392 - We're All Worms For Food, Saint Evil, Sad Succubus, The Milk Is Free But He Really Liked Buying Cows, Miracle Or Malpractice?, and Plant Maintenance Position Available: Manure Provided

[‏8:53 AM] Mr. Silver:
Tell them Mr. Brown...they can stay over there.
[‏8:53 AM] Ms. Rose:
Mornings. (rain)(umbrella)
[‏8:56 AM] Mr. Silver:
Experiment: "How dry do you have to cook a meal worm and how much BBQ powder do you have to coat it in to make it taste like a potato chip?"

[‏8:56 AM] Ms. Rose:
:&&
[‏8:57 AM] Mr. Brown:
Very little
Want to try one ?
[‏8:58 AM] Mr. Silver:
"New from Can-o-bait!"
I mean I'll grant that people the world over eat and enjoy these snacks and that they are guaranteed part of our future diet...

But "very little" is how much I "want to try one"
[‏9:04 AM] Ms. Rose:
"In my mouth" is where I would barf, if I even "smelled" one.
[‏9:05 AM] Mr. Blue:
Scatter a few in the popcorn machine and the coffee pots and wait for screams
"It's okay! It's food-grade!"
[‏9:06 AM] Ms. Rose:
lol
[‏9:11 AM] Mr. Brown:
LOL
That would be amazing
[‏9:15 AM] Mr. Silver:
Hehe
[‏9:17 AM] Mr. Brown:
I see somebody dumped about 40 bottles of tequila in the popcorn

[‏9:39 AM] Mr. Blue:
Okay I tried one
It tastes like those long crispy things that people sometimes put on salads in place of croutons
[‏9:41 AM] Ms. Rose:
Chow mein noodles?
[‏9:41 AM] Mr. Blue:
Yeeeeaaaah
[‏9:41 AM] Ms. Rose:
I can't believe you ate one. You're going to DIE.
[‏9:43 AM] Mr. Blue:
Mr. Brown and i both agreed it "tasted familiar" but couldn't put our finger on it
I think bugs aren't really in our DNA like it might be for east Asians
Other people cringe at the thought of drinking milk from a cow's udder
[‏9:45 AM] Mr. Brown:
Its only a texture thing with me at times
[‏9:45 AM] Mr. Blue:
Tapioca pudding gives me the willies

[‏2:16 PM] Mr. Blue:
This lady's a *saint* ? https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Olga_of_Kiev

[‏2:27 PM] Mr. Silver:
"Not-That-Holy-Not-Equal-to-the-Apostles-Under-Review-for-Demotion Olga"
Crap...left out "Pyro"
(Pope to self, looking at Olga dossier) "Miracles... miracles... "Mass murder by deception/entrapment/burning alive"... (makes checkmark)

"Burying diplomats alive" (check)
"Mass slaughter of opposition, burn and raze by primitive weapons of mass destruction" (check). Welp...that's three!”
I think she's a saint because she had all the bishops and priests soaked in oil, strapped to firewood, and explained to them that she is one.

[‏9:39 AM] Ms. Rose:
One of my recent faves: http://www.theonion.com/article/aging-succubus-lowering-standards-men-ever-she-tur-52919

[‏9:40 AM] Mr. Brown:
I had a dream about being attacked by a succubus.
Like in the dream I realized it was one
lol
[‏9:40 AM] Mr. Silver:
...that's how they attack, of course...
[‏9:41 AM] Mr. Brown:
Yep, but I woke up refreshed
[‏9:41 AM] Mr. Silver:
Granted, it's not so much an attack as a...um...you know...session
Waking up refreshed is because the first one is free, Mr. Brown
(Reads article)
Poor succubus...
Hanging with the wrong crowd.
Plenty of gamer cosplayer types have money and influence, and would really go for the wings and tail.
Guys in the SCA too...
But I've told "Hell Party" tales enough in here.
[‏10:13 AM] Mr. Brown:
In my dream there were no wings and such
So i think i just took over my dream and started making up stuff
[‏10:14 AM] Mr. Silver:
Mr. Brown "I put on my robe and wizard hat..."
(speaking of ancient net troll stories...)
She get irritated when you went lucid on her?  Lot of sighing? 

"So much for MY good time.  I had a whole high-end fantasy set up for you and you dreamed of this?"

[‏10:25 AM] Mr. Brown:
No, I was in my bed at my old house
[‏10:26 AM] Mr. Silver:

"Ooo baby, you make me-... … Are these “Power Ranger” sheets?  (looks around)  What address did I end up at?"
[‏10:38 AM] Mr. Brown:
My dreams always go a little crazy and I always know I’m in a dream
[‏11:28 AM] Mr. Silver:
https://mtgcardsmith.com/view/complete/full/2015/3/24/1427254880396721.png

From Mr. Gray - "Oh hell yes! The gamer crowd is full of Pickens. After all, look what happened in Knights of Badassdom LOL"

I think he meant "pickins"
(me) "Who's Pickens?"

