[10:12
AM] Ms. Rose:
I
am so tired. Is it 5:30 yet?
[10:15
AM] Mr. Silver:
Yes
On
that note, is it just me, or when an agent working from home opens up
their call with something like "When I woke up this morning",
do you always hear a Blues riff after?
[10:17
AM] Mr. Blue:
lol
buh
NUH NUH nuh
"and
my internet wa'n't workin'"
[10:18
AM] Mr. Silver:
Yes
"And
when I got home last night..."
buh
nuh NAH NAH NAH nuh
"the
net still wasn't working..."
buh
nuh NAH NAH NAH nuh
I
just can't help hearing it if the tone and the pause is right
[10:21
AM] Ms. Rose:
So
many words.
[10:21
AM] Mr. Silver:
I've
been like that since I got drunk at a house party and we played
"Nobody gets out of here without singing the blues"
[10:23
AM] Ms. Rose:
Who
wants to edit my emairs today?
[10:23
AM] Mr. Silver:
(changes
r to l) there you go
I'd
have to be drunk to play that game...it's hard to get me to
even talk at parties
[10:29
AM] Ms. Rose:
...that's
what she said?
[11:53
AM] Ms. Rose:
HUGE
Jerkface.
[11:51 AM] Mr. Oleo:
[11:51 AM] Mr. Oleo:
You
wanna take a half day and leave at 1?
[11:51
AM] Ms. Rose:
No.
I would like to stay here and attempt to write some good emairs, in
between naps.
[11:51
AM] Mr. Oleo:
okie
[11:52
AM] Ms. Rose:
Honey.
Why do you do these things to me?
I
have a very small brain. I cannot make decisionings.
[11:52
AM] Mr. Oleo:
It's
no problem at all if you want to stay
[12:06
PM] Mr. Silver:
Where's
the jerkface part?
There's
the Snarkgirl superpower stuff.
[12:08
PM] Ms. Rose:
*signs
Silver up for monthly Jerkface Club meetings*
[12:09
PM] Mr. Silver:
(Holds
out "Life Member" card for inspection)
[12:09
PM] Ms. Rose:
*takes
another nap on desk* *hopes that Silver won't share this with
the Russians*
[12:10
PM] Mr. Silver:
(Jerks
card from Ms. Rose's grasp when she reaches for it)
Russia
loves you
[12:11
PM] Ms. Rose:
If
only they provided as many mail-order husbands as they do brides.
[12:13
PM] Mr. Silver:
(Anthropologist
interest piqued... Search "mail order husband")
Well...it
exists.
[12:15
PM] Ms. Rose:
Hey,
I'm a member of the postcard club online. So I'm kind of a big deal.
[12:16
PM] Mr. Silver:
[12:16
PM] Ms. Rose:
You
are a more terribler person than me, Mr. Silver.
[12:17
PM] Mr. Silver:
Sorry...it
sounded like a Benny Hill skit
In
cases like this, I always hear the standup of a Japanese comedian who
never made it but ended up on HBO once.
She
had a heavy accent, but it was roughly:
"How
can a woman be homeless? How that possible? She's a
woman. Just get a man, right? It easy. I mean, I
see how a man can get homeless, because men are sometimes
e-stupid."
I
always wondered if she picked that up that extra E from Spanish.
So...what
kind of estupid men end up in a mail-order situation anyway?
[12:25
PM] Mr. Blue:
Sounds
like Miss Swan
[12:26
PM] Mr. Silver:
Miss
Swan might well have been inspired by her...it was long before that
character, though.
[12:26
PM] Ms. Rose:
I
am so tired. Have I mentioned this?
[9:48
AM] Ms. Rose:
I
just wrote on the "Good Cheer" wall. I stated: “For a
good time call 867-5309”. Do yinz think I'll be fired?
[9:58
AM] Mr. Blue:
Is
that the one that says "attitude fresh up a grilling"?
[9:59
AM] Ms. Rose:
It
used to. For many many months. But now it's just some construction
paper with markers and lots of opportunities for...nice workplace
words. (devil)
[10:00
AM] Mr. Blue:
Write
on there "Investigate 9/11"
[10:00
AM] Mr. Silver:
There's
some of good cheer, right there
[10:06
AM] Ms. Rose:
Stacy
complained about my 867-5309 comment. So I'm copying/pasting all the
lyrics to "Stacy's Mom" in a very not passive-aggressive
way. (Did I mention I went to bed at 5:00 AM? I am too tired for a
filter.)
