Day 307 - How Much Did Your Ass Pillow Cost?, Films That Feed You A Line, They're Filming 'Flatland: The Movie' In 3D, "No One Dared Disturb the Sound Of Violence", Bad Blood Will Hork, and Tuber-Shooting

8:48 AM Mr. Silver

"In other news, there are people who will spend $250 for a wallet." 

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2717667/Fox-anchor-resigns-job-following-allegations-helped-boyfriend-steal-10-wallets-worth-2400-Sacramento-outlet-store.html8:52 AM Mr. Silver

The wallet I have now...which is the best wallet I've ever owned...cost me $13.

And my butt is on top of it.

9:00 AM Mr. Blue

My wallet was free and I’ve had it since I was 16. I haven't even considered buying a new wallet.

Mine's nice and smashed down and takes up little space.

9:01 AM Mr. Amethyst

The one I have coming now was free from Copenhagen.

9:03 AM Mr. Silver

Have you ever gotten out your wallet to flaunt it as a fashion accessory...show off the features? 

9:04 AM Mr. Amethyst

Not that I can remember.

9:05 AM Mr. Silver

"Oooo!  Nice wallet!  Pretty!  Ostrich skin!  Silk!  Only $250!  Wow!  I want to see that an average of once per day and sit on it the rest of the time!"

Like the comedian talking about the belt.  "Was in a store and saw a belt for $700.  A belt.  Looked like any other belt.  Tell you what...if I ever bought a belt for $700, that's all I'd wear."

9:07 AM Mr. Blue

Heh

9:08 AM Mr. Amethyst

LOL

9:08 AM Mr. Brown

LOL

I have a camo wallet from Walmart; probably cost 10 bucks.

9:09 AM Mr. Silver

"I set my camo wallet down for a second and never saw it again."

I have one of the metal ones...2nd gen. 

This one is much tougher than my 1st which got all beaten up and finally exploded when I dropped it one day.

9:10 AM Mr. Brown

I tried that one. I kept denting the hell out of it so got rid of it.

Also when I would open it, all my cards would fall out.

I had the iPhone wallet once.

Got your phone? Got your wallet.

9:18 AM Mr. Silver

For $250, I want a phone built into the wallet.

9:43 AM Mr. Amethyst

^

Mr. Silver

I'm all confused...

I've seen "The Blues Brothers" like 20 times.

11:17 AM Mr. Blue

Not once, here.

11:17 AM Mr. Silver

And was sure I remembered always hearing Jake order "Two whole fried chickens and a coke."

Yet when I looked up the quote, everyone is saying he said four.

So now I have to look up a clip, darn it.

(I did...it's 4 - Mr. Silver)

11:18 AM Mr. Blue

Maybe it was an improvised line that's different in different versions, but I can't recall any movies with such a small difference in dialogue.

11:18 AM Mr. Silver

Maybe.

I've wondered for years of there is a different version of Monty Python and the Holy Grail.

Because the Black Knight, with no doubt whatsoever, threatens "I'll bite your legs off!"

Yet I’ve heard dozens of people...dozens (SCA/gamers)...say with complete confidence that it's "I'll bite your kneecaps off!"

11:22 AM Mr. Brown

It is “I'll bite your legs off”.

11:19 AM Mr. Blue

There are a bunch of versions of the Goonies - with a convenience store scene, without, with an octopus, without.

11:27 AM Mr. Silver

Data's "The octopus was very scary!" was my favorite line from 'The Goonies' for years...it still is, now that I think about it.

I thought Data was F-ing with the reporter.

11:28 AM Mr. Blue

I think I’ve seen the octopus scene once, and it kinda ruined things for me because I had seen the non-octopus version like a dozen times already.

It's cheesy... like Ed Wood style.

11:28 AM Mr. Silver

Yeah, it's not a good scene at all.

11:29 AM Mr. Blue

I don't remember anything about the convenience store, but I guess that's where they burn part of the map.

11:29 AM Mr. Silver

Most everything they cut from Goonies...including the convenience store...wasn't worth keeping.

11:33 AM Mr. Blue

Yep.

11:39 AM Mr. Silver

The convenience store had rating issues possibly, due to the kids stealing stuff, causing damage and Mouth, I think, paging through a porno mag. 

