Sunday, October 5, 2014

Day 305 - Noah State Funding For An Ark, Mr. Blue's Dream Car To Be Maimed In During A Spectacular Accident, Mark Of The Cartoon Devil, Life's A Bitch Depending Which Snitch Dishes On Which Witch, The Old Man Will Never Know What Is Inside Taylor Swift, and "Yes, I'd Like To Make A Reservation For Crack For Four This Evening."

8:19 AM Mr. Silver
#1. No.
#2. "Create" your own money.
#3. I'm really hoping to see a 512' long, several stories tall, wooden boat hand built using bronze age materials and technology collapse under it's own impossible mass.
8:21 AM Mr. Silver
(inspector) "And this is all made of...(consults clipboard)...gopherwood?...and assembled using nothing but pegs and pitch." 
(project leader) "That's right."
(inspector) "Larry?  Looks like we've got a burner here."
8:27 AM Mr. Blue
Just go to the one at Kennywood. It's more realistic.
8:28 AM Mr. Brown
Watch out for the gorilla, it gets me every time.
8:29 AM Mr. Blue
I like the wobbling floors and the acid-trip bridge thing, but I'm not sure why Noah needed those.
8:31 AM Mr. Brown
To keep people off his boat.
8:31 AM Mr. Blue
As dumb as it may be for a state to fund a religious theme park, they'll probably get the money. 
  1. It's Kentucky
  2. States fund all kinds of stuff they technically shouldn't.
The state paid for like 90% of Heinz Field despite the fact that it's only used about 25 times a year.
8:38 AM Mr. Green
  1. It's KENTUCKY (they elected Mitch McConnell for Christ’s sake)


1:53 PM Mr. Blue
Tragedy as terminal cancer sufferer, 14, is awarded 'dream ride' in a Porsche... but breaks both legs and bites off his tongue when it crashes into oncoming traffic.”
Don't worry, he was probably Hitler in a past life.
1:57 PM Mr. Silver
(Homer Simpson) "Hehehe!  It's funny 'cause I don't know him!"
(10/15 - Found it - Mr. Silver)
1:59 PM Mr. Silver
Porsche, huh?  Not really a dream car of mine.
2:00 PM Mr. Blue
I guess for a 14 y/o from Vienna it is.
2:11 PM Mr. Blue
Pagani Zonda would be my pick.
The dash panel is so cool. It has these big metal analog switches like a nuclear sub instead of little plastic buttons like most modern cars.
2:13 PM Mr. Silver
Funky car, Mr. Blue.  I approve.  You'd feel like a spy, crashing in that thing.
2:14 PM Mr. Blue
Pretty fast too. Three of the top 20 fastest cars on Top Gear were Paganis.
Apparently the Zonda holds the Nurburgring record.



2:12 PM Mr. Amethyst
2:14 PM Mr. Silver
"Child Sleeps on Crosshair Shaped Object, Parents Stupid"
2:14 PM Mr. Blue
Yeah. Since when is a crosshair associated with the devil?
2:15 PM Mr. Silver
Never.
Ever.
Granted, If I was the Devil, the first symbol I'd go for is a cross, in a circle because it would look totally bad ass.  Here, I'll Google some images and you can see...
That...
Wait...
That's the Celtic symbol for Christianity, and one of the most popular and beloved ones my enemy already has.  
So no.  
No, I wouldn't.
2:17 PM Mr. Amethyst
Constantine. More accurately the devil's son...but still...
2:20 PM Mr. Silver
Right. When I need traditional demonology information, I head right to the comic books.
Constantine”, “Dr. Strange”, "Spawn", and “Raven” cover most of what one needs to fight the forces of Hell.
2:22 PM Mr. Blue
No less real than the bibble.
2:25 PM Mr. Silver
Ishkabibble?
2:25 PM Mr. Blue
Pronounced like "bib"



