437 - How To Get A Paranoid Nut Off Your Back For Good, Klaatu Barada Blotto, Five O'Clock Shade, and Exploiting Mr. Silver's 15 Seconds of Fame

[10:53 AM] Ms. Rose:

Remember the emair I forwarded, from the extremely paranoid but extremely wordy client, Eileen? We really opened up a can of worms. She's emailed 23 times since. Now she thinks people are getting in to her emairs and "truncating" them. She sent 9 emairs, starting at 2:00 AM today.

And she keeps "asking" for me directly, in each email. And wants us to keep all of her messages "in confidence."

[10:55 AM] Mr. Silver:

Yay!  Love a good paranoiac

[11:05 AM] Ms. Rose:

She is SCARY. I mean, I can send you all 23 emairs if you want some light reading. (Her emails are maybe being truncated because she sends 987 paragraphs at a time.)

[11:19 AM] Mr. Silver:

Try this from a throwaway email address:

"Dear Eileen.  There is no time to explain.  You need to borrow a car - do NOT use your own or call anyone like a taxi - and get to the municipal airport in (city).  Look for a man in a blue ball cap and start a loud and physical argument.  We'll extract you as soon as we have confirmation."

[11:57 AM] Mr. Silver:

This weekend's films were "Robinson Crusoe on Mars" (adventure!), "How to Steal a Million" (clever criminal funny!), "Bedazzled" (original - funny and thought provoking!) and the original "Day the Earth was Going to Stand Still if Mr. Silver Hadn't had a Third Double Shot of Vodka After 11PM"  (unfinished)

[1:05 PM] Ms. Rose:

"The Day the Earth was Going to Stand Still if Mr. Silver Hadn't had a Third Double Shot of Vodka After 11PM (Unfinished)"?

I love that movie!

Klaatu barada nikto

[1:06 PM] Mr. Silver:

It actually put me to sleep! I don't remember that ever happening with that film before I turned 21!  It can't have been me binging!

[1:06 PM] Mr. Brown:

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-4124254/Clean-shaven-ghost-hunter-claims-spirit-one-William-Conqueror-s-favourite-barons-gave-haunted-BEARD-investigation-14th-century-castle.html

Ghosts giving beards. Wow

[1:11 PM] Mr. Silver:

"Mr. Alexander (pictured on left, un-sexy) knew something was wrong when he was swarmed by the team women, who cooed a lot and rubbed his chin.  But after leaving the investigation they no longer pay attention to him again."

[1:52 PM] Mr. Silver:

Oh, if all else doesn't fail I'm going to be on TV

[2:04 PM] Ms. Rose:

?

[3:20 PM] Mr. Silver:

Sorry for setting that up and disappearing...today turned into The Suck

Months back I failed to go to a casting call for a new Netflix series called "(Show)" due to the POS car. 

[3:21 PM] Mr. Brown:

Yeah, we started talking then BOOM

[3:23 PM] Mr. Silver:

And so, when Mrs. Silver got a message on FB saying they were doing another call for extras in (town) I drove over on Friday and stood in line...

Gave some particulars

[3:23 PM] Mr. Brown:

Looks interesting

[3:23 PM] Mr. Silver:

They took some pictures and I went home

Saturday I got a call offering my the part of "Guy who drives up in pickup and then gets out to unload 'Hollywood Junk'."

[3:26 PM] Ms. Rose:

Neat!

[3:27 PM] Mr. Brown:

Well at least they did not choose you to be a murderer

[3:27 PM] Mr. Silver:

I believe the 2 minute interview included "Ooo.  Great hair."

Anyway...considering the desires of 'my public', I accepted the job.

Mr. Brown, I would have adored being picked to be a murderer...

[3:28 PM] Mr. Brown:

Now I have to watch it and pause it

I KNOW THAT GUY!

[3:33 PM] Mr. Silver:

Like Stanislavski said: "There are no small parts, just small actors who get to be background dressing."

[3:33 PM] Mr. Brown:

Make it the best acting ever

“I believe my character is from the Midwest. He traveled here because the farm he was running had to be sold. Now he delivers things in this old pickup truck.”

lol

[3:35 PM] Mr. Silver

“Your motivation?  Your motivation is I need you off the set in about 5 minutes.”

(Next morning - Mr. Silver)

I'm not on the IMDb page yet...

I'll just have to do it myself, like all these other people clearly did.

[8:49 AM] Mr. Blue:

How's that?

I wonder how a film gets on there

[8:57 AM] Mr. Silver:

Not sure.

And I'm referring to the thing from yesterday about me getting an Extra part on a TV show.

[8:59 AM] Mr. Brown:

I forget the name of the show now

[8:59 AM] Mr. Silver:

"(Show)"

[9:00 AM] Mr. Blue:

Oh that

That's badass, Mr. Silver

[9:02 AM] Mr. Brown:

He is a guy unloading a truck from what he said yesterday

[9:03 AM] Mr. Blue:

Where'd you find out about castings

I'd love to do that, especially for something legit like that

[9:04 AM] Mr. Brown:

“Your inspiration for this scene is this shit has to get out of the truck or a bomb will go off.”

