491 - Historic Tales Of Trite Violence

[1:18 PM] 

I bugged your mom in her office for the last time...was fun.

[1:19 PM]  Mr. Blue: 

heh

[1:24 PM] 

Will be writing a new novel

"Title", by "Whatsername"

[1:29 PM]  Mr. Blue: 

Who, my mom?

[1:29 PM] 

One of us...not sure which

We started talking about writing

She "I think it's cool that we have someone who published here and is promoting her book...uhhh... ..."

"You mean Whatsername?" 

"Yeah!"

"And her book ... … called...?"

"Uhhh... "

"No idea either."

"I wonder why that is."

"She's not famous yet?  If she or the book becomes famous, we'll be able to say 'We knew Whatsername before she wrote...'Title'."

"LOL"

"That's a great gimmick.  One of us should write a book: 'Title' by Whatsername.  Sell a million.  Every time no one can think of a title or author they'll think of it."

"What's it about?"

"It's about 'Story', of course!"

[1:58 PM]  Mr. Blue: 

I assume it's self published right?

[1:58 PM] 

Whatsername's?  No, I think she got a real publisher.

I recall looking it up and not being very interested in the pitch

[2:01 PM]  Mr. Blue: 

Zone 48 is shocked when an Opposition assassin begins mudering members of the all powerful Council. Captain Montgomery Smails and Councilman Geoffrey Alto set out to find the killer after Geoffrey's wife is falsely named as an accessory. But the assassin - and the council itself - are not what they seem. Neither, as it turns out, is Smail's daughter.

1 rating - 5 out of 5 by definitely-not-the-author

[2:03 PM] 

"Nor is the janitor or the woman at the cafe what they seem.  The All Powerful Council - located at the All Powerful Council Building - has been plagued by problems since the author started taking notes."

"Strategically placed in The City - capital of The United Territories - the All Powerful Council Building was built by The Builders exactly 1000 years ago."

[2:04 PM]  Mr. Blue: 

How "all powerful" can they be if they're so easily killed?

"Wow! I can't believe this character you just tagged for me on the back of the paperback is not what she seems."

[2:08 PM] 

Nor is the Opposition assassin or the council. The apparent protagonist is icing.

[2:09 PM]  Mr. Blue: 

see that's why i could never write a book

I'm just better at cutting down other people's work

[2:09 PM] 

"Can one angsty teen girl solve the Zone 48 mystery before it's too late and I run out of pages?  Well...no. I planned a trilogy of course!"

“And what is the secret reason the all powerful Council is in charge of Zone 48 instead of Zone 1?”

[2:14 PM]  Mr. Blue: 

"You'll have to read to find out!"

[2:19 PM]  Mr. Brown: 

I'm a little lost here

lol

[2:20 PM] 

Where?

[2:20 PM]  Mr. Brown: 

This story thing

I'm not sure who you're talking about. Or what

lol

[2:20 PM] 

Someone at Katzenjammer published a novel. And it wasn't me.

[2:20 PM]  Mr. Brown: 

Sounds like you guys read it

[2:21 PM] 

No.  Mr. Blue found the blurb on it and we were making fun of it.

[2:21 PM]  Mr. Brown: 

ah

So you remember who wrote it?

[2:22 PM] 

I didn't...thus the "whatsername" conversation way up there.

[2:22 PM]  Mr. Brown: 

This person still work here?

[2:29 PM]  Mr. Blue: 

I think it's X

[2:31 PM]  Mr. Brown: 

(Amazon book link)

Yes. There are two books showing up.

[2:32 PM] 

On the other hand, she has two more than me out there...so brava!

[2:32 PM]  Mr. Brown: 

lol

So the one for Zone 48 - did it reveal too much in the quick read or something?

lol

So I don't need to read it?

[2:34 PM] 

Well...apparently nothing is what it seems.

So whatever opinion you form from the summary will be wrong anyway.

[9:11 AM] 

“Escape From New York” last night.  Part of the lad's continuing education.

[9:11 AM]  Mr. Blue: 

(y)

[9:11 AM] 

"Whatcha think?"

"Kinda of scary real since I could see that happening."

Malcolm showed symptoms of anthropology last night.  Must be genetic.

"How'd the Duke get to be in charge?"

"Because he's a total badass, I think."

"Must have the largest gang."

