Sunday, January 28, 2018

456 - We've Been Living In The Post Apocalypse This Whole Time, Instinctive Survival Skills Live On In The Bathroom, "50 Shades Of Mother's Day Week", and Baubles Of The Bon-Tonian Age

[10:33 AM]
Well, there is a recent acknowledgement that we probably had an advanced society on earth that got wiped out about 13000 years ago.
There's basically nothing left of it.
[10:34 AM] Mr. Blue:
Globally?
[10:34 AM]
Probably regionally.
Hard to say when a comet hits you.
I'll see if I can find it.
[10:35 AM] Mr. Blue:
I think there's a gap between an orderly society - like the Aztecs, Mayans or ancient Egyptians - and an advanced one
[10:35 AM]
I suspected such for a long time as an anthy/archy guy.  When I read it I immediately started looking around for the hoax confirmation
[10:35 AM] Mr. Brown:
They just found another hominid that was living with man, looking even further back.
It had a small brain according to their research
We keep finding stuff out every day
It would not surprise me if we came across an advanced civilization a long time ago that we did not know about
[10:39 AM]
[10:40 AM] Mr. Brown:
Here is where a big yellow arrow collided with earth!
[10:40 AM]
The original proponent is a loon...and his predictions equally loony.  But he turned out to be right about some things.
[10:43 AM] Mr. Brown:
Aztecs abandoned their homes to merge with other races that showed up in their lands
[10:48 AM] Mr. Blue:
Yeah... the Spaniards
As they said on Always Sunny... "The Spaniards banged the Aztecs and turned them into Mexicans."
[10:48 AM] Mr. Brown:
[11:06 AM] Mr. Brown:
Maybe he invented plastic
Look I have something for you Tiberius, I call it rubbermaidium.”
[11:07 AM] Mr. Blue:
Even Rome had laws... You couldn't just chop someone's head off
[11:07 AM] Mr. Brown:
If you are the emperor you can
lol



[9:51 AM] Mr. Brown:
We climb mountains and trees now and they thought we left the trees back then when we developed the ability to walk upright.
Geeze
[9:57 AM]
"This instinct lives on in the act of putting one finger against a wall as you are drying your feet one at a time while getting out of the shower."



