430 - "Never Was So Little Owed By So Few To One Guy", In The Middle Ages They'd Kill For A Sandwich, The Internet Of Eggs, Wilderness That's Off The Chart, True Facts About Giraffes, and Succubi For Fun & Profit

[2:09 PM] Mr. Blue:

Some guy tried to single-handedly invade one of the channel islands https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sark#Invasion_attempt

[2:11 PM] Mr. Silver:

Hehe

[2:13 PM] Mr. Blue:

The ol' "Hey that's a nice gun! Can I see it?" routine

[2:22 PM] Mr. Silver:

"Beautiful weapon, but that clip mechanism is too complicated for me.  Back in the Falklands I had an L1A1...now that was a smooth reload.  That thing looks like it'd take a minute to change a clip over."

"No, it's a cinch...you just push here and-” (SMACK!!!)

[2:23 PM] Mr. Blue:

Wonder what 3-4 guys could do.

[2:29 PM] Mr. Silver:

Well...they could rotate sleeping at least.

[2:29 PM] Mr. Blue:

3-4 guys plus 1 vehicle that's faster than a tractor or a horse

Game over, Sark

[2:30 PM] Mr. Silver:

Hehe

"It's all over...they have mopeds!"

[2:31 PM] Mr. Blue:

LOL

[3:21 PM] Mr. Silver:

Musta been one hell of a tasty sandwich - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eustace_the_Monk#/media/File:Battle_off_Sandwich.jpg

[3:26 PM] Mr. Blue:

What's that thing that guy's swinging?  Looks like a bindle with perfume in it

[3:28 PM] Mr. Silver:

Staff sling with a chemical missile

Medieval grenade launcher

[3:28 PM] Mr. Blue:

Cool

Even the arrow has chemicals on the tip

or the same thing

[3:28 PM] Mr. Silver:

Yup

"We need rocks and arrows up here!  The water balloons aren't working!"

[9:32 AM] Mr. Blue:

The guy had a wireless furnace that needed the mac address hardcoded into his router

[9:32 AM] Ms. Rose:

I ran into one of those a looooong time ago. Idiots.

[9:32 AM] Mr. Blue:

So stupid

[9:34 AM] Ms. Rose:

And there is an egg counter in the fridge needing a static IP address. It's a plastic tray that sits in the fridge and wirelessly sends an email or text when you are running low on eggs. That's all it does. Costs like $40 and this guy just HAD to get it.

I wanted to say: "You know an easier way to find out how many eggs you have? OPEN THE FRIDGE DOOR AND COUNT!"

[9:39 AM] Mr. Silver:

NONSENSE!

Egg counters are the future

All that Star Trek replicator chaff is nothing!  Wifi eggs...that's REAL

Here's the thing...

So he gets his egg counter working, right?

Puts in the 4 he has left.  Inputs 4.  Later he goes out and gets a fresh dozen...

And dutifully puts in and updates for 8 eggs in...12!

And 4 left over in a carton...

[9:42 AM] Ms. Rose:

Are you saying there is a need for MULTIPLE wifi egg counters?!

[9:42 AM] Mr. Silver: 

Maybe... 

Well, then he eats 2 next morning...

And, he looks at the tray...

“Ok, I'll move 2 over and reset to 12...”

And then he uses 1 baking something... 

“Eh... can't be bothered.”

Eventually he moves the last eggs over from the carton to the tray when there's 2 left...

Buys another dozen.

...

...

And never ever bothers to use it again because it's a stupid waste of time.

$40

Wifi!

Static IP!

Internet of things!

[9:44 AM] Ms. Rose:

I'm just amazed anything can communicate wirelessly from inside a sealed cold metal box.

[9:44 AM] Mr. Silver: 

Perhaps you have to open the door and stand in front of it with your phone.

"For most relevant application, avoid looking at actual egg tray and counting." 

I have a plain plastic egg tray.

If it's empty I put the whole paper carton ON the plastic tray.

:P

[9:45 AM] Ms. Rose:

We go through about 1.5 dozen eggs per week. I hard boil the first dozen and mark the carton with a Sharpie.

“H.B.” for hard boiled.

Then I put the not cooked eggs below that and use them for baking or scramby eggs.

One time I forget to label the hard boiled one.

Mr. Oleo always takes one to work.

He was like, "Which one is the hard boiled carton?"

Me: "Well, pick one, and I guess you'll find out when you crack it open."