"Except the Crazies, but I don't know if you can call them a gang."

"I wonder how many gangs there are."

"Well...there's room for millions of prisoners, technically."

"Could be a lot.  Wonder how they are getting supplies."

[9:23 AM]  Mr. McGreen: 

or he'll be one of those guys that obsesses over a certain movie and comes up with crazy elaborate theories

he'll have a couple of those cork boards with photos and articles connected by string

The actress from that movie is hotter as an old lady than she was then.

[9:26 AM]  Mr. Blue: 

Adrienne Barbeau?

Director's wife

[9:26 AM]  Mr. McGreen: 

yeah

[9:27 AM]  Mr. Blue: 

She was in "The Thing" as the voice of the computer

[9:27 AM]  Mr. McGreen: 

I always thought that computer was sexy...

Her hair was awful

But now as an old lady shes with the times

Rrraaaaaooowwww

[9:46 AM] 

Thought so...looked up to be sure.

Jamie Lee Curtis is uncredited as the narrator and prison announcer at the beginning.

[9:48 AM]  Mr. Blue: 

Ahh

I'm good with voices but never noticed

[9:49 AM] 

All the couple dozen times I saw it in part or full, I didn't catch her til last night

[9:56 AM]  Mr. McGreen: 

I feel like Russel could still play Snake

[10:25 AM] 

(Scene opens...Maximum security retirement home...camera advances through crowd to focus on Snake Plissken, playing Snakes and Ladders with Rambo)

"Yo, I saved that kitten's ass.  I'm goin' up up up dis ladder."

(Antihero rasp) "Oh no... I'm going down, down, down..."

"Ey, you steal MY cookies and break MY jar, you're goin' down, Snake."

[9:41 AM] 

This company's hold music sounds like the sort of soundtrack you'd get in a town in Final Fantasy on NES

[9:42 AM]  Mr. Blue: 

Yesterday I called a client's office and the hold music was conservative talk radio

at a deafening volume.

"Let me get the settings, hold on a second."

"Okay."

"THOSE LIBERAL YAHOOS WANNA COME INTO YOUR HOME AND TAKE YOUR GUNS!"

[9:43 AM] 

Please. It's YER

[10:18 AM] 

Speaking of violence and the good old days: 

(as we have recently)

https://aeon.co/essays/why-has-england-lost-its-medieval-taste-for-violence

"As depicted in the 80s film "Oxford Bruise" starring Rob Lowe."

[10:30 AM]  Mr. Blue: 

So there are about 20 countries with murder rates higher than Medieval England

You'd still be safer in 1300s Oxford than modern day El Salvadore

[10:36 AM]  Mr. McGreen: 

Someone in Receivable is from San Salvadore, i think they were the murder capital of the world at one point

Is that the same place tho?  I keep reading and it looks interchangeable

No, i'm just stupid. San is the capital of El

[10:40 AM] 

El Salvador... The Savior

San Salvador... Saint Savior? 

Sans Salvador... No one can save you. 

Comic Sans Salvador... No one can save this font

My...uh...sister thinks I have Asperger’s for some reason...

[8:13 AM] 

So considering it's looking like everything in the embarrassing Trump dossier is proving to be true as the claims are checked out...does this mean that one day school kids will get to read about the Trump's Russian pee party in their history class?

[8:17 AM]  Mr. McGreen: 

(music) “I don't want no Trump, a Trump is a guy who cant get no votes from me...”

[8:34 AM] 

"Tweeting from the President side of his dad's free ride...try'n to blame all on me?”

[8:34 AM]  Mr. Blue: 

lol

[8:35 AM]  Mr. McGreen: 

Perfect, i was stuck

[8:39 AM] 

"No... I don't want yer 'Merica.

“No... I don't wanna give you mine, and ...

“No... I don't wanna coddle the alt-right.

“No... I don't want none of your whine."

490 - Passing On Dyatlov, Yuri, And Gold

[9:06 AM]  Mr. Brown: 

I saw a show this morning that was talking about the Dyatlov Pass Incident

Another theory, that the tribes there killed them

Also another theory was avalanche

[9:14 AM]  Mr. Blue: 

the Dyatlov Pass thing has a lot of misinformation

A lot of stuff isn't corroborated... like the radiation stuff

i think it was something internal.. a fight in the tent... everyone panicked... then maybe got disoriented and hypothermia set in

[9:18 AM]  Mr. McGreen: 

Somebody farted and they had to get out quick

[9:19 AM]  Mr. Brown: 

Well the tent was colapsed under snow, so some think a small avalanche occurred

It covered it, they cut out, some were injured.