11:41 AM Mr. Silver

"So the heroes are foul-mouthed, AND destructive criminals.  Mr. Spielberg...we have this whole concept of 'imitatable behavior' to consider here."

Mr. Silver

http://www.popsci.com/article/technology/engineers-make-worlds-first-verified-2-dimensional-polymers?dom=PSC&loc=topstories&con=engineers-make-the-worlds-first-verified-2dimensional-polymers

"Engineers make the world's first verified really thin 3-dimensional polymers."

11:50 AM Mr. Silver

"We decided to cook the word 'dimension' to mean what we wanted to get attention for our new polymer", say chemistry engineers.

11:50 AM Mr. Blue

Heh

11:54 AM Mr. Silver

"Hell, according to the Oxford Dictionary, Harry over there is one-dimensional if you're talking about his so-called personality, and he's like 6'3", 230lbs."

Mr. Yellow

http://www.livescience.com/47157-video-gamers-hear-sound-effects.html

I can't say I have ever experienced this issue.

12:17 PM Mr. Silver

I've got sound effects, if you like, in my head all the time.

I don't know about you, but it's never quiet in there.

12:36 PM Mr. Yellow

LOL

1:09 PM Mr. Silver

It sounds like these people just play their stuff too long and it gets stuck and replays in there like anything else.

1:16 PM Mr. Yellow.

It could be scary if they are packing and hear imaginary ambushers in the trees.

1:18 PM Mr. Silver

This makes one wonder if it’s the same psychological issues that a war veteran can develop, but a virtual experience instead of a real one.

The difference being the one is terrified for his life, and the other terrified he might have to reload a save point.

1:21 PM Mr. Yellow.

True.

Quite a bit of a difference in the threat level.

Mr. Brown

I found out I have mild neutral regurgitation in my heart.

LOL

2:23 PM Mr. Blue

RIP

2:23 PM Mr. Brown

WTF is that?

2:23 PM Mr. Blue

Very serious.

2:23 PM Mr. Brown

Doc says its ok.

So that’s why sometimes it feels like somebody is squeezing a bag with water in it where my heart is.

LOL

No. That's a bad description. Its more like that Flarp stuff. That feeling you get when you push your fingers into it.

Well, at least I know now.

2:26 PM Mr. Blue

Its “Mitral Regurgitation”.

2:26 PM Mr. Brown

Yeah, I heard it wrong

I was just going to say.

2:35 PM Mr. Silver

His heart is throwing up.

2:35 PM Mr. Brown

Yep. It doesn't like the taste anymore.

2:36 PM Mr. Silver

"This blood...I think...uck!  I think it's gone b-  (pant...pant...) BA-  HUUUURRRRLLL!!!!!!!"

2:36 PM Mr. Brown

LOL

2:36 PM Mr. Silver

"Oh God!  (pant...pant...) Oh my G- God!  I've been pumping expired blo- HOOOOOORRRRKKKKKK!!!!"

Mr. Brown

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-2718233/Forget-expensive-cleaning-products-use-POTATO-clean-house-Expert-reveals-science-foods-tackle-rust-limescale-stains.html

I like to know this stuff

I’m going to go home and clean rust off my truck with a potato

lol

8:09 AM Mr. Silver

Sounds like white vinegar is better.

I'm not sure what it'll do to the patch that's developed on mine...I'm afraid it might be too late...but I'll probably try it tonight.

It being DM, I went to an actual car site to verify the claim.

"Use a potato and baking soda to scrub rust because that's just hilarious! I mean...a potato?  Really? You people that read this will believe anything!"

The car site said just make a baking soda paste and slather it on...no potato.

When I worked at Jatzenkammer, a guy had just quit who used to take some over-the-phone support calls and he'd mess with people.

One time he told a caller to get a potato, cut it in half and wave them around on opposite sides of his monitor to "degauss it", then had him push the reset button. 

"It's good?  Good!"

Mr. Blue

Hehehe.

Day 306 - "Daisy Daisy Pass Me The Ammo Do", Fill Out The Request In Quinquagintuplicate Please, BASK To Offer Free Downloads Of Canadian Bear Repellant, "#3. Any Sufficiently Advanced Technology Is Indistinguishable From Rocks", and Step In It And Dance

12:00 PM Mr. Amethyst

So... I need a small fortune to buy AR15 ammo.

