Friday, December 16, 2011

Day 136 - Mr. Brown's Spy-Thriller Dreams Are Missing A Little Something Something, The End Of The World Can Wait Til I "Read" The Accompanying Stories, Is An Enforced Requirement Really A Style?, Some Clerics Don't Realize That Sometimes A Car Is Just A Car And A Cigar Is Just A Cigar, And She Should Have Taken The Stairway To Heaven

7:49 AM Mr. Brown
Isn’t it funny how you can have a dream about a woman you had the hots for back when you were in high school, yet it’s a nice dream and not one of those sex dreams, but somehow you get to throw in secret agent and time travel stuff?
lol
7:58 AM Mr. Silver
(Arnold) "Sleazy...Demure..."
(tech) "Boy...is he gonna have a wild time!"
8:00 AM Mr. Brown
It was one of those women I was friends with. She was good looking and I didn't realize she liked me a lot too (in the dream) until later. lol
So now my brain keeps telling me how much of a dumb ass I was with dreams, while still keeping the dream enjoyable.
8:04 AM Mr. Silver
So you had a spy dream with a babe companion in it and didn't get any? James Bond you are not.
8:04 AM Mr. Brown
But at one point we had kids. We just did not have the fun part in the dream.
8:05 AM Mr. Gray
Didn’t get any? In your own dream? Sad. Pathetic.
8:05 AM Mr. Silver
Were they your kids?
8:06 AM Mr. Gray
"We had kids!"
"Were they yours?"
"Well no, we stole them from some other family...but after awhile in the basement they agreed to be mine"
8:07 AM Mr. Silver
"They're government issue...part of our cover."
8:07 AM Mr. Brown
Yeah, they were ours, but there was a lot of time jumping in the dream, so I think that’s why. LOL
8:08 AM Mr. Silver
Time jumping, but no regular jumping.
8:09 AM Mr. Gray
Robotic children with machineguns built in. Spytech staple!
8:10 AM Mr. Silver
Q "Now see here Bond...boy and two girls...full features. There's a manual. PLEASE try to read it this time."
Bond "Assassins? Special training?"
Q "No, Bond. Straight paternity issue. The lawsuits were dropped but I'm afraid you have to take them."
8:12 AM Mr. Gray
LMAO
I could so see that.
8:12 AM Mr. Brown
How did you know there was a boy and two girls in my dream? LOL
8:13 AM Mr. Gray
Mr. Silver likes to hop into people's dreams and mess with them. You just happened to be on his mind at the time. Why? Don’t ask…gets creepy after that.
8:14 AM Mr. Silver
You've heard of Dream Warriors?
I'm more a Dream Spoiler
"Every time I got her excited and something was about to get going, the scene would change and I'd hear laughing from somewhere."



9:19 AM Mr. Blue
Imagine what a panic you would cause if you sent a simple little text to every cell phone on earth: "run and hide" "seek shelter" "they're coming"
9:26 AM Mr. Gray
Wow...
That’s right up there with road signs warning of "Zombies Ahead". Heh!
You'd think some of those people might have actually turned on a TV to see if there was something really going on, before diving for a phone to call the cops! LOL
9:33 AM Mr. Silver
I’m sorry…it’s hard to read the article with a pileup of slave Leias, a Marie Antoinette, a pair of slipping-off panties and a pair of big breasts in a green dress off on the right-hand side of the screen.
9:34 AM Mr. Brown
LOL
9:34 AM Mr. Gray
Distracting.
9:34 AM Mr. Brown
“No eyes, listen to me. We are going to read this. Stop looking at the boobs!”
9:35 AM Mr. Silver
"What's the article?"
"Eh, something about the world ending. Whoa...check out that rack!"
#4 in the convention girls is my kind of wookiee.
A wookiee skinned and turned into skimpy clothing for a pretty brunette.
10:02 AM Mr. Brown
Those “Faces of Meth” are always crazy, how much it changes them.
10:06 AM Mr. Silver
Mr. Brown: Libido-Slayer.
10:10 AM Mr. Brown
Gotta calm it down at work.
LOL
10:10 AM Mr. Gray
I know it kills my libido to think of Mr. Brown. Ewww!
10:11 AM Mr. Brown
Time to recharge the libido http://imgur.com/gallery/urFcW