[‏1:01 PM] Mr. Silver:
Holy what?  http://www.rawstory.com/2016/05/christian-charity-boss-admits-to-embezzling-475000-in-donations-to-pay-for-his-sex-addiction/

[‏1:07 PM] Mr. Blue:
That's a lot of porn site subscriptions
[‏1:12 PM] Mr. Silver:
Apparently
So since he started this right away, and was caught due to his tax return of a couple years back, he spent approximately $22619 and 5 cents a year for 21 years.

[‏1:22 PM] Mr. Brown:
That’s when you have to admit you have a problem
[‏1:22 PM] Mr. Silver:
At the first 20k?
[‏1:22 PM] Mr. Brown:
For one thing, you're paying for something that is free
lol
And you're embezzling to get it
[‏1:23 PM] Mr. Silver:
Should look for a picture...maybe just HE costs $20k a year
(Sex worker) "Ewww!  Augh!  Ugh!  Barf!  Ralph!  NOOOO!!!!" 
(Petersen) "OK...10k was a bit lowball.  How about 20?" 

"Hmmm...maybe you ARE cute for 20 thousand..."
I cannot, in fact, find a picture of him.

[‏2:01 PM] Mr. Blue:
Guy behind me has a massive Jesus painting at his desk
You can probably see it from your desk if you look over here   

[‏2:03 PM] Mr. Silver:
Old timey picture all in sepia?
[‏2:04 PM] Mr. Blue:
Yeah
It's like a dying kid with his family and a ghost Jesus hanging out next to him
Like those memes online where Jesus is like trying to mess people up while they work
[‏2:05 PM] Mr. Silver:
(Jesus) "Get better kid, or I'm putting you on the short list for Hell.”

(kid opens eyes in horror)

(nurse) "Praise be!" 

(doctor) "Thank you...my medical training never mentioned that tactic."

[‏2:07 PM] Mr. Blue:
*surgeon goes to medical school for 7 years, then a 5 year residency, then 10 years in the triage, performs life-saving operation* 

(parents) “He's alive!  Jesus SAVED him!”

[‏2:08 PM] Mr. Silver:
(doctor) "Don't TOUCH him!  The kid's contagious!" 

(Jesus) "Oh ME!" 
On the flip-side, the same doctor can always fob off his losses/malpractice cases on God.
A magical period of medicine, really.
(doctor) "We did all we could... It's up to little Timmy and God now... 'Cause I know I'M not winnin' THIS one!  WOW, is he finished!"

(Goes to next group of grieving people) "Well...the cyst was inoperable and going necrotic...but fortunately Jesus collected him last night! So he's OK!" I read a criticism of Americans by foreigners living here again recently.
One mentioned the belief in God's and Jesus' inexplicable desire to cheat at sports events for the home team.
[‏2:21 PM] Mr. Blue:
Heheh

[‏12:22 PM] Mr. Silver:
(blinks at email...) Found Article: Manure Kit.

"Oh! Manicure!"
[‏12:22 PM] Mr. Blue:
Heh
“We are seeking candidates for a Plant Maintenance position in the Citytown office location”
"Mostly watering and rotating"
[‏12:25 PM] Mr. Silver:
"Singing/talking to vegetation with no shame a bonus"
[‏12:25 PM] Ms. Rose:
ROFL watering and rotating.
“Must have knowledge of practical application of Miracle Grow.”

[‏12:27 PM] Mr. Blue:
"What made you apply for this job?" 

"Well I’d like to think i have a bit of a green thumb!  Hahaha!" 

"Heheh... just to be clear... do you know what 'Plant Maintenance' means?"

[‏12:31 PM] Mr. Silver:
The reverse would likewise be hilarious –

(Applicant) "Well, I'm an electrician as well as having a thorough grounding in electronics maintenance." 

(Interviewer) "Excellent...interesting... Ummm... What is your opinion on liming compost?  Are you more a microbial man or do you prefer chemical treatments?"
(Applicant) "Uh... Like in my yard?  What IS that smell, anyway?"

[‏12:36 PM] Mr. Blue:

"Pop quiz: What time of the year do purple coneflowers bloom in Zone 2?"
[‏12:40 PM] Mr. Silver:
(Baffled...sweating... Grins) "Ahhhhh!  I get it!  You're having me on!" "HAHA! You caught me! "coneflowers in Zone 2” Good one, eh?  Well, I think we've got our man!"