12:01 PM Mr. Brown

So, you need to find AR ammo.

12:01 PM Mr. Amethyst

Dunham's

12:01 PM Mr. Silver

With one bullet you can get it free...

Granted that's post apocalypse advice.

12:01 PM Mr. Brown

I had trouble getting 308 close to hunting season last year.

12:02 PM Mr. Silver

Kill a zombie...like 10% will drop a clip for some reason.

12:02 PM Mr. Brown

Hahahahah!

Just use arrows: shoot – retrieve.

12:03 PM Mr. Amethyst

Dunham's has tons in stock since no one is paying $75 for 120 rounds.

12:03 PM Mr. Brown

I was thinking about getting a 30-06 because I saw a lot of ammo for them.

12:05 PM Mr. Blue

Are there 30-06 lever-actions?

12:06 PM Mr. Amethyst

I've never seen one, but it's possible.

12:06 PM Mr. Brown

Yeah, you can pretty much get a lever in anything if you know somebody that can build it.

12:06 PM Mr. Blue

Yeah. I know tons of gunsmiths.

12:07 PM Mr. Silver

Lever action elephant gun

"Well...it's more crowbar action...but it works.  It's tandem though." 

"Tandem?"

"You'll need 2 people."

"Ah."

12:22 PM Mr. Silver

So where was I?  Oh yes.  A LOOOOONG time ago, I said:

“10:27 AM Mr. Silver So I submitted a request for a new X.”

I got an email back asking for one be sent for me.  No confirmation, just the request.

From Katy...

To me...

12:24 PM Mr. Amethyst

LOL

12:25 PM Mr. Silver

And Renee

And Dennis

And Mary

And Gordon...

AND

The entire Katzenjammer Inventory Dept.

"Um...isn't this a bit of overkill for an X?"

12:26 PM Mr. Amethyst

A little.

12:28 PM Mr. Silver

(Katy receives form...reads)

"CODE CHARTREUSE!  (slams button)"

(Klaxons blare! 40 people in plaid footie pajamas hidden in Billing and the warehouse run out and start hopping frantically in place while donning goggles and 'duckie' pool floats!)

"Beat to quarters and scramble the corporate jets! Put the kettle on and release the shrews! There's a $5 item at stake here, people! GO! GO! GO!"

Mr. Brown

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2716479/Fisherman-saved-bear-attack-Justin-Bieber-ringtone-went-mauled-scared-bear-away.html

Oh Russians...

7:45 AM Mr. Green

He deserved to die for having the ring tone in the 1st place.

7:45 AM Mr. Brown

Yeah, why does a 42 year old man have a Justin Beiber ring tone?

The only plausible reason is that he is Russian.

A hardworking, strong people who love crappy pop music.

LOL

7:46 AM Mr. Amethyst

I mean, surely “Born of Osiris” would have made the bear drop dead if it ran from Bieber.

7:49 AM Mr. Silver

(photo caption) "Mr. Vorozhbitsyn pictured here, looking embarrassed over Bieber incident."

7:51 AM Mr. Brown

Now if he had a Brittney Spears ring tone, that bear would have gotten angry.

Mr. Silver

"Mystery of the Nazca Lines stays the same" 

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-2715588/Mystery-Nazca-Lines-deepens-Gales-sandstorms-reveal-geoglyphs-snake-llama-Peruvian-desert.html

"0.003% increase in mystery revealed by wind."

Nazca has always been more of a wonder than a mystery to me.

7:56 AM Mr. Brown

Yeah, just wondering why they made them.

I mean one or two?

OK

But they made a lot of them.

8:13 Mr. Blue

I saw that and Googled some closeups. The formations themselves are smaller than I expected.

8:14 AM Mr. Silver

The individual glyphs?

8:14 AM Mr. Blue

Yeah.

8:14 AM Mr. Silver

Just considering the tire tracks over them, yes.

Erich von Däniken of "Chariots of the Gods" fame was ridiculed for his "alien runway" at Nazca.  "How big are these ships that they can use a 60' rectangle for a runway?"

8:17 AM Mr. Blue

Hehe

8:18 AM Mr. Brown

Also, if the ships can fly any direction at a moment's notice, why do they need a runway?

