11:04
AM Mr. Silver
Mornin'
Ms. Rose.
11:06
AM Ms. Rose
Happy
Friday, all.
11:06
AM Mr. Silver
Did
you wear your ugly Christmas sweater?
11:08
AM Ms. Rose
Pens
t-shirt for me today.
I
haven't worn ugly Xmas sweaters since the 80's, when we didn't know
they were ugly. Old school, yo.
11:09
AM Mr. Silver
"On
the contrary, this is a TERRIBLE Christmas sweater. It's got
nothing to do with Christmas and isn't even a sweater."
11:13
AM Mr. Brown
I
read Pens t-shirt way too fast.
11:14
AM Ms. Rose
LOL
11:14
AM Mr. Silver
The
old Pen Island effect, eh?
11:14
AM Mr. Brown
Yes
My
brain decided I was reading something else.
11:15
AM Ms. Rose
Our
hockey team name makes for golden typo opportunities. Me and my dad
always text back and forth during the games. Once I sent him: PENS
SCORE! Except...that's not what I wrote.
11:17
AM Mr. Blue
LET'S
GO PEN!S
11:17
AM Ms. Rose
I
sent my typo and dad was like: We need to talk about this new
boyfriend of yours...
11:18
AM Mr. Brown
He's
got the puck!
11:35
AM Mr. Silver
He's
got the ****!
11:53
AM Mr. Silver
"A
formal suicide is pending."
11:55
AM Ms. Rose
Okay,
in the one picture I had to do a double-take. I thought those men
were shoving big bags of nuts in her face. Then I realized they were
microphone thingies taped together. LOL
11:58
AM Ms. Rose
"...read
the proper nut-handling guidelines." *gigglesnort*
12:06
PM Mr. Blue
I’d
rather have nuts in a bag than in a bowl.
12:06
PM Mr. Blue
If
you hit turbulence you'll have it all in your lap and possibly down
your shirt.
12:06
PM Ms. Rose
ROFL
I
wonder what the nut-handling guidelines say about turbulence!
12:11
PM Mr. Brown
I
wonder if air marshals get free nuts.
12:14
PM Mr. Blue
Why
else would you have the job?
12:17
PM Mr. Brown
Free
rides to places but you can never leave the plane.
What
was that recent Liam Neeson film again? 'Non-Stop'
(Liam
voice) “Are you the one that wanted your nuts in a bowl? Come with
me.”
Mr.
Blue
1:27
PM Mr. Silver
I
haven't seen Boys From Brazil since I was too young to understand
what the hell they were talking about.
1:27
PM Mr. Blue
Heh
I
haven't seen it either, but I’ve been meaning to watch it.
Imagine
pitching this movie to studios.
"What's
worse than Hitler? Ninety four Hitlers!"
1:32
PM Mr. Blue
"You
think that's bad...wait for the sequel! Four hundred and
eighteen Hitlers!"
"The
Boys 2 Men from Brazil"
1:52
PM Mr. Blue
Hermann
Göring was appointed Reichsjägermeister (Imperial Gamekeeper) when
the new hunting law was introduced. Thus, when Jägermeister was
introduced in 1935, its name was already familiar to Germans—it was
sometimes called "Göring-Schnaps."[4]
1:55
PM Mr. Blue
Yes
barkeep! I'll have a shot of Goring-Schnaps and some Himmler Cola as
a chaser.
2:10
PM Mr. Silver
Pepsi
Macht Frei
2:19
PM Mr. Blue
Arby's
Macht Frei
2:20
PM Mr. Silver
Arbys
Macht Curly Frei
2:20
PM Mr. Blue
Heh
2:23
PM Mr. Silver
New
Kool Aid Goebbels Grape!
2:24
PM Mr. Blue
Rommel
Raspberry!
Mengelle
Mango!
2:25
PM Mr. Silver
Goring
Frozen Luftwaffles
Leggo
mein Eggo
2:26
PM Ms. Rose
What
did I just walk in to?
2:27
PM Mr. Blue
Bormann
Banana!
2:34
PM Mr. Silver
Repost:
Hermann
Göring was appointed Reichsjägermeister (Imperial Gamekeeper) when
the new hunting law was introduced. Thus, when Jägermeister was
introduced in 1935, its name was already familiar to Germans—it was
sometimes called "Göring-Schnaps."[4]
Then
a lot of Nazi products.
2:35
PMMs. Rose
Mmm...
Jagermeister. I drank WAY too much of that on Friday night. I heard
they used to put a drop of real deer blood in it.
2:37
PM Mr. Silver
"Deer?"
"Close
enough."
Mr.
Silver
11:17
AM Mr. Brown
You
could use that on a lot of planets.
11:18
AM Mr. Blue
The
surface of Venus is not so attractive, with temperatures that can
melt lead, although they say it's a dry heat.
I
think we've done that joke.
11:19
AM Mr. Brown
I
see there have been experiments with dropping stuff to the surface
see if it survives. I'm bored. Let's drop cheese balls and see what
happens.
11:21
AM Mr. Brown
Jupiter
will never be explored. You'd need one heck of a device for that.
11:21
AM Mr. Blue
You
could probably use the same floatie things for Jupiter.
We
landed a probe on Venus that remained in contact with Earth for 23
minutes in 1970. Then another in 1978 that lasted for 45 minutes.
