Friday, August 16, 2013

Day 255 - "All Of Me Is On Strike", Totally Bogus Shitty Job, Send In The Sned, A Reaction Worth A King's Ransom, Mr. Blue Would Die To Get A Rise Out Of His Coworkers, Peat Moss & Eggs, and Tiny Navies For Tiny Islands

Mr. Brown
I think Linda is just trying to start something.
If there was a walk out, we would know.
Everybody would know.
That would be hard to miss.
8:32 AM Mr. Blue
Yep.
8:32 AM Mr. Brown
Unless it was the lamest walk out ever; like two people.
LOL
8:38 AM Mr. Silver
Well, there was a single "Solidarity!" sign out front with a "back in 10 minutes, don't cross this line" post-it on it. 



12:11 PM Mr. Gray
12:22 PM Mr. Brown
“And what do you do for a living?”
“I make poop.”
I'm making some right now.
12:23 PM Mr. Gray
I would love putting that job title on a resume: "Synthetic Fecal Specialist" 
“So you make up fake BS to tell people?”
"Nope...I really make fake shit. No, really...."
12:37 PM Mr. Silver
"I laid out some samples on the tray before the meeting...there were 5 and now there's 3.  Where are the other two?"
(CEO walks in) "Sorry I'm late, I had to get a drink of water. Ugh! Those are the worst candy bars ever."
12:38 PM Mr. Blue
“Barely had any nuts in them.”
12:38 PM Mr. Gray
LOL


Mr. Blue
And when I hit sned the window flashed and went to 3
2:22 PM Mr. Silver
I love that typo...always have.
2:22 PM Mr. Blue
sned?
2:22 PM Mr. Silver
Yeah
2:22 PM Mr. Blue
I do nad a lot for and
2:23 PM Mr. Silver
It's so Dr. Seuss
2:25 PM Mr. Gray
Hehe
2:28 PM Mr. Silver
"And like a shot, I'd built a Sned
With 15 levers, blue and red
“If Loods were clever, they'd have fled,
but Fred, this Sned will take their bread,
If Loods can be led." I said.
Perhaps it's text from "The Return Of Sylvester McMonkey McBean"?
2:37 PM Mr. Silver
A spinoff from "The Sneetches"


Mr. Gray
Here is a D&D pic for ya. Not something you want to see staring at you in a dungeon. LOL
12:48 PM Mr. Yellow
It would be scary to see that up close, or so big it looks like it is that close.
1:08 PM Mr. Silver
So...we'll have that on Friday, then.
1:18 PM Mr. Silver
(Dungeon Master) “You see two fist-sized black pearls glittering in the torchlight, and two saucer-sized gems that might be peridots between them.  At a rough guess without closer examination, these would be royal pieces.  Tens of thousands of gold pieces each."
(player) "I approach."
1:18 PM Mr. Yellow
Hehe!
I totally see that.
1:19 PM Mr. Silver
"Right...as soon as you're 30' away, Reflex save."
1:19 PM Mr. Yellow
Haha!
Oh oo ah OOO!
1:21 PM Mr. Silver
Many pants were soiled, that game...
1:21 PM Mr. Yellow
Haha
1:35 PM Mr. Gray
I like the spider thing.... May have to do something with that! Hehe!


Mr. Blue
Jesus!
I just spit in a cup and it came out all red!
4:22 PM Mr. Amethyst
Chew?
4:22 PM Mr. Blue
I forgot I chewed on one of those Pepto Bismol things a half hour ago.
4:22 PM Mr. Amethyst
LMFAO
4:27 PM Mr. Gray
Tumor
4:27 PM Mr. Blue
Probably
4:28 PM Mr. Gray
"He seemed fine, then one morning he came in...clutched his forehead and just dropped dead."
4:29 PM Mr. Blue
I want to just start spewing blood out of my eyes and mouth, like when the guy gets depressurized in Event Horizon.
4:30 PM Mr. Gray
Hehe
I'd pay to see the look on people's faces!
4:31 PM Mr. Blue
And then I fall on the floor and do this (warning: gross special effect)
4:31 PM Mr. Gray
Hehe!
That would go down as the greatest event in Katzenjammer history.
4:32 PM Mr. Blue
LOL
4:32 PM Mr. Gray
"Dude....were you there when Mr. Blue exploded?"
4:33 PM Mr. Blue
And then Mr. Silver runs over and yells "long live the new flesh!"