Then they got cold and disoriended

disoriented

[9:19 AM] 

I reckon...

(catching up)

[9:20 AM]  Mr. Blue: 

Its been a while since i read about it

I just remember the more i dug the more simplistic it sounded

no animal tracks, just human

[9:20 AM] 

Yup

[9:21 AM]  Mr. McGreen: 

Have they ruled out sasquatches?

[9:21 AM] 

Sherlock Holmes - "Very simple, Watson.  They got cold and died of hypothermia complications."

Watson - "By jove!  That simple, eh?"

Holmes – "Its quite elementary.  Hypothermia, aliens and the Russian nuclear program account for everything."

Watson - "Errr...but..."

Holmes - "I see you're confused.  Let's begin with the yeti."

Watson - "The yeti? Aren't they thousands of miles from here if they exist at all?"

Holmes - "Ah...but you are forgetting the Vimana... the flying machines of ancient India."

Watson - "You've been in my medicines again, haven't you?"

Holmes, stripping off his suit - "Nonsense!"

[9:26 AM]  Mr. Blue: 

heh

[9:27 AM]  Mr. Brown: 

one factor is strange - why run a radiation test unless you suspected it was involved somehow?

[9:28 AM]  Mr. Blue: 

there's no evidence anyone tested for radiation

[9:28 AM] 

Because they were cooking in the sun and the recovery team was interested.

Or...Mr. Blue's version, more likely

[9:28 AM]  Mr. Blue: 

Besides it was Russia in the late 50s... everyone was irradiated

[9:29 AM] 

By then I imagine so.

Same as everyone in the civilized world had lead poisoning from the gasoline

[9:30 AM]  Mr. Brown: 

Right

Its just strange that somebody would accidentaly put that in the report..

[9:30 AM]  Mr. Blue: 

I think it was added in later

[9:36 AM]  Mr. Brown: 

I just realized there was three Yuri's in that group

[9:37 AM] 

"I dunno, Igor.  I've had a bad premonition about this trip all week.  Something is wrong." 

"Like what, Zinaida?" 

"WE ARE YURI?"

"I dunno...It's just an impression.  Like one of us is...abnormal or something."

"WE ARE YURI?"

"You suspect one of us is behind all the...weird stuff?"

"WE ARE YURI."

"I agree with the Yuri's...there's nothing wrong, we just need to stick together and get through tonight."

[9:38 AM]  Mr. Blue: 

So something compelled them *all* to leave the tent en mass in the middle of the night, unclothed

It'd be weird if it was only a few that went nyuts.. because the sane ones would've stayed behind.

But they all seemingly panicked and ran out into the snow then got lost and all died.

Some seemed like they were trying to get back to the tent before they died

[9:39 AM]

Nyet! They were nyot nyuts.

[9:39 AM]  Mr. McGreen: 

They were all hopped up on the devils lettuce

[9:39 AM]  Mr. Brown: 

It definitely was  not salubrious of them

[9:40 AM]  Mr. McGreen: 

why did they have no clothes on?  Wasnt it cold in those tents?

[9:40 AM] 

Late stage hypothermia - Feeling overheated

[9:41 AM]  Mr. Brown: 

All the blood moves to organs then in the last stage rushes out through extremities

[9:41 AM] 

"Russian investigators also found that a few were holding poker hands, and most of the clothes were in a pile in the middle of the bodies."

[9:41 AM]  Mr. Blue: 

I think they had on long johns and such

they were dressed warm but weren't dressed for the outdoors

also some of them were less clothed because they died and the others took their clothes off and put it on themselves

So the mystery is what caused them *all* to panic and run out, and then not make it back.

