[9:06
AM] Mr. Brown:
I
totally forgot about my anniversary today even after knowing last
week and telling
myself
to not forget
[9:07
AM] Mr. Silver:
So you
bought her a laser thermometer?
Which
anniversary is laser?
10:24
AM] Mr. Brown:
So 7th
anniversary is copper and wool
Anybody
have some wool and a penny
[10:24
AM] Mr. Silver:
Get with
the times! 7th is LASER!
[8:05
AM] Mr. Silver:
So...
"Dracula Untold"
A film
with some issues...
It DID
get a star on Rotten Tomatoes...so that's something.
Assume
you've seen it?
[8:07
AM] Mr. Blue:
I saw it
listed on VOD
[8:12
AM] Mr. Silver:
Well,
it's one of those "Dracula's power's weren't cool enough, let's
go bigger" escalations Hollywood loves.
And "So
if he could do that, why didn't he just do this?" plots.
"I
am Vlad Drakul, and I'm a little thick."
[8:12
AM] Mr. Blue:
Yeah
I
thought it looked like more of a Vlad the Impaler origin story but
with vampire stuff
[8:17
AM] Mr. Silver:
They
talked about him doing the impaling when he was younger...Did some in
the film.
Which
was an issue.
"Dude...you
had time to do all this – solo – to impress the villain, when you
could have just killed him and ended the war."
[8:19
AM] Mr. Blue:
They
should just do a Vlad Tepes movie. He was pretty cool in his own
right
Maybe
throw some Slav mysticism into it
[8:19
AM] Mr. Silver:
I assume
Romania has a few such films, but that's me assuming.
[8:27
AM] Mr. Silver:
(“Dracula
Untold” voiceover) "There are no images to tell us what
Vlad looked like..."
Granted,
the fellow in row 3 is Lord Byron...
[8:29
AM] Mr. Blue:
Woodcut
published 10 years after his death in Nurnberg
[8:30
AM] Mr. Silver:
The
voiceover came across in my head the same as the "Stonehenge"
bit from "Spinal Tap" talking about druids - "No one
knows oo dey were...or what day wurr doin'."
[8:34
AM] Mr. Blue:
lol
[8:37
AM] Mr. Silver:
Anyway...although
I had a good time watching it, and we snuck in a bit of mockery...
it was a
bit lopsided.
Oh!
For the castle set, they chose a building that was clearly designed
as a cathedral in the middle of an indefensible area with nothing
around...because...um...
BUT!
They flee to a “monastery” that is the exact sort of fortress a
fellow would want.
50 guys
could have held it for months
[8:41
AM] Mr. Blue:
Vlad in
particular was known for castles on the edges of cliffs or tops of
mountains
as most
frontier rulers were, if they wanted to survive the Turks
[8:47
AM] Mr. Silver:
That's
the thing. You just don't build a castle out in the middle of
nothing unless you have to. The existing castles, or ruins that are
like that, are either just houses or had all the protections filled
in.
[8:49
AM] Mr. Blue:
It seems
like another common thing in Romania/Hungary was fortified churches,
but yeah, these had multiple walls and turrets and stuff
Interesting
reading
Vlad was
actually raised and trained by the Ottomans
His
brother converted to Islam and served the Ottomans. Vlad was defiant
[9:05
AM] Mr. Silver:
Yes,
Vlad was a political hostage in his youth
They
left it in the movie.
[9:06
AM] Mr. Blue:
No
wonder he hated Turks
[9:06
AM] Mr. Silver:
Basically
the whole motive for the plot.
[9:09
AM] Mr. Blue:
lol...
“Vlad
refused, because if he had paid the 'tribute', as the tax was called
at the time, it would have meant a public acceptance of Wallachia as
part of the Ottoman Empire. Vlad, like most of his predecessors and
successors, maintained the independence of Wallachia. On the pretext
that they had refused to raise their "hats" to him, Vlad
had the Turkish envoys killed by nailing their turbans to their
heads.”
Those
poor envoys and messengers... always getting owned
I forget
who or where, but I read recently someone buried an envoy alive just
because.
Do you
remember if we discussed that? it was a female leader
(Mr.
Silver here... Yes, she was in the previous post, but these things
have got all mixed over time and there were long periods where I
didn't save much)
[9:13
AM] Mr. Silver:
Was that
Saint Olga the Flaming Blood Bather?
[9:13
AM] Mr. Blue:
Yeeaaahh
that's it
“The
Drevlians sent twenty of their best men to persuade Olga to marry
their Prince Mal and give up her rule of Kievan Rus. She had them
buried alive.”
Just
doin' their jobs, lady
[9:25
AM] Mr. Silver:
Messengers
came up with that whole "Don't kill the messenger" thing.
(Vlad)
"What a novel idea. Who said that, messenger?"
(Turkish
messenger) "Uh (looks around at crosses) Jesus."
[9:32
AM] Mr. Blue:
That'd
be cool if they still did that today
[9:32
AM] Mr. Silver:
Killed
diplomats?
[9:36
AM] Mr. Blue:
"Good
evening! Our top story tonight: John Kerry was burned alive by
Vladimir Putin’s entourage for apparently turning his back on the
Russian president."
"In
response, President Obama has rounded up 600 of the closest ethnic
Russians in proximity to the White House and is herding them into the
Potomac at gun point."
[9:38
AM] Mr. Silver:
Kind of
explains why these guys were always sent with a retinue of 20-30
soldiers.