8:29 AM Mr. Silver
All the -ham names in English are amusing to me.
This client lives on Needham St.
“We need some ham over here!”
Badham
Dunham
8:32 AM Mr. Blue
I like the ones that are like Newcastle-upon-Thyne.
Yeah, it's on the Thyne River, but why put that in the name?  It's not London-upon-Thames.
8:33 AM Mr. Blue
Pittsburgh-upon-Allegheny-Monongahela-Ohio
8:33 AM Mr. Silver
"The Newcastle that is on the Tyne...not the other one."
8:33 AM Mr. Blue
If there's another one, pick a new name.
8:34 AM Mr. Silver
The ham one though...I mean, even if it's a bastardized heim/home/whatever...
What’s so needful, bad or brown about them?
Bath home?
Eh
Home of the Bath, or Ham that is bad...your choice.
8:35 AM Mr. Blue
Ham, in parts of the UK, a low-lying water meadow. As in Hasfield Ham (Glos., on the banks of the Severn, a few miles north of Gloucester), and (very probably) Morwellham (Devon - just - on the east bank of the Tamar).
8:45 AM Mr. Silver
Even better!  Though why someone would ‘need’ a swamp is still beyond comprehension.
8:50 AM Mr. Blue
Maybe it literally means something with pigs.
Like a pig farm used to be there.
8:51 AM Mr. Silver
What...Ham?
8:51 AM Mr. Blue
Yeah.
8:51 AM Mr. Silver
Well you just looked up that it's a marsh.
8:51 AM Mr. Blue
But it seems vague.
It says "very probably" for one of the names.
8:52 AM Mr. Silver
"Ugh...this pork tastes like peat moss."
"Who said it was pork?"
"It's on the menu...'ham'."
"Ah...a common and understandable mistake.  Allow me to explain."
8:55 AM Mr. Silver
I think my joy with this sort of word is that I know they don't literally mean what they've been turned into, but they still have...often funny...literal translations possible.



9:48 AM Mr. Gray
Payback is coming....
"Japan refused in April to sign an unconditional pledge by nearly 80 countries to never use nuclear weapons."
9:48 AM Mr. Silver
"We have just 2 in reserve and consider that fair."
9:49 AM Mr. Gray
"We are sorry...but in the event of Kaiju attacking Tokyo we must reserve the right to use atomic weapons."
9:49 AM Mr. Blue
Haha!  They aren't allowed to have a standing army but they plan on using nukes?
9:49 AM Mr. Gray
Apparently.  LOL
They are building a flat-top destroyer right now.
China is all freaking out because they built a ship that can launch helicopters.
9:49 AM Mr. Blue
Did you see that article that said western scientists were criticizing their robot technology because they were spending too much time making their robots "cute" instead of functional?
9:50 AM Mr. Gray
9:53 AM Mr. Blue
It’s funny when countries get all tense over tiny little islands that are uninhabitable.
9:53 AM Mr. Silver
Granted it's small for an aircraft carrier...but that's a “destroyer”?
9:54 AM Mr. Gray
I know...for a Destroyer it’s HUGE.
I bet it turns into a giant robot.
9:54 AM Mr. Silver
And is not very destroyer-y.  Vis:
9:55 AM Mr. Gray
That would be my concern.....
"No no...this ship doesn’t launch jets...we have Giant Flying Combat Mechs instead.  Come on people...we're Japan!!"
9:55 AM Mr. Silver
It's a kawaii aircraft carrier, stocked with cute little planes.
9:56 AM Mr. Gray
That have nukes.  LOL
But yeah I agree....it does not look like any destroyer I've ever seen.
9:56 AM Mr. Amethyst
Nah. That’s an aircraft carrier.
LOL
There are no guns.
9:57 AM Mr. Silver
"Where's the guns?"
"Shaddup!"
9:57 AM Mr. Amethyst
Unless they come out of the floor, which would be sweeeeet!
9:57 AM Mr. Gray
Like I said...I bet it transforms.
"Combat mode...activate!!!"
9:57 AM Mr. Amethyst
Whoopa Gundam style!
9:58 AM Mr. Gray
Decks swivel...guns rise from the decks...Giant Robots rise up to start flying around...
9:58 AM Mr. Gray
LOL
Britain is sending a force of nine vessels, led by the helicopter carrier HMS Illustrious and including two frigates.
Helicopter CARRIER. Not a Destroyer...CARRIER.
Japan is just being sneaky. LOL
10:04 AM Mr. Blue
It's funny seeing wars fought over smaller and smaller lands. Now Spain is threatening Britain over a damn rock?
10:08 AM Mr. Silver
Suppose Prudential insures the Rock of Gibraltar?
10:11 AM Mr. Blue
Heh
10:15 AM Mr. Gray
LOL
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Sunday, August 11, 2013

