Sunday, April 3, 2016

360 - Frank Herbert's "Nude", "Oh You Canada", Harrison Hears A Who, "Now Next Friday Come I Drank Up All The Rent & Out The Door I Went", and Setting Russian Espionage Back Decades

Mr. Silver
I still want to do my nudist remake of Dune: “Nude”
(Paul...stoned on spice...) "A-nakis...Nude...Naked planet...never one stitch of clothing on A-nakis..."
Mr. Brown
That would suck on a desert world
Mr. Silver
Not sure what to replace the stillsuits with...sports bottles?



Mr. Silver 
So...Toronto at New York, opening game. The band played the Canadian national anthem.
Like most folks, I know two words of "Oh Canada"
They are "oh"
and "Canada", I think.
This, however, never prevented me from singing lyrics.
Mr. Blue
Oh Canada, our home and native land, true patriot love in all our hearts (our sons?) command. With growing pride we see thee rise the true north strong and free. From far and wide oh Canada we stand on guard for thee. God keep our land glorious and free, oh Canada we stand on guard for thee.”
Just by memory
Mr. Silver
I couldn't remember all my exact old ones, but reconstructed as far as I recall, it was "Oh Canada, your flag has got a leaf! Sy-rup and moose! In June you still get sleet!"
Mr. Blue
Heheh



Mr. Blue
"Yes, barber? I want you to make my beard look fake as hell."
Mr. Silver
Wow
Ms. Rose
OMG.
Mr. Silver
"Ok, I'm finished, Mr. Harrison. I know you were nervous when I made you agree to trust me, but I think you'll be pleased with the results... ready? (turns the chair) Et voila!"
"WTF dude?!?"
"I KNOW! You LOVE it! Right?"
Ms. Rose
Reminds me of those little magnetic shavings games you play with the magnet stick. Wooly Willy! That was his name!
Mr. Silver
I have to be honest and thought "NAACP successfully petitions to add black 'Who' to Grinch Xmas special"
Ms. Rose
HA!
Mr. Silver
Mr. Blue
It looks like Will Ferrell as James Lipton on SNL
Right when he started to sweat and the beard started to detach



