Day 264 - The Only Shot I See Him Turning To The Right For Is His Mug, and "Which Came First? The Chicken Or The Ass?"

(I drown my brooding with a shortish one... - Mr. Silver)

Mr. Amethyst

So if someone breaks into my house and makes a right, can I shoot them in the back or do I have to wait till they come out of my living room?

11:19 AM Mr. Silver

Did someone?

11:19 AM Mr. Amethyst

No

11:20 AM Mr. Silver

And is "I" actually Mrs. Amethyst asking about whether she should get a shovel or call 911?

11:20 AM Mr. Amethyst

LOL. No, its me wanting to shoot my gun.

LOL

11:20 AM Mr. Silver

Do you plan on inviting this person over?

11:21 AM Mr. Amethyst

Nope.

11:22 AM Mr. Silver

OK....because you shouldn't plan this stuff on an IM.

Just sayin'

11:23 AM Mr. Amethyst

Its the basis for a home defense weapon.

LOL

11:23 AM Mr. Silver

You need more weapons?

11:28 AM Mr. Amethyst

In the IM, I'm only asking if anyone knows the law a little more and I got the answer

It came from my other chat though.

11:28 AM Mr. Blue

I think you'd get in trouble for shooting someone in the back, even if they're breaking into your home.

11:29 AM Mr. Amethyst

Correct.

11:29 AM Mr. Blue

Unless they pose a threat to someone else. Like they're breaking into your daughter's room.

11:29 AM Mr. Amethyst

Correct.

So if they go right, it won't cause issues, because that's my living room.

So if anyone wants to break in and not get shot, turn right.

11:30 AM Mr. Blue

I’d shout a warning in case it's some weird situation.

Someone is drunk and went to the wrong house? Forgot their key? A first responder not following protocol? A buddy playing a prank?

11:31 AM Mr. Amethyst

Buddies don’t prank friends who have guns. LOL

11:32 AM Mr. Blue

Agreed.

There are some situations you might not want to come out blasting.

11:33 AM Mr. Amethyst

Yosemite Sam would disagree, but I’m rational, so you’re right.

11:33 AM Mr. Blue

Maybe if you have a shotgun, load the first round with less lethal or bird shot.

11:34 AM Mr. Amethyst

Rock salt.

11:36 AM Mr. Blue

Yeah.

11:44 AM Mr. Silver

"Well officer, you see, I've been shot with BB's a buncha times, so I figured about 50 in a shotgun shell was gonna be just about the same, but 50 times, right?  So when his chest caved in, well..."

11:46 AM Mr. Blue

Heh

Isn't bird shot just BBs?

11:46 AM Mr. Silver

They are quite a bit bigger than birdshot.

11:47 AM Mr. Amethyst

I want to get glasers.

11:49 AM Mr. Silver

I want a plasma torus launcher.

11:49 AM Mr. Amethyst

lol

11:49 AM Mr. Silver

"Eat fire-doughnut!"

Mr. Amethyst

So Dave is planning on getting roosters, and is debating how to slaughter them.

12:46 PM Mr. Silver

Glasers.

12:46 PM Mr. Amethyst

So far we've come up with a scheme involving 2 guillotines, with small catapults to launch heads at each others bucket.

12:47 PM Mr. Blue

You slaughter roosters?

12:48 PM Mr. Amethyst

We're going to. He needs the hackles, and most chicken farms do mass rooster kills each hatch, so rather than waste 100 baby roosters, we'll raise 'em and kill 'em.

12:59 PM Mr. Amethyst

So, we've decided.

1:00 PM Mr. Silver

Saw blade shooter?

1:01 PM Mr. Amethyst

Step 1 Build a "castle"
Step 2 Populate castle with roosters
Step 3 Capture squirrels and coyotes
Step 4 Lash squirrels to coyotes backs
Step 5 Unleash the new "Worg riders" on said castle
Step 6, Slaughter "Worg riders and Worgs" with bow, axe, and sword.
Step 7 Profit

1:02 PM Mr. Silver

You've overlooked the flaw: The roosters live in this plan.

2:03 PM Mr. Amethyst

Nevermind.

“Chicken Death Race”

2:14 PM Mr. Amethyst

Nevermind, that got nixed.

I feel like a chicken death race wouldn’t work out well anyways.

"What are you in for?"

"Murder. You?"

"Chicken death race"

2:35 PM Mr. Amethyst

Mr. Silver, you may know.

If I create a religion and use the death race as a religious practice, can I avoid prosecution?

2:36 PM Mr. Silver

Yes, if you can get it acknowledged as a legitimate religion and ceremony.

2:37 PM Mr. Amethyst

So it's time to figure out how to do that.

2:37 PM Mr. Silver

"New" religions have much more trouble with such things compared to old ones.

2:41 PM Mr. Blue

Tell 'em you found evidence that Zoroastrians had rooster death races.

2:42 PM Mr. Amethyst

LOL

3:00 PM Mr. Silver

So by “chicken death race”...what are the ceremonial features and benefits of my conversion? 

3:01 PM Mr. Amethyst

Basically its a sacrifice to Darwin, proving that you earn his blessing for the next year by being the fittest.

He's our god.

3:02 PM Mr. Silver

See, citing Darwin and Evolution is going to hurt your petition.

3:02 PM Mr. Amethyst

I disagree. If Scientology can get approved

LOL

3:03 PM Mr. Silver

Have you read how loony Scientology is?  It's sure not science.

Considering we're all alien souls trapped in meat bodies plagued by space demons...

No Darwin or Evolution in sight

3:03PM Mr. Amethyst

Hmmm

So basically I gotta be crazy, without getting institutionalized.

3:03 PM Mr. Blue

Make it sound old. Tell 'em you found some old scrolls in a cave in the middle east

3:04 PM Mr. Amethyst

Can't I say, "it came to me in a dream"?

3:04 PM Mr. Blue

Not crazy enough.

3:04 PM Mr. Amethyst

Or say its for the Mayan gods, because we obviously can't sacrifice people.

And they require a sport, because they had that ball game.

3:05 PM Mr. Blue

That'd work.

3:05 PM Mr. Amethyst

We're just adapting it to modern day.

3:05 PM Mr. Blue

The Race of Quetzalcoatl.

3:05 PM Mr. Amethyst

Yea!

3:08 PM Mr. Amethyst

Founderism!

Where you worship the founding fathers

3:35 PM Mr. Silver

Flounderism!

Pretty close, really.

3:36 PM Mr. Amethyst

LOL

3:36 PM Mr. Silver

Founder...one who starts something.

Founder...to collapse.

Same word, different roots.

3:37 PM Mr. Amethyst

Nice!

3:38 PM Mr. Silver

Like “Fundamentalism”. That's my all time fave.

I suspect it was coined by someone making fun of fundamentalists.

Fundamentals - The key elements of something.

Fundament - A person's ass

3:39 PM Mr. Amethyst

Hahahaha

3:41 PM Mr. Silver

(previously stated in various forms) I picture an Oxford scholar arguing with a hopelessly outmatched religious idealist and saying to him and his cronies.  "Well, I guess that would make you all...funda-mentalists?"

3:42 PM Mr. Silver

So he was trying to say “Your brain is in your bottom", and earned the general approving laughter of his peers, but it was a total whiff to the opponent, who didn't get the insult and ran with it. 

"We're Fundamentalists!  Yeah!"