(robotic) "hello. you. have. a. collect. call. from.  JOOOHHHNNN CEENNAAA!"
"I swear I'm going to call the cops."
[12:34 PM] Mr. Silver:
LOL
I don't think about wrestling much, but when I do, I think of stuff we did on Mr. Gray's X-Box game.
He made as close as possible to a reasonable wrestler. 
Mr. Green and I...did not...
[12:49 PM] Mr. Blue:
Heh, like making your own character thing?
[12:50 PM] Mr. Silver:
Ja.  Mr. Green made a guy about 7'3", built like a goon from the Popeye comics, big fangs, and the body hair setting cranked up.  Aptly named "The Beast" and he'd walk in with a Tiki mask on.
His opening music was some long metal growl saying "Wwwwwwwwwwhat a rrrrrrush!" but it mostly sounds like someone barfing.  Perfect.
Mine? I went the opposite.
I made him about 5' tall with over-muscled arms and legs...and because I couldn't see the perspective at all, didn't realize I'd given him something like size 20 feet.
Mexican acrobat style over brute force.
And
I set him to never take off the cape.
Mr. Gray "Woah...brave..."
Luchadore mask
El Reyo Azul”
Watching him lift opponents was a treat
As well as him climbing all over them.
We figured he could do the stuff because of the feet
[1:02 PM] Mr. Blue:
LOL
I used to do similar things in NHL games
Make a defenseman like 4'11" - I think that was the shortest they could be, but like 255 lbs. and fast
They'd play like a bowling ball
[1:13 PM] Mr. Silver:
Hehe
Legally check the legs right out from under someone?
[1:14 PM] Mr. Blue:
Then there was the glitch that made 5'11" Mike Zigomanis 15'11"
He could take a faceoff without either of his skates being inside the faceoff circle
But his head was normal-sized
[1:22 PM] Mr. Silver:
I tried to find a picture of that and never could.  Hehe
So...back to the wrestling thing because there was more to the story.
One of the things you could design was your opening light show and swagger.
Mr. Green's was an aggressive brute and had an entrance to match
I had a proud toreador presentation, horns and guitar
This is important...
Because one game night, I was over there to Mr. Gray's like an hour early
And Mr. Green had been in an awful mood because he'd had a fight with his wife's friend, who'd come to their Halloween party as Jack Sparrow and caused trouble.
And so I decided to make him a present of a novelty wrestler - "The Captain"
Dreads...dew rag...eye patch I believe.  Vest, boots, puffy shirt...
I made him quick, and an escape expert.  And I selected a show and swagger.
Mr. Green arrives and I tell him I made him something special to burn off some steam.
We set up the fight, and in The Beast comes - "Wwwwwwwwwwhat a rrrrrrush!"
And then The Captain appeared, and the giggling started in earnest...
Because - though we never used them, fought them, or watched matches - there was a whole section of the game devoted to ring girls and girlfriends and similar characters so they could have matches too.
And I'd given The Captain a woman's entrance.
The Captain came in, skipping and posing and blowing kisses.
It was ridiculous and Mr. Green loved it.
That done, the match began.
And...for the ultimate enjoyment of 2 out of 3 of us...
The Captain proceeded to kick The Beast's butt in the ring.
No contest.  The pirate was too fast and slippery for his brute tactics.
It was a good day.
[1:52 PM] Mr. Blue:
Hahaha!

Sunday, July 3, 2016

361a - You Don't Need To Know The Words If You Know The Lyrics, What Is The Chief Industry Of Pussy Mill PA?, Weird Baffling Vir-gina Parts, Pope Francis Stars In "The Contrite Heart", New & Improved Shammes Wow, and "We Deserve Your Raise!"

