Mr.
Silver
Alex
Jones...what a moron...
7:47
AM Mr. Green
That
man is off his rocker... serious mentally ill.
7:48
AM Mr. Silver
7:52
AM Mr. Silver
“They
stole the election. That’s what I’m worried about, Larry,”
Jones told Pratt. “There’s so much election fraud now."
7:53
AM Mr. Green
OMG...
7:53
AM Mr. Silver
While
there is some...and TONS of it is suppression and manipulation...it's
almost all Republican. The "true horror stories of fraud and conspiracy" they tell to justify
their proposed “voter laws” and other voter manipulation/suppression actions are all fabricated.
8:23
AM Mr. Blue
Alex
Jones thinks 9/11, the Moon landing and the Boston bombing were
perpetrated by a Zionist cabal bent on world domination. I
don't know why anyone even gives him air time.
8:25
AM Mr. Blue
And
the semi-mainstream Republicans that link to him and give him air
time aren't doing themselves any favors either.
Apparently
Drudge Report linked to Alex Jones's site 200+ times in the past
year, and he's been on Glenn Beck's show a lot.
Which
is fine by me. Show everyone how crazy you really are.
Jones
can't even keep his own conspiracies straight.
8:26
AM Mr. Silver
Zionist cabal…sure… These New World Order groups aren't very good at what
they do.
(Evil
Mastermind) "Bwahaha! We've faked landing on the
Moon! Give me reports, X! What do we have complete
control of now?"
"Uuuuuhhh....lesseeeee.
(flips a dozen clipboard
pages) Nothing, My
Lord."
8:26
AM Mr. Blue
LOL
8:27
AM Mr. Silver
(Years
later - Evil Mastermind) "Bwahaha! We've
successfully taken down the World Trade Center!!! Give me
reports! What do we have complete control of now, X?"
"(flips pages)
Well...a lot of people are pissed off...millions of American's,
mostly. That's it."
"GOOD!
So we have completed our take-over! Bwahaha!"
"Welllllll...."
"What is it, X?"
"The
skinny from the social analysis team is that we should lay low 'til stuff calms down...like really really
low."
8:29
AM Mr. Blue
Like
the Boston thing… What’s the end game there by the “Zionist
cabal”?
8:29
AM Mr. Blue
Gun
control? Well, the day of the bombing they nixed legislation
that called for more stringent background checks.
These
NWO groups must move at such a snail's pace that they'll probably
have control over the world in about 3000 years.
8:42
AM Mr. Silver
NWO
- "No World Order"
8:50
AM Mr. Blue
NWO
designed Katzenjammer’s mail dashboard to have "Mail"
buttons within a few centimeters of each other, but that take you to
completely different places.
8:51
AM Mr. Silver
It's
all about control...or something. NWO agents are specially trained to
not be very good at design and stuff.
Imagine
the indoctrination!
"Well,
my Lord...he's proven to be not very bright or talented, but easily
motivated, loyal to a fault, and will not reveal even the stupidest
most pointless secrets under torture or when offered alarmingly
good compensation."
"Perfect,
X! Put him on web design. Good...Gooood!"
8:55
AM Mr. Blue
All
part of the Zionist cabal New World Order.
8:55
AM Mr. Silver
Yup.
8:56
AM Mr. Blue
Occupy
the peoples’ free time with confusing and redundant mail clients so
they don't go out and protest or vote or do anything worthwhile.
8:56
AM Mr. Silver
"I
wish him well...he reminds me of my start in comic books. Did
you know, X; I was tortured over the color of a rubber duck for my final
test?"
"What
color was it, my Lord?"
"Ah
AH...(waggles finger)"
"Was
it yellow, my Lord?"
"(sighs
and smiles)Yellow… The color of control, X...the color of
control. You are a clever agent. The amber light on the
traffic signal is one of our greatest achievements, X"
"Yes,
my Lord."
"It
makes half of drivers recklessly speed up, and half slow down far too
soon. Some might call that chaos, but not so."
"But
that is chaos, my Lord."
"Yes,
but it's our chaos, X. We control all those drivers, at
our whim."
9:21
AM Mr. Amethyst
It
seems as likely as my car was fine, and then tried to kill me today.
I
outsmarted the NWO.
9:22
AM Mr. Silver
An
assassination attempt!
9:22
AM Mr. Brown
I
won't buy a car from a government-saved car manufacturer.
