519 - "But Baby I'm Living Off The Fat Of The Land"

[11:14 AM]  Mr. Brown.: 

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-5167633/Is-Baby-Cold-Outside-song-rape.html

[11:46 AM] 

"But baby I'm cold and calculating inside."

"IIIIIIIIIII hid your coat, I'm cold as ice..."

"Does this smell like chlor-o-form to you?...."

I'm assuming - considering the current movement - that this is the last year we'll be hearing that song except as a rarity.

[12:00 PM]  Mr. Blue: 

I don't know if I've heard the whole thing ever in my life

maybe bits on hold music

[12:00 PM]  Mr. McGreen: 

i think ive heard the whole thing by the bits ive heard on hold music and in stores

[12:01 PM]  Mr. Brown.: 

Its just a guy trying to get his girlfriend to stay over

She came to visit him (unexpectedly, even – Mr. Silver).

They'd already been having drinks and she asks for another one.

(She asks for a cigarette even though she doesn't smoke – Mr. Silver)

She's only worried that people are going to find out.

It's not actually rapey

But it sounds like it is if you just pick lines out.

[12:01 PM]  Mr. McGreen: 

No it was still rapey

lol

Just the times were different. It was more acceptable?

Well, I wouldn't say rapey, almost just pathetic

[12:01 PM]  Mr. Blue: 

"Because of the implication"

[12:01 PM] 

"Wait...are you talking about hurting women???"

[12:01 PM]  Mr. McGreen: 

?

[12:01 PM] 

(Always Sunny in Philadelphia)

[12:01 PM]  Mr. McGreen: 

Dude, she doesn't want to stay

[12:02 PM] 

...riiiight

And then she asks for another drink

[12:02 PM]  Mr. McGreen: 

She points out there could be something in her drink

"hey i need to go home"
"nah, drink more"

[12:03 PM] 

Read the lyrics.

[12:03 PM]  Mr. Brown.: 

But baby its cold outside and i burned your coat

[12:03 PM]  Mr. Blue: 

"Why are there so many locks on your door."
"...I...want you to feel safe.."

[12:03 PM] 

"I've got to go 'way..."

"But baby I've locked the doors..."

[12:04 PM]  Mr. McGreen: 

"i really need to get home..."
"But baby I have your dog."
"what?"
"sit down"

[12:04 PM] 

"This ev'ning has been..."  "Your doom"  "...so very niiiice..."

[12:05 PM]  Mr. Blue: 

In the song he gets to about the first N in the DENNIS System

[12:05 PM] 

Unfamiliar (looks)

That's quite the system

[12:09 PM]  Mr. Brown.: 

Negging

[12:06 PM]  Mr. McGreen: 

I just read the system but can't figure out what that could possibly be intended for

[12:10 PM] 

It's intended to appall anyone who watches Always Sunny who isn't a psychopath

[12:11 PM]  Mr. McGreen: 

Trying to pick up chicks is the worst thing ever

I learned that soon in school so when i went out i just went out to get hammered

[12:11 PM]  Mr. Brown.: 

Yeah I sucked at it

[12:11 PM]  Mr. McGreen: 

Did you have a molestache then?

[12:12 PM]  Mr. Brown.: 

No

I looked like a 12 year old

[12:12 PM]  Mr. McGreen: 

If i end up breaking up with Mrs. McGreen at any point, i'm just gonna try for hookups with cougars

[12:13 PM]  Mr. Brown.: 

lol

When i did finally figure out talking to women I ended up with the wrong one

lol

[12:13 PM]  Mr. Blue: 

Isn't Mrs. McGreen a cougar now?

[12:13 PM]  Mr. McGreen: 

She's 25!

[12:14 PM]  Mr. Blue: 

oh okay

I dunno what a cougar is vs. a milf I guess

[12:14 PM]  Mr. Brown.: 

Cougar is an older woman who doesn't want a relationship, just sex.

lol

[12:14 PM]  Mr. Blue: 

Jesus

[12:14 PM]  Mr. Brown.: 

MILF is just a mom

[12:14 PM]  Mr. McGreen: 

No, its a “Mom I'd Like to Fuck”

[12:15 PM]  Mr. Brown.: 

Correct

[12:15 PM]  Mr. McGreen: 

There's plenty of moms i do not want to fuck

[12:15 PM]  Mr. Brown.: 

That was supposed to implied by the conversation

[12:15 PM]  Mr. McGreen: 

lol

[12:15 PM]  Mr. Brown.: 

Everybody has their own version of a MILF

[12:15 PM]  Mr. McGreen: 

yeah, even Bart's ex found someone that wants her

[12:17 PM]  Mr. Blue: 

Is she bad?