Mr. Brown
I would like to smack these people.
7:09 AM Mr. Silver
... Um...
They may be the symbol of good luck, but black cats have drawn the short straw in one respect: they don't look good in selfies.”
Black cats have never been a symbol of good luck.
7:10 AM Mr. Brown
Black cats have been associated with a lot of bad things.
I mean, they put them with witches. LOL
7:12 AM Mr. Silver
There are witches and there are witches...
7:13 AM Mr. Brown
One of those supposed to have a b in front?
7:13 AM Mr. Silver
No.
I mean there's a pop culture witch...and a loony mass paranoia witch...and an accidental witch...and there's a practicing Earth loving witch.  All sorts.
7:14 AM Mr. Brown
Ah yes.
I’m talking about the pop culture one; that's where they added the black cat.
7:15 AM Mr. Silver
That started back earlier than that, but yes.
Loony paranoia “burn 'em they are Satan worshipers” witches were the pop culture witch of their day.
They had cats...and goats...
But then, who didn't?
7:16 AM Mr. Brown
Right. LOL
7:16 AM Mr. Silver
(accuser) "I saw the defendant talking to her BLACK cat and her GOAT!"
(defense attorney) "I see...the defense would like to bring in 2 pieces of evidence.  Miss Smith...is this your own black cat Miss Tiddles, and your milk goat Betty?"
(accuser) "They are."
(defense attorney) "WITCH!!!!"
7:20 AM Mr. Silver
Imagine getting hung for bitching out your goat for kicking over the milk pail in the morning...ugh...what a rotten period of history.
(Ignorant twit) "Wull...It were jes showin' that lil bit o' grey in the hours afore the sun comes up.  I was g'ain thru me garden t' milk as me coo were lowin' so, and as I were hushin' 'er with an 'ello an' se saft words, I clearly 'eard 'er (points to neighbor in the dock) sayin' to that goat that it were th' bloody Divil, and could take that'n there pail 'n se spilt milk 'n geh te Hell, n' that's when the rain started s' 'eavy, yer Honor."
(prosecuting attorney) "Astonishing!  So she was out in the middle of the night.  Lurking about.  Up to who knows what?"
(ignorant twit) "Aye!"
(prosecuting attorney) "Talking.  Talking to a beast and calling it the Devil?"
(ignorant twit) "Aye!  S'trewth!"
(prosecuting attorney) "And further, giving oaths and curses, and offering milk and her pail to the beast?"
(ignorant twit) "Yea, it all be true!"
(prosecuting attorney) "And then...a deluge!"
(ignorant twit) "Aye!  Not an hour later 't come t' pourin' se hard!  OO but I we'rt scairt fer me soul, I we'rt!"
(prosecuting attorney) “I ask the court, could the case against this witch...I mean, the accused...be any clearer than that?”
(crowd) "Witch!  Witch!"
(judge, rapping the desk) "I will have order or I will clear the gallery!  As for the prosecution, you will restrain yourself, sir!  The witch has plead innocent, yet you seek to imply the accused is guilty before even an ordeal is selected, properly tried upon her, and a confession obtained!"
7:21 AM Mr. Brown
Yeah, that would suck.
Didn't they also burn guys? That wasn't as common though?
7:23 AM Mr. Silver
Hanging was the usual thing, and yes, lots of men were executed too.
7:28 AM Mr. Silver
(this is all English stuff BTW...the Salem panic was smaller and shorter but just as stupid.)
7:28 AM Mr. Brown
Native Americans would welcome a witch.
7:28 AM Mr. Silver
!
7:34 AM Mr. Silver
Which witch?
Native Americans wouldn't like the pop Satanic Sorcerer type witch any better than I would.
7:37 AM Mr. Brown
I'm talking more like the kind that knows medicines well, and think they are making potions.
7:37 AM Mr. Silver
Yes, they might consider that a weird but acceptable shaman.
7:37 AM Mr. Amethyst
Mr. Brown
I'm talking more like the kind that knows medicines well, and they think they are making potions.”
An apothecary?
7:38 AM Mr. Silver
Sure.
(stumped shaman) "The spirits tell me you should go see the white shaman and ask for a medicine bag of the thing they call 'aspirin'."
(later, at the town pharmacist) "Just take 2 in the morning and two in the evening until you feel better."
(native) "I eat them?"
"Yes."
"I don't wear them."
"No."
"I don't dance with them?"
"No."
"No smudging at dawn with them."
"Nope."
"You white people are weird."
7:42 AM Mr. Amethyst
LOL



9:40 AM Mr. Silver
Heh...image error on (web page).
"Look inside Taylor Swift's" ... and then just blank.
Inside her what?  NOW I'm interested!
9:41 AM Mr. Brown
Hahaha
9:44 AM Mr. Silver
(The Old Man from Christmas Story) "My God, there could be ANYTHING in there!"
9:46 AM Mr. Brown
"Fra-GEE-lay. It must be Italian!"



11:01 AM Mr. Silver
Mrs. Silver "There's 3 new crack houses in town!"
Me "Cool! We should try them out!"
Mrs S "What?"
11:01 AM Mr. Amethyst
LOL
11:01 AM Mr. Blue
Are they advertising now?
11:01 AM Mr. Silver
Me "Sorry...you used the same tone of voice you use for a new restaurant opening up."
Mrs S "Oh!  Hehe!"
Me "Suppose they are like that?"
Mrs S "Who?"
11:02 AM Mr. Amethyst
LOL
11:02 AM Mr. Silver
Me "Crack people.  You think they get excited about a new place and make plans?"
Mrs S "I don't know, but that would be funny.  'There's a new place down the street, we should try it out.'."
Me " 'Heard any reviews?' "
11:04 AM Mr. Blue
"Good ambiance... bad parking."
11:06 AM Mr. Brown
Five stars in the Michelin Crack House Guide
11:06 AM Mr. Blue
Why are there no marijuana houses or heroin houses?
11:07 AM Mr. Brown
There are opium dens.
11:07 AM Mr. Blue
Yeah...in Shanghai in the 1920s

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