Mr. Silver
OK...the stupid early morning obsessive thought has come to a head this morning to the point of actually doing some research. Ready?
"How much of George Thorogood's rent could he have paid with the bar tab he racked up in 197x in 'One Bourbon One Scotch One Beer'?"
(AKA 'Things Mr. Silver wastes time thinking about half awake in the shower')
Mr. Brown
So your talking, like, every time he says that line how much that would be?
Mr. Silver
Well there's all sorts of clues in the story and his other work.
There are clear absolute minimums, probable estimates, and then reasonable limits.
But yeah...how much did he spend vs rent money, Wilmington Delaware, working class man in his late 20s, in what sounds like a brownstone apt or the like?
Mr. Brown
Well, liquor then was probably a dollar a shot.
Mr. Silver
(Sings) "I think alone...yeah with nobody else... Yeah, you know when I think alone... I think like nobody else..."
Point against...George never mentions anything cheap when drinking alone.
So...it's a local bar, but he doesn't talk like he's a regular there.
So he's paying cash.
He's a straight scotch and bourbon man...experienced drinker.
Calls for a 'triple shot of that stuff'.
Now one could interpret his 3 drink order as that...but no one does that. Not an experienced bar drinker. A triple shot is a triple shot. He's getting either the bourbon or scotch as a triple, maybe both. And the beer is to chase it because that's what you do.
(How's this going? Clear so far?)
Mr. Brown
I understand
Mr. Silver
Hehe
According to his literal in-song pacing, he orders this three times:
One when he comes in...one in the middle...and one at last call at 3am.
Oh, about his apartment...
It's furnished
Mr. Brown
I would say its a 50 dollar tab, he pays 300 a month for his apartment.
Mr. Silver
He was able to collect ALL his stuff and sneak it out without being detected and then take it all with him into the bar. He's in one bag...definitely not a well-heeled fellow. Maybe two bags
His landlady clearly lives there too...might even be a boarding house
Anyway...
He has a 1 room flop.
So...
(shall I go on?)
Hehe
Mr. Brown
OK, more like he spends 60 a month to live there
And spent 50 on his drinks
He has 10 dollars
Hehe
Mr. Silver
Yup...gettin' there...
Mr. Brown
I’m thinking scotch, you’re going to ask for the good stuff, so its more expensive.
Mr. Silver
Oh he does
He sings in the exact same tone in "I drink alone"
Hehe
His only cheap drink is his Budweiser chaser
------------
(other side after Brown signed out)
Mr. Silver
It was quiet enough that I was able to argue successfully to Mr. Brown that George Thorogood probably spent enough at the bar that he could have paid a substantial portion of, if not all of, his rent.
And I wasn't even done with my list of clues
:D
Mr. Yellow
Yes. He could have. A lot of that is top shelf stuff.
Johnnie Walker Red costs around 27 to 30 and Black is 25-ish
Mr. Silver
Well it's 1977...inflation...but the guy lived in a flophouse
And yeah...he never talks about anything cheap but the beer in "I drink alone" and he sounds like the same GT character
I say flop but more like a boarding house, maybe.
Regardless he was able to sneak out with everything he owned in a bag or two and took it to the bar.
Mr. Yellow
Yep
Mr. Blue
I don't picture the bars being fancy.
Maybe I'm picturing the actual music video and it was a dive
Mr. Silver
No...it wouldn't be.
And note that it's Friday night...not a party spot if he's just warming the bar stool all night
Mr. Blue
So I don't think he's getting expensive stuff
But not cheap. Mid-range.
Mr. Silver
Depends on the 'I Drink Alone" theory.
Mr. Blue
How many days a week was he drinking?
Mr. Silver
Good question
He drinks a good bit in general if he could get through 6 ounces of hooch and a beer, then ask for another round of the same.
And only then suggest he was getting dry mouth and "pretty high".
Interesting tale about this song, BTW...it's made of two other songs by the same blues man, with permission, to combine the stories.
Mr. Blue
Maybe he's famous enough that he drinks for free
Mr. Silver
I'll bet he does NOW
(George seating family at nice French restaurant) "This is really nice, honey. I'm really looking for-...what's this?
(Waiter) "With zee compliments of the 'dudes' at zee tabelle over theyre, sir...un bourbon, un scotch, un beer."
(second waiter arrives) "Weeth your permission, monsier...drinks a compliment la femme in zee cornair with zee meesauge...'oooo dooo you love'."
(George) "We're leaving..."
Point is...I think it's safe to say that GT's avatar could probably have easiliy paid his rent if he wasn't such a soak.
Mr. Blue
Probably
But that wouldn't make a good song
"Gonna pay my rent boy... I'm gonna stay straight..."
Mr. Silver
Oh...he's a gin man too. He doesn't order it in the main line but he talks about having it.
He couldn't even remember til later that he last saw his girlfriend two nights before.
Mr. Blue
I guess since it's a cover, it's not really him
Mr. Silver
True
But the character is a cultural icon now and looks like him...Hehe
Yeah...I guess we know how he lost his job.
"Well I ain't seen my baby since I don't know when,"
"I've been drinking bourbon, whiskey, scotch and gin"
Dude...it was 2 nights ago. How loaded do you get every night?!?
I like your proposed followup
Mr. Blue
The sober version?
Mr. Silver
Yes
Mr. Blue
Heh
Mr. Silver
Real potential
Mr. Blue
"One hoagie.. some doritooos.. an iced teaaaa."
Mr. Silver
"An ice water...with a twist...and one Coke...."
"Well I ain't seen my baby since the movie last night...been eatin double burgers, shakes and fries..."
"AA guy says I shouldn't binge eat... But I'm clean and I'm back on my feet."
Like your iced tea line better than mine