8:22 AM Mr. Silver

And, as is often my observation on these goofy alien theories, I can point out that aliens apparently come here primarily to show off their advanced “piles-of-rocks” technology.

8:24 AM Mr. Silver

Humans will build a sturdy asphalt landing strip and cover it with complex markings, safety barriers, ample lighting and facilities.  More technologically advanced space-faring beings will arrange small pebbles in a rectangle on dirt.

8:27 AM Mr. Brown

"Ok, so the people that worship us built this rectangle for us...I guess we can make them happy and start landing there."

8:28 AM Mr. Blue

Why would aliens draw monkeys and birds?

8:28 AM Mr. Silver

Super secret advanced alien stuff.  Those are technical diagrams.

8:29 AM Mr. Silver

"The monkey?  That's an integrated circuit."

8:32 AM Mr. Silver

All this being said, there's all sorts of weird stuff on earth that suggests an advanced culture, even if not an alien one, has existed here before. 

Mr. Blue

Are you planning to see the new movie “Step Up All In”?

0%

Yes, I will see it on opening weekend

1%

Yes, I will see it in theaters eventually

5%

Yes, but I will wait to watch it at home

94%

No, I have no plans of ever seeing it

0%

I already saw it

Read more: (Dead Link)

Remember your description of the first one Mr. Silver?

Oh wait that was “Stomp the Yard”.

3:09 PM Mr. Blue

Something like: 

(Two dozen dips in matching neon orange hoodies moving in synchronized spasms.)  

"What the Hell are they doin?" 

3:09 PM Mr. Silver

"They're flunkin' the college!"

Hehehe

That was a long time ago, but every time I see yet another “dancing challenge” movie, I remember that bit.

3:10 PM Mr. Blue

That was gold.

3:10 PM Mr. Brown

They are all the same movie.

LOL

It starts with somebody or people who really like to dance

Then are told they are not allowed.

So they prove that they should be allowed.

Throw somebody in there who can't dance

They teach that person to dance and it ends up being awesome

Then they dance and its great.

End movie

LOL

3:11 PM Mr. Blue

Yeah. Why are people never allowed to dance in these movies?

3:11 PM Mr. Blue

"We're a strict christian family and we don't take kindly to dancing!"

"I don't want your life!" *runs out crying*

Day 305 - Noah State Funding For An Ark, Mr. Blue's Dream Car To Be Maimed In During A Spectacular Accident, Mark Of The Cartoon Devil, Life's A Bitch Depending Which Snitch Dishes On Which Witch, The Old Man Will Never Know What Is Inside Taylor Swift, and "Yes, I'd Like To Make A Reservation For Crack For Four This Evening."

8:19 AM Mr. Silver

#1. No.

#2. "Create" your own money.

#3. I'm really hoping to see a 512' long, several stories tall, wooden boat hand built using bronze age materials and technology collapse under it's own impossible mass.

http://www.rawstory.com/rs/2014/07/28/creationist-group-to-ask-kentucky-taxpayers-for-help-building-noahs-ark-theme-park/

8:21 AM Mr. Silver

(inspector) "And this is all made of...(consults clipboard)...gopherwood?...and assembled using nothing but pegs and pitch." 

(project leader) "That's right."

(inspector) "Larry?  Looks like we've got a burner here."

8:27 AM Mr. Blue

Just go to the one at Kennywood. It's more realistic.

8:28 AM Mr. Brown

Watch out for the gorilla, it gets me every time.

8:29 AM Mr. Blue

I like the wobbling floors and the acid-trip bridge thing, but I'm not sure why Noah needed those.

8:31 AM Mr. Brown

To keep people off his boat.

8:31 AM Mr. Blue

As dumb as it may be for a state to fund a religious theme park, they'll probably get the money. 

1. It's Kentucky
2. States fund all kinds of stuff they technically shouldn't.

The state paid for like 90% of Heinz Field despite the fact that it's only used about 25 times a year.

8:38 AM Mr. Green

3. It's KENTUCKY (they elected Mitch McConnell for Christ’s sake)

1:53 PM Mr. Blue

“Tragedy as terminal cancer sufferer, 14, is awarded 'dream ride' in a Porsche... but breaks both legs and bites off his tongue when it crashes into oncoming traffic.”

