Sunday, April 19, 2015

335 - Four Star Inhumation, Perhaps Italian, The Famous "Everyone & The McCoy's Feud", and "No Cake For You! Come Back One Lifetime!"

Mr. Blue
There are yelp reviews for cemeteries.
1:55 PM Mr. Silver
Any Yelp reviews from the residents?
2:00 PM Mr. Blue
Nah
2:01 PM Mr. Silver
"Facilities cold, dark, cramped.  Odd odors beginning after the first few days.  No one responding to knocks at un-openable door.  Quiet neighborhood at least.  1 star."
2:02 PM Mr. Blue
Heheh
2:14 PM Mr. Silver
"Despite satin fabric and "quilting", bed proved to be very hard.  Someone stole my shoes and my jewelry is missing.  Nice salon makeover when I first arrived but no sign of a boutique anywhere. 1 star."
2:19 PM Mr. Blue
Heh
I liked the ghost story of the cemetery they moved to build the junior high's yellow building (where the new wing is). They found a bunch of caskets with claw marks on the inside, and basically they didn't find all of the caskets before construction began.
Its not really a ghost story I guess, and probably not true.
2:23 PM Mr. Silver
Well, a giveaway is - why were they opening all the lids to look?
And part 2 is "And there's still bodies down here...OOOooOoOOoooOOoooo"
2:24 PM Mr. Blue
I think I pictured the caskets deteriorating and they really couldn't help but look.
I think it was also described that they died with their hands up and their mouths open.
2:25 PM Mr. Silver
Now, if it were me...and I was working at a casket factory...
About 1 coffin in 50, I'd be writing things like "Oh God!  Help!" in sharpie in the inside plate of the lid, and packing the pen up in the fabric.
2:27 PM Mr. Blue
Hehehe



Mr. Blue
Heh
There was a guy that started that summer that had like...leopard hair? Blond patches. He wasn't doing very well.
2:56 PM Mr. Silver
(strains to remember)
2:56 PM Mr. Blue
John something.
2:57 PM Mr. Silver
John? Not many of those around...narrows it right down.
2:57 PM Mr. Blue
Around 30, average build, perhaps Italian.
2:59 PM Mr. Silver
...swarthy, suspicious, wanted?
2:59 PM Mr. Blue
Swarthy.
2:59 PM Mr. Silver
Sorry...slipped into a 1920's criminal investigation there.
(prosecutor) "I submit that the accused is persistently...and willingly...(turns on heel and points) Italian!"
(gallery audience gasps)
3:02 PM Mr. Blue
They should have to wear a red patch on their shoulder that looks like a tomato!
3:04 PM Mr. Silver
"I call the jury's attention to Exhibit B - the bushy, and un-waxed, mustache." 
3:04 PM Mr. Blue
The one mechanic I go to is Italian and he's hilarious. His accent sounds like a caricature of an Italian accent.
An "uh" at the end of every word.
3:04 PM Mr. Silver
Think he's putting everyone on?
3:05 PM Mr. Blue
"We-uh goin' to-uh rotate-uh the-uh tires-uh. We-uh gonna do-a very special-uh job-uh for you-uh Mister-uh Blue-uh."
3:05 PM Mr. Silver
Hehe
3:09 PM Mr. Blue
"Thanks Sal.”
"Hey-uh! Did-uh I-uh ever-uh tell you-uh about-uh my tomato garden in-uh Tuscany???"
3:09 PM Mr. Silver
Has he?
3:09 PM Mr. Blue
Yes
3:09 PM Mr. Silver
Good story?
3:09 PM Mr. Blue
Yes.
If you get roped into a conversation, you'll be there for hours.
He is a well traveled dude... He sometimes needs subtitles, but the bits you understand are interesting.
3:10 PM Mr. Silver
Cool.



11:15 AM Mr. Silver
So back to Mrs Silver's heritage: I recall a tale she told me long ago when I told her she was overreacting to something.
"You think I'm bad? Once my grandmother got mad at my grandfather over something, and when he was asleep she took all his underwear and she sewed up his pee hole."
"She sewed up his pee hole?!?!"
"In the underwear. You know."
"Oh!  ... Thank God!"
11:18 AM Mr. Blue
Heh
I don't use that thing anyway.
11:23 AM Mr. Silver
I didn't til I started wearing boxers.
11:27 AM Mr. Blue
What’s her family's nationality?
11:32 AM Mr. Silver
It's the McCoy genes.
It's amazing the pointless junk she'll hold a grudge on.
And how stupid angry she'll get over them.
She's not violent, fortunately.
11:40 AM Mr. Blue
What’s McCoy? Irish or Scottish?
11:41 AM Mr. Silver
Scot
This is the Hatfield vs McCoy branch
11:42 AM Mr. Blue
Nice.
11:43 AM Mr. Silver
As I said to Mr. Green before you got here – there was a study and they are genetically predisposed to anger issues.
11:46 AM Mr. Silver
We were perfect for each other.
(years into relationship, watching TV...Hatfields & McCoys mentioned)
"Oh!  I'm related to the McCoys!"
"OOOOooooh...that explains a lot."
"What's THAT supposed to mean?"
"Well...I mean...uh...forget it."
"No! What ABOUT the McCoys?"
"Oh look!  There’s an ancient Egypt thing on!"
But now she knows.  (star flies past  "The More You Know")
11:51 AM Mr. Blue
Heheh
11:55 AM Mr. Silver
It actually helped her to find out, honestly.