[10:11 AM]
Mother's Day (week) included the phrase "I am not 'milking it'!"
I followed up this claim with a list of events, choices and requests - with days perpetrated on - where the 'Mother's Day' card was played.
This included irritation at my 'Father's Day 1/2 Hour' running observation.
Anyway...
One choice was the insistence that Mrs. Silver gets to pick a movie to rent and watch with me whether I want to or not, and the choice was "50 Shades Darker". 
"We didn't like the first one, you know."
"Yeah...still wanna see it though."
"OK"
So we go to rent it and they are all out of blu-ray copies
Me?  I'm just wandering around idly since I don't get to pick anything.
"Got one!" she announces, walking up with a case. 
("Ah...someone brought one in, I guess.")
We take it home.
I open the case.
Even in the dark I can see... "Sweetie?  This is '50 Shades of Grey'."
"What?!"
[10:15 AM] Mr. Blue:
It's on on demand
[10:16 AM]
Her Highness would be obeyed... An official disk was needed.
(she's into the extras)
Anyway
She decides we will watch it again anyway.
"Maybe it would be better if we made fun of it."
(She considers) "Yeah!"
And we did
It was a much better film with riffing.
We're still both baffled by the ending.
[10:18 AM] Mr. Blue:
A spouse that insists on garbage movies would be a deal breaker for me.
[10:20 AM]
Nay, Mr. Blue...I insisted on them first!  Much like Christian Grey, I have a deep seated need to be abusive...to cheesy movies.  And I dragged her into my world.
(considers)
Have to mention that one to her.
[10:21 AM] Mr. Brown:
People say the books are better anyways
[10:21 AM]
We took it back and watched about 2/3 of the sequel last night.
Mrs. Silver was quite observant in pointing out all the scenes and lines that the author stole from better movies.
It's fan-fic, after all
Film #2 is both better in some ways and sillier. 
Beau Hunk Billionaire Boy seems to have forgotten that he had a job in film 1.
It's too inconvenient, going to meetings and the office.
[10:24 AM] Mr. Blue:
"My desires are... unconventional."
I think the books were panned worse than the films were
[10:24 AM] Mr. Brown:
50 shades of Torgo
[10:25 AM]
"Hello my not-love.  I'd like to point out I'm dashing, well-spoken, have a perpetual stubble.  Did I mention I'm a billionaire?"
[10:27 AM] Mr. Blue:
Bummed your wife won't try the kinky stuff you want in the bedroom?  It's only because you're ugly and poor.
[10:27 AM]
"Despite my vast dealings and entrepreneur lifestyle of the previous months, I suddenly find I don't wear tailored suits 24/7 and can pop up anywhere as I apparently have no obligations anymore...except for once with people talking in a meeting while I texted you. You, on the other hand, have grown into a strong character somehow and do more than me."
(Me sitting on the couch...mind drifting to the chart of his company stocks plummeting while they fool around on a yacht.)
Anyway...
They added some good creepy tension they first sorely lacked.
The author decided there might be consequences to living like he does
"Oh?  Refreshing!"
[10:32 AM] Mr. Blue:
(movie trailer voice) “His company stocks tumbling from his constant absence, his partners wage a hostile takeover - 50 Shades Poorer
[10:34 AM]
"51% Shares of Stockholder Outmaneuvering"
    (next day)
So we finished "50 Shades Darker". 
At the end they had a teaser for the finale
[9:02 AM] Mr. Blue:
"Pitch Gray"?
[9:02 AM]
Short collection of scenes and whatever...
And then...
Coming dramatically out of the darkness...
The title...
"50 Shades             Freed"
[9:03 AM] Mr. Blue:
LOL
[9:03 AM]
And I said "Fred is spelled with one E!"
Mrs. Silver lost it
[9:04 AM] Mr. Blue:
I still read it as Fred
Fred's the building supervisor
Puerto Rican guy. Lives in the basement. Takes care of the rats. Has some whips & chains.
[9:11 AM]
(Grey) "Marry me!  Also I have to go to Portland for a meeting."
Couple minutes later, Grey is flying a helicopter
(Mrs. Silver) "This will be where he crashes the helicopter and everyone thinks he's dead."
(engine explosion)
"See."
"Well done, Sweetie!"
Anyway, compared to the first one, we agreed it was a much better movie



[1:45 PM] Mr. Blue:
[1:51 PM]
So what this adds up to in real archaeology is that an ancient human carved a glassy bracelet...found a pile of 80000 year old bones...and dropped it there.
Fraudkov assumes - with no basis - "All jewellery had a magical meaning for ancient people. Bracelets and neck adornments were to protect people from evil spirits, for instance.".”
Commenting on its beauty, Anatoly Krank-yanko added; "The bracelet is stunning. In bright sunlight it reflects the sun rays, at night by the fire it casts a deep shade of green.  No girl would EVER wear it just because it's gorgeous."
Mr. Silver - Archaeological Cynic
[2:18 PM] Mr. Blue:
Heheh
[2:20 PM]
Ever notice how much better Russian cavemen are than European, African or SE Asian Cavemen?
Taller, stronger, more talented, around longer.
Their only mistake is someone went and published that they died out.
[2:23 PM] Mr. Blue:
Maybe we killed 'em.
[2:23 PM]
"After 7 years of analysis, the scientists of the Russian Academy of Negationist Science are confident that the piece was made 30,000 years before the beginning of the Stone Age.  This new age - dubbed the Bon-Tonian Jewelry Aisle Age - existed before stone."
Incidentally, mentioning which stone age probably would have been wise, as the paleolithic is kinda pretty old...like 2.5 million years.
Thank you. Mr. Blue.  That was quite the enjoyable fraud.
[2:30 PM] Mr. Blue:
Heh, "Bon-Tonian"
[2:30 PM]
Knew you'd like that one.

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