Sunday, February 23, 2014

Day 283 - Christmas War Provocateurs, XXXmas Presents, "He Sleeps With The Confetti", The LORD Likes Big Butts, Antwerp Is Part Of Germany Isn't It?, The Juilliard School Apparently Has A Meteorology Department, and Tut Sluts

3:28 PM Mr. Gray
These Christians feeling they need to "protect Christmas"...Sheesh. Our own little radicals.
3:29 PM Mr. Silver
"We essentially extinguished Christmas from all of our public schools," Smith said.
Look...just because the kids are lousy carol singers and the ornaments and presents they make are pretty poor stuff...
As far as Silver Junior's school goes, there's plenty of non-extinguished Christmas going on. 
3:32 PM Mr. Gray
Yeah....they just try to play on fear. "Its a WAR on Christmas!!! Its a WAR on our freedom of speech!!!" Honestly I'm just tired of it.
3:34 PM Mr. Silver
It's just a highly-exaggerated talking point they get for free every year...a gift to the right wing Fantasy-of-Olde-Tyme-America corps.
3:35 PM Mr. Blue
It gets the troops riled up.
3:36 PM Mr. Silver
Yup.
And they're pretty desperate at the moment, really.
Ideologically, they seem to be losing on everything: Gays, flags, prayer and religious symbols, womens' rights, pot, heath care reform.
...the health of heaths...
3:38 PM Mr. Blue
They are still holding strong on guns.
3:38 PM Mr. Silver
Sort of.
There's no war on Christmas by the Left.
3:39 PM Mr. Blue
I’m as non-Christian as it gets and I still celebrate Christmas.
3:39 PM Mr. Silver
If anything, it's a war on outdated thinking by the internet generation, who learned how to look stuff up.
3:39 PM Mr. Blue
LOL Yeah.
3:39 PM Mr. Silver
Practically any misrepresentation or outright lie on FB that I see is usually tagged with a link to the real info within a couple comments.
Or, if good info is put up, the swarm of detractors sound like idiots...for the same reason.
3:40 PM Mr. Blue
(Goggles) "Wow, there was a pre-Christian holiday on Dec 25th? Jesus wasn't even born on this day?" 
3:41 PM Mr. Blue
Kind of like the whole "Keep UNDER GOD in our pledge!  Like the founders intended!"  "Uhm..."
3:41 PM Mr. Silver
" 'Under God', eh? Look, I like Ike as much as the next guy, but he's hardly a founder."




1:45 PM Mr. Gray
1:46 PM Mr. Silver
"He received a brand used-and-returned Nintendo DS."
1:47 PM Mr. Gray
Yepper
"Daddy...what is she doing to that man?"
1:47 PM Mr. Silver
"Ask your mom...(loudly over shoulder) I don't remember that one anymore!"
1:47 PM Mr. Gray
An “educational toy”.



1:39 AM Mr. Blue
That company that we switched to for taking out and destroying the sensitive documents is a much motlier crew.
It looks like they take the documents out in the alley and beat them with a bike chain.
11:40 AM Mr. Silver
I'd like to see that.
11:40 AM Mr. Gray
That'll teach them!
11:41 AM Mr. Brown
“Are you gonna reveal sensitive info?”
“No no no!”
“That’s right, I’ll make you not talk.”
(Wack wack wack! Rip! Rip!)
“Augh!”
11:41 AM Mr. Silver
No soft touch with this team.
11:42 AM Mr. Blue
That's what I'll do. I'll start a business where we collect and destroy office documents... We'll call it "Extreme Prejudice Paper Shredding".
11:42 AM Mr. Silver
(Sales rep) "After we roughs 'em up and shreds 'em, you's got the option of the classic cement 'burial at sea', or the upstate shallow grave."
11:42 AM Mr. Brown
Paper mob.
“We make troublesome documents...go away.  Know what I mean?”
11:42 AM Mr. Blue
“First we verbally abuse the documents. Then we beat 'em with a bike chain. Then we take them in the woods and shoot them. Then we soak them in acid and bury the remains.”
11:44 AM Mr. Silver
"If'n you wants it, we can go after the document's footnoted references for you too.  Sort of...send a message down the line...capisce?"
11:45 AM Mr. Brown
LOL
11:46 AM Mr. Silver
"We shredded the author of the document for yous, too.  Just doin' what you said sos no one can get the info, right?"
11:48 AM Mr. Blue
"You catch an employee not properly disposing of sensitive documents? We'll shred them too."
This reminds me of the SNL commercial with the bug trap that rips the bug's legs off and beats it with its own legs. And then they burn the roach's reproductive organs and stuff its mouth with a wad of cotton soaked in turpentine.
"Sure, this won't *kill* the roach, but it will give it plenty to think about."
11:51 AM Mr. Gray
LOL