Mr. Silver
Someone in Russia likes us
21 hits one day...
Then last night 21 more...
AND they're starting at the beginning.
I like to think it's some spy program trying to get a team up to speed on our behavior and topical stuff for the past several years.
Won't they be surprised.
(Normal American Guy with perfect accent) 
"Haha! Hello Mr. Dude! What did you think of the popular and funny Mr. Blue's comments on the Batman this last episode?"
(Yinzer) 
"What'r yinz tawkin' baht?"
("Normal Guys" huddle...new man moves forward, new accent) 
"Yeah. Haha. Yinz guyz is crazy gnat. Yo, where is deh Katzenjammer company gnat?"
(Yinzer) 
"That near Heinz?"
"Chto?"
(Yinzer) 
"Yinz from, like, Polish Hill?"
"... ... Da?"
Mr. Blue
"Howdy fellows! Lets all grab a beer and discuss.. *squints at cue cards* shooting planets through the sun?"
Mr. Silver
"President Put-... ... Nobama wants to know how Mr. Brown's weapon experiment … is going."
Mr. Blue
Heheh

359 - A Made Up Name By Any Other Name Would Smell As Fishy, The Collected Nightmarish Costs Of Shakespeare, Thon Avec Pop-Corn A La Rose, Baseball Baguette, and Silver's Problems With Dry Corn & Wet Bread

Mr. Silver
I'll see what happens if I paste this...
Jesus is Krishna, according to some
Mr. Brown
Right
They try to say there is no evidence of him, however there is a string of stuff through multiple cultures if somebody actually looks.
Also, though, there is a good chance that some was taken from other people.
Hey that Buddha guy...he did some good stuff. Lets throw that in there.”
Honestly, what is wrong with taking a lot of the good stuff from a bunch of teachers and putting it together?
Mr. Silver
Not very Christian of you, you know.
"Instead he says early Christians drew upon the beliefs and rituals of other cults and faiths around in the first century."
...because no other faith ever did that...
It's kind of how it works.
Mr. Blue
We know someone named Jesus didn't exist at that time
Yeshua did
Or may have
Nazareth is a made up place too
Mr. Silver
I fully expect that The Force and the Flying Spaghetti Monster will get mentions in future texts.
So is "The Island" in Butler. There's no island in Butler, but they call the crappy section that.
Hell was the nickname of a bad neighborhood in Jerusalem, I think
(looks up)
Mr. Blue
Colin Quinn bit:
Jesus: "Where are you taking me?"
Centurion: "Golgotha."
"What does that mean?"
"Place of the skulls."
"...not good"
Mr. Silver
Heh
(Jewish mom) "You kids better settle or I'm going to send you to Gehenna to get groceries!"