They were experienced hikers so they would've understood the risks of running out without proper gear

[9:45 AM]  Mr. Brown: 

Right probably a bear

lol

[9:45 AM]  Mr. Blue: 

no tracks

[9:45 AM]  Mr. Brown: 

Bearalanche

new movie for SciFy

"Bearalanche: The Story of the Dyatlov Pass"

The bear creates avalanches to diorient his victmes and cover up his tracks

[9:50 AM]  Mr. McGreen: 

i read about a guy who was hired to protect an early detection site in alaska from polar bears.  i guess those bears are lethal hunters who will legitimately stalk you for weeks

[9:50 AM]  Mr. Blue: 

it wasn't really an avalanch-y area

the Ural mountains are like the Appalachians

[9:54 AM]  Mr. Brown: 

Then it was a frostbear with powers of cold

[9:56 AM] 

And an ancient Indian flying machine

[9:57 AM]  Mr. Brown: 

Or Yuri caught Yuri with Zinaida and the other Yuri was on the one Yuri's side and they attacked Yuri and everybody else got involved

They should make Dyatlov Pass Incident into a soap opera

[10:00 AM]  Mr. McGreen: 

Ice opera

[10:01 AM]  Mr. Brown: 

Zinaida "Yuri, I just don't know what to do about Yuri"

haha

I can't get off this three Yuri's thing

[10:03 AM]  Mr. Blue: 

The Three Yuris

[10:03 AM]  Mr. Brown: 

My Three Yuris

Three Yuris and a Baby 

[10:04 AM] 

"Yuri'n big trouble if you go out there."

"Yuri'n big trouble if you try to stop me!"

"Yuri'n-sane!  All of you...ri!"

[10:05 AM]  Mr. Blue: 

Maybe there really was a Yuri power struggle

[10:06 AM]  Mr. Brown: 

I was thinking that

Although Igor was in charge

“And that's when Yuri stood up and shouted 'there can only be one'!”

[10:07 AM] 

Two Yuris decapitated, the rest of the group electrocuted, the third Yuri frozen in place looking like this: http://www.engdynasty.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/09/Highlander-quickening.jpg

[1:00 PM]  Mr. McGreen: 

Uh oh, meeting with the boss tomorrow at noon

They fire people on Fridays

[1:00 PM] 

The Cure's "Friday I'm Unemployed"

[1:02 PM]  Mr. Brown: 

haha

nope any day

they don't care what day if the employee is realy bad

[1:03 PM]  Mr. McGreen: 

no i have another job

"less employed"

[1:06 PM] 

Well as a general thing

My last day working Hoss's way back was a Friday night special.

Unfortunately for the manager I walked in and one of the guys said "Oh, I thought you got fired."

[1:07 PM]  Mr. McGreen: 

lol

[1:08 PM] 

Figured out the "keep him through the busiest night of the week" scam and about 10 mins later we were yelling at each other about what an asshole he was in his office for about 40 minutes.

I got the couple hundred bucks of "guaranteed raise" he'd never made good on when i agreed to come back when he'd begged...cash from his wallet...and was gone.

"I really miss the general manager before you.  He wasn't a useless lying ignorant pig."

...anyway...a good and bad day.

I'm sure the customers could hear

[1:13 PM]  Mr. Blue: 

Fridays are always firing day

[1:13 PM]  Mr. McGreen: 

thats what i thought too

i dont remember if Ty was on a friday

[1:14 PM]  Mr. Blue: 

Harry's demotion was a Friday

I've never been fired from anywhere.. this is my only job

[1:15 PM]  Mr. McGreen: 

This would be my first firing

[1:17 PM]  Mr. Blue: 

usually though, they don't tell you about the meeting to fire you a day beforehand

At least i wouldn't

It's usually "hey get up you have a meeting right now"

[1:17 PM]  Mr. McGreen: 

oh ok

[1:17 PM]  Mr. Blue: 

Why give someone 24 hours to stew or even do something nefarious

[1:19 PM] 

(McGreen's meeting) "We asked you in to offer you this bar of gold if you'll stay."

[1:19 PM]  Mr. McGreen: 

Money couldnt keep me at this point

“Later fellas!”

[1:43 PM] 

Silly man

A gold bar is worth about $520,000 currently

I'd stay on for a gold bar

Kinda makes James Bomb look more awesome with him keeping his grip on two bars of gold and swinging up trying to break open the locked nuke lid at the end of Goldfinger.

Bond

[1:57 PM]  Mr. Blue: 

Yeah they're like 27 lbs. each apparently

12 kilos

[1:57 PM] 

And they don't come with handles

[1:58 PM]  Mr. Blue: 

"The name's Bomb... James Bomb."