367 - Doomsday Cultist Is Not A Good Interest On A Resume, If You Have A Lien On What You Give You Go To Hell - Like My Accountant, and Zoomers & Cans

[3:09 PM] Mr. Silver:

Good news!  World is ending this month!

The idiot husband of a friend of Mrs Silver and I has finally revealed that the reason he's spent no time looking for a job for the past year is because he and "10,000" other members are just waiting for the end.

[3:12 PM] Mr. Blue:

I’m convinced

Can I have all his stuff?

[3:13 PM] Mr. Silver:

Wife's a hoarder...beware...

[3:14 PM] Mr. Blue:

Maybe just all his money

[3:15 PM] Mr. Silver:

Year...no job...

[3:16 PM] Mr. Blue:

Bah

[3:18 PM] Mr. Silver:

Anyway, he's revealed he'll look again if the world doesn't end. 

[3:18 PM] Mr. Blue:

What's the cause?

Religious, extra-terrestrial, natural

[3:19 PM] Mr. Silver:

"So, Jack...we seem to have a good match in skill set, our offer is good for you.  So what's the story behind your break in the work record for so long?"

(HR stamping Jack's form, post interview) “[Rejected - Do Not Retain Application]”

I'm not sure what The End will be.

Lot of JAY-susss! in his life, though.  Been poisoning his kid, projecting someone's made up values of said messiah...

I'm assuming it's some sort of Rapture.

[3:22 PM] Mr. Blue:

Ahh

Does he know how crazy he sounds?

[3:22 PM] Ms. Rose:

Screw his belongings and his money (or lack thereof). Can I have his followers? They are clearly dumb enough to follow him, so... They'd be perfect for my minions!

[3:22 PM] Mr. Silver:

The unknown pastor?

Oh, I'd be all over that except apparently some of them don't have any money left to give to God.

Wonder what his excuse will be November 1st

[3:34 PM] Mr. Blue:

Those people tend to have short memories and no shame or remorse

(Next day – Mr. Silver)

[12:08 PM] Mr. Silver:

Oh, update

Apparently if you owe money to anyone when the world ends this month, you go directly to Hell.

So apparently the cult leader our friend's husband is following does want to make sure everyone's assets are in order for whatever this scam is.

[12:11 PM] Mr. Blue:

Heheh

[12:12 PM] Mr. Silver:

If he really has 10000 and enough of them put him in their will...and enough of them off themselves on Halloween...

[12:12 PM] Ms. Rose:

Oh my...

[12:12 PM] Mr. Blue:

“The Apocalypse Cult sponsored by Capital One - What's in your faith?”

[12:12 PM] Mr. Silver:

I suppose he wouldn't want to inherit anything with a lien on it.

Hmmm...It's to be 10/7, looks like, according to this article.

[12:14 PM] Mr. Blue:

Boy, that's soon.

I think I’m all squared away, debt-wise

[12:15 PM] Mr. Silver:

Oh...NASA chimed in saying it's not going to happen. 

Meh...they're underfunded...what do they know?

[12:15 PM] Mr. Blue:

I’m glad they responded

[12:16 PM] Ms. Rose:

I'm sure I can take care of $60k debt before Wednesday. Really, I've just been sitting on piles of cash. But writing checks with all those zeroes...exhausting!

[12:16 PM] Mr. Silver:

"NASA IN DEBT.  GOING TO HELL 10/7/2015."

[12:17 PM] Ms. Rose:

"No, guys...space dudes...I told YOU! We were supposed to aim for OUTER-planetary orbit. Not INSIDE the planet in the fiery hell magma! GOSH!"

[12:17 PM] Mr. Blue:

We need to give crackpots their proper pedestals and courtesies

[12:23 PM] Mr. Silver:

"But of that day and hour no one knows, not even the angels of heaven, nor the Son, but the Father alone."

And yet...they try to figure it out.

Under the argument "It doesn't mean you can't try to figure it out."

[12:26 PM] Mr. Blue:

It's passed

Jesus said it'd be "within this generation"

[12:26 PM] Mr. Silver:

Yup.  The world ended sometime around 50 AD and this is Heaven.  

What a slum.

(preacher) "I calculated it based on a secret Torah Code a guy told me."

"A guy?"

"Mis-spoke...the Holy Spirit."

"OH!"

[12:28 PM] Ms. Rose:

Jesus and Pals.

