[12:01
PM] Ms. Rose:
[12:03
PM] Mr. Silver:
A
kindergarten teacher and a doctor, eh?
"Russian
authorities reported 'Well, they weren't exactly the smartest
kindergarten teacher and doctor we had'."
[12:05
PM] Mr. Blue:
It
looks like that lady is begging the police man for some
[12:05
PM] Ms. Rose:
These
are often labelled as cosmetics or medicines, and are regularly sold
via vending machines.
*rocks
big machine back and forth* Damn! That was my last dime and my
"medicine" won't come out!
[12:05
PM] Mr. Blue:
The
article doesn't explain why Russians drink 'bath lotion'
[12:06
PM] Mr. Silver:
"Hand
lotion on the rocks with a splash of medicine, please."
[12:07
PM] Ms. Rose:
(rofl)
[12:07
PM] Mr. Silver:
Because
they couldn't afford vodka
So
when the word got around that the stuff had drinkable alcohol in
it...by mistake...it was the alt-hooch of choice.
[12:08
PM] Ms. Rose:
Like
kids trying to robo-trip off cold medicine that doesn't actually have
DXM in it.
[12:08
PM] Mr. Silver:
This
Purell on my desk is 140 proof
I'm
not sure what an 8 oz bottle of same proof spirits at the state store
would run for, but I'll bet its a lot more than Purell.
[12:10
PM] Ms. Rose:
(y)
One
of the dudes I was in rehab with (first time? third time? I forget
which time) actually did drink a ton of hand sanitizer when he
couldn't get anything else. :(
[12:11
PM] Mr. Blue:
Yum
I
remember one of those true crime HBO shows with Cyrill Wecht. They
found some guy dead in a swamp and cut him open and he smelled like
peppermint from drinking mouthwash
Also
where I first learned of de-gloving
Which
is not safe to Google
[12:13
PM] Ms. Rose:
I
think like I might know what de-gloving is without Googling. Not
sure...
[12:13
PM] Mr. Blue:
When
a body's been in water a while, the skin of your hands comes off like
a pair of gloves
[12:13
PM] Ms. Rose:
Nope,
I was wrong.
I
wrongly assumed it was when the plastic glove full of heroine or
whatever illicit drug came open while it was, um...in a cavity.
[12:15
PM] Mr. Silver:
Both
icky
[12:17
PM] Mr. Blue:
Speaking
of that, if you're really hard up, just put the hand sanitizer up
your you-know-what
[12:18
PM] Mr. Silver:
Chimney?
Attic?
Bat
house?
[12:19
PM] Mr. Blue:
A
glass of wine the old fashioned way will probably get you mildly
buzzed, but the same amount up your pooper will probably get you
sufficiently blitzed
[12:19
PM] Mr. Silver:
:D
[12:19
PM] Mr. Blue:
Or
dead. IDK
[12:19
PM] Mr. Silver:
None
of that pesky pre-digestion to wreck it and saliva to dilute it.
[12:19
PM] Mr. Blue:
Yep
[12:20
PM] Ms. Rose:
Sometimes
I really love where our conversations lead. :)
"So
I broke into this liquor store once, right? And I totally took ALL
the sanitizer from their bathroom!" (rofl)
[12:21
PM] Mr. Blue:
LOL
"Then
I broke into Rite Aid and took their last home enema kit"
[12:22
PM] Ms. Rose:
Hahaha!
[12:22
PM] Mr. Silver:
Hehe
[12:23
PM] Ms. Rose:
"Yeah,
I got the GOOD enemas. From behind the pharmacy counter!"
[12:27
PM] Mr. Silver:
Hehe
Suppose
we could market this alcohol delivery system?
"Love
getting hammered but hate the taste?”
“Not
into needles or anything illegal?”
“Now
you can get your drunk on the proctologist way!”
“Introducing
Blotto Butt - the backside booze bottle!"
[12:36
PM] Ms. Rose:
I
am picturing barstools with special applicators that you can just sit
on. That way, you know, getting smashed will still be "social
and fun."
[12:37
PM] Mr. Silver:
(Cops)
"How many drinks have you had tonight, Miss?"
"N-none!
Ofsher... (mugs for camera, stumbles and gives thumbs up) Thanss
Bloddobudt!”
[12:37
PM] Ms. Rose:
"Bartender!
Another shot of Purell. And one for my lady friend, too!"
LOL
We are sick people.
[12:38
PM] Mr. Silver:
Yes
indeed :D
[12:39
PM] Ms. Rose:
"Try
Blotto Butt PINK. Just for her!" (Woman discreetly slips enema
into purse.)
[12:40
PM] Mr. Silver:
"Don't
do shots! Do squats!"
[12:40
PM] Ms. Rose:
OMG.
ROFL!
Yes,
we need to market this.
[12:41
PM] Mr. Silver:
And
a vapor product, yes.
For
more practical products, partway through this whole thing I pictured
swallowable capsules
[12:42
PM] Ms. Rose:
Yeah,
that's the thing about Blotto Butt. It requires a bathroom until
public enemas (or those barstools) are the social norm. But
pills--great idea!
