[12:47
PM] Mr. Blue:
Guy
in break area complaining that doctors tell him he can't have too
much salt, but he can't have too little either.
Like..
that goes for everything bozo
"No
ascorbic acid gave me scurvy, but a pound of it made my kidneys
fail! You can't win!!"
[12:50
PM]
Yup
"Found
out everything life has to have to survive is toxic if you get too
much of it. WTF?"
[12:52
PM] Mr. Brown:
Dude,
you should try drinking too much water!
LOL
Takes
care of the salt problem!
[12:53
PM]
Heh
[12:53
PM] Mr. Blue:
That
was a Norm MacDonald bit on Weekend Update
"Research
now suggests that a glass of wine a day may be beneficial to your
health. That same research shows, however, that 2 glasses of
wine a day is DEADLY POISON."
[audience
doesn't respond] "So ahh y'know... watch your intake with the,
uhh, wine there."
[12:54
PM] Mr. Brown:
He
probably has high blood pressure
Doctor
“You need to watch your salt.”
Sits
staring at a salt shaker deep into the night, wondering when something will happen.
[12:55
PM] Mr. Blue:
Yet
zero salt will kill you
[12:55
PM] Mr. Brown:
Yep
[12:55
PM]
Brian
Regan, pantomiming eating breakfast while watching TV... News ad
comes on. "There's a food that can kill you, and you might
be eating it right now! Tune in at 6 for all the details!"
(stops with mouth open and spoon half raised).
[12:55
PM] Mr. Blue:
lol
[12:55
PM]
"Could
you...tell us now? 'Cause... (looks at spoon)"
[12:56
PM] Mr. Brown:
I
love that stuff on the news
“Something
in your house could kill you right now...we'll
tell you what tonight at 11!”
It's
10am, damn it! I can't survive till 11!
[1:33
PM]
Commercial
on in the break room - "Heart Failure"
Disease
of the Walking Dead?
It
is basically a two word definition of “dead”.
If
your heart actually fails, you don't keep going.
It
needs a better name.
"Do
you suffer from Heart Failure? Trouble getting out of your pine
box or off the slab at midnight? Your mortician or local
necromancer can help!"
"You
may benefit from new Voodootrin UL."
[1:35
PM] Mr. Brown:
Heart
WTF-YOU-DOIN'-TO-ME Condition
[1:37
PM]
"Our
new gentle formula calls a motive anima from the netherworld to give
new unlife to your failed heart."
(smiling
active grandma type) "With my Heart Failure, I had no appetite,
zero mobility, and negative brain function. Voodootrin UL couldn't
fix my heart - because it failed - but now I've got a spring in my
step and an insatiable taste for the flesh and souls of the living!"
[1:51
PM] Mr. Brown:
Heart
Failing?
[1:54
PM]
"Voodootrin
UL should not be taken by women who are pregnant, wishing to
become pregnant, wishing to have a functioning heart, or anyone
currently alive. Common side effects include a 100% chance of
causing the heart to fail."
Mr.
Blue must be on a good case. I didn't expect him to let this game
roll past
[2:00
PM] Mr. Blue:
I
couldn't come up with anything
Just
wasn't in my wheelhouse, I guess
[2:00
PM] Mr. Brown:
Voodootrin
UL when taken with Corpsetrin XL may cause unwanted flesh loss. Tell
your doctor immediately about symptoms of gut inflation or dripping
lesions
[12:12
PM] Mr. Blue:
WPXI
story on Facebook:
"GRAY
DEATH" -- The synthetic drug that can kill on contact has
arrived in our state. A mother has been arrested for dealing it
out of her home.
My
friend just commented "Finally!"
I
think he was just joking.
[12:12
PM]
:-D
[12:12
PM] Mr. Brown:
HAHAHA
[12:14
PM]
Get
me in the queue for a recreational drug called Gray Death.
I
missed out on "Executioner", "Brian Asphyxia" and
"Lethal Neurotoxin Fun".
… You
know...as long as I was gonna fix the other typos in that line, I
might have fixed Brian too. Yet...it's funny.
[12:16
PM] Mr. Blue:
"Gorilla
Panic"
"Lasting
Coma"
[12:22
PM] Mr. Brown:
Gorilla
Coma
[12:24
PM]
"Voodootrin
UL"
(Dealer)
"Here you go. Best high I've ever seen."
(Junky)
"This is an empty syringe filled with air."
(Dealer)
"10 bucks."