Day 254 - "Of Mice And Minge", Trunks Junk, Not Even Near Beer, Mr. Yellow Stocks Waterproof Tape, Windows 8 Would Have Been Great In The 80s, Cornfellas, Another Great Discovery Of The Greeks, Heavy Pet Names, The Fedoras Are In Bloom, and An Experiment That Flus In The Face Of Reason

2:44 PM Mr. Blue
He’s telling me about how he was disabled in Afghanistan in 2000.
2:46 PM Mr. Blue
He’s telling me about vaginas now.
3:04 PM Mr. Silver
The original lines were on the theme "Tell me about the vaginas, George."
Story makes better sense, really, knowing that.
3:08 PM Mr. Silver
"Of Mice and Men" just flowed better as a title and he went with it.
3:08 PM Mr. Amethyst
LOL
3:09 PM Mr. Silver
The Moonlite Bunny Ranch is the closest modern link to the subtext.
"Well, Lennie, once we set some by, I reckon we'll buy us a brothel."
3:12 PM Mr. Silver
"The Bunny Ranch, right George?"
"That's right, Lennie."
"Tell me about the vaginas, George."
3:13 PM Mr. Silver
"Oh we'll have all kinds, Lennie."
“And I get to F 'em, right George?”



Mr. Amethyst
Mrs. Amethyst is going to buy me swim trunks and asked what I want.
“Large.  I want green and black, but red and black will do.  Must have the netting inside, otherwise it’s like Saran Wrap…and we’ve all seen how kielbasa looks in the package.”
2:09 PM Mr. Gray
Or Vienna sausages.
2:09 PM Mr. Brown
You need that fabric mesh.
Nice and comfy.
2:09 PM Mr. Amethyst
LOL!  Dave said the same thing! Rather than take your insults, I'll just wonder how you all know my penis size.
2:10 PM Mr. Gray
Mr. Brown.
He said he had a dream with you and Patrick Dempsey in a hot tub. I didn't want to hear anymore for fear I'd never sleep again.
2:11 PM Mr. Brown
Oh and Reese Witherspoon was there too.
2:11 PM Mr. Gray
Giggling....and pointing.
2:11 PM Mr. Brown
I love Reese.



Mr. Brown
11:52 AM Mr. Silver
"Americans Realize Most American Beer Sucks"
I had a Bud Light Friday – it was a medical emergency. 
Wow...it was club soda.
Club soda with traces of alcohol in it.
11:52 AM Mr. Brown
Yeah.
I like real German beer.
11:53 AM Mr. Brown
Well, and Yeungling is good.
11:57 AM Mr. Blue
Seriously, beer is gross.
It's cold piss, and if your aim is to get drunk, just go with liquor.
(Once again, I doubt Mr. Blue's claimed Germanic ancestry – Mr. Silver)
11:57 AM Mr. Brown
I like good beer, like, real beer.
Not the “light” shit.
11:58 AM Mr. Blue
Like what?
11:58 AM Mr. Brown
I like beers that have hops.
I like Guinness.
Full beer.
12:01 PM Mr. Brown
All this light stuff, I never understood.
I drink it but don't understand it.
LOL
12:02 PM Mr. Blue
Fewer calories.
But I think people are realizing that vodka has even fewer calories.
12:02 PM Mr. Brown
I had a beer from Austria the other day. It still had the yeast in it.
Oh yeah, that was good.
12:12 PM Mr. Blue
Nice.
12:15 PM Mr. Blue
As far as beer, I do like Blue Moon, which is I guess the closest thing to Belgian-style you can get from a macro brewery.
I also like it because Primantis will give you a whole orange with it. LOL
12:15 PM Mr. Brown
Yes!
12:15 PM Mr. Amethyst
LOL



1:05 PM Mr. Yellow
My tunes are accompanied by booms of thunder and the taping of rain on a steeel roof.
tapping
1:06 PM Mr. Silver
Steeeeeel
1:08 PM Mr. Yellow
Ahh
1:10 PM Mr. Silver
Sorry...I also really saw someone taping raindrops to the roof.
1:11 PM Mr. Yellow
Hehe



10:45 AM Mr. Blue
That email client is functionless, and a bitch to setup.
Windows 8 is beyond bad.
10:48 AM Mr. Silver
That sounds like an '80s compliment
10:49 AM Mr. Blue
Heinous!