[12:43
PM] Mr. Silver:
Softgel
pills of 190 proof alcohol
"Try
one?"
"Sure...why
not?" (pops a capsule)
(caption:
"10 minutes later")
"How
do I know if it's working?"
"Stand
up."
(stands...teeters
and catches self)
[12:44
PM] Ms. Rose:
For
alcohol to cause intoxication, it must get into the brain. Once
alcohol is consumed, it leaves the gastrointestinal (GI) tract to
enter the bloodstream. This process is called “absorption”;
alcohol is easily absorbed through cell membranes lining the GI tract
into the blood capillaries. Once in the bloodstream, ethanol is
carried to the heart, where it moves to the lungs and back to the
heart to be pumped through the arterial system to all organs in the
body. Soo... would the soft gel part of the pill interfere with
that?
[12:45
PM] Mr. Silver:
Well
the capsule would dissolve in there
No
flavor, no burn. Not a social activity, for sure.
"Tired
of drinking to feel relaxed at parties? Try new Courage Caps,
the liquid courage in a pill!"
[12:47
PM] Ms. Rose:
But
that plastic-y stuff most gel caps are made from stays in there for a
while. Plus, one shot-glass of alcohol... wouldn't that take like 20
gel caps to fill?
(Maybe
this is why this isn't already a thing.) LOL
[12:47
PM] Mr. Silver:
(Bubbly spokes-coed
holds up pingpong ball) "Just one does it for me!"
Well.
That is why I suggested 190 proof.
[12:50
PM] Ms. Rose:
The
benzodiazepine class of drugs (Xanax, Ativan, etc.) act on the same
brain receptors as alcohol. Their illicit use is sold as "does
the same thing as alcohol, but no tummy issues!"
(You
just abuse them and end up having massive seizures and or death, is
all.)
We
need to market the "safety" of Courage Caps.
"Courage
Caps XXL! Now sold with a free bottle of Alka Seltzer and a coupon to
McDonald's! Because you'll still get the same, regular hangover
you're already used to!" LOL
[12:51
PM] Mr. Silver:
Unfortunately
the end result would be some fratboy dork swallowing 15 in the first few
days and us all landing in jail.
[12:52
PM] Ms. Rose:
Yeah.
:(
Stupid
frat boys. Ruining YET another billion-dollar idea!
We
could always test it on the Russians first. They seem to be pretty
hard up for alcohol.
[12:54
PM] Mr. Silver:
Apparently
so.
We
could market them as bath beads and put them in vending machines.
[12:55
PM] Ms. Rose:
(thumbs
up)
[12:56
PM] Mr. Silver:
They're
going to love reading this one. Bunch of hits again this week!
[12:57
PM] Ms. Rose:
Maybe
drinking bath lotion does something to your brain where chats from
silly Americans are more funny (before it kills you.)
[10:08
AM] Mr. Silver:
Been
doing crackers...wrong apparently...for a few years now.
[10:14
AM] Ms. Rose:
My
boss at the publishing company always bought the staff proper
Christmas crackers. I'm sure there are pics somewhere of the whole
staff in the paper crowns. Her husband grew up in Britain, so she was
basically British too.
[10:15
AM] Mr. Silver:
They
sell a few different grades of plain to fancy ones at Michaels
Only
have two left...have to go out for a set tonight
[10:16
AM] Ms. Rose:
Hers
were fancy and IMPORTED. *turns up nose*
[10:17
AM] Mr. Silver:
I'm
guessing I'll see mine were imported (from China) too
[10:17
AM] Ms. Rose:
(rofl)
[10:25
AM] Mr. Silver:
Mmmm...
"Christmas
Pudding"
Do
NOT look up how to make it if you like it.
Fortunately,
reading this, I've never had it
[10:28
AM] Mr. Brown:
Funny
how this is all traditional stuff from where most of our ancestors
came from, but we don't do them anymore.
I
wonder what it would be like if we had both Black Friday and Boxing
Day.
lol
[10:34
AM] Mr. Blue:
"Chrimbo"
sounds like what Tim & Eric would call Christmas
[10:35
AM] Mr. Brown:
“Happy
Christmas”
Just
sounds so strange
Just
say merry
[10:39
AM] Mr. Blue:
Merry
Chrimpus
[10:42
AM] Mr. Brown:
Happy
Krampus
[10:43
AM] Ms. Rose:
I
prefer "Happy" Christmas. (Didn't I sign your cards that
way?) Maybe because I hear Mary every time someone says merry.
[10:46
AM] Mr. Brown:
Merry
TROGDOR!
BURNANATE
[10:46
AM] Mr. Silver:
(post
Courage Caps) Murr Curmursh!
"I'm
kind of apathetic about the holiday, so I just shout "Christmas!"
at people."
[10:48
AM] Ms. Rose:
"Ambivalent
Holiday to you and the other carbon-based lifeforms in your immediate
circle!"
No comments:
Post a Comment