1:09 PM Mr. Silver
1:15 PM Mr. Silver
"Known as 'The Rachel' among North Korean men who keep their opinion anonymous out of fear, the rest of the world - based on the only available photo - refer to the hairstyle as the 'Pixelated Fuzzy Pink Blob Hat'."
1:17 PM Mr. Blue
Relevant:
1:18 PM Mr. Silver
Heh
1:19 PM Mr. Silver
"Hair analysts assume that the hairstyle may be based on these examples:"
1:21 PM Mr. Silver
"Others counter it may be based on this style:"
(That guy in #4 kills me.)
1:21 PM Mr. Blue
So basically everyone's getting their haircut like his because they assume it's one of the few legal ways of getting their hair cut.
1:22 PM Mr. Silver
Yeah, Mr. Blue...it sounds like there are 3 legal haircuts.
Jong-il's, Jong-un's, and a longer version of Jon-il's if you are needing a comb-over and are old enough.
1:25 PM Mr. Blue
LOL! Yeah



1:38 PM Mr. Silver
...As opposed to the female variety of penis.
"The Muslim cleric, referred to simply as "Imam Blue" also issued a similar proclamation about 'Furry' animal costumes and women having 'boners'."
1:42 PM Mr. Blue
Men are banned from holding two melons at the same time.
1:47 PM Mr. Silver
"They must be carried at a non-suggestive distance apart, or vertically, and not 'juggled' provocatively."
1:50 PM Mr. Blue
"Bananas must be eaten with a knife and fork."
1:51 PM Mr. Silver
"A call has gone out to the faithful to close down Taco Bell as well, calling burritos and both hard and soft tacos 'sexually indecent'."
1:51 PM Mr. Blue
"Lollipops must be ground into a fine powder, mixed with water and drunk tepidly."
"Chocolate and strawberries must maintain a distance of 50 ft at all times."
1:53 PM Mr. Gray
LMAO
1:54 PM Mr. Silver
"Frozen 'Popsicle' treats in single form must be melted under a discreet covering and the stick removed by a responsible male before consumption. The 'Double' variety may be eaten frozen but by no means split first, as this may cause titillation."
1:54 PM Mr. Gray
"Bananas and other "indecent items" must be held above the waist at all times when handled by men to prevent homosexual temptation"
1:55 PM Mr. Blue
New warning sticker on bananas: "Do not insert in pocket."
1:55 PM Mr. Gray
LOL
1:55 PM Mr. Silver
Pockets banned as suggestive!
1:55 PM Mr. Gray
Not a decent place to place hands, says cleric!
1:57 PM Mr. Blue
"All little red corvettes will be gathered at the impound yard, crushed into cubes and dumped into the ocean."
1:57 PM Mr. Gray
Now we know where those Muslim women are getting the idea for severing a man's junk!!
1:58 PM Mr. Brown
Wow! If women drive they are more likely to be a prostitute?
2:01 PM Mr. Brown
The cleric's alleged words come after a "scholarly" report by the Majlis al-Ifta al-Aala, Saudi Arabia's highest Islamic council, warned that if women in Saudi Arabia were allowed to drive, there would be no more virgins in the country because driving may lead to a "surge in prostitution, pornography, homosexuality and divorce."
2:06 PM Mr. Blue
Even looking at the big picture, putting yourself in their shoes, etc. that's still just backwards thinking.
2:06 PM Mr. Gray
Very.
2:08 PM Mr. Gray
The thing that kills me is that the Muslim world was so far ahead of the Europeans, and now most of that region has become "third world" and produces extremists that want everyone who left them behind to follow rules that might have been applicable 1000 years ago. It’s just not logical. I'm all for being faithful to your beliefs, but when it comes to how to live your life, you need to make changes and adapt. Basic law of life: Adapt and change, or die.
2:11 PM Mr. Blue
Yeah, I agree
2:12 Mr. Silver
It's a hard job for a fellow to convince an infidel of the wisdom of his ways when he goes around making declarations and performing acts that prove he is an absolute fool. And that goes for any religion.



