389 - "I Can't Believe This Blog Isn't Popular - It's 2016!", The Salem Witch Downer, Is There A Side-Effect Of Reversible Death?, Narcoholics Nonymous, The Devil Drives Dave, and Fascinating Filipinos

[12:59 PM] Mr. Blue:

I like how the current year is used as an argument for things

"It's 2016!"

Did they use that in the past?

"I can't believe the Germans invaded Poland. It's 1939!"

[1:01 PM] Ms. Rose:

LOL

[1:01 PM] Mr. Silver:

They did

Actually the one that tickled me the most in an anachronistic way was reading things like Eleanor of Aquitaine was a collector of antiques.

"They HAD antiques?  I mean...they would...but...12th century pieces were already kind of crap.  They wanted the older crappier stuff?"

[1:04 PM] Mr. Blue:

Heh

[1:06 PM] Mr. Silver:

But then, considering it was their state of the art stuff, I guess they wouldn't think we'd look at them as poorly cobbled together junk today.

"Hist!  Behold the latest in chair technology.  They call this dove tailing.  You can barely see any 16th inch gaps anymore.  Sleek...stylish..."

"Ods bodkins!  It's gorgeous!"

[1:07 PM] Mr. Blue:

I still love the anachronistic paintings that nobody notices these days

Paintings of Jesus at the last supper and everyone's wearing clothing from the 13th century

Or better yet... Pontius Pilate portrayed by Vlad the Impaler

That'd be like us painting Vlad the Impaler but making him look like... Stalin?

[1:27 PM] Mr. Blue:

It woulda been a spectacle to be a fly on the wall during the Salem witch stuff

What a freak show

"Witch Cake", made with human urine and fed to dogs to find out if someone is a witch or not, and used in court as evidence

Probably the second least appetizing cake on earth, after yellow

[1:33 PM] Mr. Silver:

I dunno...what icing is on a witch cake?

[1:33 PM] Mr. Blue:

Simpsons:  "Okay, here's what we do.  We're going to throw you off this cliff with a broomstick.  If you fall to your death, you will have met a very pious ending.  If you fly to safety with your broom, we'll know you're a witch; at which point you are to report back here to be burned and be-headed."

[1:34 PM] Mr. Silver:

Right

A lot of the witches during the English mania survived because they confessed.

Guess it was OK to admit it so you could be reformed.

[1:38 PM] Mr. Blue:

Yeah

[1:38 PM] Ms. Rose:

“Say the magic word: “Bovril pickles” and all of your problems will be solved, witch.”

[1:39 PM] Mr. Blue:

It's weird how it happened all over at one time

Even Sweden

The Torsåker witch trials took place in 1675 in Torsåker parish in Sweden and were the largest witch trials in Swedish history.[1] In a single day 71 people (65 women and 6 men) were beheaded and then burned.

It almost makes you wonder if there was something in the air or the food or the drinks.

[1:40 PM] Mr. Silver:

(Exorcist throwing holy water) "The Power of Christ compels hysteria!!!"

[1:40 PM] Mr. Blue:

The Bamberg witch trials, which took place in Bamberg in Germany in 1626–1631, are among the more famous cases in European witchcraft history. They resulted in the executions of between 300 and 600 people 

[1:41 PM] Mr. Silver:

I thought it was pretty well decided the early lunacy that brought on the Salem trials was from the girls eating moldy rye bread.

(witness) "I saw her talking with a little black man, and he's sitting on her shoulder now!  Also your voice tastes yellow!"

(Stoughton) "Strike that last bit from the record."

"Yes m'lud."

http://www.damninteresting.com/bad-rye-and-the-salem-witches/

[1:44 PM] Mr. Blue:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Trier_witch_trials

Astronomer Johannes Kepler’s mom was accused

He defended her

How do you even defend against something like that in court?

Interesting about the ergotism

It probably wouldn't take much to set people off back then

It could've even been something even more benign

[2:04 PM] Mr. Silver:

An experienced hippie (before they hanged him) would have been useful in Salem.

[2:04 PM] Mr. Blue:

"Comme onn maaaannn... it's 1673!"

[2:04 PM] Mr. Silver:

"Hey!  She's just tripping, man.  None of you squares come unglued til she comes down.  Now what did you drop, sister?"

[2:05 PM] Mr. Blue:

A tie dye shirt alone would've probably sent the entire town into a frenzy

[2:07 PM] Mr. Silver:

"He's wearing colors!"

"He?  Nay, tis a woman!  Look to the hair!"

"Hey, I ain't no chick, man. Anyone got a pad I could crash before I rap with The Man tomorrow about these skirts?"

[1:11 PM] Ms. Rose:

Heard a good one yesterday: “I bought a pair of shoes from my drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with, but I've been trippin' all day.” (rofl)

[1:28 PM] Mr. Silver:

LOL :D

Family Feud was a bust. The drug commercial during the break, however:

"Has you or a loved one been taking ElZorro?"  

"ElZorro has been linked to irreversible internal bleeding, stroke, and death!" 

(me) "Irreversible DEATH?  Wow!"

"Please call now for more information!"

"(I am not a legal consultant.)"

(me) "Nor a doctor."

[1:30 PM] Ms. Rose:

Irreversible death is the worst kind.

[1:32 PM] Mr. Silver:

I'd guess irreversible internal bleeding and death pretty much go together. 

The stroke merely being a short interlude.

[2:14 PM] Mr. Silver:

(heard over the wall) "What's that called?  Narcolism?"

(unknown respondent) "Narcolepsy"

(My response) “I believe "Narcolism" would be the philosophy that you're better off dead. Wait! Sorry...that's "Necrolism".  Narcolism is "I never should have gotten out of bed".”

(over the wall) LOL

[2:25 PM] Mr. Silver:

I just recalled one of the odder religious observation/reaction events in my past.

I had a devout Baptist co-worker when I started out in PC repair.

Dave

As we were driving to a job, he was explaining (1st time to me, but I'd overheard him before) how he was saving for - because he always wanted - a Cadillac Coupe DeVille

(Me) "Wait...you want a car that actually has the word "Devil" in it's name?"

He got quiet.

And he never mentioned it again.

[2:30 PM] Mr. Blue:

Heheh

[3:21 PM] Mr. Silver:
Holy crap did this turn out to be more than I thought it would: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Filipino_martial_arts

These people seem to LOVE fighting.
[3:22 PM] Mr. Blue:
Filipinos - the Mexicans of Asia. Or the Irish? [3:27 PM] Mr. Silver:
7000 islands of people who largely ignored the Spanish conquest apart from taking the parts of culture they wanted.
"All these weapons and styles were outlawed.  On paper, anyway...none of the natives paid any attention."
"Some tribes welcomed the new meat source to their lands with open arms and open pots."
[3:32 PM] Mr. Blue:
I know they have neat architecture
Spanish-influenced, but they had to factor in typhoons and earthquakes so everything's squat and wide with fancy buttressing

Here it is: "earthquake baroque"

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Earthquake_Baroque

Sounds like a concerto
"Earthquake Baroque in F Minor"
I guess that's why the Mayans built in squat pyramids
Even if they didn't... the squat pyramids would've been the only thing that survived [3:42 PM] Mr. Silver:
Still there too
[3:43 PM] Mr. Blue:
So I think when people are all like "look how multiple civilizations built pyramids!"  I think it's just that multiple civilizations built *lots* of different shapes but the pyramids were the only ones that lasted.

[3:44 PM] Mr. Silver

They are clearly advanced piles of rocks, Mr. Blue.  They endure due to alien pile-of-rock technology being vastly superior to feeble human pile-of-rock efforts.