352 - The Savage Bite Of The Limpet, Legal Briefs & Illegal Undies, Vanilla Ice Will Be Decorating The Cooler, "He Sleeps With The Charlie Horses", "Your Glasses...Give Them To Me Now", and "The Return Of Woolslayer"

(The dreaded day has come... We changed messengers for several months and the formatting on it is total BS.  Fortunately we've since switched, but there's a lot of this.  I'll be honest, I was procrastinating on posts because of the dread of how much work would be needed turning these into readable "human" - Mr. Silver)

Mr. Silver

So I was reading this, and two things happened:

http://phys.org/news/2015-02-scientists-strongest-natural-material.html

#1.  "Limpets have teeth?"

Mr. Blue

*Googles limpets*  Hmmm... *googles teeth* yes, very interesting...

Mr. Silver

And #2.  I read it all in my normal documentary voice in my head until I got to the second "huge overbite" photo and read:  "Pu-ffessuh Bahbah foun dat dah teeff guntain a hah minehwul know ahs g-g-otife..."

Mr. Blue

*Googles limpets*  Hmmm... *googles teeth* yes, very interesting...

Mr. Brown

Limp pets.

Mr. Silver

Cats

Mr. Brown

“For 500 Alex.”

OK, read the article in Christopher Walken voice.

Mr. Blue

"[pictured inset] A limpet, nicknamed Bababooey."

Mr. Silver

(Tim the Enchanter) "The limpet can leap abaht....LOOK-it th BOANES!"

"At's nay ordinary limpet!"

Ms. Rose

“Death awaits ye all with nasty sharp pointy teeth!”

Mr. Silver

"This discovery means that the fibrous structures found in limpet teeth could be mimicked and used in high-performance engineering applications such as Formula 1 racing cars, the hulls of boats and aircraft structures."

Ms. Rose

"Oh, your expensive race car is made of carbon fiber? Pfft... Mine's limpet teeth fiber. Neener neener."

Mr. Silver

"Manufacturers are interested in the possibilities, but are dubious that consumers will want limpet-tooth-shaped racing cars, boats or aircraft."

Mr. Amethyst

LOL

Ms. Rose

(Matthew McConaughey voice) "I started driving Limpet Teeth Cars way before anyone paid me to. I didn't do it because it was cool..."

Oh c'mon. That was FUNNY! I'm dyin' over here!

Mr. Silver

I liked it.

Mr. Blue

I haven't seen those commercials yet.

Mr. Silver

"The new Mercedes Limpet provides the kind of safety, luxury ride, and algae-scraping characteristics drivers demand."

"Engineers are always interested in making these structures stronger to improve their performance or lighter so they use less material."

"You know engineers...only got one thing on their mind..."

Mr. Blue

"You've experienced new car smell...but the Mercedes Limpet smells like the Gowanus Canal on a hot summer day."

Ms. Rose
http://www.reuters.com/article/2015/02/19/us-canada-politics-underpants-idUSKBN0LN2BT20150219
Everyone's got their problems...even in Canadia.
Mr. Blue
One time I mistook "boy's medium" for "men's medium" boxer briefs.
Ms. Rose
HAHAHA!
At least when we buy bras, they are out of the package and we can see that they're the wrong size. :P
Mr. Blue
If you have any sons that might wear that size, I still have the package cuz I opened it.
Ms. Rose
ROFL
Mr. Blue
And I feel weird having kids underwear in my drawer.
Mr. Silver
(Police) "And you say you misread the label...but kept them in here anyway."
Ms. Rose
"Hey, nephew. You look like you're about a medium. Would you like some free underwear from this guy I barely know at work? No...? But, why not?" lolol
(I don't really have any nephews. Was just making that up. Stop trying to push your kid's underwear on me!)
Mr. Blue
"Hello Mr. Blue. I'm serving you with this warrant"
"Officer, I can explain the boys underwear in my drawer!"
"Uhh we were here for an unpaid parking ticket."
Mr. Silver
(Police) "I mean...think about what we think about it sir...it just doesn't look good.  I mean, George over there - He's got a lot of panties in his drawer, but he at least ordered them from Japan and kept the receipts." 
Mr. Amethyst
LOL

Mr. Brown

Robert Van Winkle
Wow! Vanilla Ice as a stage name is way better.Mr. Silver

Yup
Mr. Brown

He got arrested again.
Says here he was stealing furniture in a adjacent home to the one he was remodeling for a reality show. Mr. Silver

"Van Winkle has been sentenced to sleep for 20 years...in prison."
Mr. Brown

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2959202/Vanilla-Ice-arrested-stealing-furniture-home-renovating-nearby-property-reality-TV-show.html