9:21 AM Mr. Green
10:40 AM Mr. Silver
"Well...that didn't go as expected."
10:45 AM Mr. Silver
I'm assuming that he expected the opposite to occur – Live without God...witness the daily miracles, truths, and revelations...come back with and iron-clad relationship with God set firmly in a bedrock base...
"Oops."
(journal) "Day 10 - Second Sunday I've slept in.  Not reading the same book over and over all the time is rather nice."
10:52 AM Mr. Green
LMAO!
11:04 AM Mr. Silver
"Day 14 - More people came over trying to talk to me about Jesus and faith and abandoning this project.  And it was nothing but a lot of 'you should' and cherry-picked Bible quotes.  Nobody could make a real structured case for why.  I never noticed how irritating that can be.  Did I sound like this all the time?"
11:05 AM Mr. Blue
Daily Mail just said he "tried atheism" for a year.... Like, how do you "try out" a belief?
11:26 AM Mr. Silver
"Day 26 - Decided to try this Wikipedia thing to get some non-faith-based opinions...clicked "Criticism of the Bible".  Oh my God!  Sorry...habit.  Wow!"
11:28 AM Mr. Blue
Heh
11:30 AM Mr. Blue
Criticism of the Bible” is probably one of the longest articles on the site.
11:31 AM Mr. Silver
The list of Christian sects and variants is bigger.
Because...you know..."one true faith handed down by God Himself” and all that...
12:04 PM Mr. Silver
The thing that's saddest to me about that story was that it's clear that the guy went through his whole youth, education and career to that point and never had a single mystic experience of any relevance.
I can't imagine spending that much time on "because you're supposed to".
That being said, I wonder what % of religious people actually have.
12:07 PM Mr. Blue
Mother Theresa never did either.
12:07 PM Mr. Silver
Nope
That's just creepy to me.
Mr. Blue
It doesn't really say you're supposed to.
12:14 PM Mr. Silver
You are if you want Sky Cake.
12:16 PM Mr. Blue
No, I mean it doesn't say you're supposed to have any mystic experience. The Bible doesn't say "become a Christian and Jesus himself will personally give you your welcoming gift."
12:18 PM Mr. Silver
Well that's 2 different things. Mystic contact with the supernatural and manifested blessings/favors aren't on the same level at all. “Because you are supposed to” is to be rewarded by both – the latter in life, the former usually after. The faithful are faithful, the mystic is aware.
Perhaps it's the whole Catholic-School-leftover bit on "vocation".
People have jobs. The passionate/touched/inspired (mystics) have vocations.
Priests and nuns and other ordained are supposed to “know” and have "vocations".
This guy and Mother Theresa apparently just had jobs.
12:22 PM Mr. Blue
If Christians have had mystic experiences to lead them to "knowing" their religion is correct, then they shouldn't proselytize.
They should just wait for everyone else to have theirs.
It's kind of like trying to convince people that your cake is really good:
"Brothers and sisters, my cake is delicious! It's the best cake you'll ever taste in your LIFE!"
"Can we have a bite?"
"No, you have to take my word for it."
12:30 PM Mr. Silver
Kind of like? Hehe
12:32 PM Mr. Blue
A dumb analogy, but it's the best I could come up with.
12:37 PM Mr. Silver
It was flippant, perhaps, but not dumb.
Most religions pointedly make no effort to teach people how to get a bite of Real Cake in their lifetimes because they wouldn't be needed anymore. They don't want to be a school a person graduates from, they want to run a desirable retirement plan with clients that pay them every month.
Most religions also actively campaign against learning how to bake Cake. They (correctly) fear bad/fake/unhealthy recipes in the hands of dimwits, who might pass them around to other idiots wanting a taste.
Nope. There's only one option: “The Baker says you can have some cake after you leave town, but only if you ask Him nicely and follow His rules for as long as you live here. It might seem like a chore, but it's REALLY good cake.”

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