(On moving into a haunted house – Mr. Silver)
You establish the rules right away and "they" can't complain you that didn't tell them; assert ownership right away. They are guests in a house you laid claim to.
8:56 AM Mr. Gray
Gotcha.....and giving them their own space should keep them appeased, I'd hope.
8:56 AM Mr. Silver
"You're welcome to stay, but these are the rules. Break the rules and you'll be kicked out."
8:57 AM Mr. Gray
"Others" like that is are one reason I'm happy to have a dog.
8:58 AM Mr. Silver
If weird crap starts happening, you can announce "You know the rules! If it's somebody visiting, you regulars tell them the rules."
8:58 AM Mr. Gray
Good point.
8:58 AM Mr. Silver
Mention "rent".
8:59 AM Mr. Gray
Rent?
9:00 AM Mr. Silver
"Help out if you're going to stay. That's your rent."
Mrs. Silver threw in "And if you happen to run across stuff like gold coins or whatever, let us know."
9:02 AM Mr. Gray
LOL
Nice addition.
9:06 AM Mr. Silver
But we said stuff like "Stay out of the bedroom and bathroom. You can teach Silver Jr. stuff but don't scare him. Don't break or hide stuff.” When we got the cat we added "play with him all you want but don't hurt him."
9:13 AM Mr. Gray
Good idea.
I need to remember these.
9:22 AM Mr. Silver
Stinkbugs...People that get them are essentially cursed.
So when we spotted one on the porch, followed by two in the living room couch on the same day..."AUGH!!!!!"
But Mrs. Silver talked to the boy in the attic about it: "If you can get them all to go away, we'll give you some Matchbox cars."
He told her he'd try.
No more stinkbugs...Matchbox cars delivered as promised.
9:27 AM Mr. Silver
Meanwhile we had friends who started with a few like that and they ended up fighting them in hundreds.
7:40 AM Mr. Silver
I couldn't figure out the cake...
Every wedding I've been to, people swarm in to watch the couple cut the cake.
7:42 AM Mr. Amethyst
LOL Not us! I didn’t want to cut ours, or eat it! lol
7:42 AM Mr. Silver
"There's no swarming?"
(Mrs. Silver) "Odd."
"Maybe nobody understood to swarm in, and now that they've missed the starting gun no one wants to be first."
A story I told another guest -
8:43 AM Mr. Silver
Years ago at a former job, a co-worker who'd been a missionary in Mexico got married down there. When it came time for the cake, they were instructed to mash the cake.
But they didn't want to mash the cake.
They were told it's really bad luck not to mash the cake!
But they didn't WANNA mash the cake!
You GOTTA MASH IT!
(They try to just eat the cake and get swarmed)
"MASH THE CAKE!"
"MAKE THEM MASH THE CAKE!"
"BAD LUCK! PUSH THEIR HANDS!!!"
8:43 AM Mr. Amethyst
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Mr. Brown
I love the otters picture in this one http://imgur.com/gallery/n8u6g
He is getting attacked by otters!
12:56 PM Mr. Silver
I'd like to subscribe to "Women In Torn Red Shirts Life".
Those are very sprightly turtles in #1.
1:03 PM Mr. Brown
1:20 PM Mr. Silver
I wonder what ever happened to these quality publications.
The liberation movement, perhaps?
1:20 PM Mr. Brown
“I don't wear a bra!” the women say, “so don't put me on the cover of a magazine getting attacked!”
1:25 PM Mr. Silver
The Black Priestess of Varda seems to be handling herself well.
I'm sure the mile-high split skirt, metal bra and lacy shoes are strictly ceremonial.
1:28 PM Mr. Blue
Hips and waistlines were different then.
1:29 PM Mr. Brown
The bug lady is funny. “Cult of the Witch Queen”.
1:32 PM Mr. Silver
Apparently it's good to be the queen. She's the only happy woman on any of these covers...or on Mans Life.
1:46 PM Mr. Brown
Good story topic: “Can women justify their need for EXTRA-MARITAL RELATIONS?”
1:46 PM Ms. Amethyst
I can't. I'm happy where I’m at. I don't need extra.
1:47 PM Mr. Brown
Well now is when you could do it the best. You won't get pregnant again!
LOL
Had to say it!
LOL
1:48 PM Mr. Silver
(silence)
Well...you didn't have to say that...
1:50 PM Ms. Amethyst
LOL
I’ll pass.
1:50 PM Mr. Silver
I felt no compulsion to say that, myself. Any insight for when you have to kill someone Mr. Brown? Or the prime moment to steal cheese, perhaps?
(Meanwhile, on the other side – Mr. Silver)
Mr. Silver
Good old Mr. Brown...
1:55 PM Ms. Amethyst
LOL
2:01 PM Mr. Silver
He's good for the occasional embarrassing clunker.
2:01 PM Ms. Amethyst
Hahaha!
2:01 PM Mr. Silver
Did I ever tell you about my edging-to-senile ex-neighbor and the gay couple a floor up?
2:02 PM Ms. Amethyst
No
2:02 PM Mr. Silver
She and the one guy hit it off and he'd help her with yard work and stuff. They'd sit on the porch and chat and enjoy drinks in the evening and such.
2:04 PM Mr. Silver
We were all chatting one day about trips and people we'd known, and she blurts out
"If you ever go down to Florida, you should look up gay!"
We all stopped talking.
Eyes kinda popped.
Everyone sat up a bit stiffer in our seats.
2:06 PM Ms. Amethyst
Ohhhh boy
2:06 PM Mr. Silver
It was uncomfortably quiet...the conversation was killed.
And then she said:
"She's so nice! You'd really like her!"
2:07 PM Ms. Amethyst
Hahahhaahahahaha!
Mr. Brown
Nice job, Lowes.
http://abcnews.go.com/US/wireStory/backlash-lowes-ads-pulled-muslim-show-15135776#.Tukgf1ZdDLQ
12:35 PM Mr. Silver
"Lowes bows to the wishes of small group of stupid intolerant people -- irritated by a show they certainly didn't watch that highlights that group's stupidity and intolerance -- by becoming stupid and intolerant."
12:47 PM Mr. Brown
LOL
Exactly.
2:55 PM Mr. Brown
That’s cool.
2:59 PM Mr. Silver
Pass. I love unique-looking weapons, but that one always left me bleh.
3:01 PM Mr. Gray
Not to mention the high risk of shooting yourself while digging for change.
3:02 PM Mr. Brown
Very low accuracy and range.
3:07 PM Mr. Silver
"Comes complete with a tiny penknife in case you are attacked by unsharpened pencils or goose quills."
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