[12:17 PM]  Mr. McGreen: 

from what i saw I'd say yes, a hard "bad"

[12:18 PM]  Mr. Brown.: 

Personality chick

lol

[12:18 PM]  Mr. McGreen: 

she sounds like she refuses to work and is lazy AF

More like a "i'm insanely drunk or high, lets do it" than personality.

[12:19 PM]  Mr. Brown.: 

I always had the wrong chicks hitting on me

Well according to what i liked lol

[12:21 PM]  Mr. Blue: 

Every fat girl i ever met instantly had a thing for me

maybe they just do that with everyone

[12:21 PM]  Mr. McGreen: 

they may think you're nice enough to look past it

[12:22 PM]  Mr. Blue: 

nope

i mean there's big and then there's fat

[12:22 PM]  Mr. McGreen: 

Yes

i appreciate curvy more as i get older

Mrs McGreen is kinda going fat

[12:23 PM]  Mr. Brown.: 

I have always liked curvy

but i have a point that is no longer curvy

always liked short too

but somehow ended up with a taller woman

[12:23 PM]

Its no mystery.   Mrs. Brown selected you, you walked right in, and it was all over.

[12:24 PM]  Mr. McGreen: 

i wish telling someone they are fat wasn't so taboo. You could be doing that person a favor.

Get enough people telling you not to worry about your weight, then youre not gonna worry and that cardiac event is gonna happen sooner rather than later

Like that model Tess Holiday claiming its perfectly fine to be ginormous. 

No no no no no.  

Young ladies, that is NOT the best lifestyle to pursue. 

[12:24 PM] 

"Barbershop" - There's a woman with a big ass...and then there's a big-assed woman.

[12:24 PM]  Mr. Brown.: 

lol

[12:35 PM] 

Visions of my sightings of “Bawanga Kong”

A Bigfoot indeed.  Wasn't curvy...  Wide, and impressed as 7' tall.

Someone like that living back in the day would inspire tales of giants.

[12:37 PM]  Mr. Blue: 

I like those transformation stories that are like "i was bullied for being fat! Look at me NOW!"

So... the bullying worked?

[12:38 PM] 

(Cosmo) "New Bullying Diet!  Page 37!"

[12:38 PM]  Mr. McGreen: 

lol

[12:38 PM]  Mr. Blue: 

Hire me and I'll come over and insult you

[12:39 PM]  Mr. McGreen: 

"That bully saved my life!"

[11:03 AM]  Mr. Brown.: 

Bart literally made a circle back to eat more cookies

[11:05 AM]  Mr. Blue: 

Can you believe he's being considered for (position)?

[11:05 AM]  Mr. Brown.: 

I'm wondering how long he will last there.

(Side note, he didn't even last a week at Katzenjammer after cameras were put up to monitor cafeteria food...as predicted – Mr. Silver)

[11:07 AM]  Mr. McGreen: 

Maybe they realized him talking to clients is a liability

So hes actually being considered eh?

I think that's a pay cut though

I mean, i'm taking a pay cut for my new job...but i can afford it.

Sounds like he cant afford to live on what he currently makes

[11:09 AM]  Mr. Blue: 

I imagine him talking to people at corporate is going to be an even greater liability

[11:13 AM]  Mr. McGreen: 

I believe he can handle the tasks of the job, he's just gonna piss everyone off in the process

[11:15 AM]  Mr. Brown.: 

yes

I can hear me talking to him for something simple on the phone

“I'm not trying to argue with you”

[11:16 AM]  Mr. McGreen: 

lol

[11:27 AM]  Mr. Blue: 

Ned said during Thanksgiving they had to setup a buffet guard downstairs so he wouldn't go and get 2nd and 3rd helpings

Specifically for him and nobody else

[11:27 AM]  Mr. Brown.: 

Yes he told me that

He had to go and watch him

He fills up for the week if there's free food in reach.

[11:28 AM]  Mr. McGreen: 

Dude, if i went to eat free food at churches every night i'd be volunteering or something.

Not show up, eat, “peace guys, i'm out”

[11:30 AM]  Mr. Blue: 

What a piece of trash

[11:31 AM]  Mr. McGreen: 

Can you imagine?

"Uh sir? We are praying, can you please wait to eat till after?"

"Yeah i dont buy into that stuff, i'm good"

[11:31 AM]  Mr. Blue: 

lol

[11:33 AM] 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LtEFEdrrXc4

"More."

"I don't understand it!"

