Saturday, December 23, 2017

451 - Handy Safety Restraints, By The Time Mr. Silver Rants About Light Speed For Two Hours It Will Feel Like Hundreds Of Years Have Passed, OUR Predictions For The Next Century, President Putin's "It", and Mr. Mustard's "Oldies To The Sweatin'"

[8:02 AM]
...
Only 5 minutes to copy and paste one joke!
Gonna be a good day
[8:10 AM] Mr. Blue:
Heheh
[8:10 AM]
Exeter: Place your hands above the rails. 
[We hear the sound of static as the scientists' hands are suddenly pulled onto the rails.] 
Exeter: They're magnetized. 
Mike [as Exeter]: And if your hands were metal, that would mean something.
I liked that method of securing a person for hyperspeed travel
[8:11 AM] Mr. Blue:
"May your forehead grow like the mighty oak"
[8:12 AM]
It has the advantage of keeping your hands and feet secure, while leaving your body free to be thrashed around if there is any trouble.  Your hands and feet will arrive intact, at least.
[8:13 AM] Mr. Blue:
What if it was just their hands
They'd look like Stretch Armstrongs
[8:45 AM]
"The ship arrived badly damaged, sir."
"Casualties?"
"Everyone is dead, admiral, but...(snigger)...all hands are accounted for, sir."
(giggles) "You sick bastard."
[8:48 AM] Mr. Blue:
Heheh



[8:23 AM]
Mostly because it was wrong.
Paragraph before last...
Neither ship could see the other at all at any point...least of which side-by-side
The fellow is thinking in terms of...like... “I'm driving 25 and you zip past at 100”.
Meanwhile it's 93000 and 372000 miles per second. 
I suppose if you knew the instant they'd meet and could have this thing http://www.iflscience.com/technology/worlds-fastest-camera-takes-44-trillion-frames-second/ pointed at the right place, you would see something when you played it back.
[8:39 AM] Mr. Blue:
Why isn't it possible to travel faster than the speed of light?
What if you had the hypothetical power to do so? You'd get up to light speed and some foreign force would just slow you down?
[8:41 AM]
According to Relativity – which I don't technically believe in for many reasons – the faster you go, the more energy it takes.  When you reach light speed, any mass requires infinite energy to propel. So not a foreign force, no.
Time
Einstein decided Time had to be relative in his thought experiments and he backed it up with math, and so we got Relativity. 
But Time isn't relative.  Time is a constant.
So the math is elegant and predictable and testable and is just as wrong as the math of the Ptolemaic model of the universe.
That model is elegant and predictable and testable and all works too, and isn't right either.
The most approachable conceptual comparison I can give - after many years of trying to find something simple – is to consider Weight versus Mass.
Weight is dependent on the gravitational forces involved. In zero gravity, I weigh the same as an aircraft carrier.
Mass is always constant no matter what the gravity is. I'm an insignificant mass compared to an aircraft carrier.
Relativity measures Time like Weight.
It proposes Time is different depending where you are observing it, how fast things are moving, etc.
Except it isn't
Time is like Mass
It is Time
Time doesn't change for anything
That's the glaringly obvious mistake.
Meaning all the rest of it – even though the math works and describes the universe – isn't done right.
That's how you get things like: "For people traveling near the speed of light, 1 year might pass, but for everyone they left behind, hundreds of years would pass!"
And that's just stupid.
It doesn't matter what people experienced in that year or what their clocks said when they finished...a year passed.
My math skills aren't good enough to do a proof for a room of physicists, but I diagrammed out why it's wrong - with little effort - using what they call “The Twin Paradox”.
Turns out if you do it correctly, when “light speed space twin” gets back to Earth, the same amount of Time has passed across the entire plane of the experiment...I even added a second simultaneous element that transitions from zero to light speed and back across the whole trip and it was still correct.
(Unfortunately I don't think I can ever post it here...too many people saw it and this is all supposed to be anonymous – Mr. Silver)
Back to light speed
It has other problems
It took a really long time just to get a plane not to fall apart at the speed of sound.
What would you make your light speed ship out of?
And, this might sound funny, but the speed of light is pretty slow
After a certain point in sci-fi/futurism speculation, it started becoming apparent that stuff is really far apart
[10:14 AM] Mr. Blue:
Time changes based on gravity, doesn't it?
[10:14 AM]
...
Wow. I know I wrote a lot over a couple hours (and filled/edited some later – Mr. S) but go back and have a look.
That's relativistic thinking, and the belief of the majority.
But the minority of us don't subscribe.
There's a lot of physicists that have alternatives, and their proofs work too.
One school says there isn't any Time at all.
A growing group thinks we're all just a hologram and the universe is 2D
When I don't indulge the belief that this is all a simulation and I stay grounded in "reality", Time is a constant.
Einstein's proposal that Time is something mutable came from thought experiments. 
Easily out-thought ones.
I'm not saying Einstein wasn't brilliant -- his work was amazing and really changed things.
It doesn't mean he was right.
[10:30 AM] Mr. Blue:
You can be brilliant but still wrong.
[10:30 AM]
Yes
There's stuff he never solved
There's both Relativity and Special Relativity because he couldn't get it to work right
He didn't believe quantum physics to start with
Even now physicists can't get them to work together
Tom S. who used to work here is brilliant – advanced math, physicist, worked with nuclear power, working on theories of particle/atomic bonding. The kind of genius I should have been without my dyscalculia.
At the same time he angrily rants how Aether Theory was dismissed by flawed science and how some of Aristotle's theories are correct but being ignored by modern science.
You just don't hear either of those claims too much among physicists.