(proceeds to start throwing things out of the truck hastily)

[9:04 AM] Mr. Blue:

You should try and sneak in *multiple* parts

Viewers will be like "that guy keeps showing up!  He's gotta be involved in the plot!"

Just look at the camera and wink and give a thumbs up

Wear something anachronistic like a bluetooth

"Time traveling truck driver unloading Hollywood junk throughout history"

[9:06 AM] Mr. Brown:

“Sir, stop doing that."

“Doing what?"

“Winking and giving a thumbs up.”

[9:07 AM] Mr. Silver:

"Cut!  Hey!  Guy with the ponytail!  Yeah!  Could you please stop walking in shot and mugging for the camera?"

[9:11 AM] Mr. Brown:

Do clothing quick-changes

[9:11 AM] Mr. Silver:

"Cut!!!  Funky Chicken guy!  Back out of the murder scene please!"

[9:11 AM] Mr. Blue:

lol

It's set in the South but they're filming around here

Better work on your southern drawl, Mr. Silver

[9:31 AM] Mr. Silver:

Gasp!

"I'm just not feeling 'South', Mr. Director.  I need bib overalls and moonshine!  Stat!"

[9:34 AM] Mr. Brown:

Mamma always said life is like a box of perogies

[9:35 AM] Ms. Rose:

HAHAHA, Mr. Brown!

[9:37 AM] Mr. Silver:

"...it ain't like heaven but it's alright if served with enough butter, onion, kielbasa and sour cream."

[9:39 AM] Ms. Rose:

"Mamma always said Life is like a box of chocolates - A cheap, thoughtless, perfunctory gift that nobody ever asks for. Unreturnable because all you get back is another box of chocolates. So you're stuck with this undefinable whipped mint crap that you mindlessly wolf down when there's nothing else left to eat. Sure, once in a while there's a peanut butter cup or an English toffee. But they're gone too fast and the taste is fleeting. So, you end up with nothing but broken bits filled with hardened jelly and teeth-shattering nuts. And if you're desperate enough to eat those, all you got left is an empty box filled with useless brown paper wrappers."

[10:06 AM] Mr. Silver:

(I pull a box from truck) "Got that box'a bloody hammers you wanted me to git from yer shed an' hide from the FEDs here, Doc.  Lot a long hair on 'em.  Want 'em washed a'fore I bury them in the basement?"

(director) "CUT!!!  CUT CUT CUT!!!  Did someone give you a season two script, 'truck guy'?"

(me) "Well, no.  But it was just so predictable I thought the line would add some acute tension to the killer and prompt the doctor to tighten his MO.  Plus I was hoping you could use the line to segue into a nice death scene for me."

[12:08 PM] Mr. Blue:

Do you have to drive the truck, or will they have a stunt double do that?

[12:09 PM] Mr. Silver:

Driving it

[12:09 PM] Mr. Brown:

(future resume) "Do my own stunts"

LOL

[12:09 PM] Mr. Blue:

Is it stick?

[12:09 PM] Mr. Silver:

I assume I'm going to roll about 10'

[12:10 PM] Mr. Brown:

Mr. Blue and I should show up and just walk onto set by accident

[12:10 PM] Ms. Rose:

I can't come along?

[12:10 PM] Mr. Silver: 

Of course you can.

"I brought my entourage."

(Producer) "That was an awesome 10' roll, brake, exit and box lift!  Would you be interested in pushing a cart in “Guardians of the Galaxy 3”?"

[12:11 PM] Mr. Blue:

There are probably extras that are like that

They're like the Wilhelm Scream of extras...they're in everything but you rarely notice

[12:13 PM] Ms. Rose:

"Where's my trailer?"

[12:18 PM] Mr. Blue:

Make sure you *act* like it's the late 70s

Hum the riff for "Smoke on the Water" non-stop

Or maybe your character is going through a disco phase

[12:27 PM] Mr. Brown:

You could find events that occurred and mention them.

Jan 13 "King of Schnorrers" closes at Playhouse Theater NYC after 63 performances

that's in 1980

[12:29 PM] Mr. Silver:

(talking around a chaw of baccy, carrying box) "God dammit! I missed the last performance of King of Schnorrers!"

[12:31 PM] Mr. Blue:

(to a person off screen)  "I tell ya hhhwat. I can't believe it's 1979 and Jimmy Carter is the current president of the YOU-nited States."

[12:31 PM] Mr. Silver:

Oh!  I DID plan that.

Driving there, thinking of the time period

"Maybe I'll sing the Jimmy Carter peanut song."

(to tune of Oscar Meyer bologna jingle)

"My peanut has a first name...it's J I M M Y..."

"My peanut has a second name...it's C A R T R..."  (Republicans couldn't spell in the 70s)

"(Forget the words forget the words its been a really long long tiiiime)"

"'Cause Jimmy Carter has a way of screwing up the USA..."

OOO!!!! OOOO!!!!

I'll get my own TV show drinking game!!!

"Anytime Mr. Silver appears on a TV crime drama, chug a 5th!"

...that would be kind of fun to trick people into, actually...

Make up a bunch of goofy rules and get the mood up, then throw in "Hey!  If I show up on the show, everybody has to chug!"

[2:23 PM] Mr. Blue:

LOL

Yes!

Tell nobody else about being on the show!