Thursday, September 8, 2016

376 - Mankind Served On A Gold Platter, Hot Russian Dates Available At Your Local Drug Store, Mr. Mustard Has A Hankerin' For Hickory Smoked Burglar, and Tonight On AMC's "The Rambling Dead"

[3:26 PM] Mr. Blue:
People online were complaining that the drawings of humans on the Voyager disk were too Caucasian/European looking.
[3:30 PM] Mr. Silver:
...Pioneer plaques
Gold skin... I see what they mean.
[3:30 PM] Mr. Blue:
I think cuz of the hair and facial features being European - thin nose, straight hair, etc.
[3:31 PM] Mr. Silver:
Yes, but tell the Mongolians to pay for the next one.
[3:31 PM] Mr. Blue:
LOL
I assume Mongolians could care less... it was probably black people that were complaining.
[3:32 PM] Mr. Silver:
(Pioneer plaque project lead) "What physical characteristics should we choose?  We need to be thoughtful about this."
(Engineer) "Uh...I already convinced Nelson's receptionist to pose nude with me."
"Woah! All in favor? (hands shoot up)"
[3:32 PM] Mr. Blue:
"Lets give them a big afro, but a pointy nose and a little dick... cover all the bases"
[3:32 PM] Mr. Brown:
Five arms, one leg, six eyes, and green.”
[3:34 PM] Mr. Blue:
There was a conversation I saved from Twitter where some comedian dudes were altering the people on the plaque.
They gave the man Goku hair and big tits.
[3:36 PM] Mr. Silver:
They did a bit on Earth messages to aliens on Big Bang Theory.  The last 2 minute gag was the one character describing Earth and the being off-screen with tentacles commenting that the pink beings looked delicious.
[3:36 PM] Mr. Blue:
Heheh
[3:37 PM] Mr. Brown:
I think it would be funny to give the worst description ever, so if other life finds it they'll watch and go WTF?!
[3:39 PM] Mr. Silver:
Just scenes of us smiling and waving and frolicking with strange creatures from fantasy movies, and cuts to us blowing aliens to gooey steaming piles.  Back and forth.  Then a final scene with a photogenic family with flowers in one hand but loaded down with guns.



[‎11/‎27/‎2015 3:30 PM] Ms. Rose:
Saw this clueless rant on FB
My complaint is that corner was obviously a trojan, since it used the same picture as one of the “Hot Dates” sites. The picture is back today, in different box on the page, and they tell me this is a Sleep-Aid sold by Walgreens!”
 
But you know what? Previously I saw it was sold by CVS!”
[‎11/‎27/‎2015 3:23 PM] Mr. Silver:
So that girl is a hot Russian date, huh?
[‎11/‎27/‎2015 3:30 PM] Ms. Rose:
It kind of sounds like he's more upset that his favorite sleeping aid now available at Walgreens instead of CVS. :P
[‎11/‎27/‎2015 3:31 PM] Mr. Silver:
"I so look forward to evening when meet you!  Please to ring at lobby to buzz in, and please to bring me hairbrush for hair and nice blouse."
[‎11/‎27/‎2015 3:31 PM] Ms. Rose:
Hahaha
[‎11/‎27/‎2015 3:32 PM] Mr. Silver:
"Also I look forward to eating and what you call leftovers in dog bag."
...clearly Russian Trojan Girl is not my ideal type...
(at the restaurant)
"So what do you do for a living Natasha?"
"I am sleep aid for the CVS"
"You...are a sleep aid?"
"Da."
"I don't understand."
(1 hour of vapid conversation later)
"Zzzzzzz"
"Waiter man? Bring czech please.  (grabs wallet from date's pocket, takes cash)  There is card in here."



[‎11/‎30/‎2015 7:44 AM] Mr. Mustard:
[‎11/‎30/‎2015 7:45 AM] Mr. Silver:
the homeowner unknowingly lit a fire in the fireplace”
Holy crap!  The homeowner is a sleep fire-maker!
Late at night, he rolls out of bed and collects newspaper, kindling and logs...
Fortunately he always picks the fireplace.
[‎11/‎30/‎2015 7:47 AM] Mr. Mustard:
Guess fireplaces should include safety instructions:  “Please check to see if any one is in chimney before lighting!”
[‎11/‎30/‎2015 7:47 AM] Mr. Silver:
"Anyone up there?  Santa?  Big Bad Wolf?  Burglar?"
Lt. Brandon Pursell said Caldwell was responsive when firefighters smashed the chimney to get him out, but when they got to the young man he died.”
"Caldwell's injuries were smoke inhalation, burns, and smashing."
I've never actually seen a home chimney of a size I'd try, and that didn't have a damper at the bottom making it nigh impossible to get through anyway...and that's including when I was as undersized as a chimney sweep out of the Victorian era and living in a huge house with a giant chimney. 
[‎11/‎30/‎2015 8:06 AM] Mr. Yellow:
Hmm. I'm not sure I would have put the fire out right away.
Hon? What is all that screaming?”
No idea dear. I lit a fire and it seems the screaming is coming from the chimney. I am sure it will stop soon enough.”
[‎11/‎30/‎2015 8:13 AM] Mr. Silver:
"Now honey...remember last time and how the burglar cooked to the sides and how hard it was to clean?"
"Oh...okaaaaay...."
[‎11/‎30/‎2015 8:15 AM] Mr. Yellow:
Yes, I can see that.