[10:27 AM]
Reasonable stuff so far...but just getting to '23-'62
[10:31 AM] Mr. Blue:
"2021: 3D printers will do for assault rifles what Sodastream did for soft drinks."
[10:33 AM]
Heh
"2035: Crossbows, and armor made of antique steel-belted tires, will be all the rage as your clan fights over the local non-toxic water supply."
[10:37 AM] Mr. Blue:
"2043: The global elite (Excelsiites) will hunt people in giant humanoid mechas (Jaegers) for sport and population control."
"2047: Cell phones will be smaller and even more powerful."
[10:44 AM]
I like this one - "Connecticut will feed the world"
"I hope everyone likes New Haven clam pizza, because it's that or steamed hamburgers."
Good one on the cellphone, Mr Blue.  Seems farfetched though



[10:43 AM] Mr. Brown:
You guys watch the new “It” trailer?
They made it a lot scarier
Haha this video of Putin saying watch my lips NO
His face is funny
This from being asked if he was involved with tampering
[10:48 AM]
Lips say no.  Expression says "Haha!  Yep!  Whatcha gonna do?  FU"
[10:48 AM] Mr. Brown:
Like a Russian clown
NO, with eyes widening
[11:36 AM]
Never saw the original “It”
[11:40 AM] Mr. Blue:
I saw parts of it.
It's not very good, and is extremely long.
[11:40 AM]
So...like a Steven King novel
[11:41 AM] Mr. Blue:
Yeah
[11:41 AM] Mr. Brown:
The original is not that scary.
This new one is scary looking.
[11:41 AM] Mr. Blue:
I think it'll be better as a film rather than miniseries.
[11:46 AM] Mr. Brown:
They are using the type of scares they do today in films.
[12:00 PM]
So looking back in this conversation, perhaps Putin is the Russian "It"?
Funny expressions...lying...people die all around him?
You even called him a Russian clown, Mr. Brown
Putin is viral marketing for “It” in Russia!