Don't worry, he was probably Hitler in a past life.

1:57 PM Mr. Silver

(Homer Simpson) "Hehehe!  It's funny 'cause I don't know him!"
(10/15 - Found it - Mr. Silver)

1:59 PM Mr. Silver

Porsche, huh?  Not really a dream car of mine.

2:00 PM Mr. Blue

I guess for a 14 y/o from Vienna it is.

2:11 PM Mr. Blue

Pagani Zonda would be my pick.

The dash panel is so cool. It has these big metal analog switches like a nuclear sub instead of little plastic buttons like most modern cars.

2:13 PM Mr. Silver

Funky car, Mr. Blue.  I approve.  You'd feel like a spy, crashing in that thing.

2:14 PM Mr. Blue

Pretty fast too. Three of the top 20 fastest cars on Top Gear were Paganis.

Apparently the Zonda holds the Nurburgring record.

2:12 PM Mr. Amethyst

http://www.malaysia-chronicle.com/index.php?option=com_k2&view=item&id=330252:boy-age-4-has-mark-of-the-devil-on-his-chest&Itemid=4#axzz38slRWJhO

2:14 PM Mr. Silver

"Child Sleeps on Crosshair Shaped Object, Parents Stupid"

2:14 PM Mr. Blue

Yeah. Since when is a crosshair associated with the devil?

2:15 PM Mr. Silver

Never.

Ever.

Granted, If I was the Devil, the first symbol I'd go for is a cross, in a circle because it would look totally bad ass.  Here, I'll Google some images and you can see...

That...

Wait...

That's the Celtic symbol for Christianity, and one of the most popular and beloved ones my enemy already has.  

So no.  

No, I wouldn't.

2:17 PM Mr. Amethyst

Constantine. More accurately the devil's son...but still...

2:20 PM Mr. Silver

Right. When I need traditional demonology information, I head right to the comic books.

“Constantine”, “Dr. Strange”, "Spawn", and “Raven” cover most of what one needs to fight the forces of Hell.

2:22 PM Mr. Blue

No less real than the bibble.

2:25 PM Mr. Silver

Ishkabibble?

2:25 PM Mr. Blue

Pronounced like "bib"

Mr. Brown

I would like to smack these people.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2709721/Hundreds-black-cats-abandoned-owners-don-t-look-good-SELFIES.html

7:09 AM Mr. Silver

... Um...

“They may be the symbol of good luck, but black cats have drawn the short straw in one respect: they don't look good in selfies.”

Black cats have never been a symbol of good luck.

7:10 AM Mr. Brown

Black cats have been associated with a lot of bad things.

I mean, they put them with witches. LOL

7:12 AM Mr. Silver

There are witches and there are witches...

7:13 AM Mr. Brown

One of those supposed to have a b in front?

7:13 AM Mr. Silver

No.

I mean there's a pop culture witch...and a loony mass paranoia witch...and an accidental witch...and there's a practicing Earth loving witch.  All sorts.

7:14 AM Mr. Brown

Ah yes.

I’m talking about the pop culture one; that's where they added the black cat.

7:15 AM Mr. Silver

That started back earlier than that, but yes.

Loony paranoia “burn 'em they are Satan worshipers” witches were the pop culture witch of their day.

They had cats...and goats...

But then, who didn't?

7:16 AM Mr. Brown

Right. LOL

7:16 AM Mr. Silver

(accuser) "I saw the defendant talking to her BLACK cat and her GOAT!"

(defense attorney) "I see...the defense would like to bring in 2 pieces of evidence.  Miss Smith...is this your own black cat Miss Tiddles, and your milk goat Betty?"

(accuser) "They are."

(defense attorney) "WITCH!!!!"

7:20 AM Mr. Silver

Imagine getting hung for bitching out your goat for kicking over the milk pail in the morning...ugh...what a rotten period of history.

(Ignorant twit) "Wull...It were jes showin' that lil bit o' grey in the hours afore the sun comes up.  I was g'ain thru me garden t' milk as me coo were lowin' so, and as I were hushin' 'er with an 'ello an' se saft words, I clearly 'eard 'er (points to neighbor in the dock) sayin' to that goat that it were th' bloody Divil, and could take that'n there pail 'n se spilt milk 'n geh te Hell, n' that's when the rain started s' 'eavy, yer Honor."