Ms. Rose
My very limited reading on the meaning of colors in dreams has shown evidence that red is a very popular color for end-of-times/disaster type dreams. You'd think love dreams would feature red. Not always the case. Red is SCARY when you're in Slumberland.
Mr. Silver
I'd get scared enough in some nightmares I'd try to talk but couldn't
Not something I do now
I used to have 3 recurring bad ones: not able to stop a car no matter how hard I'd push the brake. Like I could get it to a very slow roll, but never stop. Of course, if I let go I'd speed up to dangerous...no escape.
Mr. Blue
I do that one a lot too... the wonky brakes
Slam the pedal and you just kinda slow
Mr. Silver
I beat that by actually learning to drive.
Mr. Blue
Also the car that is too small for me to get into
Mr. Silver
Yeah, had weirdly small cars in some of those too.
#2 is the "hurt and trapped in a cave".
I beat "hurt and trapped in a cave" by getting hurt and trapped in a cave...while in a cave proving that I would not get hurt and trapped in a cave.
Mr. Blue
heh
Mr. Silver
Oh the irony
Mr. Blue
I beat the repeat high school dreams by going to the HS and picking up my diploma in the dream.
Those got old
Mr. Silver
That was #3
Mr. Blue
"Why am I still here? I'm 29, I graduated 10 years ago and I have a full time job."
Mr. Silver
I won by walking out. It was a triumph. I still love remembering
Mr. Blue
If I have another I just walk out... If that's the starting point for a dream, I'm like "not this again" and I go to the parking lot and drive away.
I'm always at the intermediate or junior high.. never senior high.
Mr. Silver
I've never had a school dream since, actually
That being said, I've walked around the not-real version of State College quite a few times.
Never for class though
Ms. Rose
The only period where I ever had bad, scary school dreams was when I was about to graduate college and I was convinced I didn't have enough credits. I honestly wasn't 100% sure until I physically touched my diploma. I kept thinking *something* was going to go wrong, and I'd be disgraced in front of my elitist private all-girls college mates.
Mr. Silver
The fear of the old "graduation requirements have changed" trick, eh?
Ms. Rose
Well, but I had good reason. I went from a straight-A, extracurricular wonder-girl my freshman year (no boyfriend) to barely squeaking by with Ds and never visiting campus by my senior year (overbearing boyfriend who devalued collegiate activities).
Boys are like, WAY more important than grades and stuff. *pfft* TOTALLY. *flips hair*
I (barely) graduated college in 20XX. Today's student loan debt total: approximately $56k. I will die before Girl University is paid off.
Mr. Silver
"Our records show you still have money and we want it. Therefore we've added an additional math requirement and your one psychology course has changed from a 400 to a survey. Please buy a $200 math book and $80 psych book your professors won't really use. See you next Fall!"
Mr. Blue
Heheh
Ms. Rose
Thankfully the math professor was ahead of her time, and utilized the interwebs for all our assignments. That "fluff" Art History course, on the other hand? $273 textbook, weighing more than a few freshwomen, requiring a special backpack just to carry it.
I still have it. Makes a great coffee table book. (As long as you didn't buy the coffee table at Ikea.)
For coffee tables whittled out of a solid chunk of oak...
Mr. Blue
Hahah
The ol' college textbook scam. They're $200 brand new and if you try to re-sell them back they're $15 despite gentle usage
Mr. Silver
Yup
Mr. Gray had to shell out $400 for one out of his $700 school budget
(math book)
Ms. Rose
I never sold mine back. And I never bought used. If I was going to shirk my college experience just to find a boyfriend, then you're damn right he was going to carry those gigantic boxes of books upstairs when I moved in.
If any of you wish to borrow the Complete Works of Shakespeare: Volume VII, or the Abbreviated British Authors: Series Twelve...just bring a trolley to work and let me know!
The pages in the Shakespeare book are sooooo thin, you can't highlight anything, or use a pencil, or touch the book with questionably-clean fingers.
Mr. Blue
Maybe if I need kindling
Ms. Rose
Ouch.
Mr. Blue
Shakespeare Poopoo-er University alumn here
Mr. Silver
I assume the complete works of Shakespeare includes stuff not in other complete works of Shakespeare
I mean...he wrote a good bit and all...but how did they put together 7 volumes on onionskin?
Somewhere I have a small red book that has every play and sonnet in it, I believe
Ms. Rose
The 37-lb. Complete Works of Shakespeare includes EVERYTHING he ever wrote...even words discovered on toilet paper in The Globe outhouses.
Mr. Blue
It includes his tax records and shopping lists
Mr. Silver
"Dearest Landlord, While it is, in troth, a fortnight past the date my monthly lodging fee is due..."
Mr. Blue
An angry letter he penned to the local constable because some teens sullied his flower garden
Ms. Rose
There's a ton of pages full of stuff they don't even know that he wrote. Like, words from "scholars" and such who paid as much for their education as I did, and will NEVER have to work hourly!
Mr. Silver
"To the blatherskite and company who convinced me that my solar could be well painted for a fee of only 4 p, a letter of protest..."
Ms. Rose
I should totally write a long, accurate Shakespearean letter to the uppers at Girl U. And ship it along with my very large textbook.
Dear sirs (Oh, wait. There are no "sirs." I kid.)”
Mr. Silver
"Herein, postage due, you will find The Complete Works of Everything Written by and About Shakespeare..."
"Of particular scholarly interest is the following passage from an anonymous writer: 'My neighbor, the pompous wordsmith and great ass, hath again been caught relieving himself in my rainbarrel after a night of frivolity with a local trollop. How his wife tolerates his knavery is beyond the patience of Heaven."
Ms. Rose
HAHAHAHA
Mr. Blue
"Cry nosy neighbor! and let slip mine foot into thine ass"
Ms. Rose
LOL *tears*
Geez, yinz know more about Shakespeare than I do!
Have you all been reading the Collected Works?



