Wednesday, June 12, 2013

Day 238 - The Dicks Of The Wild Wild West

10:08 AM Mr. Blue
So, the gunfight at the OK Corral... The two parties were about 6 feet away from each other… Shooting lasted 30 seconds.  Pretty lame.
10:09 AM Mr. Brown
Well if you think about the fact that they could have hit some of the other guys and they did not die instantly, and also the inaccuracy of the weapons used, and how fast everybody was crazily shooting.  They probably never really aimed; just started shooting hoping they’d hit somebody.
10:10 AM Mr. Blue
I haven't even gotten to that yet... the whole thing is pretty long, with conflicting accounts.
10:19 AM Mr. Silver
Yes, the handguns back then were notoriously inaccurate.
You were considered a crack shot if you could hit a target at 15 yards.
10:20 AM Mr. Blue
Of course, medicine wasn't really great either.
So you hit someone in the hand and they're likely to lose the arm at the elbow.
10:21 AM Mr. Silver
(doctor winces) "That flesh wound is gonna need some stitches.  Bring me some cold dirty water and a bottle of bourbon and a big glass.  We’ll just let that bleed out about 10 more minutes to clean the wound while I have a drink.”
10:30 AM Mr. Brown
So in the OK fight, nobody died but the Cowboys?
It is very fishy.
10:31 AM Mr. Silver
Nod...kind of hurts the likelihood there was any fair play.  Even those Cowboy buffoons recognized that.
10:31 AM Mr. Silver
(Cowboy) "Now look, Judge!  We know a fair fight when we see one.  We've murdered a lotta guys in cold blood and we know...uh...we...uhhh…"
(Judge) "I see.  Would the court stenographer read that back please?"
(Stenographer) "Yes Judge...’It was a fair fight and we rest our case before we incriminate the Cowboys gang anymore.’ "
(Judge) "Thought so."
10:34 AM Mr. Blue
Crazy time and place, really.
10:34 AM Mr. Brown
Well, when guys shot their own friends at poker games for cheating…yep, crazy.
10:35 AM Mr. Silver
Rotgut whiskey + ignorant + guns.
10:40 AM Mr. Blue
These were still the days when battles would be fought by solders all standing in a row in plain sight.
10:45 AM Mr. Brown
Well western gun fights, normally they hid a little, I believe.
10:45 AM Mr. Blue
Yes.  A little more guerrilla in gun fights than war.
10:45 AM Mr. Brown
Unless was a street challenge.
10:46 AM Mr. Silver
Those were much rarer than people have been led to believe.
10:47 AM Mr. Blue
Gun fights?
There were probably less gun fights than there are western movies about gun fights.
10:48 AM Mr. Silver
By hundreds...
(Unverifiable site said 1258 Westerns have been made…doesn’t even count TV stuff. – Mr. Silver) 
I recall there was a town at a whistle-stop station that used to stage shootouts to horrify train passengers as they passed through.
10:49 AM Mr. Blue
Hahaha
10:56 AM Mr. Silver
10:59 AM Mr. Silver
Pretty tiny list.
11:00 AM Mr. Brown
Of course, that’s all the recorded ones.
I’m sure there were more, but definitely not like in the movies.
11:00 AM Mr. Silver
Why would you think they wouldn't be recorded and make the news? 
Anything not on that list is probably recorded elsewhere as murders because they weren’t “gunfights”.
11:01 AM Mr. Brown
I’m sure they made news word-of-mouth wise.
11:04 AM Mr. Silver
The super-wild west is just the old-style version of The Mean World Syndrome.
11:04 AM Mr. Silver
If people killed as often and as many as are killed in movies, we'd have no people.
11:05 AM Mr. Gray
Well, California had no law for a while when the gold rush hit. San Francisco had a HIGH death rate.
11:07 AM Mr. Gray
“To appreciate how violent the West was, we need to consider not only the annual homicide rate, but the risk of being murdered over time. For instance, the adult residents of Dodge City faced a homicide rate of at least 165 per 1000 adults per year, meaning that 0.165 percent of the population was murdered each year—between a fifth and a tenth of a percent.  http://cjrc.osu.edu/researchprojects/hvd/hom%20rates%20west.html
That may sound small, but it is large to a criminologist or epidemiologist, because it means that an adult who lived in Dodge City from 1876 to 1885 faced at least a 1 in 61 chance of being murdered.”