[10:07 AM] Mr. Silver:
Joke’s
on her, really
[10:07 AM] Mr. Blue:
That
didn't take long for someone to complain
Like
19 minutes?
[10:08
AM] Mr. Silver:
Ms.
Rose "I wished to provide good cheer at the expense of all the
grumps who couldn't be bothered to 'get it'. Me? Despite this
disciplinary meeting, I'm laughing like crazy on the inside."
[10:08
AM] Ms. Rose:
Maybe
"complain" is a strong word. But those lyrics about her mom
put Stacy right in her place. (I just want to sleep!)
[10:09
AM] Mr. Blue:
Heir
to the diner & car wash empire
[10:10
AM] Ms. Rose:
And
for real, that video of "Stacy's Mom" kinda makes me want
to go back to All-Girls College.
[1:20
PM]Ms. Rose
[1:16
PM] Linda:
Hello!
Would you like to revise the email for the Superbowl pool.....Squares
going fast
...
something to that effect?
Have
a look please...(emairs)
[1:24
PM] Mr. Silver:
"You
squares need to get in the pool, fast."
[1:24
PM] Ms. Rose:
YASSS!
(y)
[1:25
PM] Mr. Silver:
"If
you want your 'square' to have any effect, it costs $10, same as
downtown."
"For
a good time call 867-5309."
[1:25
PM] Ms. Rose:
(rofl)(rofl)(rofl)(rofl)
Well remembered.
I
triple dog dare yinz to make me put that in the emair. Linda never
reads ANYTHING before forwarding. I could slip it in between the
countdown clock and the Terrible Towel.
I
want to, sooooo bad! (Really, really need to sleep.)
[1:32
PM] Mr. Silver:
Just
put Linda's name on it
[1:40
PM] Ms. Rose:
Sending
my "draft" to Linda. Guess how many minutes before she just
sends it to everyone.
[1:41
PM] Mr. Silver:
What
text did you end up ending your career with?
[1:42
PM] Ms. Rose:
I added "For a good time call 867-5309" at the very bottom,
but in white text.
[1:42
PM] Mr. Silver:
Hehe
Sneaky
[1:43
PM] Ms. Rose:
Whatev.
I will be an extremely sleepy goddess if she sends this out to
everyone. Any minute now.
[3:10
PM] Ms. Rose:
We're
kind of like circus monkeys.
[3:11
PM] Mr. Silver:
Drive
little chariots in ancient Rome?
I
agree
[3:25
PM] Ms. Rose:
Considering
the current climate, I was thinking of opening a business called
“TRADITIONS OF AMERICA WITH THE KILLING OF BALDING EAGLES WITH OUR
GOD-GIVEN GUNS, INC.”
[3:27
PM] Mr. Silver:
(CEO)
"Our goal at TAKBEGGG, INC is to make America traditional
again! Back to 16 hour factory days for 8 year olds and native
genocide! Cyanide gold extraction and coal coal coal!"
[3:27
PM] Ms. Rose:
Maybe
in Comic Sans
That
makes prefect sense to me. *sleeping on desk again again*
[3:31
PM] Mr. Silver:
(CEO)
"In these dark days of America's post-Obama retro-birth, I always think
back to a quote from Myles Standish as they were robbing redskin
graves to get through that terrible first winter - 'Anything good in
that one?'."
[2:49
PM] Mr. Silver:
Ugh...
Hate original Oreos...
---
"In
1890, 8 New York City bakeries that had no qualified creative chefs
got together and threw money at the problem. They build a giant
6-story factory the watched to see if anything would come out for the
next eight years”
“In
1901, still failing to cook anything good, they clubbed and skinned
the staff of the American Biscuit and Manufacturing Company and
raided their recipes. But they were just as bad."
"In
1912 they tried to make biscuits but they ended up making 3 cookies
by mistake instead."
"The
'Trio', as they came to be known, consisted of
“The
Mother Goose Biscuit (fois gras between pancakes)
"The
Veronese Biscuit (Parmesan patties with hard salami paste covered in
marinara)
"and
The Oreo Biscuit (bad tasting chalky carbon disks with a dusting of
bitter
chocolate, with a lard and sugar filling)
"Several
factories were burned to the ground after the Trio was introduced to
the public, leaving only Oreos intact within the military tins that
were purchased to be fired at the Germans in France during the war.
"Starving
to death, the allied troops fell in love with Oreos and a cookie
empire was born."
---
Fun
as it was to re-write that history, it was most amusing to read far
enough down to find out they actually stole the recipe.
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