2:19 PM Mr. Gray
I watched a show on one of the science channels on giant fish...and one of the reasons they gave for this one type of catfish growing so large and attacking people in India was that they were used to eating human flesh and got tons of food just hanging out in the river waiting for people to dump bodies.
2:20 PM Mr. Blue
2:21 PM Mr. Gray
That’s the one.
"The Devil Catfish!!!”
“Why do you call it that?!"
"Well it eats human flesh!!"
"But you are dumping human bodies in the river!!"
"Well yeah...but they're not for them!!"
2:23 PM Mr. Blue
Heheheh
2:31 PM Mr. Silver
"Put hooks in the bodies and decorate them with feathers to deter the fish. If possible, someone on shore should guide the deceased via a long cord attached to a long pole."
2:31 PM Mr. Gray
LMAO



3:53 PM Mr. Silver
"Immediately following, the New Yorker riders started griping "Come ON" and impatiently hitting their floor numbers and the 'Close Door' button."
3:55 PM Mr. Blue
Now that's a way to go…horrifying total strangers!

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Thursday, December 15, 2011

Day 135 - Simply Having A Four-Letter Christmas Time, Mr. Brown Quits Smoking Some More, The Hohenzollern Family Crest Is Kind Of Nasty, A Lone Spammer Has Faith In This Blog, Baked Beans Digest At 6000 Degrees Kelvin, There's Absolutely No Other Explanation For That Other Than The Online Commentator's Brain Is Cloaked, Bound Feet Unbind My Stomach, And Is There A Girl Scout Badge For This?

Mr. Blue
The only Christmas song I don't mind is the Beatles one.
It might be just Paul McCartney.
"Wonderful Christmas Time"
9:47 AM Mr. Silver
I have one rude lyric I slip in when Mrs. Silver isn't paying attention.
10:00 AM Mr. Silver
"The mood is right. The spirits up. We’re here tonight. To fuck you up.  Simply having a wonderful Christmas time!”
10:00 AM Mr. Blue
heh



Mr. Brown

Well, I got some Snus, but I will have to see if that helps me quit.
8:04 AM Mr. Silver
Quitting is best, of course...
8:05 AM Mr. Brown

Yeah.  I’m hoping using this I can wean myself off it easier; lower the amount of nicotine my body wants, slowly.
8:10 AM Mr. Silver
How about a chart?
A picture of as many cigarettes as you want...2000? 
Sure...that’s 100 packs depending on the brand.
2000 little white marks.
And you cross off 1 for each you smoke.
8:12 AM Mr. Silver
And the picture at the end is you, dead.
And you tell yourself "If I use them all up, I’ll die."
And as you go along, you'll see them burning...
“There's a lot!  Plenty of smoke!” 
Until you get to those last rows and they start looking pretty few, and you start conserving.
8:16 AM Mr. Silver
Then you get down to "15 left...should I have one?"
8:16 AM Mr. Silver
“5 left…oh man…”
8:16 AM Mr. Silver
“1 left…”  1 smoke and you die.  Do you want it that badly?
8:22 AM Mr. Silver
See...plenty of them in a chart like this.
(Though whoever made the chart can't count in tens.)
8:23 AM Mr. Brown
I could even computerize it!  Make a phone app!
LOL
8:24 AM Mr. Silver
There you go!