[2:21 PM] Mr. Brown:
Mr. Mustard is here, sweating up a storm.
[2:22 PM] Mr. Blue:
LOL
What is he doing?
[2:22 PM] Mr. Brown:
Visiting. He brought in coffee.
He is telling us about how he goes to (gym chain) now
“Getting the abs of steel”
OK
[2:26 PM] Mr. Blue:
He can't even walk down the aisle without having a small stroke
[2:29 PM] Mr. Brown:
He said he turned to talk to a girl on a treadmill next to him and fell off
[2:46 PM]
Abs of Mercury
[2:46 PM] Mr. Brown:
Abs of powdered sugar
[2:50 PM] Mr. Blue:
(Gym chain) is kind of a joke by itself, but considering how many people from here go there it is to be completely avoided.
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Sunday, December 17, 2017

450 - The Wehrmacht Was Overcompensating For Something, Running Over Your Child's Bliss, Luxury Abominations, Consult Your "Little Prince Travel Guide", Actually The Best Suit You'll Ever Own Is The One You Were Born In, and A Not-Epic Tale Of Christian Hyperbole

[8:30 AM] Mr. Blue:
[8:31 AM]
That's a big rat
The “Großes Ziel” tank
[8:34 AM] Mr. Blue:
Proposed by Krupp director Timo "Die Tool Mensch" Schneider
"Sir, the allies have broken past the oder... they're right outside of Berlin."
"You know what we need? More power argh argh argh!"
[8:37 AM]
Hehe
"Here's your problem!  You have part of this measured in short tons, part in long tons, and part in tonnes."
[8:39 AM] Mr. Blue:
Heheh
[8:41 AM]
"The Rat is totally impractical!  I propose this instead -"  https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Landkreuzer_P._1500_Monster
[8:42 AM] Mr. Blue:
Good lord!
Representing the apex of the German cartoonish artillery designs
[8:44 AM]
[8:45 AM] Mr. Blue:
I was just gonna link that
The Germans were nuts
[8:48 AM]
Yup
[8:49 AM] Mr. Blue:
I love the color image with the military guys all facing away from the camera



[9:04 AM]
Ugh...that was depressing...
(Commercial opens on garage band "Fries With That", about as talented as the majority of any early punk band.  Dad comes in, pulls the power.)
"Aww DAD!  I was just about to go into my solo!"
"Guess I was just in time, eh?"
(kids are crushed...)
(Image changes to a sparkling clean garage with a new vehicle backing in.)
(Voiceover) "Out with the old, in with the new!"
[9:06 AM]
(Me) "Crush your child's dream!  Then buy a new car!  Hey, where did you park the old car? It wasn't in this garage anyway, so you don't need the garage! But, nah...kick your kid out instead of letting him pursue his passion!  FU, dad!  But at least you got a new car! Out with the new, in with the old bastard!"
[9:08 AM] Mr. Blue:
I've seen that
The band name sort of alludes to the idea that the kids, being in a band, will be flipping burgers if they aren't already
[9:10 AM]
Yup
Good name though, despite that
I can hear the crowds shouting in 5 years
"We want! (clap clap clap!) Fries with That!"



[11:13 AM]
Remembered a joke I was writing half asleep...
...
Two women go to a nice singles bar.  The one is new to the dating scene but she confidently goes off by herself to talk to guys.  Her friend doesn't really have any luck, and they meet up at the end, no luck for the other either.
"You meet anyone good?"
"Well.  The first was really cute, but when I asked what he did, he said he was a pollster.  No way."
"Uh...Ok.  Anyone else?"
"Well, the second was a nice guy too, but he was a statistician.  Ugh!"
"...R-ight...  That it?"
"No, one more.  He was really great!  Handsome...funny..."
"But?"
"He was an accountant."
"I don't get it.  What was wrong with ANY of them?"
"Well, my mom said when I start into serious dating, never get involved with anyone involved in a counter culture."
(dodges eggs and tomatoes)
Still...it came out better than I expected.
[11:47 AM] Mr. Blue:
[12:05 PM]
Thank you, Mr. Blue.  That means a lot to me.
[12:06 PM] Mr. Blue:
Nah, it's a good joke
[12:07 PM]
:)
[12:17 PM] Mr. Blue:
Usually my half-asleep ideas seem ingenious at the time but are ridiculous in the light of day



