Mr.
Brown
Wow!
500 dollars to save a goldfish.
I
wonder how old the fish is by now.
8:27
AM Mr. Silver
(dramatic
music...montage of explosions...medical procedures...field testing)
"Stone Cold...goldfish. A fish barely alive. Gentlemen,
we can rebuild him. We have the technology. We have the
capability to build the world's first bionic fish. Stone Cold will
be that fish. Better than he was before.
Better...stronger...faster."
8:29
AM Mr. Brown
They
paid 500 dollars to fix its constipation.
Um
no.
8:33
AM Mr. Silver
That's
just sad...my version is glorious.
10:52
AM Mr. Brown
Somebody
moved into a house on my road.
They
have a stone that says “The Greys”.
11:06
AM Mr. Silver
Aliens,
Mr. Brown?
11:07
AM Mr. Blue
Heh...
Nice sitcom idea: “The Greys”
11:11
AM Mr. Silver
Mrs.
Jones "Honey? The Greys invited us over for barbecue again.
Wanna go?"
Mr.
Jones "I
dunno...Can we pass? Nice family, but I can never remember what
we talked about and I'm uncomfortable sitting down for a couple days
after."
(audience
laughs)
Mrs.
Jones "Mrs. Grey was telling me they have a new probe they want
to show off."
Mr.
Jones "A
new Probe? Ford ended the line in '97."
Mrs.
Jones "Well, that's what she said. (looks out window)
Nothing in the driveway. Maybe they are out."
Mr.
Jones "Hmm...you
know me, I'm a Ford man. So, a new Probe huh? They must have
brought it back. Yeah! Tell them we'll be there...tails
a' waggin'." (bends
over, shakes behind)
(audience
laughs, hoots)
11:26
AM Mr. Blue
I
picture a lot of "wooooOOOOHHHH!" noises from the audience
when they insert the probe – like in normal sitcoms when 2 people
kiss.
"So
what kinda work you in Mr. Grey?"
"Cattle."
"Ahh,
agriculture! Selling? Raising?"
"Dissecting."
12:30
PM Mr. Brown
I
gave my new son a nickname.
I
call him Bobo.
LOL
And
Junior gets Doodles.
We
will see if they stick or if they grow to new ones.
12:35
PM Mr. Silver
(headline)
"Local Children Hate Nicknames, Parents"
12:37
PM Mr. Blue
The
future Menendez brothers.
12:38
PM Mr. Silver
Known
in crime history as "The Bobo-Doodles Tragedy"
Mr.
Silver
So,
my favorite bit from New Years Eve...
12:58
PM Mr. Brown
I
stayed up till midnight but I did not watch the ball.
1:02
PM Mr. Silver
Well
we ate fondue, had some drinks, and giggled at Kathy Griffin
tormenting Anderson Cooper...the usual.
And
right at the end we decided to switch to “Dick Clark's Undead
Rockin' New Year” in time for Taylor Swift's performance.
She's
grown on me a bit.
So
I had no problem watching her strut about on the stage.
But...
She
came out in tight pants, a wee halter top with a lot of exposed skin,
and a silver sequined jacket...a thin and none-too-big jacket either.
She
did song #1.
And
took off the jacket for song #2.
I
said "Jesus! She HAS to be freezing!"
She
wasn't showing it though – all bright smiles and pep.
1:15
PM Mr. Blue
She’s
attractive, and I’ve heard 1-2 songs from her that are good. Most
aren't, but 2 good songs (to me) is better than a lot of other
pop artists.
1:21
PM Mr. Silver
Yes.
Anyway,
she finishes to roaring applause, and there’s a commercial break.
So
we come back to the show and:
#1. Ryan
Seacrest turned out to be a wee little elf of a man…I'd never
noticed before. They were side-by-side and she looked a foot
taller than him.
#2.
She was dying of hypothermia and getting delirious.
(Seacrest)
"Hey! Great
performance out there! Are you having a good
time?"
(whimper
as Taylor suffers traumatic age regression) “…This
was a bad outfit."
"Haha!
Grea-*
OH! Lemme give you my coat!"
(dazedly
watches Ryan struggle with audio wires to get coat off.) "What
are you doing? Are you a pervert? Why are you undressing?"
1:31
PM Mr. Blue
LOL
1:31
PM Mr. Silver
Meanwhile
all of One Direction are standing right there, bundled up for the
Arctic, doing nothing.
Seacrest
wraps her up.
(Taylor
sluggishly registers this) "Oh...
Ok... Thank you."
1:32
PM Mr. Brown
SSSH
SHHH SHHHAke it off-ffff-fff-ffff-ffffff
Mr.
Brown
Ok,
Mr. Silver, so I was looking at the Krampus card that jake has, and
was thinking: “Hmm. That face looks a bit familiar to me. Tony
Danza? No. Hmm. Oh! Yes, its Stalone.
Then
we got on the subject of a Krampus movie starring Stallone.
LOL
1:31
PM Mr. Brown
(Movie
voice ) This Christmas you thought all was jolly...