Mr. Blue

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/e/ee/Germany_Hohenzollern_Family_Crest.jpg  It looks like the beast is wearing a corset and a plaid skirt with a femmy hairdo. 
11:48 AM Mr. Silver
What a terrible helmet crest!
I can't imagine wearing that monstrosity into a tourney.
"Who's the knight with the octopus-dog thing on his head?"
"Hohenzollern."
"Madness run in the family?"
12:02 PM Mr. Blue
Heheh


Mr. Silver
So...the blog is still surprisingly busy for my blog.  The Russians love it.  So much so that I got my first comment!  And it was SPAM!
Apparently the spammer believes more people visit than actually do.
I should have kept it to post and celebrate it.
Damn!
9:02 AM Mr. Pink
lol
9:02 AM Mr. Gray
LOL
9:10 AM Mr. Silver
"Dearest fans, I have a most wonderful development to share with you!"
"There are signs and portents that suggest that you two or three dozen fans may soon balloon to four dozen!  Maybe four and a half!"
"And when I say fans, I'm referring also to you dear readers who ended up here by mistake on bad search results.”
"Yesterday, we got our first comment ever.  And it was spam!"
"It tells me two things, my friends:”
“First, that after 130+ entries, the comment system actually functions...something I've always wondered."
"Second, that some crook out there believes this collection of rambling conversations is good enough to attract attention!"
"Like that one unknown Imperial Stormtrooper who managed to accidentally kill an Ewok, this one beloved con-artist has renewed my faith in this blog.  Thank you...thank you... (cries)."
Too sappy?
9:25 AM Mr. Gray
LOL
9:26 AM Mr. Brown
Well, at least we know the guy that sent the spam looked at it.
9:28 AM Mr. Silver
It had a woman's name on it.  That means the info must be real, right?  A girl wouldn’t lie.



10:54 AM Mr. Brown

Well, it looks like the XXX domain idea did not work.
10:57 AM Mr. Brown
Until there is a law passed that makes them have to use it, they are not going to buy a .xxx domain name.  LOL
11:08 AM Mr. Silver
"The porn industry chose not to comply with the .xxx designation because it, quote "makes the web addresses look dirty." 
Sadly we can't continue with this subject here.



12:39 PM Mr. Blue

So they want helium 3 from the moon so that they can fuse it with helium 1 to create helium 4?
12:40 PM Mr. Brown
No, Helium 0
lol
12:44 PM Mr. Blue
Ah, got it…
“A second-generation approach to controlled fusion power involves combining helium-3 (32He) and deuterium (21H). This reaction produces a helium-4 ion (42He) (like an alpha particle, but of different origin) and a high-energy proton (positively charged hydrogen ion) (11p). The most important potential advantage of this fusion reaction for power production as well as other applications lies in its compatibility with the use of electrostatic fields to control fuel ions and the fusion protons”
12:46 PM Mr. Brown
Au
What if you throw Rn into the mix?
What happens then?
12:48 PM Mr. Blue
What is Rn?
12:48 PM Mr. Brown
Radon.
12:50 PM Mr. Silver
And Au is gold
So He3 + H2 + Au + Rn = “mess”
12:54 PM Mr. Brown
Can you melt Berkelium?
12:57 PM Mr. Brown
At 6000 Kelvin, most stuff becomes gas.
1:00 PM Mr. Silver
My lunch must be at 6000 degrees Kelvin.
1:01 PM Mr. Brown
LOL



1:10 PM Mr. Brown

1:18 PM Mr. Blue
" 'No' says every scientist in the world."
It’s a really stupid alien race that is opting to study Mercury over all the other cooler planets it could be scoping out.
1:49 PM Mr. Blue
As described by YouTube user siniXster, who used the U.S. Navy's SECCHI website to gather the images and create a video of the extraordinary extraterrestrial encounter on Dec. 3, it is "definitely some sort of manufactured object."
"It's cylindrical on either side, has a shape in the middle ... It definitely looks like a ship to me. Very obviously it's cloaked," he continued.
"There's really, absolutely no other explanation for that than some sort of ship."
1:58 PM Mr. Silver
I like the "cloaked" part
If it was cloaked we wouldn't see it.
Also, if it was also completely uncloaked, we'd also not see it.
2:03 PM Mr. Brown
Well, it’s a good thing they know it was the process of creating the picture that made it look that way, otherwise everybody would be freaking out thinking something is by Mercury.
2:04 PM Mr. Blue
Yeah, I’m sure people care.