[1:16 PM] Mr. Brown:
I would like a new Swamp Thing
[1:18 PM]
(high class sales attendant) "Excellent, sir.  Please, wade with me to the showroom.  Had you any particular features in mind?"
[1:19 PM] Mr. Brown:
Gotta be green with hints of brown
[1:21 PM]
"Green with hints of brown... Ah! I think I have something you'll like, sir. Verdant Monstrosities has a new “Behemoth” line for 2017.  They start at 8' - a bit large for some, but a classic heap and not as showy as a Morass “Gargantua”.  This way, please."
[1:20 PM] Mr. Blue:
LOL, Mr. Silver



[12:37 PM] Mr. Brown:
20 years ago, people thought they could hitch a ride on a comet with very nice shoes.
[12:40 PM]
I don't remember that, myself
[12:43 PM] Mr. Brown:
The Heaven's Gate thing
[12:43 PM]
Ohhh...those dips
Anniversary?
[12:43 PM] Mr. Brown:
Apparently their website is still up and is updated
[12:45 PM]
"Welcome to Heaven's Late - website of the guy who got a flat tire while out picking up groceries for the space flight on the Big Day."
"Pretty dead around the compound these days... BA doom CHISSSSSHHHH!  
But I can't complain too much -- I missed the comet, but I stiiiiiill have the bank account!"
[12:49 PM] Mr. Blue:
Hale-Bopp will return in a mere 2,300 years
[12:51 PM]
I'd find a new comet cult before I'd wait that long.
[12:55 PM] Mr. Brown:
The survivors say they are in contact with the departed. lol
[12:55 PM]
"Daily meditation sessions in the Holy of Holies pyramid aren't going well.  After not successfully hitching a ride on 2P/Encke in February, I was really hoping that an early start flagging down C/2015 ER61 would at least get me a telepathic "Maybe"."
How many survivors are left?
[1:10 PM] Mr. Brown:
I think 2
maybe 3
[1:13 PM] Mr. Blue:
Ran into "Louis Jordan" twice in wiki browsing today
  1. “Swamp Thing”
  2. Clicking around comets, went to the 1811 comet, then clicked on a movie he did about it...or about a bottle of wine from 1811...I'm not sure.



[9:51 AM]
(Commercial) "The best suit you'll ever own is the one that you design yourself!"
I agree
Here's an example:
He just popped into my head during the commercial. I had to look Bowie SNL up to remember his name
[9:53 AM] Mr. Blue:
[9:53 AM]
Another excellent suit, Mr. Blue
[9:58 AM] Mr. Brown:
[9:59 AM]
The one looks like armor.
Heheh
[9:59 AM] Mr. Blue:
For when you've gotta draw attention away from your date's ET toes



[8:58 AM]
Got it!
Been waiting for that stupid commercial to come back on CNN for a couple weeks just to be sure I heard what they said right.
(Commercial starts playing...Buff blue-eyed Jesus wandering around dusty props and bland surroundings and beige townsfolk because lots of people who make Bible films think no one decorated or cleaned anything 'back then'.)
(Dramatic voice over)  "An epic story...from the dawn of history..."
Dude!   
Even if the dips who think the world is 6000 years old are right, Jesus didn't live anywhere near the dawn of history.
If 2017 were something like 2PM...It would be a (not-an-epic) story from about Noon.
And depending on who you ask...more like 12:45.
And if you are really generous with your definitions, more like 10 minutes after 1, but that's a stretch.
(…then after the weekend… - Mr. Silver)
Remember my rant last week about the Jesus story commercial and the line "an epic story from the dawn of history"?
Today's commercial said "An epic story from the dawn of time!"
ZOW!
It's a story from 31 Dec, 23:59:55
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