(Stallone
voice) “Eh yo! Kid you've been a bad boy. Get in the sack, I am
the Krampus."
1:31
PM Mr. Blue
LOL
1:35
PM Mr. Brown
Look
out its Krampbo.
Standing
in the dark woods. Horns, and what looks like the outline of a M60
in the moonlight.
1:44
PM Mr. Silver
So
a Krampus vigilante/loose cannon cop thing?
1:44
PM Mr. Brown
Or
an in the forest Rambo like thing.
1:46
PM Mr. Silver
(dark
wet streets, bad part of the city, Stallone in fur and horns is
surrounded by goons. The Boss steps into the circle)
"So...you're
the big bad Krampus.”
(Stallone)
“Yeah. I'm the big bad Krampus.”
“Looks
like you have a problem, big bad Krampus.”
(Stallone)
“I
ain't gotta problem.”
“I
think you do. See, we've got all the guns, and you've got...what
does he got, Manny?"
(Manny)
"Looks like a big cow bell and a buncha weeds, boss."
"A
bell and weeds. That's great."
(Shots
of thugs all laughing)
(Stallone)
"Yo.
Don't forget the basket."
"OOO!
Manny! How rude of you to forget the basket. So
Krampus...what do you think you can do, huh?"
(Stallone)
"You
boys been bad?"
"Huh?
Bad? What's that mean?"
(Stallone)
"I'll
talk slow for you. Have ... you ... been ... bad?"
"Bad?
Yeah. Yeah! We've been bad. What of it?"
(Stallone)
"That's
all I need."
(10
minutes of unimaginable violence requiring filming in black and white
to get NC-17 rating)
9:39
AM Mr. Blue
I
started watching a documentary, or really more like a school project,
called “Los Angeles Plays Itself”.
It
just shows clips of movies with prominent LA locations, buildings,
etc.
Like
the Ennis House and the Bradbury Building - both used in Bladerunner
and like 15 other movies.
It
was funny when they'd point out movies set in places like Chicago but
you can see they have, like, palm trees in the background.
There's
a McDonald's restaurant in LA that is permanently closed...it's only
used for filming. It looks like any other McDonald's, except there's
a gate blocking the entrance.
9:42
AM Mr. Silver
Hehe
9:43
AM Mr. Blue
They
also brought up something I noticed from “Cobra”. The chase
scene drastically changes to different parts of LA. In 5 minutes
they cover a few hundred miles: the
Venice
Canals, Port of LA, some commercial district.
10:07
AM Mr. Brown
Chase
scenes are always like that. If you know the area they are in, you
can always catch them jumping miles.
10:08
AM Mr. Blue
Cobra's
was pretty ridiculous
Jumping
from a residential neighborhood... round a corner... massive loading
dock with
huge
container ships...
10:10
AM Mr. Silver
“Striking
Distance” made most Pittsburghers giggle, as I recall.
10:12
AM Mr. Blue
Hmm,
you mean the river one?
10:14
AM Mr. Silver
Yeah.
10:15
AM Mr. Blue
I
don't think I ever saw it.
10:15
AM Mr. Silver
It
had those teleporter chase scenes in it.
10:16
AM Mr. Blue
It
seems like a concept that was doomed.
"Cops...
but with boats!!!"
10:17
AM Mr. Brown
The
boat cops idea is good but the story was dumb.
10:17
AM Mr. Silver
I
saw it in the theater. The entirety of my memory of the movie was a
1 second clip of Bruce Willis driving a boat...from the TV
commercial.
10:18
AM Mr. Blue
Boat
cops is a bad idea.
10:18
AM Mr. Brown
I
still think boat cops is cool idea.
10:18
AM Mr. Blue
It
is bad.
10:18
AM Mr. Brown
But
it needed a better story.
It
would be better if it was about something a boat cop would take care
of, for sure.
Like
they catch terrorists coming in on the rivers.
10:19
AM Mr. Blue
(Villain
on the boat radio) "There's a coal barge on the Mon... if it
slows down to 5 knots per hour, the barge blows up. If you try to
remove the coal I blow the barge. Let's see what you got, hot
shot!"
The
rivers are dumb because there's locks every 5 miles, so nobody can
sneak around on them.
10:21
AM Mr. Silver
(Bruce
Willis, intense river cop, yelling on PA) "Hey! 15MPH
guys! You got beer on there? All closed? OK. Got a
picnic spot? Good. I'm swinging back in 10...I better
see you there!"
10:25
AM Mr. Brown
I
guess the premise of the film was not all about boat police. It was
just about the hero getting thrown into the one police job nobody
wants in Pittsburgh.
But
they sold it like boat cops.
“Bad
boys bad boys, what ya gonna do? Jump into the river, current gonna
get you.”
10:38
AM Mr. Blue
They
did a spoof of a river cops TV show on The Simpsons.
The
bad guy would escape on land... "Oh damn, looks like he got
away. No wait, there's a canal!"
There'd
always be a canal.
11:05
AM Mr. Silver
Heh
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