Day 242 - As Well As All Other Scenarios Including The Control Group, I Invoke The Right To Use No Bear Puns In This Title, "Kiss Me You Don't Exist", Can't Fold Can't Color, Sanguine Sports For The Bloodthirsty Knight, Adventures Of Miss Amethyst, and The Spirit World Wants To Get You Naked

11:00 AM Mr. Silver

http://www.popsci.com/science/article/2013-06/sleep-deprived-men-are-really-bad-judging-who-wants-sleep-them

"This down from 'generally bad' when fully awake and aware."

"On a related note, one or two bracing drinks can plummet the ratings into the 'downright awful' range."

11:02 AM Mr. Amethyst

LOL

11:05 AM Mr. Silver

"Researchers found that even when test women were instructed to approach and tell a man they were interested, 90% of men were confused, and a full 50% asked if it was a gag."

11:09 AM Mr. Silver

"I dunno, it was just...weird...you know?" reported Vincent A, one of the test subjects. 

11:23 AM Mr. Silver

Nice topic...let's see how Mr. Blue's bear rates:

http://www.popsci.com/science/gallery/2013-06/bear-species-order-quality

11:25 AM Mr. Gray

“The American black bear.  The friendliest of all bears.”

That explains why he likes to check in on Mr. Blue so much

"Hey Human!  How ya doing?  I smell something tasty around here!'

11:26 AM Mr. Gray

“It's no danger to humans at all, really; it tends to run away when surprised. At worst, it might yell, which is scary, because it's very big, but not dangerous. It also likes to get drunk, which is an endearing quality in a bear.”

There ya go, Blue ....have a brew with your pal.  Set one out as an experiment and see what happens.

11:27 AM Mr. Blue

I got right between the mom and its cubs and the mom just ran away.

11:28 AM Mr. Amethyst

Going to get its gun.

11:33 AM Mr. Silver

“Yet in the wild, sloth bears are highly aggressive; they'll attack humans without any real provocation, though they typically don't hunt or eat them.”

11:47 AM Mr. Blue

They’re goofy looking.

11:54 AM Mr. Blue

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Ursus_thibetanus_3_%28Wroclaw_zoo%29.JPG this bear literally looks like a man in a costume.

12:20 PM Mr. Silver

Yeah...The elusive "Ill-Fitting-Bear-Suit Bear"

12:35 PM Mr. Blue

It looks like one of those Frankenstein costumes where the eye holes are low, like down in the white area on the chest

I think I can see a zipper on this bear.

12:04 PM Mr. Mustard

I'll have to stop in an Irish Bar, and say to the first lady, 'Kiss Me I'm Irish!!!'
and see if I get beaten up.

12:05 PM Mr. Silver

"Kiss me I'm German" doesn't work...something lost in translation, apparently.

12:08 PM Mr. Mustard

We need new translators then.

12:11 PM Mr. Mustard

"Kiss me I'm Elvis" didn't work either.

12:11 PM Mr. Silver

It's all about the hair and rhinestones. You needed to prep.

12:56 PM Mr. Silver

Hmmm...there are no cowboys made out of rhinestones on Google image search.

12:56 PM Mr. Mustard

Poor Glen.

12:57 PM Mr. Silver

That song makes no sense...unless it's some sort of solipsist commentary.

1:04 PM Mr. Silver

(sings)

"There's been a load of philosophizin'...”

“Truth is on the horizon...”

“But I'm gonna see that reality is a lie...”

“Like a Rhine-stone COW-boy!"

1:13 PM Mr. Silver

Poor Glen.  I had no idea.

2:31 PM Mr. Silver

You can't invent a paper airplane without crushin' a few sheets of paper in frustration...

2:32 PM Mr. Amethyst

Same reason I can’t color eggs.

2:32 PM Mr. Silver

The "One Big Bowl" method failed again this year?"

2:32 PM Mr. Amethyst

Yeah, lol

I use wax and color.