Ms. Rose
Tuna fish and popcorn for lunch. It's definitely payday.
Mr. Silver
"It's a Charlie Brown Payday!"
Ms. Rose
Woman with Giant Student Loan Debt makes interesting culinary combinations. Film at 11.
Mr. Silver
(Peppermint Patty) "Tuna? Popcorn? Where's the Turkey sandwich? Where's the chips? Where's the salad, Chuck?"
(Charlie) "Shut up, I'm broke."
Ms. Rose
If only I had a yellow bird to help me make stacks of toast...
Mr. Silver
Ah...dreams of fresh bread...
"This is all dry loaf heels, Chuck!"
"I put mustard on them!"
"Mustard not butter?"
"I still HAD mustard!"
Ms. Rose
(Franklin, the sole person of color in Charlie Brown) Damn, Chuck. This is a CLASSY. Got any watermelon for Easter?
Mr. Silver
The following has been noticed for modern non-racist viewers
Mr. Blue
And he's in the hammock style chair... to imply laziness
Mr. Silver
It's also the one that collapses dangerously



Mr. Blue
Is home plate a right angle in baseball?
Like between 1st and 3rd
Mr. Amethyst
I think
Maybe not
IDK
Ms. Rose
I know nothing about baseball. But I thought the "diamond" was a perfect square. Tiny woman brain?
Mr. Silver
I believe it's a perfect square, ma'am
"Well fans it's a great day for baseball! The Pirates are heading out to the lozenge for the start of the season and it'll be bad news for the Padre's in Pittsburgh!"
"I'm kinda liking the new layout, Bob."
"Yeah...much better than last season's parallelogram."
"It's kind of interesting seeing the center fielder standing right behind Second base."



Ms. Rose
If you can, swing by Pittsburgh Popcorn on Liberty Ave. (If you leave Pamela's and drive through town, it's like *right there* on Liberty. You can blow $50 on gourmet popcorn and not think twice...
Mr. Blue
Oh yeah, I heard of that place
Mr. Silver
I am unable to blow $50 on 10 cents of popcorn, BTW
Ms. Rose
Anyone can blow $50 on popcorn. Trust me.
Mr. Silver
Is the popcorn merely a minor ingredient in something else?
Mr. Amethyst
Butter salad
Mr. Blue
I think it's popcorn with crazy flavors
Ms. Rose
They deep-fry the popcorn in heroin and then dust it with crack cocaine. It's *that* delicious.
Mr. Silver
It's not that I don't like popcorn
In fact I rather do if it's new. But I can't do possibly-weeks-stale cheese-powdered popcorn in a bag like some snackers can.
Ms. Rose
I really don't care for popcorn either. But you walk past the place every single day and eventually you're going to try some popcorn. Then it's all over. They've got you hooked.
Mr. Silver
I dunno...it's like my problem with pasta.
I go to a restaurant and there's a whole menu section of pasta...
$13 to $20 pasta
I realize that it's the sauces and presentation.
But I also know that the wet bread underneath is worth about 12 cents.
And that's a serving of GOOD noodles
Mr. Amethyst
Now I want pasta....SILVER!
Ms. Rose
Anything is delicious enough and addicting enough if the restaurant peoples sprinkle it with enough narcotics. They think we don't know...
Every time you get a coupon in the mail for some "new" flavor of pizza, all it means is that Papa John's ordered a little too much angel dust this month and they need to move their inventory.
Mr. Silver
That bizarre cheeseburger pizza they did twice now was great. Missed the second round by a day
Mr. Amethyst
STOP I want pizza now! lol
Ms. Rose
Our local Pizza Hut sent around ads declaring that they'll now deliver beer with your pizza. Expect to pay double for a six-pack. But hey, alcohol shows up at your door! They probably don't even card!
Dis is 'merica!
Mr. Amethyst
And now I want beer...
You guys
Are EVIL
Ms. Rose
Glad to be of service, Mr. Amethyst.
Mr. Amethyst
Ms. Rose
*horns*
Mr. Amethyst
lol
Mr. Blue
I've tuned them out