Mr. Silver
9:59 AM Mr. Blue
Heh.
Wasn't there a part in the Bible where someone asked Jesus what the commandments were and he only could name 4 of them?
10:04 AM Mr. Silver
He just made up some new ones.
10:06 AM Mr. Blue
"No fat chicks."  JOHN 3:12
10:07 AM Mr. Silver
Ah, but there was Mark 7:15 "The LORD's anaconda don't want none unless she's got buns, Son."
And, Luke, of course, 6:2 "Mary's got back."
10:08 AM Mr. Brown
Mary so fat, her ass be ridin' on another ass.
10:10 AM Mr. Blue
COMMANDMENT 3: You may do sidebends or situps, but thou shalt not lose that butt.
10:16 AM Mr. Blue
“The LORD gives strength to the weary and increases your baby's back." Isaiah 40:29



(After observing Mr. Blue’s current facial hair situation in walking past, and again doubting his claim of German ancestry. – Mr. Silver)
Mr. Blue
If I never shaved, it'd just look like this http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Van_Dyke_beard with some wispy sideburns.
8:49 AM Mr. Silver
I can see it now: August 1914. Your great-grand relatives sitting down to waffles when the Kaiser's troops bust into the house and call them "Dirty Belgians!"
"Uhhhh. Nein! We're...just on vacation!"
8:49 AM Mr. Blue
Heheh
8:50 AM Mr. Silver
“See?”  (Starts goose-stepping around.) 
"You can't fake that, Hauptman."
"No, I guess not...Well, there's a war on.  You folks better get back on home."
"Yes sir!  Pack up your luggage...uh...Hansel and...um...Gretel."
"Cute names for the kids!  Like the story!"
"Right!  Well...we'll be off soon...for home...no need for you to hang around for us."
“It's pretty dangerous out there. I'd better assign you an escort. Where are you from anyway? Interesting accent.”
“Uh...just a little place...outside of...uh...Ner...m...berg?”
“Excellent! We'll see you get safe on a train.”
“Gee...thanks...”
8:52 AM Mr. Blue
The weird thing is, it would make sense if my family was maybe from Hesse or some area close to Belgium. But we're all from the Franconia/Bavaria area, which is kinda far from it.
Closer to Austria and Czech Republic.
8:55 AM Mr. Blue
Funny... The last email my aunt sent us was full of a bunch of vinegar about how she hates Bavaria and that she's a proud Franconian.
She brought it up out of the blue and went on a huge tirade. Franconia is no longer a region. It was merged with Bavaria by the Nazis, but real Franconians don't consider themselves Bavarian.
Perhaps they were left-overs from when the Frankish empire was all over and they got stuck in the eastern corner, and then borders were redrawn and they couldn't go back home.
It is a little more French-y than the rest of Germany. Franconia is more about their wine than their beer. Their food is a little more...delicate.
8:59 AM Mr. Silver
Pansyland
8:59 AM Mr. Blue
LOL
9:02 AM Mr. Blue
She sent us some goodies for Christmas. Lebkuchen and some other things. Not bad, but not something I’d eat every day. But considering they've been around since the 1200's, it's more of a history lesson. The taste isn't like, as good as an Eat n Park smiley cookie, but back in 1200 they were probably all the rage.
9:04 AM Mr. Silver
"Dear nephew, I hope you enjoy this Lebkuchen. Germany has been trying to get rid of this same batch since the 1200s"
9:05 AM Mr. Blue
LOL



10:25 AM Mr. Blue
The Weather Channel is really getting dramatic over this storm coming; not only naming it but giving it a name like "Hercules".
How do you top that?
10:26 AM Mr. Silver
"Winter Storm Galactus!"
10:27 AM Mr. Blue
"Winter Holocaust"
Hercules is a good name for a category 5 hurricane, not snow.
10:30 AM Mr. Silver
Winter Storm "White Hulk"
11:12 AM Mr. Silver
Winter Storm "Extinction Event"
11:12 AM Mr. Blue
Heh
11:16 AM Mr. Blue
“Today's winter storm Hercules' expected snowfall is 2-4 inches.  Next week, winter storm Irma, 18-24 inches.”
11:18 AM Mr. Silver
Winter Storm Jim: 24-48"
11:19 AM Mr. Blue
Winter Storm Apocalypto: some light accumulation in higher elevations.
11:23 AM Mr. Silver
Excellent...as long as we're exaggerating: "Winter Storm "Twilight of Man" will be a 10% chance of flurries."
11:23 AM Mr. Blue
Heh
Winter Storm "Spend Time With Your Loved Ones"
11:27 AM Mr. Silver
Weatherman Bob - "Scattered reports of survivors still coming in from the northern Eastern Seaboard on the 3rd day into Winter Storm 'Susie Snowflake'."
Newscaster Beverly - "They really took a pounding from those scattered snow showers, eh Bob?"
Bob - "Right up the arse, Bev."
Bev - "Well, on to sports."
11:28 AM Mr. Blue
Hehehe



Mr. Brown
OK so today’s stories are Tutankhamen's penis is erect, and woman suffers 4 hour orgasm
LOL
11:20 AM Mr. Silver
Related?
11:20 AM Mr. Brown
Unfortunately no, because that would be a story.
The Curse of Tutankhamen's Penis
LOL
11:40 AM Mr. Silver
"Local Ladies Love The Curse of Tut!"
"The cursed women, proudly calling their membership 'Tut Sluts', don't see the curse as an actual problem as long as the affliction occurs outside working hours."
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