[11:34 AM]  Mr. Blue: 

heh

518 - Questionable Superheroes And A Miserly Christmas To All

[2:04 PM]  Mr. Brown.: 

I think its interesting you have to have a license to watch TV in Britain

[2:07 PM]  Mr. Blue: 

I watched TV in Britain and i didn't have a license

[2:10 PM] 

(Bobbie) "Sir, do you realize how fast you were watching?"

"Gee...ah...is there like a miles kilometer...TV thing?"

"Ignorance of the law is not an excuse sir.  American, sir?"

"Yes."

"Were you issued a traveler's TV license?"

"Well...I..."

"Step out of the recliner please.  No, don't bring your lager and crisps...just leave them on the table."

[2:12 PM]  Mr. Blue: 

i wondered why i was on Interpol's Most Wanted

[2:12 PM] 

The license is for the TV itself, not watching it, Mr. Brown

[2:13 PM]  Mr. Brown.: 

Like a subscription?

[2:13 PM] 

No

You pay to register your Cars... They pay to register their TVs...

[2:14 PM]  Mr. Brown.: 

Weird

[2:14 PM] 

They could technically interfere with each other and be a nuisance to other “television operators”...back in like the 60s-70s...

It's a money grab now.

[2:15 PM]  Mr. Brown.: 

I figured

[2:25 PM]  Mr. Blue: 

These suckers were massive https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Elephant_bird

[2:41 PM]  Mr. Brown.: 

the sexy standing lady is funny

for size comparison

Charlie's Angel decal

lol

[2:58 PM]  Mr. Blue: 

Yeah why is she standing like that?

and in high heels?

[3:00 PM]

(dramatic 70s cartoon narrator voice) "Meanwhile, Wendy, Marvin, and Wonderdog are unaware that they are about to be run down by a bevvy of barbarous birds!  Where oh where are the Superfriends?"    https://i.makeagif.com/media/6-14-2015/as7OVS.gif

[3:12 PM]  Mr. Blue: 

i started watching He Man: Masters of the Universe on Netflix

it's not good

I'm still unclear on if everyone knows Prince Adam is also He-Man or not

I don't' remember it being basically his alter-ego like Superman or Batman and thus far nobody has said they recognized him

[3:15 PM]  Mr. Brown.: 

yep

Man-At-Arms knows

[3:17 PM]  Mr. Blue: 

He doesn't even change.

His shirt comes off, that's it

No wonder they left that part out of the movie

"He-Man? Wow!  Where'd Prince Adam go?  And who was yelling 'I have the power!'? And where was all that noise and lightning coming from?"

[3:21 PM] 

"Uh oh...trouble.  Better put on my furry shorts."

[3:21 PM]  Mr. Brown.: 

And WTF was with all those hallucinations of Castle Greyskull?

[3:35 PM] 

"Hey Prince Adam, I see you and your tiger look exactly like He-Man and Battle Cat even down to that Sword of Greyskull. If it wasn't for the pink shirt you'd be a dead ringer."

[8:36 AM]  Mr. McGreen: 

Who's the nature chick from Captain Planet, is that Gaya?

[8:41 AM] 

Gaia

[8:42 AM]  Mr. McGreen: 

ah

[8:46 AM] 

The Nature Chick being the avatar, if-you-will, of the entire planet Earth as a living being.

[8:48 AM]  Mr. McGreen: 

I’m looking up captain planet episodes and it looks like he squared off against Hitler

and Hitler had some some sort of penance stare that weakened captain

[8:49 AM]  Mr. Brown.: 

See I was wondering what Hitler's other thought processes were

you know, not in front of everybody

like how far down the rabbit hole was he?

[8:50 AM]  Mr. Blue: 

I think even his hidden thoughts were well known

Probably agnostic and certainly not catholic or christian, but was smart enough to not try to eliminate such institutions since most of his supporters were probably more religious than the non-supporters. He was vegan and i think he envisioned a vegan Germania, but also understood you can't just tell Germans to stop eating meat

[8:52 AM]  Mr. Brown.: 

It's scary how smart he was about stuff

[8:52 AM]  Mr. Blue: 

He probably wasn’t that smart

[8:52 AM]  Mr. McGreen: 

Certainly charismatic

[8:52 AM]  Mr. Blue: 

yeah

[8:52 AM]  Mr. McGreen: 

could fire people up

[8:52 AM]  Mr. Brown.: 

Definitely that

[8:53 AM]  Mr. McGreen: 

he had a soft side though, he gave his autograph to Indiana Jones

[8:54 AM]  Mr. Brown.: 

In a lot of those films he seems normalish

the home movie ones

[9:01 AM] 

...guess we've moved on from me pointing out the problems of the "Heart" ring... heh

Go on one little break and we shift in one step from Captain Planet to Hitler

[9:03 AM]  Mr. McGreen: 

tee hee

[9:05 AM]  Mr. Blue: 

Godwin’s Law

[9:06 AM] 

"Ve vish to make you an offer, Kapitan Planet.  Join vis us, und ve vill make you Obergruppenfuhrer Planet!"