2:33 PM Mr. Silver

"I don't get it...all brown again!  I distinctly put red, blue, green, yellow, orange, pink and purple in this...It's just BS.

2:34 PM Mr. Amethyst

"I can’t color!!!"

2:35 PM Mr. Silver

I'd not mention that when offering tattoo work.  It would just cause a fuss.

2:57 PM Mr. Silver

I’ve made so progress on the plane, looks like.  I need to set up a wind tunnel.

2:59 PM Mr. Silver

I wish Mr. Brown was here so he could talk at it for a while.

2:59 PM Mr. Amethyst

Haha

3:18 PM Mr. Silver

I still want to see a game of "Battle Standard" played.

3:19 PM Mr. Amethyst

Of wha?

3:19 PM Mr. Silver

A game I thought of for SCA fighters.

3:19 PM Mr. Amethyst

OH

3:20 PM Mr. Silver

Football-like, but there’s no ball.  There is a battle standard and end zones though.

3:20 PM Mr. Amethyst

Nice, capture the flag?

3:20 PM Mr. Silver

You score if you can get it across your line, yes.

3:20 PM Mr. Amethyst

Nice!

3:21 PM Mr. Silver

It’s walking speed.  Lateral passes of the standard by hand or throw.

The flag can't touch the ground...dead play.

And, of course, armor and weapons.

Stay in bounds.  Standard bearer can't fight.

3:25 PM Mr. Amethyst

That sounds fun, team size?

3:28 PM Mr. Silver

Not sure.  10-10/15-15/20-20?  It's experimental.

Field size would a factor.

Oh...there's also a resurrection bench, and play doesn't stop until the play is dead or a marshal calls a hold.

3:31 PM Mr. Amethyst

Nice.

Penalty box?

3:31 PM Mr. Silver

Oh.  Killing the standard bearer suspends play to pass the standard and form up. 

Interceptions and steals permitted.

3:32 PM Mr. Amethyst

Nice.

3:32 PM Mr. Silver

Penalties are possible, yeah.

But putting a team down a man is probably not as good as advancement or passing the standard to the other team.

3:34 PM Mr. Silver

If you think you can get a big enough signup, I'll write up the rules.

Just get someone to film it.  Heh

And on THAT note...

One battle event I got a group of fighters grinning for was the "Bannockburn Bloodbath".

Your team choices: Blue Blooded English, Red Blooded Scots

Standard injury rules are waived.

3:46 PM Mr. Silver

Each fighter has red or blue blood bags attached as follows: crown, left cheek, right cheek, both shoulders, upper arm(side), forearm (side), left and right flank, chest, abdomen.  Shield fighters forfeit locations based on size/handedness. 

You stay in until you lose all hit locations, quit, or someone wins.

3:46 PM Mr. Amethyst

Nice.  How about us two-sworders?

3:46 PM Mr. Silver

Two-sword fighters have parts to cut off just like singlestick.

3:47 PM Mr. Amethyst

Nice.  That sounds fun!

3:48 PM Mr. Silver

The idea, of course, is to make a horrifying mess

3:50 PM Mr. Silver

The alternate is all red paint, but the "blue" is a good gag and could placate the Goodtime Slayers who'd bitch it's too "real". 

3:51 PM Mr. Amethyst

Yea, I never understood that.

If you’re hitting me with a stick, it is real. lol

3:56 PM Mr. Silver

We wouldn't want to disturb anyone with realism... Not in a recreation society.  Everyone knows that in the Middle Ages, everyone who was injured in battle laid down quietly and cleanly, or waved their hand and walked off the field to the waiting mass grave hole and climbed in.

4:02 PM Mr. Amethyst

lol

1:46 PM Mr. Amethyst

So I’m starting a small comic "Miss Amethyst's Adventures in Mediocrity"

Kind of a mix of Garfield and Calvin and Hobbes

2:05 PM Mr. Amethyst

My front page so far is just her in the highchair - thought bubble "This is bullshit."

2:09 PM Mr. Silver

Good opener.