          (Fair warning, it's gross -- Mr. Silver)

3:06 PM Mr. Brown

OUCH!!!!!!
3:07 PM Mr. Silver
Good ol' footbinding.
Blech
3:08 PM Mr. Brown
It’s like “I don't know what that looks like.  Is it a hand?  Is it a foot?  Is it a alien mouth?”
3:10 PM Mr. Silver
It looks like a body modification that makes genital-piercing fiends look like pussies. 
3:12 PM Mr. Silver
"It hurt like Hell when I got this one done, but it was a rush too...y'know?" 
"These just hurt like Hell and took 20 years to finish." 
"AUGH!" 



3:18 PM Mr. Blue

3:19 PM Mr. Silver
That's pretty screwed up, yes.
Considering the typical coordination of a girl that age, I imagine their training involved whips and cattleprods.
3:33 PM Ms. Amethyst
Probably.  I can't even do that at 23!  And my mom would have said “Hell no!” to me dancing like that at that age.

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Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Day 134 - Good Advice For The New Haunted Homeowner, Doing The Wedding Cake Mash, Femme Fatales and Feckless Faux Pas, Stooping To A New Lowes, And Did Any Apaches Actually Give Approval For This Dumb Thing?

(On moving into a haunted house – Mr. Silver)
You establish the rules right away and "they" can't complain you that didn't tell them; assert ownership right away. They are guests in a house you laid claim to.
8:56 AM Mr. Gray
Gotcha.....and giving them their own space should keep them appeased, I'd hope.
8:56 AM Mr. Silver
"You're welcome to stay, but these are the rules.  Break the rules and you'll be kicked out."
8:57 AM Mr. Gray
"Others" like that is are one reason I'm happy to have a dog.
8:58 AM Mr. Silver
If weird crap starts happening, you can announce "You know the rules! If it's somebody visiting, you regulars tell them the rules."
8:58 AM Mr. Gray
Good point.
8:58 AM Mr. Silver
Mention "rent".
8:59 AM Mr. Gray
Rent?
9:00 AM Mr. Silver
"Help out if you're going to stay.  That's your rent."
Mrs. Silver threw in "And if you happen to run across stuff like gold coins or whatever, let us know."
9:02 AM Mr. Gray
LOL
Nice addition.
9:06 AM Mr. Silver
But we said stuff like "Stay out of the bedroom and bathroom.  You can teach Silver Jr. stuff but don't scare him.  Don't break or hide stuff.” When we got the cat we added "play with him all you want but don't hurt him."
9:13 AM Mr. Gray
Good idea.
I need to remember these.
9:22 AM Mr. Silver
Stinkbugs...People that get them are essentially cursed.
So when we spotted one on the porch, followed by two in the living room couch on the same day..."AUGH!!!!!"
But Mrs. Silver talked to the boy in the attic about it: "If you can get them all to go away, we'll give you some Matchbox cars."
He told her he'd try.
No more stinkbugs...Matchbox cars delivered as promised.
9:27 AM Mr. Silver
Meanwhile we had friends who started with a few like that and they ended up fighting them in hundreds.



7:40 AM Mr. Silver
I couldn't figure out the cake...
Every wedding I've been to, people swarm in to watch the couple cut the cake.
7:42 AM Mr. Amethyst
LOL Not us! I didn’t want to cut ours, or eat it! lol
7:42 AM Mr. Silver
"There's no swarming?"
(Mrs. Silver) "Odd."
"Maybe nobody understood to swarm in, and now that they've missed the starting gun no one wants to be first."
A story I told another guest -
8:43 AM Mr. Silver
Years ago at a former job, a co-worker who'd been a missionary in Mexico got married down there.  When it came time for the cake, they were instructed to mash the cake.
But they didn't want to mash the cake.
They were told it's really bad luck not to mash the cake!
But they didn't WANNA mash the cake!
You GOTTA MASH IT! 
(They try to just eat the cake and get swarmed)
"MASH THE CAKE!"
"MAKE THEM MASH THE CAKE!"
"BAD LUCK!  PUSH THEIR HANDS!!!"
8:43 AM Mr. Amethyst
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA



Mr. Brown
I love the otters picture in this one http://imgur.com/gallery/n8u6g
He is getting attacked by otters!
12:56 PM Mr. Silver
I'd like to subscribe to "Women In Torn Red Shirts Life".
Those are very sprightly turtles in #1.
1:03 PM Mr. Brown
1:20 PM Mr. Silver
I wonder what ever happened to these quality publications.
The liberation movement, perhaps?
1:20 PM Mr. Brown
“I don't wear a bra!” the women say, “so don't put me on the cover of a magazine getting attacked!”
1:25 PM Mr. Silver
The Black Priestess of Varda seems to be handling herself well.
I'm sure the mile-high split skirt, metal bra and lacy shoes are strictly ceremonial.
1:28 PM Mr. Blue
Hips and waistlines were different then.
1:29 PM Mr. Brown
The bug lady is funny. “Cult of the Witch Queen”.
1:32 PM Mr. Silver
Apparently it's good to be the queen. She's the only happy woman on any of these covers...or on Mans Life.
1:46 PM Mr. Brown
Good story topic: “Can women justify their need for EXTRA-MARITAL RELATIONS?”
1:46 PM Ms. Amethyst
I can't.  I'm happy where I’m at.   I don't need extra.
1:47 PM Mr. Brown
Well now is when you could do it the best. You won't get pregnant again!
LOL
Had to say it!
LOL
1:48 PM Mr. Silver
(silence)
Well...you didn't have to say that...
1:50 PM Ms. Amethyst
LOL
I’ll pass.
1:50 PM Mr. Silver
I felt no compulsion to say that, myself. Any insight for when you have to kill someone Mr. Brown? Or the prime moment to steal cheese, perhaps?
                                 (Meanwhile, on the other side – Mr. Silver)
Mr. Silver
Good old Mr. Brown...
1:55 PM Ms. Amethyst
LOL
2:01 PM Mr. Silver
He's good for the occasional embarrassing clunker.
2:01 PM Ms. Amethyst
Hahaha!
2:01 PM Mr. Silver
Did I ever tell you about my edging-to-senile ex-neighbor and the gay couple a floor up?
2:02 PM Ms. Amethyst
No
2:02 PM Mr. Silver
She and the one guy hit it off and he'd help her with yard work and stuff. They'd sit on the porch and chat and enjoy drinks in the evening and such.
2:04 PM Mr. Silver
We were all chatting one day about trips and people we'd known, and she blurts out
"If you ever go down to Florida, you should look up gay!" 
We all stopped talking.
Eyes kinda popped.
Everyone sat up a bit stiffer in our seats.
2:06 PM Ms. Amethyst
Ohhhh boy
2:06 PM Mr. Silver
It was uncomfortably quiet...the conversation was killed.
And then she said:
"She's so nice!  You'd really like her!"
2:07 PM Ms. Amethyst
Hahahhaahahahaha!



Mr. Brown
Nice job, Lowes.
http://abcnews.go.com/US/wireStory/backlash-lowes-ads-pulled-muslim-show-15135776#.Tukgf1ZdDLQ
12:35 PM Mr. Silver
"Lowes bows to the wishes of small group of stupid intolerant people -- irritated by a show they certainly didn't watch that highlights that group's stupidity and intolerance -- by becoming stupid and intolerant."
12:47 PM Mr. Brown
LOL
Exactly.



2:55 PM Mr. Brown
That’s cool.
2:59 PM Mr. Silver
Pass. I love unique-looking weapons, but that one always left me bleh.
3:01 PM Mr. Gray
Not to mention the high risk of shooting yourself while digging for change.
3:02 PM Mr. Brown
Very low accuracy and range.
3:07 PM Mr. Silver
"Comes complete with a tiny penknife in case you are attacked by unsharpened pencils or goose quills."
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