[‎12/‎1/‎2015 7:22 AM] Mr. Silver:
So...you watch "The Walking Dead"?
[‎12/‎1/‎2015 7:23 AM] Mr. Green:
No, not really. Too much to catch up on. I started watching it from the beginning, but was already like 3 or 4 seasons behind. I never went back to it.
[‎12/‎1/‎2015 7:23 AM] Mr. Silver:
That's what we're doing.  You get through season 1?
[‎12/‎1/‎2015 7:24 AM] Mr. Green:
About half, I think
[‎12/‎1/‎2015 7:31 AM] Mr. Silver:
K. Good enough for this then.
I have an issue with these people...
Heh
Episode before last that we watched, the camp gets attacked by about a dozen or so walkers in the early night hours and a bunch of people get killed.
I hate to use the gamer cliche, but they clearly aren't gamers.
The whole massacre could have been prevented with string...heavy cord or rope preferably...and some empty cans.
[‎12/‎1/‎2015 7:44 AM] Mr. Green:
Yeah, especially since they not the fast zombies, but the classic ones...
[‎12/‎1/‎2015 7:44 AM] Mr. Silver:
Walkers are slightly more intelligent than the microbe that took the bodies over.  Their usual speed is about 1/4 mile an hour, and if they bump into something, they simply turn, usually. 
A rope waist high is a wall vs. most of them.
Add a no-effort alarm and you can get a warning clunk noise long before they get near.
This was a pack together and its obvious the people did something that attracted them over, but even at a full speed shamble, the campers could have been fortified and prepped long before they wandered in.
[‎12/‎1/‎2015 10:03 AM] Ms. Rose:
The zombies heard Mr Silver's comment and figured out a way to get around the cans. :P
[‎12/‎1/‎2015 10:08 AM] Mr. Blue:
Heheh
PRIMARY FINDING: "Zombies chewed string".
They'd be noisy too. A chipmunk sounds like an elephant, rustling through dead leaves in the dark.
[‎12/‎1/‎2015 10:11 AM] Ms. Rose:
And now (TV service) might be losing AMC, so we'll NEVER FIND OUT HOW TO STOP THEM!
[‎12/‎1/‎2015 10:24 AM] Mr. Silver:
(Cable rep on phone) "Yes, I understand Walking Dead is your favorite show, but the number of cadavers AMC is demanding we provide for production is rather unreasonable, and there's only so many customers we can kill before the losses stop balancing out."
[‎12/‎1/‎2015 10:26 AM] Ms. Rose:
Hahahaha! OMG, that's brilliant.
"To sign up for our FREE appearance on The Walking Dead offer, please reply with your blood type, physical examination details, and a copy of your most recent living will. To qualify, your account must be current with no disconnects for non-payment within the last 6 months.”
[‎12/‎1/‎2015 10:34 AM] Mr. Blue:
Heheh
[‎12/‎1/‎2015 2:58 PM] Mr. Silver:
Oh, funny final “Walking Dead” thing from my walk to work, early in the morning.
I was walking in the dark down the street, thinking of the attack scenario and how easily thwarted it should have been and etc...
And I'm thinking how unlikely one of these slow stinky things could total surprise someone, grabbing at a person out of the dark woods.
AND SOMETHING GRABBED MY ELBOW - TOTALLY BY SURPRISE - OUT OF THE BUSHES IN THE DARK!!!
Half awake, dark, head full of attacking zombies, and my heart skips a beat because I've been grabbed!
It was a twig sticking out though a fence at the perfect height that someone grabbing at your arm would target.
[‎12/‎1/‎2015 3:09 PM] Mr. Blue:
Hehe
[‎12/‎1/‎2015 3:10 PM] Mr. Silver:
"AUGH!  It's a ZOM...branch..."
[‎12/‎1/‎2015 3:12 PM] Ms. Rose:
Hahaha, that's awesome. My heart would have dropped to my feet.

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