11:08 AM Mr. Blue
Nice.
11:08 AM Mr. Gray
“An adult who lived in San Francisco, 1850-1865, faced at least a 1 in 203 chance of being murdered, and in the eight other counties in California that have been studied to date, at least a 1 in 72 chance.”
So yeah...it wasn’t too safe. LOL
11:09 AM Mr. Silver
Like East St. Louis IL today, then. 
No...not too safe.  However there are no factors noted about who was getting killed and what they were doing.
11:12 AM Mr. Silver
I'm guessing there were not a lot of people murdered who were outside of high risk activities and high risk population.
"Minister - 0.000001%"
"Prostitute - 33%"
11:13 AM Mr. Amethyst
Logic failed the Wild West.
11:19 AM Mr. Brown
You killed this chat with logic.
11:27 AM Mr. Blue
I’d be super scared of being shot in the dick
11:28 AM Mr. Amethyst
What?
WHAT?!?
I can’t even rationalize that statement.
11:28 AM Mr. Blue
In the Wild West.
11:28 AM Mr. Amethyst
Oh ok.  That makes sense.
11:28 AM Mr. Gray
A realistic fear, especially when you think of the medical treatments.
11:29 AM Mr. Amethyst
That’s a realistic fear at any point.
11:29 AM Mr. Gray
"We're going to have to cut it off.....could get gangrene."
11:29 AM Mr. Amethyst
"Let it rot!”
11:29 AM Mr. Brown
“Hey, why you wearin’ metal underwear?”
“Saw a guy’s dick get shot off other day.  Decided ‘Nope! Not gonna happen to me!’.”
11:30 AM Mr. Amethyst
Hahahahahaah
11:32 AM Mr. Silver
"Marshal!  Git out here!  We're fixin' ta shoot ya in the dick!"
(inside, strapping a stove plate into his pants) "Be right out, Bart!"
11:33 AM Mr. Blue
In Apocalypse Now the dudes in the helicopters sit on their helmets so they don't get shot in the dick.
11:33 AM Mr. Gray
Yep.  I remember that scene...and how quickly the new guy sat on his helmet! LOL
11:34 AM Mr. Blue
One of the police officers wounded during the whole Boston thing last month was shot in the "groin" and "bled profusely" but survived.  I don't know how his dick is though.
11:35 AM Mr. Gray
I'm sure he would be touched by your perverse concern for his genitalia.
11:35 AM Mr. Silver
(reporter at Boston press conference) "Define ‘groin’."
(commissioner) "Uh...Lower groin."
 (reporter) "Lower groin...extension?"
(Commish) "Yeah…”
11:36 AM Mr. Gray
*all male reporters wince*
11:36 AM Brent
What did I just get dragged into?
11:36 AM Mr. Amethyst
A discussion suggesting that, in the Wild West, peoples’ dicks got shot off regularly.
11:36 AM Mr. Blue
I’d have some kind of iron cup made.  That's all I’m saying.  That’d give me more confidence in shootouts.
11:38 AM Brent
Are there a lot of reports of people with shot off genitals from that era?
11:39 AM Mr. Brown
I just had a thought.
The Civil War
Standing across fields from each other…thousands of dick shots.
11:39 AM Brent
It was mainly people missing arms/legs/heads.  That sort of thing.
11:39 AM Mr. Brown
Apparently it’s a very difficult place to be shot.
11:40 AM Mr. Silver
Did you know that the Union medical corps Civil War head amputation process had a 100% death rate?  Civil War medicine...almost as bad as getting shot.
(Sliiiiiiiides right past 'em... - Mr. Silver)
11:40 AM Brent
Sometimes worse.
1:19 PM Mr. Blue
I’m still on the gunfight at the OK Corral.
1:32 PM Mr. Blue
Billy "the Kid" Claiborne was killed in a gunfight in Tombstone in late 1882, by gunman Franklin Leslie over an argument where Leslie refused to refer to Claiborne as the new "Billy the Kid." He was 22 years old.
Sounds like a meaningful and worthwhile thing to die over
1:37 PM Mr. Silver
Billy “The Dead Adult" Claiborne.
2:06 PM Mr. Gray
Hey Mr. Blue!  Found this: “Paul fired his shotgun and emptied his revolver at the robbers, wounding a Cowboy later identified as Bill Leonard in the groin.” 