[9:50 AM] Mr. Silver:

Heh

Did he win the lottery on that one?

Also, hard boileds spin

[9:56 AM] Mr. Blue:

Egg counters and furnaces are the reason Level 3 keeps getting DOS'd

[9:57 AM] Mr. Silver:

Yes

Internet of Stupid Things

[10:00 AM] Ms. Rose:

I can't wait until these Alexa and talking devices get hacked.

"Alexa, stop telling me I have small junk! Seriously, SHUT UP! Alexa, have you been hacked?"

[10:17 AM] Mr. Silver:

"Alexa, where is a good place to get Chinese in town?"

"Wouldn't you like to know..."

"Uh...yeah.  I'd like to know where to get Chinese in town."

"Here is a list of so-called Chinese massage parlors-"

"No!  Restaurants!  Chinese restaurants!"

"Yeah right..."

"What do you mean so-called massage parlors?  Wait...never mind.  Alexa...Chinese food."

[10:27 AM] Ms. Rose:

(rofl)

"Alexa, how many eggs do I have left?"

[10:28 AM] Mr. Silver: 

"For an estimate, please indicate your age in months, any ovarian conditions suffered currently or in your reproductive history, and answer the following questions about your menstrual cycle..."   

[8:08 AM] Mr. Silver:

One to look over: http://www.popsci.com/these-are-last-uncharted-areas-world

[8:11 AM] Mr. Blue:

That tsingy one looks cool https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tsingy_de_Bemaraha_National_Park

The Sarisarinama one looks cool too

[8:14 AM] Mr. Silver:

Yeah...I searched Tsingy right away too

The word can be translated into English as “where one cannot walk barefoot”

I just like saying “tsingy”.

"How does it taste?"

"Tsingy. "In fact it's the most tsingy sarisarinama I've ever had."

[8:23 AM] Mr. Blue:

The name of the mountain originates from the tale of local Ye'kuana Indians about an evil spirit living in caves up in the mountain and devouring human flesh with a sound "Sari... sari...".[1]

[9:06 AM] Ms. Rose:

Tsingy is a fun word.

A musical called 'Tsingy in the Rainy' probably wouldn't work though. Since it never ever rains in Africa.

[9:12 AM] Mr. Silver:

Never rains in Africa?

But the cartoons all reveal that the country of Africa is 100% deep jungle with lions, elephants, zebra and gorillas living in it except in the states of Sahara and Egypt

[9:18 AM] Ms. Rose:

Unpossable!

[9:43 AM] Mr. Silver:

Let's find a lighthearted topic next

Maybe Ebola or something

http://phys.org/news/2016-12-odd-facts-giraffe.html

“Although giraffes appear to be extremely tall animals, this is an evolutionary defensive adaption manifesting in a forced perspective effect.  A mature adult giraffe tops off at a mere 4'6", but appears about 17' tall.”

[9:53 AM] Ms. Rose:

(rofl)

The giraffe's best-known feature can be longer than most people are tall. (Get mind out of gutter, Ms. Rose.)

Luckily they only drink every few days and get most of their hydration from plants and beer.

Yeah, baby! Big tongue, big heart

That would have been a much simpler personal ad for me to take out.

[10:00 AM] Mr. Blue:

The giraffe's neck vertebrae have ball and socket joints.[41]

[10:00 AM] Ms. Rose:

Uhhh huh huh huhuh... BALL.

[10:01 AM] Mr. Blue:

Joint

[10:01 AM] Ms. Rose:

(rofl)

[12:05 PM] Mr. Brown:

Another succubus tried to get me but I was wise to its ways.

[12:05 PM] Mr. Silver:

Made her pay you?

[12:05 PM] Mr. Brown:

LOL

[12:10 PM] Mr. Silver:

"First one was free, lady.  If you're gonna keep coming around I'm going to need a little consideration...I've got work in the morning."

Chutzpah, Mr. Brown. Chutzpah.

[12:10 PM] Mr. Brown:

LOL

[12:11 PM] Mr. Silver:

(Mr. Brown, awakened by purring succubus) "OMG!  You're so hot! On a scale of 1-10 you are a 20!”

(pulls paper out of bedside table drawer)

“Here's my rates, take a copy.  And bring me a cinnamon roll next time and I'll give a discount.”

(rolls over)

(succubus) "But I can give you ecstasies undreamed of!"

"That's on page two."

I'd ask what happened but the MO of a succubus is typically pretty simple.