508 - The Poop On Christmas Toys And Pinewood Derbys

[10:12 AM]  Mr. McGreen: 

https://www.wpxi.com/news/top-stories/butler-man-accused-of-urinating-on-toys-on-store-shelf/649288892

[10:25 AM] 

Wonder what toys he peed on.

[10:25 AM]  Mr. McGreen: 

$800 worth of damage

Probably drones

Or Legos

"Reportedly urinated on $800 worth of legos.  Which was about 2 playsets"

[10:30 AM] 

Heh

"One small Star Wars 15 piece 'fighter' and a 25 piece BB-8."

[10:32 AM]  Mr. Blue: 

I wonder if he was drunk, some kinda pervert, or if he owns another toy store and it was a rivalry thing

[10:32 AM]  Mr. McGreen: 

Its these Toys! He hates these toys!

[10:38 AM] 

"My damned grandkids want these $800 pieces of plastic Sh for Christmas!  AUGH!"

[10:38 AM]  Mr. Blue: 

"If i piss on them, maybe they'll mark them down"

[10:43 AM]  Mr. McGreen: 

Yellow Friday shopping

[10:45 AM] 

"Still too much!  (lowers pants, turns, squats over toys)"

[10:45 AM]  Mr. Blue: 

lol

[10:49 AM] 

"Guess what I'M dressing as for Christmas, you bloodsuckers!  It ain't SANTA!"

[10:50 AM]  Mr. Blue: 

Yeah, I was just digging that back up

I love the mall one http://nightflight.com/wp-content/uploads/CAGANER-CHRISTMAS-2.jpg

[10:54 AM] 

Should have the kiddie train go under it.

Talk about an old world joke that caught on and got pounded into the ground...

(Old Catalonian Nativity Scene carver) "You know how many of these things I've made???  AND I'm 2 behind and the bishop wants one on express order???  I'll fix ALL of em!"

(pees on 800 reales worth of nativity figurines)

"Wait!  I'll go one better!"

(starts carving 1st caganer)

[11:03 AM]  Mr. Blue: 

And he's Patrick Stewart in an apron – a Catalonian Patrick Stewart

[11:03 AM]

(customer) "We're here for the Nativity set we ordered?" 

"Ah!  Of course!  I think you'll be pleased.  (opens case).  Well?  What do you think?"  

"This set has a guy right in front of the stable going to the bathroom.  And (sniffs) is that pee I smell?"  

"Pretty spiritual, eh? (winks)"

“I don't see how this fits in a Nativity.”

"Let me remind you that this is a Nativity shop, sir."

[11:29 AM]  Mr. Blue: 

"I just don't find this to be very spiritual."

"You don't find a man going to the bathroom to be spiritual? And would you mind telling me what your concept of spiritual is?"

"I dunno...maybe the Holy Family with a baby Jesus in a manger?"

[11:38 AM] 

"Welllll...that might be spiritual for some people."

[11:39 AM]  Mr. Blue: 

[sigh] "Look.. i'll tell you what i'm gonna do.. I'll carve baby Jesus, going to the bathroom."

[11:40 AM] 

(discuss...sotto vocce) "The Christmas party is in like 3 hours."  "(sigh)  Fine.  We'll take this set." 

That worked extraordinarily well, Mr. Blue.  :)

[11:48 AM]  Mr. Blue: 

LOL

I forgot this line

    Baker: Well, then, what, pray tell, would you suggest we do put on our erotic cakes?
    Young Man: I don't know.. people having sex.. female and male genitalia.. you know,

    something like that. 
    Baker: Well, if that's what you're after, I suggest you try Hostess or Sara Lee! 

[11:49 AM] 

lol

[11:49 AM]  Mr. McGreen: 

I read that in his voice

[11:49 AM] 

Oh yes...rolls the skit right up from a 3 to an 11

I'm not sure anyone else could have made it a classic

[9:04 AM]  Mr. Brown: 

I am officially a Cub Scout father now.

[9:05 AM]  Mr. McGreen: 

congrats...?

[9:07 AM]  Mr. Brown: 

Yeah

I was all nervous about it, but found out when i got there one of my friends is actually running it

So all is well

Makes me feel more inclined to participate more

[9:08 AM]  Mr. McGreen: 

Do you dress up too?