Mr. Silver

"Yo! I know where we can get some fly furniture for this crib."
"Police pretty sure Vanilla Ice's show van was at the location...just sayin'."
Mr. Brown

I am gonna steal this stuff, and I will use this van with my name on the side.  Yeah, that will
work good

Mr. Silver

So last night, I decided to have the high test Sleepytime Tea before bed.
Mostly because Rachel, aware or not, keeps getting up at odd hours to do things like stand right next to me looking at the Kindle where it's plugged in, thinking my survival instinct won't register a maniac is in the room.
So yes...slept through any of that.
But there were dreams. Vague ones, but mostly me wandering in a hotel.
At one point I was on a movie set.
The general theme was "charlie horses" though.
I'd be walking in the hotel...charlie horse. Sitting at the hotel...charlie horse. Talking to staff and guests...charlie horse. On the movie set, the one actor had a charlie horse, and used/worked through it for the scene as improv, because he was just that sort of tough-it-out performer.
The alarm goes.
I wake up.
Leg feels like (and still does) I had a massive friggin Charlie Horse!
Mr. Brown

HahahahaMr. Silver

Stupid tea had me too dopey to stop it happening (which I can usually do). Slept right through.
Mr. Brown

That's like when i have to piss really bad
All my dreams are me going into bathrooms or walking up to trees and stuff.Mr. Silver

I've had those.
Mr. Brown

Wake up. Holy shit I gotta piss!Mr. Silver

There's usually like 30-40 unavoidable observers around.
Can't find anywhere to go
Mr. Brown

I'm surprised at how well I hold it though. I wake up in a lot of pain.
Like no way any more can go into that bladder.
I used to have a lot of paralysis dreams. Just can't seem to wake up. Mr. Silver

Aliens
Mr. Brown

One was a dream about that. Hehe

Mr. Green
http://www.rawstory.com/rs/2015/02/darpa-implant-could-give-people-terminator-like-vision/

9:33 AM
Mr. Silver
OK
9:34 AM
"Hello tech support? Yeah, I called about the HUD on my new optics a week ago and a reset was done, but it's back to telling me to respond to people with 'FU A-hole' again all the time."

"Hmm...regular reset should have cleared that. Could I put you on hold for a moment? I'd like to consult with another department."

"OK."

"...I'll be back..."

"Cute..."

"Hey, gotta laugh, right? We'll get you fixed up...just a moment."
Mr. Blue

"Just as long as it's before Judgment Day! Hahaha!"



Mr. Silver

Yes! The return of Woolslayer!!!
Mr. Brown

WHAT?Mr. Silver

(Heavy metal guitar chord )
My client...he's a Mighty "Woolslayer"!
(Heavy metal guitar chord)
"From the frozen and benighted barbarian lands of Cimmeria NJ...HE came..."
Mr. Silver

"A man of few words, all sheep feared the voice of his bloody shears!"
Mr. Brown
Over-sized two-handed shears!Mr. Silver

(Sheep huddled in dark against the snow and wind rattling the walls of barn. Door bursts open to heavy metal guitar chord)

(Woolslayer) "Baa baa, Blacksheep.  Have you any wool?"
(panicking sheep dodging in all directions...a huge black ram stands, pulls battle axe)

"Baa baa baa!"
"Yeah? Well not MY master, dame, or little boy... Let's party!"
(Scenes of unimaginably violent sheering)
Mr. Blue

Heheh
Mr. Blue

I like the idea of a thrash metal version of Baa Baa Black Sheep.Mr. Silver

I want to do a 'best in life' line, but I'm heading out to lunch. One of you handle it.
Mr. Blue

“HELLLO UNIONVILLE GRANGE! ARE YOU READY TO ROCK? I SAAAAIID, ARE YOU READY TO ROOOCCCKK?? guitar: Wwwweeeeewowowowowowwoblublublublublublub!!!
“Woolslayer! What is best in life?”
“To sheer your flock! See the wool spun before you! And to hear the compliments from the women!”Mr. Brown

(Metal scream ) MAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRYYYYYYYYYYYYYY !!!! Had a little lamb!!!Mr. Silver

(Woolslayer) "So...Mary, is it? I heard your lamb was lurking around the Halls of Arcane Secrets. That's against guild law. They sent me for him."
(Pulls crook, blue fire springs from her hand) "You'll have to come through me first!"
(Draws shears, heavy metal guitar chord) "Just what I wanted."
Mr. Silver

(Woolslayer on horse before a horde of barbarian shearers, facing off against flock of sheep) "Rebels! Queen Bo Peep has left you alone for long enough. She's sent me...to send you home to HELL!

(heavy metal guitar chord)
“With your tails wagging behind you! CHARGE!!!!"