Cup please!!!
2:10 PM Mr. Brown
Why is everybody dick brained today?
2:11 PM Mr. Amethyst
Mr. Blue started it.
2:12 PM Mr. Brown
I guess he did. 
Rootin' tootin' dick shootin’ talk.
2:12 PM Mr. Amethyst
Yup.
Tommy?  What % of people in the Wild West A) wore metal underwear or B) had their dick shot off?
2:13 PM Tommy
17.23%
(Later...)
2:48 PM Brent
2:49 PM Mr. Amethyst
I’m suing her for never providing me a bionic hand...job.
2:50 PM Mr. Brown
That would be a bad ER visit.
2:50 PM Mr. Amethyst
LOL
2:51 PM Mr. Brown
“Well, see, I was helping my boyfriend here, and the hand just stopped working.”
2:51 PM Mr. Blue
"Ripped the thing clean off!"
2:52 PM Mr. Brown
Even better would be walking in with the hand still holding on and the guy standing there with this bionic hand attached to him.
2:53 PM Mr. Amethyst
Just as long as it’s not "gloved".  I prefer my penis skin on my penis.
2:54 PM Tommy
...
2:54 PM Mr. Amethyst
Give the skin to a clown, jerk makes a wiener dog out of it!
Ba-dum tsssh!
2:55 PM Mr. Silver
I walk away for one meeting and come back to this...
The clown couldn't blow it up...there's a hole in the end.
He could tie it off, but that would just look silly.
2:57 PM Mr. Amethyst
lol
2:59 PM Mr. Brown
Yeah. Dicks all around since this morning’s dick shooting chat.
2:59 PM Mr. Amethyst
Yup
3:00 PM Mr. Silver
I missed a lot.  Did you all go through a "make fun of Dick Trickle" phase yet?
3:00 PM Mr. Brown
No.
3:00 PM Mr. Blue
I was just going to mention that.
3:01 PM Mr. Silver
I’ll just insert this and you can throw in comments as needed.
Mr. Green
12:45 PM Mr. Yellow
NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
He was the only NASCAR guy I liked.
Damn.  I did not know he was that old.
12:50 PM Mr. Yellow
I had a whole campaign for a condom company based on him.
3:01 PM Mr. Blue
He killed himself in a cemetery... I guess to save money?
12:54 PM Mr. Yellow
“Wrap up with a (Trojan, Durex, Lifestyles, Crown, Beyond Seven, Trustex, Inspiral, Kimono) condom and don't let your Dick Trickle!”
It was a perfect marketing deal!  I could have made millions!
12:58 PM Mr. Silver
They should put a "peeing cherub" fountain at his gravesite.
12:58 PM Mr. Yellow
That is great!
3:01 PM Mr. Blue
LOL
1:38 PM Mr. Yellow
Yes Dick was a great short track racer but never won a NASCAR race. People, Like me, just loved the name.
1:41 PM Mr. Silver
Notice he narrowly and consciously avoided saying he likes dick, but forgot to remove the capital L when he edited.
3:03 PM Tommy
lol
4:02 PM Mr. Silver
This is still on theme...
That’s...uh...quite a penis list there at the end...
(Judge) "Is reading out that phraseology to the court strictly necessary?"
(Lawyer) "Your Honor, how many other situations can I read off a list like that without getting slapped with some sort of harassment suit?"
(Judge) "Granted...continue."
4:05 PM Mr. Blue
They called it a desensitizing gel, so it worked as intended.
4:05 PM Mr. Silver
"So effective a desensitizer, even his ex fiancee doesn't have feelings for him anymore."
4:09 PM Mr. Blue
Probably are not supposed to use it with a condom.  Seals it in and it…I dunno…kills your dick I guess.
4:10 PM Mr. Gray
Yep...I bet it was some reaction with the stuff in the condom.
4:10 PM Mr. Brown
Or he’d developed a latex allergy, which can happen out of the blue.
People don’t think about what chemicals they are mixing.
4:10 PM Mr. Blue
When I first saw a commercial for those Trojan “bare skin” condoms, I thought they were made out of bear skin.
4:10 PM Mr. Brown
LOL
4:11 PM Mr. Blue
Because they do make sheep-skin condoms for people with latex allergies.
4:12 PM Mr. Amethyst
I find it odd we skin animals for sexual gratification without responsibility.
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