(prosecuting attorney) "Astonishing!  So she was out in the middle of the night.  Lurking about.  Up to who knows what?"

(ignorant twit) "Aye!"

(prosecuting attorney) "Talking.  Talking to a beast and calling it the Devil?"

(ignorant twit) "Aye!  S'trewth!"

(prosecuting attorney) "And further, giving oaths and curses, and offering milk and her pail to the beast?"

(ignorant twit) "Yea, it all be true!"

(prosecuting attorney) "And then...a deluge!"

(ignorant twit) "Aye!  Not an hour later 't come t' pourin' se hard!  OO but I we'rt scairt fer me soul, I we'rt!"

(prosecuting attorney) “I ask the court, could the case against this witch...I mean, the accused...be any clearer than that?”

(crowd) "Witch!  Witch!"

(judge, rapping the desk) "I will have order or I will clear the gallery!  As for the prosecution, you will restrain yourself, sir!  The witch has plead innocent, yet you seek to imply the accused is guilty before even an ordeal is selected, properly tried upon her, and a confession obtained!"

7:21 AM Mr. Brown

Yeah, that would suck.

Didn't they also burn guys? That wasn't as common though?

7:23 AM Mr. Silver

Hanging was the usual thing, and yes, lots of men were executed too.

7:28 AM Mr. Silver

(this is all English stuff BTW...the Salem panic was smaller and shorter but just as stupid.)

7:28 AM Mr. Brown

Native Americans would welcome a witch.

7:28 AM Mr. Silver

!

7:34 AM Mr. Silver

Which witch?

Native Americans wouldn't like the pop Satanic Sorcerer type witch any better than I would.

7:37 AM Mr. Brown

I'm talking more like the kind that knows medicines well, and think they are making potions.

7:37 AM Mr. Silver

Yes, they might consider that a weird but acceptable shaman.

7:37 AM Mr. Amethyst

“Mr. Brown

I'm talking more like the kind that knows medicines well, and they think they are making potions.”

An apothecary?

7:38 AM Mr. Silver

Sure.

(stumped shaman) "The spirits tell me you should go see the white shaman and ask for a medicine bag of the thing they call 'aspirin'."

(later, at the town pharmacist) "Just take 2 in the morning and two in the evening until you feel better."

(native) "I eat them?"

"Yes."

"I don't wear them."

"No."

"I don't dance with them?"

"No."

"No smudging at dawn with them."

"Nope."

"You white people are weird."

7:42 AM Mr. Amethyst

LOL

9:40 AM Mr. Silver

Heh...image error on (web page).

"Look inside Taylor Swift's" ... and then just blank.

Inside her what?  NOW I'm interested!

9:41 AM Mr. Brown

Hahaha

9:44 AM Mr. Silver

(The Old Man from Christmas Story) "My God, there could be ANYTHING in there!"

9:46 AM Mr. Brown

"Fra-GEE-lay. It must be Italian!"

11:01 AM Mr. Silver

Mrs. Silver "There's 3 new crack houses in town!"

Me "Cool! We should try them out!"

Mrs S "What?"

11:01 AM Mr. Amethyst

LOL

11:01 AM Mr. Blue

Are they advertising now?

11:01 AM Mr. Silver

Me "Sorry...you used the same tone of voice you use for a new restaurant opening up."

Mrs S "Oh!  Hehe!"

Me "Suppose they are like that?"

Mrs S "Who?"

11:02 AM Mr. Amethyst

LOL

11:02 AM Mr. Silver

Me "Crack people.  You think they get excited about a new place and make plans?"

Mrs S "I don't know, but that would be funny.  'There's a new place down the street, we should try it out.'."

Me " 'Heard any reviews?' "

11:04 AM Mr. Blue

"Good ambiance... bad parking."

11:06 AM Mr. Brown

Five stars in the Michelin Crack House Guide

11:06 AM Mr. Blue

Why are there no marijuana houses or heroin houses?

11:07 AM Mr. Brown

There are opium dens.

11:07 AM Mr. Blue

Yeah...in Shanghai in the 1920s