3:52 PM Mr. Brown

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2339579/Maureen-Kelly-missing-Washington-state-forest-going-naked-spiritual-quest-fanny-pack.html

      (I'm still following this story.  :-(  - Mr. Silver)

3:52 PM Mr. Brown

So… took a fanny pack, hmm?

That’s not naked.  Do it right, woman!

3:59 PM Mr. Amethyst

lol

3:59 PM Mr. Brown

It’s also not good to do that in general. 

Some horny guys probably took her away.  

Your spiritual journey has taken you to Hank's garage.

4:02 PM Mr. Silver

She could, in fact, still be on the quest...

4:02 PM Mr. Amethyst

For the Hairy Grail?

4:03 PM Mr. Silver

On the other hand, the headline "Bear found with nothing but fanny pack, Swiss army knife and compass in stomach" comes to mind.

4:03 PM Mr. Amethyst

LOL

4:04 PM Mr. Silver

Having completed a non-nude spirit quest that took a year of prep...well...I hope she makes it.

4:04 PM Mr. Amethyst

I need one of those.

4:05 PM Mr. Silver

"Lost in the Gifford Pinchot National Forest, the search has expanded to the neighboring Bronson Pinchot State Forest and the French Stewart Township Park."

4:06 PM Mr. Brown

I don't understand a naked spirit quest.

I mean, I think Native Americans still took clothes.

lol

4:07 PM Mr. Silver

As you've never been called on a spirit quest, how could you understand it?

4:08 PM Mr. Silver

We had a woman at a previous job that just stood up, declared she'd had a spiritual vision and walked out.  She disappeared for all we knew, but she ended up in Portugal.

4:08 PM Mr. Brown

I’ve gone on lots of drives to no particular place.  I just kept driving.  I have always wandered through the woods as a child.

4:10 PM Mr. Silver

And yet, Mr. Brown, that's not God, angels, loas, totems, ancestors, or other denizens of the spirit world calling to you with instructions.

That's “wandering about”.

4:11 PM Mr. Brown

Well, I’ve always been called to the woods.

4:11 PM Mr. Silver

(sigh)

Does that allure include voices or visions or messages or compelling synchronistic elements compelling you to take action or impressing urgency or great importance?

I've always been attracted to the tops of wooded hills and mountains - never had a vision about them

4:12 PM Mr. Amethyst

I’m always called to my couch.

4:12 PM Mr. Brown

Yeah, I just always feel like I need to be in the woods.  No visions other than thoughts of wolves.

4:13 PM Mr. Silver

"Amethyst...Amethyst...this is the Angel of the Lord!  Be not afraid!  Turn to Comedy Central...'Half-Baked' is coming on."

4:13 PM Mr. Amethyst

Psh!  Always Animal Planet – “River Monsters”.

4:13 PM Mr. Silver

"Get two beers before you go...so commandeth The Lord."

4:13 PM Mr. Amethyst

Haha!

4:14 PM Mr. Silver

Try this on Mrs. Amethyst.

You'll meet God right afterwards.

4:14 PM Mr. Amethyst

Right.

Sometimes I consider slipping her LSD.

4:14 PM Mr. Brown

“God told me that BJ's are how you get to Heaven, dear.”

4:14 PM Mr. Amethyst

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

4:15 PM Mr. Silver

Sadly, I’m guessing that line has been used in some cult situations.

4:17 PM Mr. Brown

I wish that line would work for my wife.

LOL

It seems like as soon as a girl gets married, bye bye BJ.

Gray, Zane

Seems pretty...evil, though.

4:17 PM Mr. Amethyst

If you believe the invisible man in the sky will cure your child’s dysentery and medicine is evil, then exploiting faith to gain blowjobs is a good business plan.

4:18 PM Mr. Brown

LOL

4:18 PM Mr. Gray

LMAO

Agreed!

4:20 PM Mr. Amethyst

11th Commandment "Thou shalt open thy mouth, close thine eyes and thou shalt get a big surprise."