Mr. Brown
Is there a reason I don't digest all the corn I eat?
LOL
12:25 PM Mr. Blue
Not chewing it properly?
12:25 PM Mr. Amethyst
LOL
12:26 PM Mr. Brown
Hey, when I don't chew all the meat I eat, it doesn't come out in chunks.
12:26 PM Mr. Blue
I don't think corn in its kernel form is supposed to be easily digested. It's a seed, right? So animals are supposed to eat it and defecate what isn't crushed so that it can grow elsewhere.
12:29 PM Mr. Amethyst
^
12:30 PM Mr. Brown
Makes sense.
It's just funny how we eat corn.
12:38 PM Mr. Silver
“Does corn amuse you?  Is corn a clown to you?  What do you mean funny?”
12:39 PM Mr. Amethyst
“No, he knows what he said.  Funny how?  Funny like ha ha funny, or funny like peculiar? How is corn funny?”



1:58 PM Mr. Blue
“The word ozone, from the Greek for "to smell," was coined because of the strange odor that lingers after lightning storms”
1:58 PM Mr. Amethyst
Nice.
I love the Greeks.
2:02 PM Mr. Silver
"Before that, nothing smelled."
2:04 PM Mr. Blue
Yeah, really.



Mr. Brown
Wow! This client is one of the ones that calls you a lot of nice names.
2:25 PM Mr. Silver
Like?
2:26 PM Mr. Brown
Sweetie.
Pumpkin.
2:26 PM Mr. Silver
Delivered creepy, too familiar, or charming?
2:27 PM Mr. Blue
Maybe she's just not fond of your real name.
2:27 PM Mr. Brown
LOL
2:30 PM Mr. Silver
If she gets to 'sugar pants', back off.
2:30 PM Mr. Brown
LOL
I think she said Sugar once.
She sounded like a grandma.
2:36 PM Mr. Silver
"Your voice reminds me of a young FDR, Hot Beef."
2:38 PM Mr. Gray
LMAO



Mr. Brown
Wow, so tempting. I called somebody whose last name is Hatfield.
I could have said hellow this is a mccory
mocoy
arrrrg
3:01 PM Mr. Silver
"This is a Mocha Latte named Cory!"
3:01 PM Mr. Brown
LOL
3:01 PM Mr. Silver
"How's the hat crop coming along this season?"
3:02 PM Mr. Blue
"Those hats are tearin' through the hay!"



3:06 PM Mr. Gray
Have these people never watched horror movies? These things never end well.
3:17 PM Mr. Silver
Like the people that just HAD to resurrect the flu that killed...what, 40 million in 1918...to find out how it works. Turns out it works just like flu, but kills healthy people.
3:18 PM Mr. Blue
I welcome Bird Flu.
3:18 PM Mr. Silver
"Well, we achieved a great success!  And it turns out its still just as durable and lethal as people said it was, and anyone born after 1930 isn't immune, so if it ever got released into the population...wow!  So, really cool, huh?"
3:18 PM Mr. Blue
Especially in Asia...cull that herd.
3:19 PM Mr. Silver
"We're gonna keep it on a shelf just in case we feel like poking at it sometime.  Sure, you other labs can have samples to monkey with!  Great!"
"What do you mean, 'achieved nothing of value, highly irresponsible'?"
3:22 PM Mr. Silver
"Hey!  We resurrected a killer virus that has no cure, and proved it is lethal and spreads exactly the same way as every other flu...verifying that 90 year old records were actually 100% accurate, because really, they were like 90 years old...what could they know, right?  And by resurrected, I mean we just collected and cultured dangerous amounts. I'd say THAT was achieving something!  And it's not like we didn't wear gloves and label the bottles, you know!"
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