[9:09 AM]  Mr. Brown: 

Not enough money yet to have uniforms

[9:09 AM]  Mr. McGreen: 

?

[9:09 AM]  Mr. Brown: 

For now we're just learning the oath and laws and having fun - this troop is just starting up

[9:09 AM]  Mr. McGreen: 

oh

[9:17 AM]  Mr. Brown: 

Reverent is one of the Law words

That is a fun one to explain to children

I mean i have trouble fully understanding that word

[9:19 AM] 

...you...do?

[9:20 AM]  Mr. Brown: 

Like I am pretty sure what it is, but describing it properly?

I'm not a dictionary. That's where i lack

[9:21 AM]  Mr. Blue: 

Like halfway between fear and respect

[9:21 AM]  

More “respect and admiration”

For God - or equivalent - in this case

[9:22 AM]  Mr. Brown: 

That's what i was gathering from it

[9:22 AM] 

“Reverent” has caused some problems for the scouts in the past

Eventually I expect it'll be replaced.

[9:22 AM]  Mr. Brown: 

Probably

I mean girls can be in the Boy Scouts now

It should all just be called Scouts.

[9:22 AM] 

Because "If I'm going to die for a word...that word is 'poontang'."

[9:23 AM]  Mr. Brown: 

Be courteous and obedient to the poontang

[9:23 AM]  Mr. McGreen: 

But don't put that poontang on a pedestal

[9:23 AM] 

"A Scout is Trustworthy Loyal Helpful Friendly Courteous Kind Obedient Cheerful Thrifty Brave Clean and Poontang."

Might be a bit of a clash there with the Scout version of Clean

Had an Eagle Scout misquote that list to me once.  I was quietly furious the rest of the conversation.

[9:24 AM]  Mr. Brown: 

The left hand handshake is interesting

[9:25 AM]  Mr. McGreen: 

Are you in a position of authority over these scouts, Mr Brown?

[9:26 AM]  Mr. Brown: 

I'm a parent in the troop

So I do the normal 'hey stop hitting the other kid' thing

[9:27 AM]  Mr. McGreen: 

lol

[9:27 AM]  Mr. Brown: 

Technically all adults are authoritative over children if they are doing parenting right

[9:27 AM]  Mr. McGreen: 

Unless the child can assert their dominance over you

[9:27 AM] 

My experience with scouting - at that age, you should probably all have spray bottles.

[9:35 AM]  Mr. McGreen: 

"Yeah i helped my kid with his Pinewood Derby car, just a little"
"Is this...a Nissan Skyline?"

[9:43 AM]  Mr. Blue: 

Heh

[9:47 AM]  Mr. Brown: 

One time when I was in Scouts I showed up for the derby and there was a Batmobile

Sure enough, he won all the trials

Because it was a metal exoskeleton

Uh that is not legal

[9:49 AM]  Mr. McGreen: 

Yeah those races are unfair and why i quit

[9:49 AM]  Mr. Brown: 

Graphite and lead

All you need to win

[9:50 AM] 

If they are checking them properly, the rules are really tight

"Metal Exoskeleton" is pretty much an instant trashbin car

They have a cheat race league for the parents who can't resist that crap and are building their kid's car

"Since they're obviously building them anyway..." I was told.

The 3-year champion in our group...

Showed up with another impossibly perfect carbon copy of 1 thru 3. 

Surprise! Championship # 4.

There's no way he was building his cars.

All the qualities of a precision woodworking shop and skills to match and nothing "cool" like the real kids do.

"....yeaaaaah...an 11 year old made this..."

[9:55 AM]  Mr. McGreen: 

Then they Youtube his process and here the kid is a prodigy

[9:56 AM] 

Rules are adult guidance, hand tools, etc.

[9:58 AM]  Mr. Brown: 

Help the kid decide the shape, show them how to get them started, then let them do it

[9:59 AM] 

"So...your kid got these precision curves, laser perfect balance and weight placements, high-quality graphics and a satin finish with a hand saw, knife, sandpaper and a can of spray paint."

"Yes!  So proud!"

"He's 9.  He should dump Scouts and open a shop."

[10:00 AM]  Mr. McGreen: 

"My son made the Lament Configuration...on wheels"

[10:00 AM] 

I'd watch that

It would lose every race and cause the child anguish...as it should.