11:23
AM Mr. Silver
That
place just eats anything dropped on it.
11:25
AM Mr. Blue
Everything
is crushed/melted.
11:26
AM Mr. Silver
"Our
last Venus lander has stayed intact and to spec for 6 months so far."
"That's
GREAT!"
"Not
really...it's a cinder block."
11:27
AM Mr. Blue
There's
got to be lots of metals that can survive 900 degree temps but
probably not the crushing pressure.
11:28
AM Mr. Silver
"Conditions
on Venus are so hostile, scientists theorize the planet itself can't
survive them long."
11:29
AM Mr. Blue
They
used to think Venus was a swamp.
Like...
a whole Earth-sized planet, but just 1 type of habitat.
11:39
AM Mr. Silver
(Front page closeup) "New
blimp Venus mission proves planet is toxic Hell ball inhabited by
nubile white women in diaphanous pastel mini tunics, bearing spears.
Astronaut Rod Hardpecs and team determined to land despite risks."
11:45
AMMs. Rose
"Rod
Hardpecs".... HA HA HA HA!
11:49
AM Mr. Blue
(mealy
sidekick) "Rod, this planet is inhospitable! My readings show
it's over 85 degrees!"
Mr.
Silver
(Skippy)
"Look, Captain Hardpecs! It's a city full of young women! A Greek city
on Venus!"
(Rod)
"Whatcha think, Doc?"
(Doc)
"Vell, it is zertainly possible that an ancient Earth culture
kame heere und zettled touwzands of years ago."
(Skippy)
"We should investigate. See if the atmosphere and pressure
and temperature is ok in this mysterious bubble."
(Rod)
"That's the spirit! How'd you like to be the first teen
astronaut to get a date on Venus?"
(Skippy)
"Would I? Oh boy!"
(Rod)
"Get out there, Tiger!"
(Skippy
enters airlock, waves, hits button. Implodes, and melts)
(Rod)
"Whatta ya think, Doc?"
(Doc)
"Mmmm...furrtherr invezdigazion will require zum precautions..."
(Rod)
"Precautions are for the timid, Doc. (lights up cig) Only the
bold will conquer a planet like this."
(Doc)
"But Rod! Your zuit! You kannot go out wizout it!"
(Rod grabs bottle of space scotch and a couple glasses) "I'll be back for dinner."
(Enters Venus atmosphere...lantern jaw all the protection he needs.)
11:54
AM Mr. Brown
My
first day on the job at NASA: “Hey guys, there is this thing I
want to do. Its called a jello mold ship, and I want to go through
the sun with it. Get on it. Use what money you want.”
11:20
AM Mr. Blue
I
see 2 spinning newspaper headlines...
"Mr.
Brown named head of NASA."
and
"NASA goes bankrupt, bought out by Haitian street vendor."
11:20
AM Mr. Silver
"Jello through the Sun project a disaster!"
11:58
AM Ms. Rose
My
mother actually owns a copper jello mold in the shape of the Starship
Enterprise. Not kidding. These are the things that will comprise my
'inheritance' when my parents expire.
12:51
PM Mr. Blue
How
does the jello stay up in that shape?
12:51
PM Mr. Brown
Three
to four boxes of jello will do it.
12:52
PM Mr. Blue
It'd
need some kind of wire endoskeleton, or maybe Twizzlers.
12:53
PM Mr. Silver
Hehe...a
solid gelatin Enterprise.
"Sulu...taste
factor 4. Scotty...we're going to need full pineapple bits."
(Chekov)
"EEn-comink sehrving slicer, Kiptin!"
(Entire
ship jiggles)
"Damage
reports!"
(Spock)
"Minimal damage...the gelatin held."
12:54
PM Mr. Blue
"Enemy
determined to be craving snacks, Captain."
12:54
PM Mr. Silver
"Engineering!
What have we got!?"
(Scotty)
"Wall, captain. I kin re-root power past the mini
marshmallows te get enough pahwer t' return fire, but I kennah
gaurantee it'll last long."
"Do
what you have to!"
(Scotty)
"Aye...I'll do me best."
(Uhura)
"Incoming transmission. They're asking us to surrender and
prepare to be served."
(Sulu)
"Paper plate at long range, Captain."
"Scanners.
What can you tell me?"
(Chekov)
"Slicer pozeeshuning for anothir pass, Kiptin."
"Spock!
Today!"
(Spock)
"Scanners show baked beans, barbecued pork, scalloped potatoes
and green beans."
"Life
forms?"
(Spock)
"One. Gargantuan. Appears to register
as...human, Captain."
"On
screen."
(Giant
hands holding plate and serving slicer...United Federation of
Planets T-shirt)
(Spock)
"Fascinating."
(Bones)
"That...thing? It's human?"
(Spock)
"Sensors register homo sapiens sapiens. Age approximately
57 earth years, failing health, potbellied, approximately 5000 miles
tall."
(Bones
swings science station viewer from Spock and looks in) “Of all the
ridiculous...impossible...”
(Spock)
“And yet, as you can clearly observe, Doctor, the facts speak for themselves.”
(Bone)
“Good God, Jim!”
(Sulu)
"The serving tool is coming in. Ramming speed!"
"Evasive
maneuvers!"
(At
party, jello Enterprise slips off the table and onto the floor)
(Overweight
Trek geek) "Damn it! I need paper towels here!"
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