[12:28 PM] Mr. Silver:

Jim Henson's "Apostle Babies"

[12:28 PM] Ms. Rose:

ROFL

"I saw the date in 'The Fast and the Faithfullest, 7'. Duh."

[12:34 PM] Mr. Silver:

(Jesus returns to Heaven)  "Hey Dad, I'm back again!  I told them just what You said about the earth being cleansed and stuff within a generation."

"Huh?  I never said that.  I said within this genesis.  Son, you never pay attention."

"Genesis?  Like...this whole creation?  So when does that end?"

"Heck, I dunno.  It's sure isn't 20 years or whatever you told them.  Heck, they haven't even invented movies yet and I'm looking forward to Star Wars coming out."

[11:52 AM] Mr. Brown:

Don't understand the hostility towards breast feeding.

[11:54 AM] Mr. Silver:

It's simple, Mr. Brown...Americans are babies

[11:54 AM] Mr. Blue:

I think the breast feeding thing seems mostly fabricated. Like some prude in some restaurant in this vast country asks a breastfeeding lady to leave or cover up, and then the entire country thinks it's an epidemic

[11:55 AM] Mr. Silver:

Hell...even during the Victorian Age the Brit Victorians made fun of American prudes.

[11:56 AM] Mr. Blue:

If I were a woman breastfeeding, I would do it in private. But that's for my own reasons and not because of anybody else. If you wanna hang those chimichangas out in public for every perve and deviant to see, that's up to you.

[11:59 AM] Mr. Silver:

"She's feeding her kid... You're a grownup who chews with his mouth open and smacks his lips like a pig... YOU get out of the restaurant."

[12:01 PM] Ms. Rose:

Never heard them called chimichangas before. Will have to start using that...

[12:02 PM] Mr. Blue:

I did once and now I try to use it a lot

[12:02 PM] Mr. Silver:

Confession...my favorite breast slang term is "zoomers" since I saw it on a list.  I don't know where it came from but to this day I think I'm the only person I've heard say the word.

It makes no sense at all unless its a multi-phase bastardization of “bosom”.

(still giggling over here)

[12:04 PM] Ms. Rose:

Zoomers is hilarious. My old boss, who was quite well-endowed, used to call them "bazoomas." Like, phonetically saying bosoms.

[12:04 PM] Mr. Brown:

Cans

[12:04 PM] Mr. Blue:

Sometimes I hear cans referring to breasts and yet sometimes it's the butt?

[12:04 PM] Mr. Silver:

Right.  There's a good one for a weird reason.

[12:05 PM] Mr. Brown:

She has some wonderful tommyknockers

[12:05 PM] Ms. Rose:

I thought it was always the butt. Didn't know they were called cans, too!

[12:05 PM] Mr. Silver:

A man and a woman can have a can. 

Women get a can...and cans...

[12:06 PM] Ms. Rose:

Can a woman get canned on her can over exposing her cans at work?

I think I just blew my own mind.

[12:06 PM] Mr. Brown:

Look at those gourds!

IF she is dancing the can can with her cans a blazing

[12:07 PM] Mr. Silver:

Ablazing?  Also it's Cancan....

[12:08 PM] Mr. Brown:

That lady has two hams and a pair of melons

[12:08 PM] Mr. Silver:

Total change but I've been assuming for some years now that the origin of Americans saying "Whee!!!" came from WWI soldiers hitting the Moulin Rouge and watching the Cancan girls shouting "OUI!"

[12:08 PM] Mr. Blue:

"Can" referring to butt dates to at least 1931 https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blind_Willie_McTell#Singles

[12:08 PM] Ms. Rose:

Headline: “Cancan Cans Canned. Woman sues dance company over breast discrimination.”

[12:09 PM] Mr. Brown:

Ta Ta's

Headlights was always a good one too

'cause you can have low beams and high beams

[12:10 PM] Mr. Blue:

Now look here momma let me tell ya this
If ya wanna get crooked I'll even give ya my fist
Ya might read from revelation back to genesis
Ya keep crooked your southern can belongs to me
So there ain't no use in bringin no jive to me
Your southern can is mine in the mornin
Your southern can belongs to me

A catchy, laid-back tune about domestic violence

[12:11 PM] Mr. Brown:

Skeeter Bites. I hear people use that one, normally in an insulting manner.

[12:13 PM] Mr. Silver: 

None of the other ones were insulting? 

And ex-college roomie from Virginia would say "Fried eggs"