Not
in the thought process of “they put something in my car”, but
that they took money from the government.
9:24
AM Mr. Silver
So...they
paid for the new car with your taxes, and then you had to pay for it
again to buy it!
"Double
dip! Commies! Conspiracy! Marxism!"
9:25
AM Mr. Amethyst
Marxism
is a stretch. lol
9:29
AM Mr. Silver
Just
throwing out an oft- misused term of conspiracy nuts. You may
substitute any number of them, like Nazism, Socialism, Fascism...they clearly don't really know what any of them mean.
9:30
AM Mr. Amethyst
Oh.
I like Nazism. Use that from now on.
9:30
AM Mr. Blue
Didn’t
the auto manufacturers all already pay the money back, plus interest?
9:30
AM Mr. Silver
Shhh! Besides, they're Nazis and that's final!
9:44
AM Mr. Silver
Nice
chat with Chuck over the tornadoes.
9:44
AM Mr. Silver
Chuck
"They say it was like a nuke going off."
Me
"Um...that was nothing like a nuke."
9:45
AM Mr. Brown
NOPE
9:45
AM Mr. Silver
Chuck
"Not even a small one?"
Me
"No. I mean, they make pretty small nukes, but that comparison is just
ridiculous. Mind you, a middling tornado has more energy than a
nuke."
9:45
AM Mr. Brown
Nukes
destroy in a wave not a spiral of wind, and there’s no fire or
radiation in a tornado.
9:46
AM Mr. Silver
Anyway...later...a
reporter in the field has a family standing there, prompting stories.
9:50
AM Mr. Silver
"Hi!
Let me drag you through all the painful memories in great detail so
you can give such well-thought out and interesting answers as 'don't
know' and 'scared'!"
"How
did you feel when (insert insipid micro-situation)?"
9:51
AM Mr. Brown
Nukado!
9:53
AM Mr. Blue
"It
was like a tsunami only instead of water, it was a tornado."
9:54
AM Mr. Silver
"Tsunado!
- The latest tale of environmental disaster, exclusively on SyFy!"
9:55
AM Mr. Brown
"Remember
that time it rained really hard? It was like that."
9:56
AM Mr. Silver
Anyway,
Chuck and I had to riff on the victim interview.
9:56
AM Mr. Silver
Me
"I'd like to see one of them answer 'I feel GREAT!'"
Chuck
"That house sucked anyway!"
Me
"I hated it! The neighbors’ house too!"
Chuck
"I bought a TON of insurance on it though! I’m LOADED!"
9:57
AM Mr. Blue
I
always like the reporters on scene at a beach or whatever during a
hurricane and you have some goofball in some weird costume in the
background
9:58
AM Mr. Blue
"The
tide is deadly! The winds are brutal! This is a serious situation!"
*guy in a bear costume walks by dancing*
10:00
AM Mr. Blue
I
loved this guy during Sandy
10:00
AM Mr. Amethyst
LMAO
10:03
AM Mr. Blue
The
news reporters tend to scold the person for making light of a serious
situation.
"Yeah,
right. And you're exploiting a tragedy for ratings and
money...who is worse?"
I
probably have more in common with the shirtless guy with the horse
mask than I do with the reporter bothering people trying to get a
nice sound byte.
10:05
AM Mr. Silver
I
remember Hannah Hart from My Drunk Kitchen going out in it for a
show.
"We
were ordered by the National Guard to stay inside! So here I
am, standing at the crossroads of X and Y, making a cocktail!"
10:06
AM Mr. Brown
Quit
shoving that 20 kids are dead.
“20
kids dead!”
Shut
up, news.
10:07
AM Mr. Silver
The
death count is down from that, though.
10:10
AM Mr. Silver
(talking head) "The
death toll is down to 24. Earlier estimates have been written
off to wishful thinking, and a number of the dead seemed to have
recovered and are staggering around complaining about their brains."
10:11
AM Mr. Blue
Heheh.
There
is an obvious disappointment in the news' tone when situations end up
improving.
10:14
AM Mr. Blue
I
even remember that on 9/11, there were reports of a lot of other
planes unaccounted for after the initial 4. Once all planes in
the air were accounted for there was disappointment from the news.
Like "Oh darn…no more deaths!"
10:21
AM Mr. Silver
"Commercial
jets plowing into targets in San Francisco! Houston! Orlando!
Pocatello! Shanklin, Isle
of Wight!