[9:06 AM]  Mr. Blue: 

they did enact some of the earliest environmental protection laws, but then scrapped them once the war started

[9:07 AM] 

"Observe..."  (film starts...goose-stepping legions marked with Fire, Wind, etc...)

[9:08 AM]  Mr. Blue: 

"We must push East to expand our waldsraum!"

[9:08 AM] 

"Ja....you zee the vision, now.  Today you play mit kinder.  Tomorrow, vhat greatness could you achieve?"

[9:09 AM]  Mr. Brown.: 

Hitler standing over a experimental table,  a glowing gem on a gold band sings to him. He picks it up and yells HEART.

[9:09 AM] 

(Goebbels) "You vould head ze entire Gartenmacht...after der Fuhrer of course."

[9:14 AM]  Mr. Blue: 

(Title music) "Obergruppenfuhrer Planet / He's the ubermensch / Gonna bury the Poles / In a trench"

Not a lot rhymes with mensch

[9:17 AM]  Mr. Brown.: 

So what if you broke all the gems out and put them together on one ring?

[9:18 AM]  Mr. McGreen: 

or a gauntlet of sorts...

[9:18 AM] 

https://static.comicvine.com/uploads/scale_small/0/5469/135325-7171-infinity-gauntlet.jpg

[9:19 AM]  Mr. Brown.: 

then call on the Captain and give it to him to wear himself

[9:19 AM]  Mr. McGreen: 

The power is mine, bitches! *hip thrust*

[9:21 AM] 

Hehe

[9:21 AM]  Mr. Brown.: 

Hmm. Could do a good yet bad Captain

Like he goes overboard and decides to wipe the world of the cause of pollution.

Humans

Suddenly realizes humans are the issue

[9:22 AM]  Mr. McGreen: 

Don Cheadle should make a sketch of that, Mr. Brown

[9:22 AM] 

"Earth!  Water!  Wind!  Fire!  The Force!" 

(Lucas) "The lawsuit!"

(3 months later)

"Earth!  Water!  Wind!  Fire!  Quintessence!" 

(Everyone) "What?"

(1 month later)

"Earth!  Water!  Wind!  Fire!  ...Mana?"

"Uhh..."

(1 week later)  "Earth!  Water!  Wind!  Fire!  ...(sigh) Heart..."   

[9:24 AM]  Mr. McGreen: 

I like how one week he's struggling to lift up a tree off the ground and the next he chucks an oil tanker across the ocean

Or one episode they open a container and there's 2 tigers: "oh no!"

So wind girl pushes one out of the way

"oh no, what will we do, there's another one!"

Uh, that thing you JUST did?

[9:26 AM]  Mr. Brown.: 

They are powerful enough the episodes would never need Captain Planet or be over too fast if they did not make them all inept

[9:26 AM]  Mr. McGreen: 

Yeah, they are all pretty dumb

That's who I'd give rings to

[9:26 AM]  Mr. Brown.: 

Two tigers? Hey Heart boy use your power. 

[9:27 AM]  Mr. McGreen: 

Well it was her and Fire guy,

That would've turned into a PETA lawsuit

[9:27 AM]

“So you used fire, and being an animal it ran in fear.”

“Oh. That would have been a LOT better than torching it.”

"You what!?"
"I used fire and... well..."
"You barbecued a tiger!"

[9:27 AM]  Mr. Brown.: 

WE combined our powers of Wind and Fire to make a 90s movie: BACKDRAFT!

Heart should be given to Al Pacino

Don't ask me why, just feels right

[9:35 AM] 

(thumping table in passion and frustration) "I got da power-a HART!  HART!  Whadda you got?!"

[10:04 AM] 

This is the time of year I love Ebenezer Church Rd the most

(grouchy sneering pastor walking the pews in a windowless decrepit church with an accounts book)

"Ah...the Havershams!  You still owe two pounds six on your tithe."  (holds out dish)

"But Father.  Times have been hard, and it's Christmas.  An extension, please!" 

"Two pounds six!  Is this your signature?"  

"Aye...but we're barely making it.  Next Sunday?"

(Canny glare...) "Very well.  Next Sunday...but it'll be Two pound Eleven."

"But!"

"Two pound eleven or I'll have you and yours excommunicated!  Sign here!" 

(Waits...snatches book... Next pew)  "Ackroyd... Your donation is 15 shillings."  (holds out dish)

[10:12 AM]  Mr. Blue: 

Heheh