[1:57 PM] Ms. Rose:
It's such a bouncy, happy, upbeat song. But when you read the lyrics...
http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/who/youbetteryoubet.html
(It was on in the car during lunch.)
[2:06 PM] Mr. Silver:
About what I expected from The Who
Been forgetting to look up "Killer Queen" myself.
"Do I want to know these lyrics having looked up some of Queen's other lyrics?”
(sings half remembered bits)
    "She keeps a (mumbl-y mumb-le...I hope it's not just super gay)”
    “In conversation, she spoke just like a baroness!”
    “(Words words something about Asia Minor and do I really wanna KNO-OW?)”
    “Perfume came naturally from Paris...for guys she couldn't care less(?)”
[2:08 PM] Ms. Rose:
I love “You Better You Bet”... I'm just in "a mood" today and everything sounds scary/serial-killer-ish...or it just makes me angry. Like pistachios and clients.
[2:11 PM] Mr. Amethyst:
Relax.  Try Hacked to Pieces” - by Six Feet Under
[2:13 PM] Mr. Blue:
Gunpowder guillotine (pronounced like gelatin) dynamite with a laserbeam”
I think I know all the lyrics to Killer Queen
Maybe not
[2:14 PM] Mr. Silver:
I can actually quote that one section, I just messed it up on purpose for the gag.
I liked the music long before I knew the target audience and I've been creeped out before by looking song lyrics up. Like anyone's lyrics, not just Mercury's.
[2:16 PM] Mr. Silver:
"Oooooh...is that what he said? ....eeeeee...." (headbang)
I did a project once where I took a David Bowie tune, played it in bits, wrote down what I thought he was saying before looking up the real lyrics...
Result was:
"Really? They're totally different. That's weird"
and
"I like what I was hearing better."
[2:19 PM] Ms. Rose:
I think we've discussed this before, but one of the best "misheard lyrics" songs is “Yellow Ledbetter” by Pearl Jam.
[2:22 PM] Mr. Blue:
Yeah, I always thought it was Yellow Bedwetter!  Come on folks!!
[2:28 PM] Mr. Silver:
Heh
[2:28 PM] Ms. Rose:
A Rolling Stone critic (when the song came out) said something like "Great, classic Pearl Jam. Who cares if Eddie had a mouthful of pudding?!"



[11:15 AM] Mr. Blue:
Matt just shouted on a call "PUSSY mill!"
[11:16 AM] Mr. Amethyst:
Yes he did
LOL
[11:16 AM] Mr. Silver:
"What do they mill there?  Oh REA-lly..."
[11:16 AM] Mr. Amethyst:
"I'm on my way!"
[11:17 AM] Mr. Blue:
The clients always emphasize that it's pronounced like choosey
And Matt just goes "PUSSY mill!"
[11:17 AM] Mr. Silver:
"Well, why do they film them?  Ooooohhhh!  I though you meant... Please hold..."
"I'm back...needed to recenter. Honestly, I thought it was a puppy farm kind of thing.  Sorry."



[11:50 AM] Mr. Blue:
I didn't even read this article yet, but I just love this headline on Clickhole:
Sex-Positive Culture Still Has A Long Way To Go Before It Catches Up With My Weird And Baffling Penis”
[11:53 AM] Mr. Silver:
Errrrrr
[11:54 AM] Mr. Amethyst:
Wow
LOL
[11:54 AM] Mr. Silver:
Somehow manages to be a combination of weird AND baffling.
[11:54 AM] Mr. Amethyst:
"Baffling"
[11:54 AM] Mr. Blue:
[it] looks like M.C. Escher tried to paint the Holocaust.”
[11:54 AM] Mr. Silver:
"Some are weird...some are baffling...just have a gander at this...(zzzzIP!)"
[11:56 AM] Ms. Rose:
Leave it to weird and baffling male-parts to ruin it, as usual... *GOSH!*
[11:57 AM] Mr. Silver:
Confessions from the man who inspired David Lynch to make his first skin flick
[11:58 AM] Mr. Blue:
Discolored, wider than it is long, has whiskers
[12:00 PM] Mr. Silver:
(Actress/waitress looking through Variety on break at restaurant) "New project: Film actress needed. Experience helpful. Nude performance.  Weird and baffling sexual anatomy req'd."
OMG! I just got a new agent setup -- Mr. Beavis
"Hmm hnn...and, uhh, what is the name going to be?"
"It'll be joint under Virgil and Gina Beavis."
[12:12 PM] Ms. Rose:
ROFL
[12:12 PM] Mr. Silver:
HUHUHUHUH!!! HUHUHUH!!! Vir-gina Beavis!  HUHUHUH!!!!"
"Hmm mmm... YEAH!  Vir-gina!  ... ...Wait a minute..."
[12:13 PM] Ms. Rose:
"Uhhhhh... Hey, Mr. Beavis... Boioioioioioioing! Heh heh heh heh!"
[12:13 PM] Mr. Silver:
"HUHUHUH!"
"SHUT UP BUTTHEAD!"
[12:13 PM] Mr. Amethyst:
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
[12:13 PM] Ms. Rose:
B&B humor will never, EVER get old. EVER.
[12:13 PM] Mr. Amethyst:
Nope
[12:14 PM] Mr. Silver:
Nope
[12:15 PM] Ms. Rose:
You guys made my day. :)
I get weird/baffling man-parts and B&B humor all at once. What more could a gal ask for?!