(Junky)
"Only Ten? And this won't cause an embolism?"
(Dealer)
"Well...that's what it's called. But nah, you'll be fine."
(Junky)
"I'll take 3."
[12:30
PM] Mr. Brown:
So
they're taking elephant tranquilizers mixed with other drugs? Wow.
Big kick.
To
death.
“Take
this - I call it Pink Elephant
“Why
do you call it that? Cute hallucinations?”
“'cause
your nose grows and you turn pink before you die.”
[12:35
PM] Mr. Blue:
Interesting
strategy, killing your customer base.
[9:52
AM] Mr. Brown:
“Triplets”
I
would watch that just because
[9:54
AM]
Ugh
[9:55
AM] Mr. Blue:
The
third brother is Eddie Murphy?
[9:55
AM] Mr. Brown:
I'm
guessing so
They
were messing with genetics
LOL
[10:06
AM]
(Project
head to Danny and Arnold) "Well...the issue is that in early
testing, your triplet was as funny as you two. Funnier, even.
He seemed unstable, though, and was separated from the project for
observation. He...uh...well. Let's just have him in and
you can meet him yourself. This might be a bit of a shock."
[10:07
AM] Mr. Brown:
It
would be interesting seeing how they write a triplet into the story, 'cause
they could flub that hardcore.
[10:09
AM]
(One
year later)
"The
direct to video Eddie Murphy film will be titled "Quintuplets",
and feature clip flashbacks of him embarrassing Danny and Arnold in
“Triplets”. Eddie will be reprising his character from
“Triplets”, as well as an obese brother and sassy sister."
"In
Cringe-o-Vision"
[10:09
AM] Mr. Blue:
It
would be better if it was a woman
Maybe
Wanda Sykes or something
[10:10
AM]
Perhaps.
[10:10
AM] Mr. Brown:
She's
short too.
Only
one big baby
[10:10
AM]
And
DeVito would still end up as the shortest, so that's OK.
[10:11
AM] Mr. Blue:
Remember
that movie I always ask about where it's like, a train on Mars?
I
found it
“Spacehunter: Adventures in the Forbidden Zone”
[10:16
AM]
I
recall seeing it. And remembered the title and Molly Ringwald
in it.
I've
forgotten everything else entirely.
[10:17
AM] Mr. Blue:
I
just always remember watching a movie as a kid that was on some
Mars-like planet with a broken down train.
[10:19
AM]
Ah,
sweet memories of youth.
“Planet
Californiadeserta”
People
always settle where the water is, though you can hardly tell from
these movies since they love putting them on Californiadeserta
Lot
of movies from those decades are set on Californiadeserta
What
if they were all plots taking place at the same time?
These
are things I think about.
I'd
ask your permission to explain, but you know I'd just ramble forward
anyway
Thing
is...planets and stuff are pretty big.
It
was already something I wondered about and looked up – I found out
that Mad Max inspired Escape from New York.
And I thought:
"All
the post-apocalypse films could be happening over the course of a
couple decades on Earth at the same time. It's
not like these people have or will EVER have contact with each other."
Conan
the Barbarian could be post apocalypse. Who'd know?
“Between
the time when the oceans drank Atlantis,
and the rise of the sons of Aryas, there was an age undreamed of.“
– Ok...Atlantis was in ancient times, so when was the rise of the
sons of Aryas? 17000AD?
In
fact, Oliver Stone's script for Conan the Barbarian WAS post
apocalyptic.
Apparently
he was high as a kite while working on it...
But most of it looks like it takes place on Californiadeserta.
[10:23
AM] Mr. Blue:
Or, in that case, Iberiadeserta
It's
always weird when whole planets have ONE ecosystem
Even
back in the day, astronomers thought Venus was a swamp.
Like...
the whole damn planet?
[10:25
AM]
Yes...the
whole planet ecosystem is fun. I mean some can make some
sense.
Hoth as an ice ball.
Arrakis as a desert.
But
Endor?
An
entire temperate planet?
Yavin
4 is implied to be entirely jungle
Naboo
appears to be entirely groomed parkland
[10:26
AM] Mr. Blue:
Heh
[10:27
AM]
"We're
lost! Hundreds of miles from civilization!"
"How
do you know?"
"The
topiary and ornamental plants ran out hours ago."
"Oh
my GOD! These are, like, wild growth bushes!"
"Yes!
Except for the trimmed lawn, we're in the wilderness!"