"Your
job is basically to hold off the prince's guards long enough that the
messenger might be able to get to a horse and run for it."
[9:41
AM] Mr. Blue:
LOL
Maybe
these messengers/envoys were just people the king/prince/ruler didn't
like
“No
no...losing that entire shipment to raiders was just an misfortune. I
don't blame you, Sir Rodney. By the way, I have a dispatch I need
carried to Olga of Kiev.”
[9:43
AM] Mr. Silver:
Perhaps
a translator issue.
[9:44
AM] Mr. Blue:
That was
probably pretty common
Even a
customs issue. Something normal in one culture might've been a slight
or offense in another
Like a
middle finger or something
[9:44
AM] Mr. Silver:
(messenger)
"His majesty wants peace. He is offering this territory
and his daughter to marry your son, and would like you to come around
to play tennis on Sunday."
(king)
"What did he say?"
(translator)
“There will be no peace if you do not offer him this territory.
He wants to marry your daughter and kill your son. You have til
Sunday or he'll use you to string his tennis rackets"
[9:46
AM] Mr. Blue:
LOL
"Under
the tombstone attributed to Vlad there was no tomb. Only many bones
and jaws of horses."
Proof
Vlad was some kind of mythical beast, IMO
He seems
alright. I wouldn't want Turks crawling around my voivodeship either
[9:48
AM] Mr. Silver:
"Vlad
liked him some horse jaw for dinner."
He was
probably buried under "dinner"
Oh
Hoot! From the movie.
"A
battalion of my scouts are missing."
(Vlad)
"I didn't kill them."
(me) "A
BATTALION of SCOUTS!!!!????"
[Wiki -
"Typically a battalion consists of 300 to 800 soldiers and is
divided into a number of companies. A battalion is typically
commanded by a lieutenant colonel."]
[9:51
AM] Mr. Blue:
“It
has also been said that in 1462 Mehmed II, the conqueror of
Constantinople, returned to Constantinople after being sickened by
the sight of 20,000 impaled corpses outside Vlad's capital of
Târgoviște.[31]”
The
logistics seem like a nightmare
[10:08
AM] Mr. Brown:
"I’m
here to tell you about AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!! Get that pole out of me!"
The
putting of things on pikes always was a psychological warfare thing
too.
It would
be interesting to go back in time and find out he did all this
because he wanted them to think of him as a monster, not just cause
he wanted to do it
[10:15
AM] Mr. Silver:
It was
certainly psychological warfare
So I
think my favorite Vlad Tepes thing recently is from Ghost Adventures'
Transylvania special.
Because
no matter how many Romanians said the guy's name...including a living
relative...
Zack
always pronounced his name wrong.
[10:21
AM] Mr. Brown:
VLAUD,
VLAD, VLUAD?
[10:21
AM] Mr. Silver:
No...
"teh-PESH"
EVERYONE
there said "TEH-pish"
[10:22
AM] Mr. Blue:
I
thought it was tep-ees like Joe Pesci
[10:23
AM] Mr. Silver:
Has an
aspirant at the end, but the accent is never like he was doing.
The
episode itself was fun, of course, but the American just calling a
national hero by the wrong name over and over was delicious icing.
Example:
(Romanian
ghost hunter) "We have come to America to talk to you about your
president Washtoning."
"Washington."
"Yes.
Washtoning is a hero here, yes?"
"Uh...yeah.
So we called the nation's capitol, and a whole state, and about a
million locations 'Washington'."
"So
Washtoning is a really, like, revered...a household name."
"Listen
you..."
Vlad
would have impaled Zack Bagans...no doubt.
[10:45
AM] Mr. Blue:
LOL
Looks
like that painting that's mostly used for Vlad they gave him a
Hapsburg lip,
but the
earlier woodcuts don't have that. And he wasn't related to the
Hapsburgs
Maybe
someone in the Hapsburg court added that to forge a relationship
[10:48
AM] Mr. Brown:
You
talking about a fat lower lip?
[10:49
AM] Mr. Blue:
Kinda
The
Hapsburg family in Europe had a common facial feature they call the
Hapsburg lip
Assume
its from - if not straight up inbreeding - certainly from a lack of
genetic variation
[1:23
PM] Mr. Silver:
No
Family Feud today. Cosby trial stuff
[1:24
PM] Mr. Blue:
What's
the deal with him wearing sweaters and hats that say like "HELLO
FRIEND"
How
about "VERY APPROACHABLE"
"TRUST
ME WITH YOUR KIDS"
[1:24
PM] Mr. Brown:
He is
stuck in his TV show
LOL
[1:24
PM] Mr. Silver:
We're
watching and they show him come in and smash into the metal
detector. Yes, it become rapidly clear that the man is blind.
They
showed that once.
They
then showed – approximately 30x in a row – him being led through
a door, around to the right, through another door, take another
turn...repeat.
After
about a dozen times, we wondered why they kept showing the same
thing.
A few
more and I said "What if the guy leading him is just messing
with the blind guy and going around in circles?"
[1:25
PM] Mr. Blue:
Hehe
[1:26
PM] Mr. Silver:
"When
are we gonna get to the courtroom?"
"Just
a few more minutes, Mr. Cosby, sir. (snerk)"
(camera
follows outside, past dumpster, into local green area...)
[1:27
PM] Mr. Brown:
“Just
confess and you can take a break.” keeps walking him in a circle
[1:30
PM] Mr. Blue:
“Okay
we're here, sir." *camera pans out and you see sinks and
urinals*
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