[11:32 AM] Mr. Silver:
Woah...papal shocker...
[11:50 AM] Mr. Blue:
This pope seems alright
If he came out and was like "God isn't real" I'd probably become a Catholic again.
[12:01 AM] Mr. Silver:
What a brilliant sentiment. :-)
[12:17 PM] Mr. Blue:
Sounds like a lifetime movie
The Contrite Heart, starring Rebecca DeMornay
[12:18 PM] Ms. Rose:
Also starring John Stamos, playing Pope Butterface the First and Pious.
[12:19 PM] Mr. Silver:
Heh
[12:19 PM] Mr. Blue:
"Obiter dictum, obscuris odi et amo theologicum, have mercy!"
[12:22 PM] Mr. Silver:
Nice
[12:26 PM] Mr. Blue:
And Pauly Shore as Cardinal Joseph: (starts hamming for the camera) "Heeeeeeeyyyyy bu-uddddy."
[12:29 PM] Mr. Silver:
"Chillin' at the churchhhhh-age for the free wafes and veeee-no."
[12:34 PM] Mr. Blue:
And guest starring Mickey Rooney in archival footage (it's him screentesting for Breakfast at Tiffany's in yellowface)
Directed by Vince Offer (the Sham-Wow guy)
[12:36 PM] Mr. Silver:
(Cardinal Joseph reading letter from Vatican) "Awww dude.  Big PAP-pa got all harsh on the sour cream and onion host idea."



[12:45 PM] Mr. Blue:
That Vince Offer guy's real name is Offer Shlomi, and he's from Israel.
[1:33 PM] Mr. Silver:
"I'm Offer Shlomi and I'm here to introduce the Shammes Wow!"
"Just look at that Manischewitz stain on that tiztzit!  Shammes Wow soaks them right away.  Now that's a clean tassel!"
[1:38 PM] Mr. Blue:
LOL
[1:44 PM] Ms. Rose:
I am blown away by this knowledge of Sham Wow Vince.
And he's 51 years old! I look older than him!
[1:46 PM] Mr. Blue:
He directed Adrian Brody in a movie
[1:47 PM] Ms. Rose:
Is this real life?
[1:47 PM] Mr. Silver:
Gets difficult in here, doesn't it?
[2:10 PM] Mr. Blue:
It's a Vince Offer world. We're all just schmutz waiting to be toweled up.



[2:57 PM] Ms. Rose:
I love it when agents reply (very, very few of them) reply to one of my lengthy overly-helpful emairs and tell me I should get a raise. It doesn't mean anything, but... Tiny silver lining on the otherwise oppressively gray cloud.
[2:58 PM] Mr. Blue:
You should ask for a tip, then
[2:59 PM] Ms. Rose:
I'll send myself a praise. Since I'm in charge of emair praises. LOL
[3:05 PM] Mr.Silver:
"Good job!  You deserve a raise!"
(DING DING DING DING!  whooop Whooop WHOOOP!  [John Phillip Sousa music])
"What was THAT?"
[3:06 PM] Mr. Blue:
"Thank you!  We'll be taking it out of your next paycheck!"
"Huh?"
*click*
[3:06 PM] Mr. Silver:
"An extra 2 cents per hour? Thank you!" 
[3:07 PM] Ms. Rose:
LOL
"Please note the line on your paystub labeled "RA Awesomeness Fee. This is a government-mandated fee imposed to allow you to give raises to co-workers."
[3:32 PM] Mr. Silver:
"Now here's an interesting one...the Fee Fee."
"Fee fee?"
"Mais oui!  La fee fee es magnifique!"
Hmmm. I'm guess that should have been "les"
But French sucks