... Wait...this just in... Commercial jets NOT plowing
into targets in San Francisco, Houston, Orlando, Pocatello
or
Shanklin,
Isle
of Wight!"
10:22
AM Mr. Silver
"Terrorists
fly a commercial jet through the Sun!"
11:16
AM Mr. Brown
11:18
AM Mr. Silver
"Hockley,
pictured here with large ears, was not planning to pursue any
followup."
"She
passed so close, my ear took out her mirror," says cyclist.
11:20
AM Mr. Brown
I
can't believe that somebody would hit & run, then tweet about it.
11:22
AM Mr. Blue
LOL
Yeah.
11:25
AM Mr. Silver
De-evolution.
Petty
fame > self preservation
11:58
AM Mr. Silver
So...what's
the skinny on all the cops in front of Katzenjammer?
Did
they finally notice someone rolling through the stop signs in this town?
12:01
PM Mr. Amethyst
Cops?
Where?
12:01
PM Mr. Blue
Outside.
12:01
PM Mr. Blue
Minor
fender bender.
12:02
PM Mr. Amethyst
Oh,
I was about to leave...quickly.
12:02
PM Mr. Silver
"Are
they approaching the building in 2x2 formation, with Type 3 or higher
body armor?"
"Yeah.
Why?"
"I'm
going on break..."
12:04
PM Mr. Brown
I
know a bunch of state boys went behind my home one day.
12:05
PM Mr. Silver
"They
were carrying something between them wrapped in lawn bags, and had
some shovels. They came back without the bags."
12:06
PM Mr. Amethyst
Probably
compost.
12:06
PM Mr. Silver
Compost?
Makes sense, yeah.
12:06
PM Mr. Brown
It
was probably 6’ long if it wasn’t kind of bent in the middle. I
think it was just grass.
12:08
PM Mr. Brown
I
saw a hand fall out but it was probably a decoration. I think
they are making a mannequin garden.
12:09
PM Mr. Silver
Perhaps
it’s a haunted trail for Halloween. Was there any fake blood?
12:10
PM Mr. Brown
Well,
I know they took two big bags of lime with them, too.
So,
clearly gardening.
12:10
PM Mr. Amethyst
lol
10:38
AM Mr. Brown
Should
be: Would you like a heart attack with that?”
I
can't finish a medium fries, normally. My body says no.
10:40
AM Mr. Silver
"And
could you pour a half pint of secret sauce on those, then 2 slices of
melty cheese?"
"Oh...you
have a defibrillator here? Good. I'd just put it on my
tray, honestly."
10:44
AM Mr. Blue
Based
on the picture, it seems like they're intending it for multiple
people... Like a finger food or something.
10:46
AM Mr. Silver
This
is American cuisine, sir. Expect to see tables of diners
with one each to match their Big Macs and Diet Cokes.
10:47
AM Mr. Blue
I’m
not sure I’d want to share fries with people.
I’ll
just get my own order, thanks.
1:14
PM Mr. Brown
A
plant I’ve had to contend with:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stinging_nettle
1:18
PM Mr. Blue
That
plant looks familiar, but I don't recall the symptoms.
1:20
PM Mr. Brown
It’s
like a bee sting - instant red welts.
I
was thinking, if I had an evil lair, how I would protect it in an
interesting way.
First
line of defense: angry badgers.
Second
line is raccoons with lasers.
Third:
baboons with machine guns.
Then:
Stinging Nettle.
1:27
PM Mr. Blue
I
believe I’m immune to poison ivy... I’ve been camping and hiking
with people that got it and I never did.
1:28
PM Mr. Silver
(Poison
Ivy mother) "Don't touch that human...it's Poison Blue."
2:04
PM Mr. Blue
This
client claims he worked for NASA, but he can't remember the PW he
setup 7 minutes ago.
2:04
PM Mr. Gray
"So
when astronauts go up in space and someone has to remember command
codes to make sure they don’t die.....that’s not you, is it sir?"
2:05
PM Mr. Silver
"I'm
what they call a 'Broom Scientist' at NASA."
2:05
PM Mr. Gray
"Dirt
Disposal Specialist"
2:06
PM Mr. Silver
"You
know...'It doesn't take a rocket scientist to change a
lightbulb...call the broom scientist'? That's me."
2:56
PM Mr. Silver
"I'm
telling you, the pass code is my husband's birthday: 0 16 54."
"And
I'm telling you that there is no month 0."
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